"You turned my wailing into dancing...that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." -Psalm 30:11-12

Wow. One year ago on this date, it was the day before Thanksgiving, and I was shopping at Northpark Mall in Dallas, TX with my friend Caroline. I got a call from Dr. Santi back in Wheaton who explained that my biopsy from that Monday came back positive, meaning that I had cancer. As he proceeded to explain my diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, I looked around for something to write on, but all I came up with was my shopping bag, so I wrote down all the information on that Nordstrom bag. WHAT A BIZARRE day! What a bizarre time and place to get such a diagnosis, and what a bizarre year that followed!

As I think back to last Thanksgiving, there were so many uncertainties. I was just reading over my very first blog from this day last year, and so much came back to me--needing to find a doctor, figuring out all the scheduling, all of the tests, what chemo even MEANT--so many uncertainties! Needless to say, this has been a November of reminiscing.

This week in school, we asked our freshmen to think about what they are thankful for. Easy, right? Maybe not always. I reminded them that 1 Thessalonians 5:18 teaches us to "give thanks in ALL circumstances." That's not always easy, especially in difficult circumstances where you focus on getting through it for the present time.

However, I think it absolutely makes a difference, and I pray that from now on, no matter if I'm in paradise or a hospital room, I would have a thankful heart.

And with that, I think it appropriate to share MANY of the things and people I am thankful for. First of all, there are more people and situations I can count, so know that I'm thankful for ALL of you. Secondly, when giving thanks to people and for things, it's a necessary reminder that ALL of our praise ultimately goes to God since ALL good things cone from Him. I firmly believe that.

Without further adieu, below is an inexhaustive list of all that I am thankful for on this Thanksgiving day and year anniversary of finding out my diagnosis:

I am thankful for: Doctors who knew what they were doing and who used their best judgment and answered our MANY questions. Who saw me and decided to even treat me. Who prayed for me and let me know I was in good Hands.

I am thankful for: Nurses who sat with me, making my experience so much easier and something to look forward to, who put in overtime just to work things out with my school schedule.

I am thankful for: All the friends and family who came to treatments, tests, and bone-marrow biopsies (SICK), often sitting through long hours of BORING, bearing with me when I was out of it, and making it through gross procedures.

I am thankful for: My Kampers who lifted me up, changing roles as THEY encouraged ME.

I am thankful for: My mom's kindergarteners who sent me drawings, Angel Christmas tree toppers, petis-fours, and all other great gifts. Who prayed for me, rejoiced with the passing of each treatment, and who made me feel so loved and also humbled by their childlike faith and trust.

I am thankful for: All of the TCA community who spread the word, prayed for me, made scrapbook pages for me, and emailed me encouraging messages of hope. For classmates that, despite time and distance apart, still let me know they were praying for me and would help if there was anything to do.

I am thankful for: Harrison, who, upon hearing of the diagnosis, said that if I had to shave my head, he would shave his, and two months later, let me shave his head. :)

I am thankful for: Brooke, who never ONCE complained about having to take on more than she agreed to when she signed up to assist me coaching club volleyball.

I am thankful for: Maggie and Hannah who both showed me incredible friendship in our last semester of college, letting me cry on their shoulders, continually encouraging me with their words and faith.

I am thankful for: ALL of my incredible teammates (Calla, Ruth, Leah, Mal, Annie, Stef, Kelli, Lisa, Megan, Jaíme, Emily, Abby, Ashley, Hannah, Brooke, Sarah, Kelly, Paige, Kaitlyn, and Jenna) who cried with me, laughed with me, and prayed with me. Who made it so much easier as we shaved my head (thanks to Mrs. Graham for that, too!), sat and watched movies with me, brought me Jamba Juice, and helped me kick cancer's ***. Who drove me around Wheaton, to Texas, through Texas, to Chick-Fil-A in Wisconsin for an exciting night out for me, and to my many treatments. Whose families all prayed for me and encouraged me, too. Who just loved me in all of their words and actions and were irreplaceable.

I am thankful for: the Armstrongs who acted as my "Wheaton family" and took me to almost every treatment, letting me stay at their house when I needed to crash, and treating me like one of their own daughters. Their model of Christ as lived out daily has taught me so many things and blessed me in great ways.

I am thankful for: My aunts who gave me the one thing to look forward to on chemo days by sending me and my family care packages of greatness, showing their love, creativity, and support that went above and beyond.

I am thankful for: My whole family--extended and beyond--who rallied for support, showing me HOW blessed I am to be a McGinnis and to be part of the Cunningham clan.

I am thankful for: My immediate family who walked through this journey every bit as much as I did. Who put everything on hold, missed work, sent me presents, cried many tears with me, paid all of my bills, let me stay in Chicago even though it killed them to have me a thousand miles away. Who showed me a great picture of the Father's love for His children.

To the Lord who is GOOD, and who has perfect plans for us, though we may not understand them. Who walks with us daily, bearing our burdens for us. Who not only sent His Son to die in our places, but who also heals our diseases, gives us daily grace, and calls is His own.

For all those that weren't covered in one of those categories, thank you. I know I didn't get everyone, and I could go on for MANY paragraphs if I didn't have to get to Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks for the emails, thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and support. Thanks for reading my blog and allowing me to process and try to sort through all of my thoughts, fears, lows, highs, and joys.

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou from the bottom of my heart. You have ALL made me a more grateful and humble person by showing me just how incredible the body of Christ really is.

I pray that you are ALL blessed today.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah

"He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." --Psalm 40:2b-3a

That verse is pretty poignant: in the last year, God definitely brought me through the fire, picked me out of the metaphorical pit, and placed me on solid ground, giving me a new song of praise to sing to Him!

I realize it has (once again) been a LONG while since I last updated, and I’m going to try to fix that bad habit in the future. BUT, I wanted to make sure and blog tonight since today is such a poignant day in the history of Hannah McGinnis. Why, you may ask?

One year ago on a beautiful Friday morning in Wheaton, IL, I went to the Wheaton College Health Center to get my flu shot. Once again, God’s timing was SUCH a blessing: I waited until Friday to get the flu shot because (lamely) I wanted to wait until volleyball season was over. In my mind, I’d just jumped back into the game with two weeks left of my season, and since my knee was still in killer pain, I didn’t want to add a sore arm from a flu shot into that mix. Again, what a BLESSING that, though lame that I didn’t want a little shot to interfere with my hitting (because really, what are the chances that would hinder me from wanting to hit the ball?!?), GOD’S timing in that was PERFECT because my waiting allowed me to close the chapter of playing volleyball before opening the next chapter (of which I was completely unaware when I woke up that Friday, November 7th).

Back to the Health Center. I walked in, went back for my routine flu shot (PTL for those, btw), and the nurse asked me first if I was sick or not because if I HAD the flu, the shot would’ve been pointless. I said that I wasn’t sick, but I threw out there that I had a couple swollen lymph nodes, so I didn’t know if that meant I was sick and just didn’t know it or if I was fixing to be sick. She said I was fine since that was clearly not the flu, and she proceeded to give me my flu shot. However, she did call in another nurse to check out the swollen bumps in my neck, and then they sent me into a smaller room to wait for a doctor. A doctor came in, checked them out, and then wrote me two prescriptions: one for a CT scan and one for an X-Ray, and she told me to go to Central DuPage Hospital’s ER to get them taken.

I have a very visual memory, and I remember PERFECTLY walking out of there and across the quad to SAGA (our cafeteria), but on the way I called my dad. To give some back-story, in April of that year, I was setting up the volleyball net before a spring season practice, and the peg that held the pole at the right height slipped out, causing the top half of the metal pole to come crashing down upon the bottom half, with my right hand caught in between. I yelled, called my teammate Emily over, and told her I probably wouldn’t be practicing that day (or the next month, as I would later find out). It took a gap out of the palm of my right hand—right where you hit a volleyball, and Emily later went back to the pole, took a piece of tape, and used it to get my skin from off of the pole (sickening). I had to go the ER to get stitches because apparently the hand is too complicated for general stitches, and when we got the bill later, my dad told me never to go to the ER again without consulting him first.

So naturally, on that Friday, I called my dad while standing outside of SAGA in Soderquist plaza, and I told him, “The Health Center just told me to go to the ER for a CT scan and X-Ray,” to which he replied, “What HAPPENED?!?” After I assured him that I had not let any equipment fall on any part of me, he said, “Wait, so WHY do they want you to go?” and I said, “Well, I have those two swollen lymph nodes on the side of my neck and they freaked out.” He concluded that, before paying obscene amounts in bills again, I should see another doctor first.

And thus began a crazy succession of doctor’s appointments, tests, and scans. November was CRAZY. The point of all of this? It’s been interesting going back over the past year as I come upon a year anniversary of many events. I think, for the first time, much of last year is actually starting to set in now. I think I wrote about this in my September blog, but while we were going through the whole past year, our mindset was to stay positive, trust the Lord, and push right through it, and that worked. It’s been after-the-fact that I’ve been trying to process, and that is not the easiest thing to do.

