tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55449759998465287712024-03-12T18:04:11.279-10:00Hannah McGinnisAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-76502972986449476552012-05-03T07:03:00.000-10:002012-05-03T07:03:51.422-10:00Time to Kickstart My Book!So, "How's that book coming along?" you might wonder. Well, it's almost finished! I'm done writing it and now working through final, detailed editing. April was really great for writing and editing. I'm so much better at editing on actual paper—there's something about being able to physically cross out errors or draw arrows to move paragraphs around that makes my process go much smoother than on a computer. So, when I realized that, the book took off! Hallelujah because it's been an arduous process.
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I've told a lot of people about my book and how I'm going about publishing it, but here's a little more info. Basically, very few companies will publish first-time authors. Now, if you're like me, you think, "Hmmm, so how does someone ever get published?" and that's a good question...and one I haven't mastered yet. But, I'm hoping to work with WestBow Press, which is the independent division of Thomas Nelson. The only issue is that they need money up front, and for those who know me well, I'm broke. Teaching high school in Hawaii didn't exactly allow my savings account to build up.
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Kickstarter.com is a site that lets people raise money for their creative projects while offering rewards at different donation levels (i.e. a copy of my book when it comes out), and I'm trying to use that to pay for a publishing package. CNN, The New York Times, the BBC, and Time Magazine among others have featured the site, and it has a cool set up. I have 30 days to raise my money, and if I do, I keep it and pay the publisher, but if I don't raise it, every cent goes back to the donors, so there's little risk involved. Worst-case-scenario, if I don't raise the money, people only lose the time they spent looking at my page. :)
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So, today is the day I launch my page. Stress! It's a huge praise that they accepted my project, and now I'm going to spend the next thirty days praying for God to provide—pretty much what I've spent this year doing as I've needed His guidance for this new endeavor in my life. If you at all want to help me, I would so appreciate it. I realize that already so many people have helped me immensely by praying for me over the years and encouraging me. What really would help is if you want to pass along my site to anyone you think might be interested. Not only can it help me reach my total, but it can also get the word out about my book, and I feel strongly about it.
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I didn't leave Hawaii and move to flat and insufferably hot Dallas because I had a whimsical idea to be a bum and try writing for a while. This book has been on my heart for the past three years, and I feel like I'm supposed to be obedient and go for it—not so that everyone can read how awesome (not!) my life is but because there's a need for resources for young adults with cancer. Every time someone has passed on my blog or referred a friend with cancer to me, I've been reminded how passionate I am about helping others battling the disease.
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Below is a link to my Kickstarter page. Even if you just stop by to learn more, I would be so grateful! The more people that know about the book, the more people (hopefully!) it can encourage when it comes out.
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<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hannahmcginnis/what-in-the-world-are-you-doing-with-cancer">http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hannahmcginnis/what-in-the-world-are-you-doing-with-cancer</a><br />
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Thanks to everyone who's been on my team in this process—for encouraging me, praying for me, checking in on me, and believing in me and where God's leading.