So, while it’s probably narcissistic of me to think that what I have to say is so important that I should have a blog still and that people should read about ME, and while it’s also probably unnecessary for you to walk back through all of last year with me, it’s something I need to do. Otherwise, I pretty much ignore trying to make sense of it. And, you know what? Sometimes we can’t make sense of things, and that’s okay. But, I don’t want to “lose” or forget anything that I learned, saw, or experienced last year because God did some INCREDIBLE things: in me, through my family and friends, and in teaching me and so many others about His sovereignty and faithfulness. That’s something I don’t want to lose sight of as I “move on.” (And “moving on” is such an arbitrary term since it’s not like cancer and I took a break and decided to go in a new direction or anything.)

Back to why I share about last year. WHO KNEW that, on that nice Friday morning, going to get my annual flu shot would have such a profound impact on the rest of my life?!? NOT ME. However, it’s so cool to think that, while I was bewildered at the Health Center’s freak-out, God has always known what my going to get that flu shot would unveil. I can’t even get my mind around it, and I’m probably just being repetitive now and not making sense, but to me, that is SO cool. It was such a commonplace thing, and yet, this day (among many others) will probably forever stand out in my mind because while I was completely unaware, God had been preparing me, my family and friends, and my schedule even for this all along. That leads me to conclude that I am SO GLAD God knows ahead of time! How many times have I been completely unaware of what was fixing to hit, and yet, He knew and was “ready” the whole time?!?

Such a common day that opened the door to such a bizarre yet BLESSED year. And now, here I am in Honolulu, writing all of this to you. It has truly been a year that I NEVER could have scripted—and that includes my move here.

As for Honolulu, things are going well. It was hard for me to pick up and move to the frozen tundra of Wheaton for college after having gone to TCA for 13 years. I was so ready to get out of TCA, but then I got to Wheaton, and I would be talking with friends, and all we could reminisce about was what had happened last month or a couple weeks ago. It was hard to have left the context where I had grown up and where friends from home and I could talk about that time so-and-so threw up in 2nd grade, or that time a teacher thought some friends were cheating in middle school, etc. While it was a hard adjustment to leave those I’d literally grown up with, Wheaton was SUCH an incredible blessing, and those friends will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Just as my transition to Wheaton after such a long time in the same place was hard, so this has been challenging in some ways. Don’t get me wrong: I love Hawaii. However, after such a monumental year that changed SO much about me—my perspective on most things, my concerns, my friends, etc.—it’s been hard to pick up and be here where no one walked through that profound year with me. Anything anyone knows about my bout with Hodgkin’s is from what I’ve told them; to them, it’s a story from my past that I can use anecdotally. For me, however, it’s SO current! It was just in May—not even 6 months ago—that I finished up treatment! My toenails are still half gone, my hair is still manly-ish, and I still loathe the smell of saline that wafts out of my medicine bottle each morning. It’s not just a story from my past to use anecdotally—it feels like such a big part of who I am, and while I’m thrilled to be finished with treatment and hope I never have to do chemo again, I’m a little afraid of letting it slip away. I know I touched on that in September, so sorry to bore you. But again, this is such a great way for me to process my subconscious thoughts. :)

Let me move on now to what I’ve been DOING. Last time, I told you that I was 3 weeks away from Fall Break. Fall Break was INCREDIBLE! Ahhhhh I’m so sad that it’s over, and it definitely made me miss my friends more. I was home for a couple days and got to spend some quality time with the fam, which was great. Then, I went to Wheaton for the first weekend because it was homecoming. I stayed in Chi-town with one of my best buds and teammates Mallory on Thursday night, October 8th, and we had a great time catching up and getting in quality time. We both have gained great perspective in the past couple years--and I think so much was put into perspective for me this last year--so it was cool to talk and see how we've grown. Anyway, we woke up and went next door to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where I had my blood counts taken and met with Sarah Miyata. Guess what?!? MY BLOOD COUNTS ARE ALL BACK TO NORMAL!!! PTL! That's such a blessing, especially with all this flu business going on. She said I still might feel a little tired and like I'm catching up, but having been out of exercise for so long, that's gonna happen anyway. And, I am proud to say that, despite having been a "has-been" for a year officially now, I have finally been able to work out as a non-athlete on a regular basis! That's an unfortunate transition, let me say: going from daily workouts with my best buds playing the game I love to being sedentary to having to go to the gym and work out with my music. Anyway...



The rest of the weekend, I got to spend some incredible time with my teammates back at Wheaton. ALL of the girls in my class and the class above me from my team were back, which is probably very rare, so that was such a blessing! There were 7 in my class at points, and there were 3 in the class above me, and we are all over the nation--literally--so it was the coolest thing that everyone made it back. We had brunch with my teammates who are still at Wheaton, so there were like 20 of us in a college apartment living room, and we had a great time. Saturday we went to the football game, and I was reminded of why the cold and I are not tight. It was in the upper 30s and the sun didn't come out for the game at all. But, don't worry, it came out literally 30 minutes after the game ended. Awesome. That night, 3 teammates and I went to the Taylor Swift concert in Chicago, so that was fun, too!




As much as I hate the cold, Chicago is really an awesome city! Additionally, I realized that I miss Fall! Again, I LOVE it here, but it's so weird that there are no seasons! I got to stay with the Armstrongs, and they had a "Smokefest" that I heartily enjoyed, so it was a stellar weekend on every front! The rest of my weekend was filled with meals catching up with people, and all of that made for an amazing trip back to Wheaton. I was absolutely reminded of the caliber and depth of relationships I was blessed with at Wheaton, and I left even more grateful for God having brought me there than before.

I went back home for around 5 days, and that was great, too. I love spending time with my family, and a few friends of mine and my cousin from Baylor all came home, so I got to see great people and have some more quality family bonding at home. I headed back to Honolulu mid-October, and we just finished our third week of this second quarter today. Two weeks from tonight, Madelyn and one of her friends will be arriving to hang out over Thanksgiving break, so I'm definitely looking forward to that!

As for things in Hawaii, they are good. I guess with school, I'd love prayers that God would use me and give me wisdom with knowing what to say and how to love each of these kids. As I mentioned before, there is such a need at HBA, and I think it's really set in that this really is a battle. My students are great, but that's not enough if they're not surrendering to Him, and that's a reality that adds some expediency to my teaching since I only have 6 more weeks with my juniors and seniors before I start over and get a new group next semester. As I've mentioned, time flies, so in spite of that, I want to make sure I'm pouring in while I can! The picture below is one my mom had to take of me on my first day of school...teacher-style. :)



Outside of school, things are going well--tomorrow I'm walking down to Waikiki, so I'm excited for that! I've been going to a good church in Kailua, which is a more residential area on the "windward side" (northeast area), and after church, I've been going to my favorite beach up there called Lanikai. The sand there literally feels like you are walking on flour! I love it--sometimes I grade papers there, and it's a great place and time to call friends and family and catch up. Below is Lanikai beach!



To wrap this up for the night, as I begin the process of walking back through last year and all the craziness that was my senior year of college, I have to thank all of you, once again, for your prayers, faithful friendship, and encouraging words to me and my family. God knew exactly what I needed, and He absolutely provided me with an INCREDIBLE body of support, reminding me that we are called to fellowship and bearing one another's burdens in Him! I pray that you, in turn, are so blessed and know his faithfulness as well. Thankyou thankyou thankyou from the bottom of my heart--there aren't words to express my gratitude at the support from people I barely even know! What a year...

I'll try to update more frequently these days, but know that you are so appreciated!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah

"But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me." --Psalm 13:5-6

Wow. Once again, it's been WAY too long. I've been meaning to update for a few weeks now, but things have been crazy, and time is FLYING. Literally. Ok, not literally, but it's gone by quickly.

Friday concluded our fifth week of school at Hawaii Baptist Academy (see what I mean about time flying?!?). We are now only 3 weeks away from Fall Break, which means 3 weeks until I get to see my family and friends back on the mainland. Don't get me wrong--things in Hawaii have been awesome, but it's definitely far from those I love and miss (but more on that later).

SO, what HAS been going on over the past 5 or so weeks since I last posted? Since some of it is just the routine of day-in-day-out school, I won't give a full timeline, but I'll go over a few highlights at least (chronologically, of course). The last week of July was teacher inservice, and it was then that I got a good feel for what I was getting myself into. I honestly didn't know what to expect; would there be mostly older teachers? Mostly Hawaiians? Would I be the resident giant? Was I going to stick out like a Texan in Chicago winters? I arrived and saw that, on the contrary, I was not alone. Of the new high school faculty, there are actually two women taller than me, and there are 6 of us all together. Additionally, there is a good group of around 9 or 10 of us that are under 26, so that's been really cool, too!

Inservice was a lot of learning rules and prcedures, and at the end of the week, my family flew back from Kauai to Dallas through Honolulu, so I got to quickly show my dad and sisters my apartment on their respective layovers. My mom stayed for the next week (the first week of school), and once again, she was SUCH a blessing. She ran errands for me, continued to get me situated in my apartment, helped fix up my classroom, and actually dropped me off each day of the first week, which was cute and made me feel nostalgic for my pre-driving high school days.

Once she left, it was pretty quiet; I had gone from being in Maui with my family, my girl cousins, and Madelyn's volleyball team with LOTS of noise to living alone. It took a little adjusting, but it's probably been good that I don't have a roommate for now. They say that the first year of teaching is the hardest (and, now that I think about it, they say that about the first of everything), and it's definitely been a TON of work--at least so far. BUT, I think that I'm aided by my lack of spouse, children, or roommate. I definitely leave school and still work anywhere from 2-5 hours a night at home (which is a lot when I came from having one class last semester and being a total bum), but I think the fact that there's no one I'm ignoring while I do said "home"work probably makes my first year a little easier.

So, let's talk about school: I have 3 Communication Skills classes, 2 9th grade English classes, and 1 middle school "Flex" class where I alternate monitoring a study hall and "Silent Sustained Reading" each day. I also have 1 planning period on the block, so all of that pans out to make for busy days. We have all 7 classes on Monday, Thursday, and Friday, and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, we have half of the classes in extended periods. Basically, in case that was confusing, I get through each day and think, "WOW! Another day gone by!" Maybe it's because I have so much planning to do, but the days FLY by. I remember thinking that the days would never end when I was IN high school. Granted, I'm probably actively thinking and being involved at most points of the school day now, whereas in high school, I'm guessing it didn't help that I sat and listened passively most of the time.

I really like my students--they're all pretty different, and each class has its own feel. My freshmen classes definitely take more classroom management--I have to actually tell students to sit down in their seats multiple times per class (as if, by the age of 14, they don't know they're supposed to actually sit in the desks provided in orderly rows). My juniors and seniors in the Comm Skills classes know how to behave for the most part, so they take less maintenance, but at the same time, sometimes they tune me out as if they already know everything they should, while the freshmen drink in the times that I share. The freshmen are FULL of personality...and prying. They started guessing my age, and it went from 27 down to 20 (at which guess I pointed out that, if I was 20, I would still be in college). When I explained the "no-cell-phone" policy of our class and mentioned that we, too, had tried to be sneaky with phones in high school, one of my students expressed surprise and said, "you had a CELL PHONE in high school?!?" I was thinking, "um...cell phones have been around for a while. How OLD do you think I AM?!?"

So, it's been good. I guess something that I'd love prayer for is the ministry side of teaching. It's definitely cool that HBA is very legitimate spiritually and that the leadership is genuinely guiding the school in a godly direction. And it's also neat that 1/2 of the students are not believers--so I have ALL the freedom to share my faith; in fact, they encourage that. But, at the same time, some of the students are not only not believers, but they have expressed that they want little or nothing to do with faith. So, prayers for wisdom and discernment with how to lead and minister to them would be great.

As for me, I'm definitely enjoying living here! Last weekend, I was walking around Waikiki and saw the UCLA women's volleyball team eating lunch, then I watched some men qualify for the US Open in beach volleyball, and finally, I got to surf at Waikiki. Yes, I got up every time (but it wasn't my first time trying). While Waikiki is a little touristy and probably cliche, it's still really cool to say I surfed where so many famous people made it happen! This long weekend was also fun--I hung out with some friends of one of the guys I teach with, and then today (Labor Day), I walked to 24 hour fitness to workout, and from there, I walked down to Waikiki and shopped a little, got in the water, and then continued strolling along. Despite the business and non-excitement of the school week, I am trying to make the weekends count.

Living here has been good, but it definitely feels far away. There is currently a 5-hour time difference (we don't do Daylight Savings, so in a month or so, it'll only be a 4-hour time difference!) from home, and that makes people seem like they're in a different world sometimes. For instance, school ends at 2:45; even if I leave by about 3:30, it's already 8:30pm at home. By about 8pm here, I think it sets in each night that I'm far away because at that point, pretty much everyone I know--even my less time-conscious friends in college--are probably sleeping. So that's weird, but it's still been good here. It's also different to just pick up and leave all of my friends and teammates at Wheaton and my family--who were SO instrumental in helping me over the past year--so that's been different.

The last thing you are probably wondering about is how I am doing health-wise. I am doing well! I still don't have all of my stamina back--I saw that last weekend when I surfed and almost cried when I had to swim back forever and had no more energy--but it's definitely coming. I'm working out with another teacher (we are taking a Zumba class!), and I'm enjoying being able to be active. I still have to sleep a fair amount. Because I have to get up around 6 to 6:15am each morning, I'm able to get around 7 1/2 hours of sleep, and I get home each day fully exhausted. BUT, PTL that I'm able to do this and teach each day! That is seriously such a praise! My hair is growing back...still slowwwwly, but it's coming. It'll be a while until I go wig-less, and that's actually been frustrating. I don't know if I shared in my last blog, but that's been something I didn't foresee--how long things would take. I think after the fact, this has been a harder ordeal than when I was actually going through chemo, which sounds crazy.

My mom and I were talking about this before she left, but I think during everything, we were just so focused on getting through it that we DID get through it--PTL! For me, it's been after-the-fact that I've had more thoughts of "what was the point of that?" and wondering what to DO with the past year in my life. For my mom, it's been after-the-fact that all the events of the past year have really set in--and she said there was a moment where she just started remembering everything and started crying, exhausted over all that has happened.

I've told a few friends that it's hard to figure out what to do with the past year in a sense of, how do I still remember all the things God DID while still moving on and living life? I don't want to be that person who always sits back and says, "wellllll...when I had CANCER...," but I also don't want to just move on and forget what just happened; it's been significant enough that I KNOW God had a purpose in that, and I know it's impacted my life, but I just can't tell you HOW necessarily. I'll use the analogy of times I've gone on mission trips--yes, people talk about spiritual highs, and that probably sounds like old news--but more than a spiritual high, I think sometimes it's so hard to come home because you've SEEN things and experienced the world, suffering, joy, and God in a way that it's hard to come home and reconcile that with your everyday world--your perspective is changed. So, in line with that, for me, I feel like I've been somewhere and really seen all the ways God worked, and all of that was such a surreal experience that DEFINITELY has impacted my life. That has made it hard for me to just jump back in to a routine and move on as if life is right back to normal--because I guess it's NOT back to normal to me. Like with the mission trips when I came home and it was hard to frame the world I had seen in with my own everyday world, I am happy to go back to normal, but at the same time, my perspective has been changed and so much has happened that it somehow won't quite be normal.

And that's probably confusing and just my musing, but that's a little of where I'm at. What to do with the last year? I guess one thing that was a blessing was getting an email from a girl who was just diagnosed with Hodgkins and starting the same cycles, and she said she had read through my blogs. She said it was good to understand somewhat of what the next 7 or so months will hold, and that was a blessing to me as I felt like God was using me, still, despite the fact that life is back to "normal" (whatever that is?!?). You could be praying for her, actually--her name is Whitney King.

So, it's getting time for me to turn in so that I can teach my little students effectively in the morning. Basically, I am doing well--trying to process. I know that God is good and has a purpose for everything. I think I'm struggling with trusting where He'll lead me since I'm a little afraid that, if I've "been there done that" with cancer, I'm hoping He won't lead me somewhere else like that again. I'd love prayers to rest in Him as I process and try to move on while still remembering all the awesome things God taught me and incredible people He blessed me with. I'd also cherish your prayers for wisdom in teaching these kids--that they wouldn't learn just about speaking, but that they would really and genuinely see God.

Ok, I'm tired, and if you are still with me, you've GOT to be, too. :) God bless each of you, and have an incredible (and shorter!) week! Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your continued support and prayers--I am STILL so blown away by people who ask and check up on me. That makes me remember that, though far away, I am definitely NOT lonely!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah

"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." --Psalm 126:3

ALOHA!!! I am writing from our hotel room in Maui, and it has been a great day! Let me give you a little rundown of the past few weeks, and then I will get to the big move.

I think the last time I posted, I was about to pick up my cousin Ali and start the drive to San Diego. It was a long drive...21 hours, and 10 of them in Texas alone. It was my first time to West Texas, and no offense to those who live there, but I'd love it if it was my last. Obviously I knew that I live in a huge state, but once you leave Dallas, there is just not a whole lot out West except for land, prairie, and lots of dust. We arrived in Oceanside, and we got to stay with my teammate Ashlie, which was so much fun and just another reminder of HOW blessed I was to go to Wheaton and have such amazing friends.

I dropped off my car on Monday, July 6th, and then I flew back home to finish packing and work on my massive to-do-list. The next weekend, July 11th, I was in St. Louis because my teammate and sophomore year roommate Mallory got married, so it was fun to see people again and just cool to be at their wedding having been around the two throughout their relationship. I flew back home early Sunday, July 12th, and I finished tying up all the ends before the big move. My mom and I flew to Oahu on Wednesday, and that began MAJOR crunch time for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. We made multiple Target and Wal Mart runs, hit up Sam's, picked up boxes we had shipped to my Wheaton friend Jenny's house, went to my school (HBA) and met with the English Department Chair, and then assembled a bed and it's frame, a dresser, a table and 4 chairs, a futon, and a bookcase. Basically, if you haven't figured out already from the excellent care she gave me during chemo, I hope you are getting the point that my mom is AMAZING. Also, she is a pro at assembling things. My patience is not.

Here are some pictures:

This is my living room, with the futon, dresser, and chairs that my mom (and I...kinda) assembled. In the background you can see Diamond Head, the dormant volcano on Oahu.


Here is my bathroom (and my lovely mother curling her bangs):


Here is my bedroom (the Hawaiian bedding I used all through college is perfect!):


And finally, here are fireworks over Waikiki beach that you can see from my lanai (porch) every Friday night:


Anyway, Saturday morning my mom and I flew over to Maui and met up with my dad and cousins for the start of family vacation, and today was the first day that we've actually been able to RELAX and enjoy the fact that we're in Hawaii!! It's been a crazy past few days...and really a crazy end to my summer...but it has come together, PTL!