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On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
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HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-10082676647298228782012-02-24T08:46:00.000-10:002012-02-24T08:46:21.983-10:00Finishing StrongHere's the truth that's bombarded me lately: I suck at long-term goals.<br />
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I'm really good at setting goals three months at a time. I set new goals each year from January-March, April-June, July-September, and October-December. That's manageable for me, and I like charting progress over time, but only a short period of time.<br />
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Long-term goals, on the other hand, are my nemesis. I start out really well and full of energy, and then, somewhere in the middle, I lose sight of my purpose, get discouraged, and want to bail out. I've always known this about myself, but somehow I'm still surprised amidst long-term goal situations when I start muddling through. I have a bracelet that says, "Finish Strong," and that became my motto one summer during college. I <i>know</i> I need to finish strong, I <i>tell </i>myself to finish strong, and yet, the act of finishing strong isn't exactly made easier by either of those. <br />
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That's currently the state of my book. I'm so close to finishing it, but I lost sight of the goal somewhere over the last few months because it still seemed overwhelming and so incomplete. Never mind that I've been exponentially further along than when I started back in August; the goal still seemed too big. So I muddled through, discouraged, doubting my purpose, and wondering if I made a huge mistake in moving home. Despite all of that, in the back of my mind, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I was supposed to do this...and still am.<br />
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With all of this, I'm running a ½ marathon this weekend at Disney World. I'm running it in spite of the fact that my knees and I have a turbulent relationship, that my orthopedic doctor flat-out told me I was not built to run long distances, and that my journey has included passing out, physical therapy, and dropping loads of money on race fees, running shoes, and rehab. <br />
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My knees suck—my kneecaps don't track correctly, and that's not a fun feeling...especially when I literally can't bend them anymore. I get really frustrated because I've trained faithfully, but I've seen people whose training sucks and have done very little athletically before yet pick up the idea of running a ½ marathon and execute it without problems. That's more than a little irritating.<br />
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Sometimes when I'm running and, nine or ten miles in, I can't bend my knees, I've literally shouted, "Seriously, can't I just be exempt from this?!?" Who I'm shouting at is up for debate. It's probably half at my knees and half at God.... At those points, I'm thinking that I've already freaking had cancer, so don't I, like, get a pass on having atrocious knees? Haven't I kind of "served my time" with the whole "my-body-hates-me" thing?<br />
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Obviously I know the answers to those, and this race is not even that important in the grand scheme of things anyway, but it has come to be significantly symbolic in my life. I've realized that my frustrations in running that cause me to shout out how angry I am at the obstacles in my way are symptomatic of a bigger frustration. Underneath it all, I don't really need to run successfully; what I really need is to know that I <i>can</i> finish something I've started. I can plead with God to let me run without having issues, but I'm really pleading for a victory with a long-term goal, to finish what I've started.<br />
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Running has become strangely important for that purpose. I don't actually care that much about being a successful runner—I'm still a volleyball player through and through, and as I mentioned, I'm apparently not even built to run. But, I've been training for this since October when I paid for it—but even before that when I was running 5Ks, so I'm into my sixth month of training. That may be nothing for you, but for me, this task has now eclipsed my preferential short term goals. <br />
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All of this is to say that I'm really excited for my race this weekend. I need to finish it and know that I can complete a task I've so faithfully prepared for. I didn't skip a single run. When weather's been bad, when work has conflicted, and when I've been sick, I've rescheduled runs, but I have still faithfully completed 12+ weeks of specific training for this race. Everyone who's heard me talk about my race probably thinks, "Okay, Hannah, what's the big deal? I've run a ½ marathon. People do them all the time," and those statements are true. However, this IS a big deal to me.<br />
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Most of all, I need this race because it's coinciding with my struggles to complete my book. It's almost like if I can finish this well, I can finish my book. My only motivator in this has been myself. It's been pretty much a solitary process, and while that might sound like a bummer, it's actually not; I've needed to do this alone. I know community's important, but I've needed to know that I can see a goal, motivate myself to faithfully prepare for it, and complete it—not because my parents are making me, not because a doctor's telling me to, and not because school or work requires it—but simply because I want to and can. <br />
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I wanted to share this because I'm excited but also guessing many others struggle to finish strong. If you suck at long-term goals or if you, also, need a victory, I encourage you to find a hobby or task completely unrelated to the long-term goal you're struggling with. Work to complete that and remind yourself that you can and will finish strong. <br />
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Communication books explain that confidence is "knowing you have the ability to complete something successfully"—it's not even HAVING the ability to complete something successfully, but it's BELIEVING we can be successful. It's like those terrible singers who audition for American Idol—they're confident, not because they CAN sing well, but because they BELIEVE they can sing well.<br />
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Confidence for my run means knowing I can complete it successfully, and for that, I'm not nervous at all. That doesn't mean the elements won't intervene or my knees won't dislocate—heaven forbid I don't finish, but it could happen. Still, I'm confident because I know that I can now run my ½ marathon successfully. With my book, I've been lacking confidence. I could fail, no one could publish it, and even if someone does publish it, no one could read it. However, I'm realizing that those issues aren't causing my doubt. The issue is that I've apparently been in great need of a confidence boost to complete my book—to believe that I CAN finish this and finish it well—and running has helped show me that, though long-term goals aren't my forte, I can successfully tackle them. <br />
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So, wish me luck on Sunday as I run through Magic Kingdom and Epcot, and feel free to pray that the threat of rain goes away and that my knees are miraculously pain-free. And, whatever you're working on or dealing with, finish strong, friend.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-89503860924847338782011-12-22T08:16:00.000-10:002011-12-22T08:16:49.108-10:00A Thrill of Hope in a Season of HumiliationI realize it's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted. I could blame it on the fact that I'm in the process of writing a book while also working three part-time jobs, or I could just call it what it is: avoidance. <br />
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Confession over. Now onto bigger and better things. <br />
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I've been feeling lately like I've been in a season of humiliation. Before I go much further, let me clear up what "humiliation" means. The dictionary definition is: "the act of humbling someone, being reduced to lowliness or submission," and it adds that "humility can be self-sought, but humiliation involves something [or someone] else." <br />
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Okay, so what does that mean? Though we often use it to mean "embarrassment" or, in my shameful case "things that are comical for me to see and laugh at," the word humiliation is more about being reduced to lowliness or being humbled. And, it involves either some other force or person in the process.<br />
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How has my life been in a season of humiliation lately? It's hit me the most in my jobs lately. My retail job is a complete waste of my Wheaton College degree—monetarily and academically. Every time I work, I'm acutely aware of that fact as I repeatedly have to convince customers that we are sold out of certain items and I'm not just making crap up. I've been substitute teaching, and while it's been fun to get to know some students a little bit, most of the time teachers don't have me teach much; they leave work for the students to do on their own. In those times, I'm just the necessary breathing body that's over 18 and officially has to be in the room with the kids. The teaching skills I honed over the past two years—all the hours of prepping, grading, and classroom development—are pretty wasted in that avenue. I think the only skills I'm actually putting to use right now are my volleyball skills since I'm assisting a club team.<br />
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So, it's been a season of "being reduced to lowliness" and definitely of submission. I'm not completely embarrassed or anything—I've accepted what's happening, but it is a little bit of a bummer to feel like a lot of my skills and abilities are completely wasted right now. Though from time to time I doubt and question whether my decision to move home and write a book was really from the Lord or just a big mistake, most of the time when I remember my goals, I'm affirmed in my purpose here. My submitting to what I think is His plan has brought me to this place of "humiliation" where I look around and think I probably won't be putting anything I'm doing this year on a resume so as not to lessen its effectiveness (unless I get published, that is).<br />
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I was struck the other day with the thought that it's probably fitting that I feel like I'm in a season of humiliation since it was definitely a season of humiliation for Christ. He didn't arrive triumphantly or gloriously resplendent; He was born in a stable and placed in a feeding trough for animals. THE KING OF KINGS, btw. Not that He was embarrassed, but rather, it was a season of humiliation because He was physically "reduced to lowliness and submission" by His own willingness but also because of the sins of the world. <br />
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In light of that, my "season of humiliation" seems pretty miniscule, and it's made me more okay with that. In church, our pastor has been teaching us why there's no need to fear. We've been looking at Luke 2:8 and following, and Pete preached on the verses of the Christmas story that we've all heard time and again. In verse 10 the angels tell the terrified shepherds, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people," and in verse 10, they clarify what that good news is: CHRIST. "Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ, the Lord" (v. 11). <br />
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What a simple answer to our fears and doubts: do NOT fear, do NOT worry, do NOT be dismayed: Christ is here! <br />
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As we sang "O Holy Night," I was struck by a line that I've sung probably thousands of times but never thought too deeply about:<br />
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"A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices." <br />
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Singing that made my eyes water. In this season, I miss Hawaii and the life I built there. I miss my students and my work as a teacher. I miss feeling stable, a solid routine each day, and knowing that I'm doing something purposeful. It hasn't been the most victorious feeling season, but that line in the carol is perfect. <br />
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He is my thrill of hope amidst a dark world in which I feel pretty weary at times (I realize that sounds dramatic—my life isn't bad and I'm blessed...I know that...but still, I get discouraged fairly easily). I rejoice in this season because without His coming down and being born, I would be stuck in my hopelessness and weariness. <br />
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What a reason to celebrate! Sitting in my room looking out at dead trees, winter-gray skies, and what just looks cold, I miss the tropical breeze, soothing ocean waves, and sunshine of Hawaii. But, I think the deadness of everything in Dallas makes me more aware of how great and what a "thrill of hope" He is compared to my circumstances. <br />
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So, rejoice because He is a thrill of hope in our mundane lives and oft-changing circumstances. He suffered a season of humiliation to give us that hope, and that is a greater gift than any I will receive this Christmas or any other. <br />
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On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br />
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Hannah<br />
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(P.S. As for not feeling super victorious lately, I heard back from a publisher the other day who is interested to know more, so praise the Lord for that! He clearly knew that I needed some affirmation in what I've been doing. Thanks for your past and continued prayers for my book!)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-81767240063497159072011-08-12T10:01:00.003-10:002011-08-12T10:26:53.591-10:00It's been a while...(though that might have been obvious if you looked at the date of my last post)
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<br />Maybe you're wondering WHY it's been so long. I could give you a few reasons such as I've been teaching high school English, I've been living in Hawaii, the sun and sand bleached my brain, I've been working on some things, etc. All of those reasons are legitimate.