There are a couple things that have already been such blessings, and I'd like to share. Obviously, first of all, this job is a HUGE blessing--it's something I have talked about doing for a couple of years, and though I almost didn't get it and then almost didn't accept it, I am here and am feeling so blessed. Also, in meeting with Faye, my Department Chair, it is SUCH a blessing that I did not get the job in May. I can't remember if I shared or not in the last post, but the job I applied for then had 5 English classes, which is a ton of preparation and grading. The job that I actually HAVE is still going to take effort, obviously, but with 3 Communication Skills classes and 2 English classes, I have so much less grading to do, which hopefully will allow me to get the sleep I still need.

Also--and this is so cool--on Thursday, I met a girl in the elevator at my apartment complex. She was yawning, and I commented that I was feeling the same way, to which she replied that she thought it must be the warm weather. That made me think she wasn't used to it, so I asked where she was from and she replied "Seattle, but we're here for a couple years." (I'm not sure who "We" is, but hopefully I'll find out). She asked where I was from and for my name, and then she asked if I was just moving in. I said "yes," and then she said that she'd love to hang out or get together, I agreed, and she got off on her floor. The next night (Friday), as my mom and I were moving out a BIG box of trash, she was about to enter the complex, and she asked what unit I was in so that we could actually get connected and hang out, so I told her. I noticed she was in scrubs and asked "Are you a nurse?" She said "yes," I asked what kind of nurse she was, and she said she was an Oncology nurse. :) I said, "Ok, what kind?" and I think she thought I didn't know what oncology was, so she said, " Oncology--like cancer." We were clearly blocking the door with all of our trash, so I quickly said, "Ok, well, long-story-short, I just finished chemo in May because I had cancer this past year." She said congrats and then asked what kind and I told her Hodgkin's Disease, to which she said she was going to guess that since I'm so young. SO COOL. I don't know much about her other than her name, which is Emily, that she's from Seattle, that she and at least one other person are here for a couple years, and that she's an oncology nurse, but again, just another amazing blessing!!! The first friend I make in my building, and I'm not going to have to do a ton of explaining for her to get what's been going on with me, nor should I have to awkwardly wonder if I should mention the past year or not to people I barely know. All of that to say, God is so good. :)

Ok, so last few things before heading to a family cook-out: how am I feeling about this year? I am so excited. I am definitely nervous, but I would be anywhere for my first year of teaching. It was so affirming to meet with the Department Chair, and it also was so affirming to meet Emily, so while I know that Hawaii is a far way away from my friends and family, I'm feeling so blessed and like God's got so much in store. I know this year will be challenging--the first year of teaching always is--but I'm still excited!

I mentioned last post that my cousin was having surgery on a cyst on her ovaries--well, it turned out to be a tumor the size of a grapefruit (!!!), but it was benign, and she is doing great and is actually here with us today! What a praise--that she's ok, that the surgery went well, that the tumor was benign, and that she was still able to come with us to Hawaii since she's been looking forward to this for months! Thanks so much for praying for Natalie!

Finally, here are some things you could pray for: first of all, for safety and health on this trip. Madelyn and Katie are just getting in tonight at 12:30 Hawaii time, and Madelyn is coming having survived the swine flu while she was a kamper at K-Colorado. They put her in quarantine for 5 days and wouldn't send her home because they knew about me, so prayer for her to continue recovering--she's mostly ok, but she has a cough apparently still--and also for health for us--that none of us would catch it, would all be great.

I'll try and post again soon, but thanks for your continued love, prayer, and encouragement. I am so blessed by each of you.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah

"Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me" --Psalm 119:175

WOW, it has BEEN a while! The last month has been a bit crazy--make that SERIOUSLY crazy. I'm fixing to go pick up my cousin Ali because we have to leave for our drive to San Diego, but since the next 2 weeks are gonna be psycho, I figured I should at least update as I can!

WHY, you may ask, are we driving to San Diego? Well of course, to get my car out there so it can make it on the ship over to HONOLULU!!!! Ok, so I told you a ton has happened in the last month. For those who have already heard, you can skip over the next section, but for those who are wondering what's this about Hawaii, below is what I e-mailed to my teammates and friends from home:

"Basically, I found out a couple days before my Wheaton graduation that I didn't get the Hawaii Baptist Academy teaching job I had applied for. So, my plans then moved to me being back in Dallas for this next year and then re-applying for the 2010-2011 school year and in the meantime applying to be the varsity volleyball assistant coach at my high school TCA.

However, this past Friday (June 12), HBA's principal called me and offered me a different job than the one I had applied for--she said it would be three high school speech classes, one freshman English class, and one middle school drama class. I had some reservations--first of all, I have never taken or been involved with ANY kind of drama class in my life, and while my dad joked that it couldn't be TOO hard (he said, "Don't you pretty much just say, 'Go! Act!' "), that made me a little wary. Also, I didn't want to go back on a spoken commitment I had made to the varsity coach at TCA, but we talked on Monday (June 15) and she was so supportive and gave me her blessing--which I so needed and am so thankful for Karen because of her sincerity! I was also a bit nervous when actually faced with the reality of picking up and moving halfway across the ocean to Honolulu in a month (Inservice starts July 27th), but I had a good amount of encouragement from family and friends, lots of prayer, and the advice of my parents and friends their age who lamented that they wished they'd done something adventurous like teach in Hawaii. I also realized that if I don't do this now, I probably never will, so, Monday night (June 15), I accepted the offer. What's more, the principal e-mailed me yesterday (June 16) saying that they had successfully switched some classes around, so, it looks like now I'm teaching 3 speech classes and 2 sophomore English classes this year (no more Drama!!!)!!!

I'm so excited--what a huge praise and such a blessing after a difficult year! While I have definitely learned the power of prayer in this past year, when I had prayed for certain things (like stuff during volleyball season, to not have cancer (back when we were figuring out the diagnosis), to not lose my hair, and to teach in Hawaii)--all prayers that, in my mind, God had said "no" to, I think I had become a little cynical about Him actually saying "yes." This has been another humbling moment to show that, despite my resignation that if I prayed it, He would probably answer "no" anyway and give me His plan (which I KNOW is a great plan; it's just not mine...), He is not out to get us nor does He wait to squash our dreams. Maybe you already know that, but I am still learning that today.

Anyway, the past few days have been frantic with apartment-hunting, trying to figure out how to ship a car, learning about getting a Hawaii license, etc., but I'm SO very excited! As I mentioned, Inservice starts July 27th, and my family actually was already heading out to Maui for family vacation on the 18th of July anyway, so my mom and I might just head out a few days earlier than that now to move things in and finalize some details. Thank you ALL for your prayers, recommendations, and encouragement for this as I've been trying to make hard decisions and figure out this next year! Thank you also for your prayers for me this past year--they were all PRICELESS in a difficult time, and I am so thankful for each of you and how you've each blessed my life. If anyone comes to Hawaii this year...it's not that big of a place, so you better let me know!"

Yeah. PRAISE THE LORD!!! I have a job, and it happens to be in Honolulu!!! Also, since I sent that e-mail, we rebooked our tickets, so my mom and I are flying out to Honolulu on July 15th to move into the apartment we found (PTL!). We're gonna do some massive moving in and furniture hunting at Sam's and Goodwill probably, and we'll be unpacking. I've already shipped 3 boxes to a friend from Wheaton named Jenny whose family lives on Oahu and is staying with them before she starts nursing school in the fall, so that has been a huge blessing, too! And, as I mentioned in the opening of this post, my cousin Ali and I are about to start the 21 hour drive to San Diego so that they can ship my car over to Honolulu by July 17th.

I still have some packing to do, and I also have to clean out EVERYTHING in my car before we leave--literally, I can't even have a cd in the cd player. BUT, you also should know that I've been back to Chicago twice in June--the first time for just a checkup with Dr. Gordon--they took my blood counts, and they are up from the 90-150 range and now into the 1000-1200 range!! PTL! Also, I was just back in Chicago and Wheaton this past weekend for my teammate Ruth's wedding--which was beautiful, by the way!--and I had CT and PET scans done. Dr. Gordon called me at Ruth and James's rehearsal dinner to let me know that everything came back clear, so I am still in remission! What a praise! As much fun as going through chemo and all was (sarcasm), it would be such a bummer to find out it hadn't worked, so again, I need to count my blessings and not forget that! Also, many are curious to know, so I'll update on my hair: it's growing back in--slowly but surely--and in some places on my head it's between 1-2 inches probably. Still too short for my liking, but it's coming. Also, my eyebrows are coming back--kinda all over the place, but still...--and my eyelashes are coming in, too. Yesterday I was putting on mascara, and it took about half the time that it has been when I've tried to find any lashes to even put it on, and I was just amazed at how quickly my bottom lashes have reappeared, which made me so thankful for eyelashes--CRAZY and seems like such a menial thing to be thankful for. BUT, I never would have been thankful for them until I finally lost them and started to get them back. I'm sure there's some kind of metaphor I could relate all of this to, but the image that keeps coming back in my mind is that of flowers after the rain. Why? I'm not sure. BUT, to follow that image, in my mind it's as if there's been a really big storm...or I guess a drought could work, too...I'm no horticulturist...but anyway, and after this storm, despite the damage, things DO begin to grow back once again and do what they're supposed to. As much as the chemo killed so many cells, the good stuff will begin to grow again, and that just reminds me that God is so faithful to restore what has been broken as He is the giver of life. He makes all things new!