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<br />However, the real reason I've been radio-silent is that I haven't known where to go from my previous posts. At about the year-mark post-chemo, I felt like to continue blogging was a good idea, but since all of my previous posts had been about my lymphoma (I did, after all, start the blog for that purpose), when I was healthy and not a lot was new or out of the ordinary on the cancer-front, I simply didn't know what to write about.
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<br />To write about my everyday life seemed a little self-important and mundane (though it's been a great adventure for me), and to continue writing about my lymphoma when there wasn't much news about it seemed like I was either milking it or trying too hard to make it fit.
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<br />So, I simply stopped blogging. Though it seemed like at the time I was just postponing having to make a decision, ignoring it was clearly making a decision nonetheless. So, now it's August, it's been almost 15 months, and here I am.
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<br />There's so much I could write about--about two years' worth of adventures in Hawaii, my busy but wonderful summer, or my chaotic and somewhat depressing move back to my parents' house in Dallas. However, I'm going to keep this re-introduction to blogging short (for today, at least) and tell you that I'm working on writing a book.
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<br />That is why I left Hawaii, that is why I don't have a job, and that is why I'm in the mood to write. I've been writing every day for the past couple weeks, and when I arrived to Dallas on August 1st, I had a clear goal in mind: August 1 started "Writing Camp."
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<br />What, you may ask, is this potential book about? Well, if you had to guess, I think you'd get it. It's definitely not fiction. I always felt like a bit of a fraud trying to come up with something poetic, full of imagery, or creative and new in writing--as if I was trying to write well but knew there was nothing brilliant I could come up with.
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<br />No, it's not fiction. I'm writing about myself. In hopefully a more interesting way than that might sound. Really I'm writing about my experience going through cancer, and though I realize I'm no one famous and also that no two cancer experiences are the same, it's been on my heart for a while (like 2 years), and I figure it's time to buckle down, be obedient, and do it.
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<br />Thus, I'm writing. I'm at 40,000 words as of today. There's a great chance that absolutely nothing will come of this, and while that will definitely be disappointing, the only thing I feel passionate about right now is this book(other than returning to Hawaii to enjoy the calm of Lanikai and my ohana there). But that second passion of returning to Hawaii is probably helping fuel my writing--the sooner I finish, the sooner I send things out, the sooner I can figure out what--if anything--might come of this, and the sooner I can go back to Hawaii Nei. :)
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<br />If you'd like to inquire more about it, please do! I've got lots of free time when I'm not writing. :) If you'd like to pray for this endeavor, I'd love that, too. When I asked my teammate Brooke if she'd be okay with me using her name and some details about her, she replied, "Absolutely! I've never been in a book before!" to which I replied, "Well thanks...I've never <em>written</em> a book before!"
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<br />So, mahalo (thank you) for letting me start anew on this blog. To all who read the previous incarnation so faithfully, I have not forgotten you. In fact, I am probably writing about you. But, it's time for a new direction in this blog. Some things will be different than before (note the title: I still love Psalms, but I don't want to cheapen them by using verses just because I used to) and some things might still be the same (I do still stand on Christ daily as my solid Rock). A hui hou ('til we meet again)...Aloha!
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<br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
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<br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-42916497277437605682010-05-15T10:12:00.010-10:002010-05-15T11:21:03.069-10:00"Be exalted, O Lord, in Your strength; we will sing and praise Your might." ~Psalm 21:13(Written on Friday, 5/14):<br />Today is a day of celebration. Why, you may ask? Well, today is exactly one year from my last chemo treatment!!! That, my friends, is definitely a cause for celebration.<br /><br />I'm kinda liking that May 14th is one week from my birthday because I think I'm going to annually give myself a reason to celebrate one week early, which will, of course, carry out through the following week, so it'll be like one big week of celebration, basically. :) Anyway, as I think back to one year ago, I first cannot believe it's already been a year, and second think that at the same time, it feels like that was in another lifetime. Weird how that happens, isn't it??<br /><br />I guess I really don't have that much to update other than the fact that today is such a day of praise, but I have been learning some things lately that I'd like to share.<br /><br />First, in honor of today and looking back while moving forward, below are some psalms I've read recently that have reminded me of our God-given purpose after going through different things in life:<br /><br />Psalm 7:17<br />"I will give thanks to the Lord because of His righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High."<br /><br />Psalm 9:1-2<br />"I will praise You, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."<br /><br />Psalm 9:11, 13b-14<br />"Sing praises to the Lord, enthroned in Zion; proclaim among the nations what He has done....Have mercy and lift me up from the gates of death that I may declare Your praises in the gates of the Daughter of Zion and there rejoice in Your salvation."<br /><br />Psalm 13:6<br />"I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."<br /><br />Psalm 16:8-10<br />"I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay."<br /><br /><br />Psalm 18:2, 46-49<br />"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold....The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from violent men you rescued me. Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD; I will sing praises to your name." <br /><br />Psalm 19:14<br />"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."<br /><br /><br />There are so many more psalms and verses that talk about singing and giving praise to Him whom praise is due, but these are a start. I shared with my students in homeroom the other day that, though they've heard my story about lymphoma multiple times, I will continue to tell it and different aspects of it since I feel like that is my command now--tell of all the ways God has been faithful. I've mentioned before that I don't want to always bring conversation around to me and cancer, but at the same time, as I think about it and tell about it, it continues to amaze me that that HAPPENED and that God was and IS so good!!! So, I will continue to tell my story.<br /><br />With that, I have a few more things to update, so secondly, I've been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan lately, and it's a book you should definitely read. He delivers the truth in a very real and honest way where you know exactly where you stand, but you don't feel like crawling into a hole and sulking, so it's just good. Anyway, there was a chapter talking about how we really can't KNOW all of God, and I started reflecting on that. If you asked me to describe God in one word, I would say "faithful." However, it's absolutely ridiculous for me to think that, just since I've seen Him work in my life and show His faithfulness in that, I now know all of Him. He is absolutely faithful. But, just because I've had those experiences where I've seen His faithfulness, that does not mean that is all of who He is. He is so much more than faithful--and though faithfulness is the most recent way I've seen His work in my life, I have to remember that I don't have Him "figured out" fully. <br /><br />Additionally, the book talks about fearing God, and I'd like to share something that helped me out in a huge way. I'd always been told how to fear God, but really, it seems like something that's just confusing. However, what's helped understanding that is thinking about one of my biggest fears: lightning. Yep, not death or failure; lightning. Now, if