Anyway, I'm out of time for now, so I'm sure I've left a ton of holes in this narrative, but I'll try and be better with updating--even if I have to do a few quick updates this month. Lastly, I would LOVE prayer for my sweet cousin Natalie Nelson. This morning, she had surgery because she had a cyst on her ovaries the size of a grapefruit--which is HUGE, btw. So, I'm not sure how it went yet, but if you'd pray that everything is successful and she is healed completely, as well as lifting up Natalie and her family and asking for peace for all of them, that would be great. For me, I'd love prayer for safety as Ali and I traverse the southwest U.S., and I would also love prayer to use my time well as I'm down to 13 days till the move and only 7 of them at home. I'm a little stressed, and I hate that in the midst of CRAZY, I let other things slide like my walk with the Lord and my relationships.

Lastly, in reference to this post's title, I've found that, even if I've not necessarily had an "aha!" moment with the Lord for that day, sharing my story still has been so humbling. It's definitely been a reminder to me that this whole situation was not just in my life for those 12 chemo treatments over the past 7 months; this is something that God can TOTALLY use in the future as I tell my story...not trying to exploit it or anything, but realizing that God's faithfulness absolutely shines through my experience with cancer, and this is an opportunity to show others that. "Let me live that I may praise You."

Thanks again for EVERYTHING. Thanks for checking in with me even now and for all of your continued commitments to praying for me and my family. Y'all have blessed me (and my family, too) beyond belief. Have a great day, and enjoy this amazing summer!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah

"Sing to the LORD a new song, for He has done marvelous things; His right hand and His holy arm have worked salvation for Him" --Psalm 98:1

PRAISE THE LORD I AM DONE WITH CHEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That said, I realized last night, while taking a sentimental journey down memory lane from my very first blog post until the most recent one, that it has definitely been FAR too long. Almost a month, two treatments, the END OF CHEMO, graduation, and another year in the life of yours truly have all passed since my last post. AND SO, because so much has happened, and WE have so much to celebrate (for all those who have partnered in prayer and support with us, you can celebrate, too!), I have decided to make this long-overdue post a photo-journey through my favorite month of May, starting with where I left off, after chemo number 11 (which was April 30th).

At chemo 11, the doctors and nurses were kinda freaking out about part of my white blood counts, which were apparently at 90 out of 10,000ish. Yes, that is clearly bad, but I finally pulled my nurse Michelle aside and said, "ok, I understand this is bad, but aren't we usually at like 100?" to which she replied in the affirmative. I followed up that question by pointing out that, although 90 is clearly bad, when you're at 90/10,000 versus 100/10,000, it really doesn't seem like those 10 extra points make that much of a difference, and she agreed, so that eased my mind as people continued to tell me HOW low my counts were. However, since I was flying home the next day for my high school co-captain Becky (Cunningham) Ellis's wedding, and since the Swine Flu was at it's peak "freak-out" stage at that point, the only way they were okay with me flying was, YES, if I wore a mask.



So, this first picture illustrates a couple things: first of all, it shows how GREAT my mother is. She didn't have to wear a mask but wore it so that I wouldn't feel awkward alone. Secondly, if you'll notice, we wrote on my mask "CHEMO, NOT SWINE FLU" so that people wouldn't move away from me like I was an infectious disease, and on my mom's mask, we wrote "I'm with chemo girl." :) Let me just tell you: these masks were hot, itchy, not conducive to having a coke on the airplane, and hopefully you will never have to wear one in public. I DID get sympathy from the flight attendants though, despite the mocking comment from some tool of a college kid who clapped as I walked by and said "you can never be too careful." My response to that was telling him "I had CANCER" in a tone that conveyed how I thought he was a moron. If I had thought of it, I wish I had just taken off my wig to startle him, but I thought of that after the fact.

I digress. The wedding that weekend was great, and Becky was so sweet and thanked me for coming home, encouraging me that she'd been looking forward to seeing me, and honestly, I really needed that. I wish I could say I didn't need people affirming me, but I definitely do. Especially towards the end of the overall treatment schedule--with chemos 9, 10, and 11--when the end was so close but it still seemed a ways off, it was just rough, so I really appreciated her telling me that, and it made going back to Wheaton while heading into finals and my bad days a bit easier.

Also to note of that weekend was that I had to give myself a shot after I flew home. It cost us $40, although the prescription label told us "your insurance saved you: $3,700" and we had heard that before insurance, sometimes it even was as much as $7,000. So, you can imagine the pressure that was on me to administer this, my first shot, without any glitches. :) Luckily, I got some tips from my friend Chrisey and her fiance Brett (who is diabetic) on giving myself the shot. Brett said to just go for it, so I did, and while I hope to not have to do that again, how often can I say I gave myself a $4,000 shot?!? The point of the shot (and why I'm telling you this) is that it was supposed to help boost my neutrophils (which are part of the white blood cells) by somehow creating new cells in my bone marrow. They warned me that it could cause "bone pain" in my legs because it basically makes the marrow go crazy and it tries to expand when there's nowhere for all the rapidly new forming cells to go, so they gave me some Hydrocodone (Vicodin) just in case. They thought it would hit on my day 5, so I figured that if I have to suffer through those days anyway, if I could take some Vicodin to ease bone pain and then also sleep through the bad days, that would be fine by me. HOWEVER, it did not hit on day 5. At first I was relieved and figured I wasn't gonna get that side effect of the Nuelasta shot. BUT NO, it still came. However, it was REALLY unfortunate because it ended up hitting me on day 7, which also happened to be Wednesday May 6th, the day before my ONLY final exam and the last exam I needed to take in college. When the bone pain hit, it hit in my lower back, a little in my chest, and then finally in the middle of my back, and let me tell you: I have NEVER been in that much pain in my life. EVER. And what was the WORST was that, though I had the Vicodin sitting there on my nightstand, the worst pain hit at like 10pm the night before my only final exam, and I knew if I took it I would be way too out of it to take that exam. I mean, the pain made me roll from side to side, and I eventually found a Dwight Schrute stress ball my teammate Brooke had given me during volleyball season, so I at least got to squeeze that as I was rolling around. I think I sounded like dying roadkill, too. That experience taught me a few things: first of all, Praise the LORD that I didn't have to get any kind of a bone marrow transplant. I cannot even imagine having to do that and I have literally the utmost respect for people who go through that. OUCHHHHHHHHH. I can't even think about that night or it hurts. The second thing I learned--or really was reminded of--was just to cling to the One who is sovereign, so I flipped open to the Psalms and had just read Psalm 102 "The prayer of an afflicted man" that morning, and I re-read it and just waited for the pain to stop. If ever in serious physical pain, I'd say Psalm 102 is the way to go. Anyway, PTL that the pain eventually subsided, I got to sleep, and I made it to my last final exam of my college career on Thursday morning.

From there, that weekend was crazy. My mom and Katie got in on Thursday, and they helped throw a brunch (with my aunts hosting it in absentia) for me to spend some time with the girls at Wheaton who have been such blessings to me. I was so touched by my Wheaton friends (more on that later), but to have so many girls show up and to get some time to just eat and relax and talk before graduation and leaving was such a blessing. My dad and Madelyn came in Friday night on May 8th, and we all went to downtown Chicago together for a little while on Saturday, which was fun to be there with all five of us for the first time. That night, my mom's parents came in, and we got to go to a Faculty Reception at Wheaton where my parents got to meet a couple of my profs and some friends' families, so that was cool just being able to thank them for their support as well. On Sunday May 10th, I GRADUATED FROM WHEATON COLLEGE!!!!



PRAISE THE LORD! There was a time when that was looking like it might not happen back when we got the diagnosis, so PTL, seriously! I want to have another post soon about all of the MANY praises, so I won't belabour the point now, but graduating with my class was such a praise!

My family flew out Monday morning around 6am to get back to their jobs and school, and the rest of the week I packed up the last four years of STUFF that has accumulated at Wheaton. On Thursday, May 14th, I had my 12th and FINAL chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PTL!!!