your house had been struck multiple times by lightning, if you were tall and accustomed to lightning storms starting at Kanakuk while coaching middle school children in the middle of an open field, and if you had looked up all of the info about how lightning can strike, you would be terrified, too. Anyway, here's the thing with lightning: we know so much about it, right? It typically strikes the tallest thing around, we know how to avoid it and be safe, and we know about its properties. However, did you know that when there's a storm in the distance, you could still get struck by lightning from miles away? Did you know that, while it usually hits the tallest thing around, that's not always the case? Sometimes it hits the 2nd or 3rd tallest thing based on what those things are composed of. Yeah. Scary. So, while we can kinda understand it and stay safe around it, it's a little unpredictable, powerful, and thus, a little bit scary.<br /><br />So now, follow with me on how that's helped me understand about fearing God (and granted, this may not make any sense to those of you who love lightning...): just as we can know so much about God, we can remember how He's done things in our life, and we can recount ways that He shows Himself as faithful again and again, we can't fully understand Him, we can't "tame" Him, and we can't box Him in thinking we know exactly where He's going to move and how He's going to work. He is incredibly powerful and decisive in His work, too. We can understand a lot about Him, but it's ridiculous for us to think that we could predict Him, know Him fully, or even try and box Him in. And yet, I think I do this so often. So, it's been a good reminder to think about the fact that God is a little like lightning and I should love Him, trust in Him, and run to Him, but I need to remember that I don't have Him figured all out, nor should I suppose that just because He's worked one way in my life before He will do that same thing each time He moves.<br /><br />Anyway, how am I doing health-wise? Well, I'm doing great. :) I feel great, I'm still in the clear, and since it's been a year since my last chemo, my 1 year check-up scans are coming up in June. I'll be heading back to Chicago for those, so I'm looking forward to that. I love Hawaii--it's beautiful almost every day (minus rainy days or vog days--days when volcanic ash from the Big Island makes its way over here), it's warm, it doesn't make me want to cry in April because it never ever will snow in April, and it's made me more of an outdoor-loving person. However, I have a deep love for Chicago in my heart, and I would absolutely live there if it wasn't cold, so I'm looking forward to being back there in June. <br /><br />Since my last post things have just been moving right along. We're down to two full weeks of school and then two exam days which means my first year of teaching has almost come to a close. CRAZY!!! I can't believe that! I was flying through Chicago last week on Sunday, and it was Wheaton's graduation day which was even crazier--to think that I've been out for a year is unreal. Time flies! Back to school: I'm trying to finish strong, and it's been a little more of a struggle working with unmotivated students who checked out many weeks ago, so I've been praying big time for patience and love.<br /><br />I have traveled a little already this month, and this coming week I'll travel again, so it's made May fly by even faster. Last weekend I flew to Chattanooga, Tennessee by way of LAX then DFW, and actually on my 2 hour layover in Dallas, my dad got to come eat lunch with me at Chili's Too at DFW airport. :) That was awesome and I am SO thankful for parents who always sacrifice for me--time, money, emotional effort, etc. Anyway, I went to Chattanooga because my first Kanakuk K-West co-counselor, Melissa "Fain" Sparks (we went to NYC last year for spring break) got married to a guy named Cameron who we worked at kamp with as well, and I was a bridesmaid in their wedding. It was such an incredible time--it's been difficult to find really good deep friends here that I can also just have so much fun with, so it was great to be around such incredible people all weekend. I realized that I miss land a little bit--people ask me if I have "Island Fever" and I can answer that I only do when I leave the island and am reminded of what wide open spaces look like. Anyway, Melissa and Cam's wedding was awesome and was a great reminder of God's sovereign plans just in the way he brought them together and has blessed them. Additionally, Melissa's dad had been diagnosed with a really really rare disease back in March--literally 1 in a million--and so there was a question about whether he'd even be able to walk her down the aisle--much less dance with his daughter, but that, too, was so incredible to see God's healing power at work, and though it was a trial, Dr. Fain did get to slowly walk Melissa down the aisle. :) So, it was an encouraging weekend. Below are some pics:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC3iTAOHJQyxo9cx-1gCz6cSBMFO1dnJyzrpn6Foq9N3V6EHK0Fc9TzgLkYn1WCWYaEqmdaP0eZv7ApE-U0GvOUvCXqtzpqsOoA0sJeZQm3NCCSlRP3hyphenhyphenbOeaGG7qNfqKNsIexQdPly8te/s1600/IMG_6452.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC3iTAOHJQyxo9cx-1gCz6cSBMFO1dnJyzrpn6Foq9N3V6EHK0Fc9TzgLkYn1WCWYaEqmdaP0eZv7ApE-U0GvOUvCXqtzpqsOoA0sJeZQm3NCCSlRP3hyphenhyphenbOeaGG7qNfqKNsIexQdPly8te/s320/IMG_6452.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471605904869862658" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkWErBfkiBTiY1pyoOLoxAs8YR7Q0IyUn2-UpzpJ0wUuMiIWIeFTxKFPULhEWBgfdKwn6qPQ3-gyV_hDkbk_SeXsQR6RT4ymXwVwYjg0WT9oc1wwDSz2JOm9BoTSyyEv7tY-19UmHLse7V/s1600/IMG_6446.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkWErBfkiBTiY1pyoOLoxAs8YR7Q0IyUn2-UpzpJ0wUuMiIWIeFTxKFPULhEWBgfdKwn6qPQ3-gyV_hDkbk_SeXsQR6RT4ymXwVwYjg0WT9oc1wwDSz2JOm9BoTSyyEv7tY-19UmHLse7V/s320/IMG_6446.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471606417134945378" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGnuOj5Z6pVgRMRm5fd0VPHQrQpJAXZkPbgQngeabJ4FwDz_pyJU3BL6NaS5KtpN9eBETk-TBDuppsq2zpX7-B-CFNb_Yuj8F1y0bfRoD4hG7Ks3zY7Sfm46LozKv4OAknm8XxmwscyyZ/s1600/IMG_6426.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitGnuOj5Z6pVgRMRm5fd0VPHQrQpJAXZkPbgQngeabJ4FwDz_pyJU3BL6NaS5KtpN9eBETk-TBDuppsq2zpX7-B-CFNb_Yuj8F1y0bfRoD4hG7Ks3zY7Sfm46LozKv4OAknm8XxmwscyyZ/s320/IMG_6426.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5471606754511232050" /></a><br /><br /><br />Good times. This week I'm flying home because Madelyn GRADUATES from high school. WHAT?!?!? I know. I can't believe it. That'll be great family time, plus my friends from TCA are getting married, so it'll just be a weekend full of celebrations. :) <br /><br />Ok, I've gotta run, but that's what's been going on lately. Oh--almost forgot. I'm up to 8500 words in writing my book of sorts...some of the people at the wedding encouraged me that I really should write, so that was awesome. We'll see what happens. :) <br /><br />PTL for continued health and having been out of chemo for a year! As for prayer requests, Mrs. Graham found out they have 3 options for her breast cancer treatment, so if you'd pray for wisdom as they make decisions, patience as they wait, and peace in this time, I know they'd appreciate it. Yall are great. Thanks for continued encouragement and love. As I think back to last year, I am humbled and reminded again and again how I could not have made it through in the same way without your friendship, prayers, love, and incredible support. Wow. Thankyou thankyou thankyou always--I am truly forever grateful. God bless in all you do!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-8410574086297274482010-04-11T21:32:00.010-10:002010-04-11T22:08:24.151-10:00"I will praise You, O Lord, with all my heart, I will tell of all Your wonders." ~Psalm 9:1Happy April!!! I can't believe we are already 1/3 through April of 2010—that's SO crazy!<br /><br />Whew! The month of March has come and gone, and I feel like it FLEW by! Here’s what happened and why it moved so quickly: My mom and sister came the first week of March. We had such a blast. We survived The Tsunami (which never really hit...so it essentially killed our sunny Saturday but made for a great story as we evacuated up to a lookout high above Honolulu...and I have a t-shirt that says "I survived the tsunami"...AWESOME). Also, we found the Pirates of the Caribbean ship, The Black Pearl, which is here on Oahu for refurbishing as they turn it into new ship for the 4th movie which is filming on Oahu and Kauai this summer. Long story short, we met the guy in charge of the project--who happened to build the Black Pearl in the first place--and after some shameless begging, he gave Madelyn and I each pieces of the Black Pearl. I got this heavy metal welding something, and Madelyn got a 2 foot long plank from the side of the ship. Below is a picture of my mom, Madelyn, and I on our Pirates adventure.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXFQHpAS2REXQHkg6vWpB3N8ETBTf2tB2cS22BW0vH8L3E1CxFVpPtrmOiySge7U9v2Lkxjh_Pl0MY5FgUmdwBgS92RtauvxThyphenhyphenC0QY3ZJ8dms78FURmBdIKzG5Pk_tlAe49LXLVBqwlad/s1600/DSC_0489.