The picture above is of me and my WONDERFUL nurse Michelle Balla celebrating in our Cars party hats and with the noise-makers my Aunts sent in the final chemo-day care-package. Michelle was seriously SUCH a blessing to the whole process, and aside from getting a care-package on every day of chemo, the only other thing I looked forward to was seeing her, so I'm gonna miss her! Luckily, when I go back up for all of my scans, I should hopefully be able to stop in and see her. :)



On Friday, May 15th, I flew home to Fairview. When I got up to my orange bedroom, there were 2 vases of roses, 1 vase of lilies, 1 vase of tulips, 1 of gerber daisies, and 1 of regular daisies, all in ORANGE waiting for me and placed there by my mom to celebrate the end of Chemo! They are beautiful and make me so happy. :) On Saturday, my amazing teammate Emily flew in from LA and we hung out, and then on Sunday, we drove down to The Woodlands (Houston area) for our other teammate and my former roommate and legendary roadtrip-mate Stefanie's wedding. It was beautiful, and I'm so glad I was able to go, and it was another HUGE praise that I felt well for the wedding because it was on Sunday, which was day 4 in my final treatment cycle, and those days towards the last few treatments were really starting to get worse like days 5 and 6. So PTL for being able to go, seeing my teammates and some friends again and in a non-Wheaton setting, and for Emily. It was weird when Stef and Jeremy drove away and we were standing around talking, realizing that this was goodbye for most of these people, including my teammate Kelli who has been a great friend, former roommate, and an incredible support to me this semester. I don't like goodbyes, so not having to say them at graduation was nice, but it was sad knowing that, in most of these cases, we're heading off to different parts of the country and it could be a while before I see them again. On Monday, Em and I drove back to Dallas to get her on her flight back to LA, and then I came home and CRASHED (it was Day 5). I crashed again on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I am LOVING being somewhere with DVR where I don't have to watch commercials on days I'm not feeling well. :)



And that brings us to today...slash earlllyyyy this morning. As I mentioned, I was reading through all of my old posts, and today was a nostalgic day because it was my first Day 8 post-chemo 12, so hopefully today marks the first day where I feel more and more normal with every passing day. Also, it closed out the year for me, and it was weird reading back through and thinking about my half-birthday on November 21st, which was the day we found out I'd need a biopsy. I went to lunch with my best bud Sarah today and was telling her how, at that point, we had no clue that I had Hodgkins or HOW treatable it was, but all we knew was the word biopsy, which, in our minds, is synonymous with the possibility that this is SERIOUS and you might have cancer. So, while, once again, I am so blessed to have had the "best" kind of cancer I could have had, six months ago today, we weren't really sure what the next months would hold or if I was going to make it to my 22nd birthday. That sounds super-cheesy given the curability of my disease, but when you hear you need a biopsy and the word "cancer" pops into the realm of possibilities, it's pretty scary. Also significant in this day was just in reflecting with my parents that a year ago, when I turned 21, WHO would have guessed that I'd not only be diagnosed with cancer and go through chemo, but on top of that be CURED of cancer and FINISH chemo, all within the next 365 days (or less, technically, since it was all in about a 6 month period, but you get my point). So crazy what the last year has held. I can't say I'm sad to see 21 go, however, I have been SO blessed by people in this past year and have been moved more times than I can even HOPE to recount, that it has definitely made 21 a memorable year.

Ok, so, enough reminiscing. I have now caught you up to pace with where I've been the past month, and now for the next week or so: tomorrow I actually fly BACK to Wheaton because my teammate and another former roommate Megan is getting married in Wheaton on Saturday. Since I flew home a week ago, my car is still up there with all of my stuff in it, so after her wedding on Saturday, I'll get in my jam-packed Tahoe and drive home. Since I'm driving alone for the 15 hours, I'm gonna stop at Kanakuk K-West on the way, where it is currently Staff Training week, which will be both fun since I have some good friends back working there this summer and good since this is the first summer in 16 that I won't be at kamp. Sad. Anyway, so I'll stop at K-West on the drive home because it is a little over the halfway point of the drive, and I'll spend Sunday night, Monday, and Tuesday there, heading the rest of the way home for good on Wednesday. After that, I need to jump on some applications for stuff because I still don't have a job, and while I am a college graduate and that is something to be proud of, being a bum at home is not that fun. As for the schools in Hawaii, I heard back from my top choice, and we actually had a good conversation, but they filled the one open position for this year, so I'm not going there this year. While I was bummed, it actually was a good thing because they wanted me out there by late-July, and the doctor had just told me that he thought it would be a struggle for me to teach full-time until about the beginning of October since I'll still be getting my strength back. The principal said there might be another position there the next year, so the door may not be closed there permanently, but at least for right now it is, and that's at least good to know. So, thank you for your prayers that things would be clear--again, while it's not fun to not know what I'm doing nor get rejected, at the same time, my prayer was that it would be clear whether I should do that job in Hawaii or not, and I'm so thankful that it is clear! It would have been so much harder had I gotten the job, had my doctor told me he thought it would be a struggle, and then if I had to turn that down. I would still love prayers for wisdom and discernment to see what I SHOULD do this next year, though! I will be in Dallas, and that is all that I know right now. :)

Ok, last thing for tonight for now--this won't be the last post; I'll update as I go back twice in June for bloodwork/a doctor's visit and scans and even beyond that! But, for now, I need to sleep because I haven't thought about what I'm taking back to Wheaton for this wedding, and I'm exhausted. ANYWAY, I was reading in a study by Kay Arthur on the names and attributes of God, and it was talking about, once again, God's sovereignty--gotta LOVE it! It listed the example of Job and how, even in a situation where Satan works his destruction and pain, God is the one who brings up Job's name, saying "have you considered my servant Job?" The point is that, even when Satan and sin work, God is still sovereign. I don't fully understand the relationship of Satan to the world with how suffering works in conjunction with God's sovereignty and how God basically gives Satan permission to test Job; I can understand when people wonder why God just didn't give him permission, and then there wouldn't have been any suffering for Job. HOWEVER, I do know that, even in that situation and other hard situations, God is STILL sovereign. The follow up to that point was a passage that I really liked and which talks about Joseph and how God orchestrated even the crappier situations of his life to achieve His purpose.

This resonated with me because, in looking back (and forward, too, at the road that still lies ahead with getting my hair, strength, and stamina back and with all the future testing and follow-ups) on this lymphoma-journey, there have been those times when you wonder why God, who is definitely sovereign, uses the hard stuff in His plan and why He couldn't have gotten the same glory by testing us in easier ways. So, I liked what Kay writes about Joseph's situation because it's how I've felt at times in all of this--when I've just felt that I needed SOME kind of victory once in a while--and with the way the times are going right now, I'm sure many have been feeling:

"Do you remember how Joseph's brothers plotted his demise? Because of his
brothers' jealousy, Joseph was sold to be a slave in Egypt. There, in the house of
Potiphar, he was falsely accused and put in prison for two years. It was enough to
make any normal man bitter at God. Joseph had done what was right, had been
faithful to his God, and suffered because of it. He seemed the victim of the whims
and plots of men. And yet, during all this time Joseph did nothing to dishonor his
God. He knew the Most High stood in the shadows, ruling over all, watching and
waiting. Whether or not he understood, Joseph knew that God had a purpose in it
all..."

Kay points out that it's easier to be thankful "when you realize that your Father, El Elyon, God Most High, is in control and that nothing can happen in His universe without His permission...even when we are wronged by others, we can still give thanks." I haven't been sorely wronged by others in all of this, and I don't want to see myself as a victim, but I do know that there have been times in all of this when I've just felt so FRUSTRATED with having to deal with all of this, and yet, I still have known that God is sovereign--there's some funny combination of our limited understanding which KNOWS that He is in control and our human frailty which struggles to persevere and keep trusting that He's actually enacting that sovereign plan even in the harder or quieter times. I don't know why I really just LOVED reading that, but I did, and maybe it was because I like acknowledging my frustrations as I've been learning that being honest with the LORD is part of a relationship. So, hopefully that is a reminder to you, too, in these pretty discouraging days--that, even in the cases of Job and Joseph, when it seemed like the poor guys just couldn't get a break, God was working His plan and utilizing each and every action--even the wrong actions of Joseph's brothers--to achieve His sovereign plan and purpose in their lives and in the world.

Ok, it is bedtime. Lastly, I can't adequately thank you for your support. Even writing it on here is a cheap substitute for the gratitude I have to each and every single one of you who has prayed, offered an encouraging word, brought me Jamba Juice, encouraged my family, etc. Thank you again for taking the time to tell us your thoughts and to tell us how you've been praying--sometimes what probably seemed like the shortest e-mail to you was just another HUGE encouragement that people were praying and that we were not alone in this (though we NEVER are alone anyway, but you know what I mean). Thanks for blessing us. Stay tuned for future posts on all the ways God worked and on less-serious ruminations on things I learned along the way. :) I am so thankful for you.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah

"But the LORD has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge" --Psalm 94:22

So, it's definitely been a while. I looked at the date of the last post--April 5th--and realized that was an obscenely long time ago, so I should probably get on an update! A fair amount has gone on, and the last week or so has been crazy, so I'll go back and highlight some of the bigger points, starting from where I left off, at Easter.

I went home and got to spend Thursday night through Tuesday morning at home. I realized when home that, though technically I'd been there at two other times in the semester, both were while passing through and for less than 24 hours. So it was nice to rest and relax at home...at least as much as you can when thrown back into the craziness/busyness of home. I actually didn't sleep a whole lot leading up to Easter, and while I was home I certainly did not catch up, so I was a little beat when I got back. And by "I didn't sleep a whole lot," I mean I was getting 7 hours of sleep a night instead of the 9 or 10 that I have so come to look forward to during this semester--the one good side-effect (aside from being able to do my "hair" for nicer events and then let it sit on a stand while I finish my makeup).

Anyway, despite the lack of sleep over Easter, I got to see some of my best friends, watch Madelyn's team play volleyball, eat a LOT of Mi Cocina and Pei Wei, and enjoy being in Dallas. I just love that place! The Easter service at Bent Tree was actually really good and another highlight--and I say "actually" good because I think sometimes I tune out on Easter, knowing it's a "seeker-sensitive" day and that the message will be geared to that point. But, this service was really good, and Pete talked about needing a resurrection--for Christ physically and in each of our lives, not just for salvation, but also in times when we need renewal, which I think a good amount of us do right now. Also, we sang "On Christ the solid Rock I stand," which, if you've caught on, is how I end these posts, and I just love that song. If you don't know it, it says "On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand." I think that's a huge anthem that I just love to belt out and proclaim, affirming how true it is. ALL other ground is sinking sand, as I've seen by trying to rely on myself for strength or on a title for purpose or on others for affirmation. However, it's all sinking sand compared to the solid Rock that is Jesus Christ and being rooted in Him. Amen to that song.

So anyway, that was Easter. I arrived back to school, did the usual routine, and then had treatment number 10 on Thursday, April 16th in Chicago. Yes, we have officially made it to double digits-PTL!!! Friday, April 17th, my friend Harrison and I drove up to the Twin Cities in Minnesota (my first trip to the state!) because he had some interviews up there and Madelyn's volleyball team was playing in a National Qualifier in Minneapolis. Actually, Harrison is the ONLY one who drove, so shoutout to him and his excellent chauffeuring and service to me there! I got to surprise Madelyn--the look of confusion she gave me from the side of the court when she saw me standing with my parents was priceless--and I also got to hang out with my parents some, so that was a blessing as well. Sidenote that my mom and I went to the Mall of America, which, if you're a girl from shop-happy Dallas, is something worth doing at least once in your life, so that was fun! Madelyn's team qualified for Nationals, so they were ecstatic, and after that, we packed up and drove home on Monday April 20th.

Last week was one of academia. Yes, I have had it pretty well this semester, given the circumstances. One class does not build up a large amount of stress or work, which is a good thing, due to chemo brain and my inability to concentrate. Last week, however, was fairly stressful, as I finished and turned in my senior seminar paper, which was huge--PTL for Him giving me the focus to get that done! Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers for focus--seriously, I could not have done that on my own. It was hard enough to finish reading through questions on an exam and stay focused the whole time I read the question itself, so finishing that paper was a struggle, so thanks again! I also finally passed my English departmental exam...you really do not want to engage me in a discussion about my feelings towards that exam. All you need to know is that only two departments at Wheaton make you take senior exams, mine being one of them, and that it is supposed to evaluate what they have taught you, yet they make you study and take it till you pass. Praise the Lord that I passed at last. :)

We had a volleyball tournament with my 14s club team this weekend, and it was the last one I can go to aside from practices, so it was a looonnnngg day, but it was fun in retrospect, and I had some good talks with a couple girls. We had our final Klub night for Aurora K-Life, which was weird and yet cool to reflect on how God orchestrated a K-Life beginning up here in the Chicagoland area while I've been here. I had the last class that I actually had to participate in on Tuesday--we had debates in my Christian Thought class, so while I will go to class tomorrow and take my final next Thursday, I am done with regular class and participating. A whole lot of lasts. A week from tomorrow, my mom and sister Katie will fly in, followed by my parents and grandparents the next day. As graduation comes closer, I'm definitely seeing more of the reality that life is about to change in a big way. I have little money in my bank account (darn "no boyfriend money" is running out), I don't have a job, and I am fixing to be done with schooling (at least for now), which has been my life up to this point. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I am SOOOO looking forward to my LAST chemo, which is two weeks from tomorrow!!!! PTL. That's all I can say to that.

So, yes, if you think that through, it means that treatment number 11 is tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! 2 more. At this point, I am very encouraged that the end is near. The last few treatments--really treatments 9 and 10--have been difficult just in knowing that I am so close to being finished, and yet, there was still a lot of time before the process would end. Plus, I feel like, due to many years of a day-planner, I function by 2 week intervals. So, I can visually see the final treatment in my head right now because tomorrow is 11 and the final one is now within that 2 week span. However, a LOT is going to happen before then. As far as how I've been feeling, they say that the effects get cummuluatively worse, and while I don't know that they have been phenomenally worse the past few times, I did notice feeling a little worse this last treatment. I threw up on Saturday, which was a little disconcerting since I've only done that a couple times in this whole process, and since Saturday was way beyond the "feeling-bad" days for me, so it came a little out of nowhere. Luckily, I didn't have a fever, so that's a praise.

Back to the rundown of life: after treatment and meeting with the doctor tomorrow (which my mom will fly up for), we will spend the night downtown. Friday morning, my mom and I fly home to Dallas because I am going home for my co-captain from my TCA volleyball team's wedding. Fun fact that you don't need to know: I have been gone the weekend before final exams (this weekend) for the past 3 years due to weddings. Apparently this is the weekend to get married--just a head's up. So, after attending the wedding and taunting Madelyn as she heads to prom on Saturday, I'll fly back here on Sunday to recover (Sunday will be day 4) and get ready for my exam--that'll be a process to study for since I won't feel well for a few prime study days.

Hopefully I will update sometime before the chaos that will ensue after my exam, but I'll at least give you a rundown of how things will look in case I don't. My final is Thursday May 7th, and my mom and Katie will be here. Friday we're having a brunch, then graduation rehearsal, then my dad, Madelyn, and grandparents will come in. Saturday my family will get to meet my amazing professors who have not only instructed me with such wisdom, but who have shown me incredible grace and support in this process, so I'm excited for that. Sunday, May 10th, Mother's Day, is graduation! Why Wheaton decides to do graduation on a Sunday when they don't even open the library on Sundays is beyond me. Anyway, since it's on Sunday, my family all has to get back to get to work and school on Monday, so they'll stay at the airport hotel that night and take the 6am flights to Dallas and Colorado Springs Monday morning, leaving me to pack, clean, and do some final hanging out with friends for a while. Thursday, May 14th is my final treatment. What a day that will be. So, there's a good amount to pack in there, but I will definitely try to update before then.

Last things: With all of the upcoming travel, and with the swine flu that just today caused the Fort Worth school district to cancel all schools for a week, I would once again LOVE prayers for protection from illness or sickness. I'm a little alarmed that it's hit otherwise-healthy people in a big way, and since I pretty much don't have an immune system, I seriously covet your prayers for health. Also on the topic of health, there's a nerve in my left leg, from my knee down to my outer ankle bone that is twinged right now. My leg isn't numb, but it drives me crazy to stand and it hurts a fair amount right now. We're not sure if that's due to the chemo drugs (they told me it could affect nerve endings in my fingers and toes, so who knows!), or if it's just because I overused the nerve somehow. So, prayers there would be great--more than pain, when there's nerve stuff happening, it just makes me so crazy with annoyance almost. I would love prayer for safety in the travel--for me, my family, and for all the families that will be heading this way and all the students heading home soon, too.

Finally, I'll throw in another "while-you're-at-it" prayer, as I like to call them: for wisdom, discernment, and trust as I'm trying to figure out where He's leading me and where to follow Him for this next stage in my life. I realize that it's a misconception to think that this next stage is going to be the rest of my life; it could only be for a year or for a few, but basically, as I try to discern what the next step is to take, I would love your prayers. I had a follow-up phone interview with one school in Hawaii today, and while that would be a dream, I definitely need to remain patient and remember one of my favorite verses, Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." SO TRUE! I think I've mentioned that I love praying those specific words--for the "peace that passes all understanding," and God is SO faithful to answer those prayers! He really does give unfathomable peace in times when you otherwise would be understandably crazy. So, He's been giving me such peace and I'm not super-anxious, but I do want to make sure that I follow where He's leading, so that could be back in Dallas, in Hawaii, or some other place (but hopefully not where it's cold). :)

The last thing I'll say is something I was reminded of a couple weeks ago in learning all about the names of God and about His character: we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Duh, right? Well, that might seem like common-sense if you've grown up in the church, and it has been a cute little catchphrase we tell our kampers at Kanakuk in the summer, but I don't think I've ever been so confronted with that truth as during this process. God's character is that He is sovereign, above all things and over all things, having created things exactly to His purpose and plan. So, as I was reading these different things affirming His character and came to this reminder--that HE creates us fearfully and wonderfully, I found myself confronted with the truth and really having to TRUST in that. Even now, when I have "tufty" hair (as Madelyn terms it...basically I'm still a baldy, minus the scraggly and thin hair that's "tufted" up), when my skin looks purple due to the drugs half the time, and when I feel like crap, I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. A little bit harder for me to believe right now, but it was so good to read those words and be reminded that, even now, God has not made a mistake, nor is this out of His plan. Additionally, the status of my hair...or lack thereof...doesn't change the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He's not just meaning that we are physically created well, but who we ARE--which is beyond how we look or what our reputations are--our personalities, dreams, and characteristics were all created by a God who, in the words of Joe White, "don't make no junk." Hard to be confronted with vanity and insecurity, but so good to really have to dig deep and understand that He is sovereign and that I am STILL well-created.

In thinking of that, I'd like to give a shoutout to my kamper Meredith Cleveland, who just cut her hair and donated it to Locks of Love so that some girl or boy would be blessed by that--and she said she started thinking about it when she read that we had to shave my head. Wow, when she told me that, I definitely started to cry. She has always been so selfless in all she does, and she saw that it was more important for her to help someone dealing with losing their hair than it was for her to keep her long hair. What a stud who has shown me such a great example of genuine love and servitude over the past couple years--and she's 16!

Anyway, this has been a long one, and my fingers hurt from typing. I'm such a pansy right now. BUT, thanks for your faithfulness in praying for me. In reflecting on how I've been doing and all that's been going on, I've been reminded again and again of the incredible support I've received and how all it takes is us asking for help, and the body of Christ is right there. I hope you have a blessed night/morning/day, depending on when you read this!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah

"Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footsteps were not seen" -Psalm 77:19

Wow, that verse pretty much sums up what I've been learning through reading "The Red Sea Rules." Good one--and what great imagery--that the path often leads through the sea and mighty waters, and God brings us through both, although we don't always see those footprints next to us as would be our way.

Ok--this is probably going to be a long one--there's a good amount to update, so buckle up. :)

First, let's start with a low and go back to over a week ago (Friday, March 27th) when I was doing my tests/scans at Northwestern. I started out at 8am with the Pulmonary Function test, then moved to the MUGA scan for my heart at 9:15, and I finished up with the CT scan at 12pm. At my 8th chemo treatment on March 18th, my nurse Michelle was having a hard time finding a vein (they're hiding, I believe, because they know what's coming), and we realized that I hadn't had much water, which I guess makes it harder to find veins anyway. So, I've been trying to drink more water, but when it came time for these tests, you can't eat or drink anything for like 12 hours prior to the CT scan, so the lack of hydration, plus the fact that my veins hate needles these days contributed to lots of nurses poking my skin to get good veins. For the MUGA and CT scans, each injection/IV took at least 15 minutes and at least 3 pokes per scan to get a working vein. With the MUGA scan, I guess some got out of the vein, so I got this awesome (slash NOT) bubble under the skin in my left hand, and then for the CT scan, the contrast or dye that they inserted was into a pretty small vein in my other hand, and it basically felt like I was getting stung by a bee for two minutes. But, when they offered to slow it down, it still hurt, and I figured that if it was gonna drag out the pain, I'd rather just go fast and get it over with. To top off my "terrible, horrible, very bad day" (throwback to childhood books), I had to drink the sicknasty Barium Sulfate again for the CT scan, which again, I downed by plugging my nose and chugging. Basically, when I got in my car to drive back to Wheaton, I had HAD it. I was sick of being poked, sick of having all these ugly bruises from all the pokes, and was feeling like it was all just cruel to have to feel like a lab rat, pretty much. So, I had a short teary moment while driving back, which I think has been one of the only mini-meltdowns I've had in all this, PTL. You would think that I would lose it after chemo, but no, apparently the tests did it for me--I was just tired of it all.

My thoughts on the drive back ran something like this: I can look back on most things that have been struggles in my life, and I can see that God has used each of those to strengthen and grow me, all of which have prepared me to go through the next trial. And I KNOW that--that He is so faithful in using each thing to draw me to Him and prepare me to make it through whatever He has for me. But then, I started asking "Oh Lord, is this as hard as it gets? Because if this is all preparing me for something worse in the future, then that sucks and I don't even want to think about that." And, while I know that I am lucky in all of this and that this isn't even THAT bad always, I was just low. Also, I realize that, it's not like you go through something difficult and then God says, "Ok, you've paid your dues. It's all smooth sailing from here"--and I don't expect that anyway. But, those were my thoughts, and so I would love prayers again to persevere, but also to keep growing and learning what He has for me, as well as to keep trusting in His sovereignty.

So, I share all this to share a low and be real with where I was last week, and also to contrast that with some highs. Since those darn tests, I've gotten to celebrate birthdays and wedding showers with friends, hang out with some other good buds, and on Tuesday night, my friend Aniela and I went line dancing, which was a nice reminder of home and got me excited about the summer back in the south. :) On Thursday, my dad came in for chemo #9--hallelujah for now being 75% of the way through this!!! Definitely praise the Lord for that!! Back to the hospital--my dad arrived, and we met with my nurse practitioner Sarah Miyata who gave me the test results from the previous week. She said they looked good--the MUGA scan was great, the CT scan was great, and I have been in remission for two months now! She did add that my pulmonary function (lung) test came back still in normal range, but it showed that my own function was 10% lower than the last time. That could either be due to chemo-induced anemia (which iron supplements will not help since it's chemically induced), or it could be the result of one of the drugs, the Bleomycin, which can adversely affect the lungs. The doctors are a little unsure of how effective the Bleo is anyway--and other countries do not even use it in this regimen (apparently we overtreat here). If the lower lung function is due to anemia, that will go back up after chemo is over, but if the lower results are due to damage from the Bleo, that could be permanent. So, they've decided that we can do without it for the rest of the treatment, so I'm now on AVD treatment. :) Yay for getting to drop a poison. :) Bummer, though, that when my dad asked if this one caused hair loss, I asked if it made me feel flu-like, and we asked about mouth pain, the answers were all in the negative, so of all the drugs we're dropping, of course it would be the one that doesn't really have awful side effects. But, hey! The less poison you have to get is always a good thing, I say.

Also to note is that my counts are again super low. Like at 100. So I pretty much am almost immune system-less. Sarah always cautions me against germs, and I don't think I would ever tell her I flew on three planes, hung out in Times Square and theaters, and danced at a wedding over spring break...apparently the fact that I played volleyball against my 14 year old kids at practice last week made her nervous (then I found out she's married to an infectious disease doctor). Anyway, when she heard even about volleyball and me flying home for Easter next week, she told me to be VERY careful and was shocked that I hadn't gotten sick yet, due to my counts being off the charts...in a low way. She said, "Well, whatever you're doing--keep doing it!" to which I replied, "LOTS of prayer." So, thank you IMMENSELY for all of your prayers against illness--seriously, what a blessing that I haven't had a fever, haven't had to go to the hospital, and on top of that, that I've been able to enjoy a lot of stuff during my final semester at Wheaton. I mean, I still spend a good amount of time on the couch every other week, but in the good weeks, it hasn't held me back TOO much, so PRAISE THE LORD! I'm not superstitious and have never knocked on wood, but I will definitely ask for continued prayers against sickness, fever, and any other illness. And please know that every prayer for me has definitely had an impact, so thanks for being a huge part of this team that goes beyond the doctors, nurses, etc., and really shows what the body of Christ means.

A couple more things--my dad and I got to see Mary Poppins in Chicago on Friday night, which I had seen in NYC a couple years ago, but it was just as good here! Afterward we continued the tradition of waiting at the stage door from New York, and we got some autographs, which was fun, too. Plus it was good time with my dad and hanging out a little in the city. I'm a sucker for musicals--call me cheesy, since I realize in real life people do not break out into spontaneous song, but I still love them, so that was great. Other than that, today I'm taking it fairly lazy, and tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesday will be days 5 and 6, so I'm parking it on this futon for a while. On Thursday, however, I get to fly home for Easter, which will be good family time again, and I'll get to see Madelyn, who turns 17 on Tuesday. SCARRRRYYYY. We're getting old. No way my little sister is almost a high school senior. Or that I'm almost a college graduate. Also, since apparently this is birthday week on steroids, I'm gonna go ahead and give a "happy birthday!" shoutout to Smashlie, Lando, Little J, Madelyn, and Jerri just because I can. :)

And back on to more serious things--as for prayer, the continued "health" prayers are huge, and for safety travelling, perseverance, etc. But also, at treatment on Thursday, my nurse Michelle told us that Dr. Gordon's wife was just diagnosed (for the second time) with breast cancer, so if you could be praying for my doctor and his wife--for healing, encouragement, and perseverance, that would be great. He's been a great doctor, and he's got a gentle spirit and has been such a blessing, so if you would lift them up, I know they would love that.

And to close it out for the day, I thought I would pass on some thoughts from having read Scott Hamilton's biography ("The Great Eight: finding happiness when you have every reason to be miserable"). Yes, he's the ice skater who does backflips--and if you wonder why I know that, basically I grew up watching him skate in all my 10 years as a figure skater. Yeah--if you didn't know I skated, please just picture me out there towering over the 4-foot-nothings who spent forever at the rink, and then I give you permission to laugh. Anyway, I saw Scott's bio at Family Christian Stores and was not aware he was a believer, so I figured it'd be an interesting read. Some of it was a little cheesy as he related secrets to finding happiness all to figure skating, but he did have some good points, and the guy has gone through cancer and then years later a brain tumor, so I feel like he's got the experience from which to talk about finding happiness when he probably "should have been miserable." One of the things he talked about rang very true with me--and still does--as he talked of how he and others referred to cancer as both the worst thing that had ever happened to them as well as the best thing that had ever happened. While I'm not quite feeling like it's at either of those ends--or at least not the best thing that's ever happened to me--it is true that, despite the crappiness of this whole deal, being through all of this has really shown me how many blessings God has given me. I've already said again and again how grateful I am for all of your prayers, encouragement, messages, and support--and I mean that! I also can't even begin to mention the number of friends who have been so faithful in praying for me and showing me so much love--and how humbling when at times I have been frustrated with some of these friendships because I've felt that they were unbalanced. And then, of course, they have been some of the most faithful to lift me up and send me encouraging messages. So even just seeing how God is faithful, how ironic His plans and timing are, and learning to embrace the body of believers--broken and all--have all just been things making the unfortunate circumstance of cancer one of the better occasions in my life, just like Scott recounted.

And that's all I have for now. My computer is dying, I am watching the movie Mary Poppins now, and I should probably clean up my room soon...But seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that you will be blessed this week and that Easter will be such a great one this year--not just fading into all the other celebrations you've had, but that Christ's sacrifice would really make an impact!

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,

Hannah