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXFQHpAS2REXQHkg6vWpB3N8ETBTf2tB2cS22BW0vH8L3E1CxFVpPtrmOiySge7U9v2Lkxjh_Pl0MY5FgUmdwBgS92RtauvxThyphenhyphenC0QY3ZJ8dms78FURmBdIKzG5Pk_tlAe49LXLVBqwlad/s320/DSC_0489.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459154085749094354" /></a> <br /><br />They left on Saturday at 8pm and my friend Caroline came in at 8:45pm that same night. When I took her to the airport the next Friday, I parked my car and also boarded a plane—not to Dallas but to Maui to see the Armstrongs who were finishing up Wheaton’s spring break there. I hung out there for the night and the next morning, and then I left with them, but we parted ways in the terminal as I headed back to Honolulu and they to Wheaton. Two days later, HBA had its Junior/Senior Banquet (aka Prom), and since I’m a junior advisor and the juniors plan it for the seniors, I was a little frantic (we’re trying to teach them to take initiative…they’re slowly learning…). Prom went well, the next day our grades were due for the 3rd quarter, and after that, I got to breathe again! :) I spent the rest of that week on Oahu, attempting to tackle a to-do list of like 50 items, exploring the island that I live on, and enjoying just being here and not having anything to do! I’d spent my Fall and Christmas breaks back home or in Chicago/NYC, so this was my first break to just chill here for a bit. A highlight from that week hanging out here is that I bought my very own surfboard! I'm no pro, don't worry, but I like surfing, and though I want to go more often, I was always put off by the $40 to rent a board for an hour, so I decided if I just BUY one, I'll actually use it! Below is a partial picture of my surfboard.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIflrVbwgNeQ4MBUpmDVw7gLHsNIK4ILAZVRpg9uz97g5XoUN1IIEXFSzfic61MBpAfWgIrr9H8ZXPaxjjjkGvWwbmTys-Ln_wOqlnvcNpkwYTWSdnruTVcXnwdstiN56gAr-we_yft8Ao/s1600/IMG_6320.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIflrVbwgNeQ4MBUpmDVw7gLHsNIK4ILAZVRpg9uz97g5XoUN1IIEXFSzfic61MBpAfWgIrr9H8ZXPaxjjjkGvWwbmTys-Ln_wOqlnvcNpkwYTWSdnruTVcXnwdstiN56gAr-we_yft8Ao/s320/IMG_6320.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459154496561313410" /></a><br /><br />We had two weeks of spring break, so the 2nd week, I flew to Kauai with a couple of girls that I teach with. That was a great blend of adventure and pure relaxation in the sun by the beach and/or pool! The last couple days in Kauai, my teammate Kaitlyn and her family were at our same hotel (what are the chances?!?), so it was wonderful seeing them—but more on that later. <br /><br />As you have just read, March flew by from one thing to the next. We've been back to school for two weeks, and we have 7 more to go! Wow—my first year of teaching is going by SO quickly. I don’t know if that’s good or bad because, while it’s nice to almost have that “scary first year” under my belt, it’s quite appalling that I’ve been out of college for a year almost. Growing up is overrated, and I miss being irresponsible and free. :)<br /><br />Health-wise, I am doing great! Other than a dumb bout with laryngitis at the end of February—as I learned one summer at Kanakuk, it’s pretty impossible to teach a class when you have no voice with which to teach, so that was lame, but I felt mostly okay—I say my health is great! Many people have been asking about my hair, and, once again, it’s growing on me. I’m liking the length it is now much more than in January, and though it seems eternally SLOW when I see it every day, looking back at pictures from even a month ago, I can definitely see the difference. Maybe that’s a good lesson to learn: appreciating even small changes and blessings…life lessons. :)<br /><br />Beyond that, I have a few updates as to how I'm doing and then a prayer request. <br /><br />Update 1: First, I think I've expressed in previous posts how the processing after-chemo has been more challenging than any processing DURING chemo, and I think that's because during it, my mindset was just to push on through and beat it. This time—almost a YEAR...WOW—after chemo has been more conducive to processing since I haven't had to worry too much about just pushing through for survival. :) Actually, the day after my last post I think I had a helpful breakthrough. Basically, it's been hard after cancer to figure out where I am in my walk with the Lord because each "trial" has seemed so insignificant in comparison to last year that I've felt at times like I'm just chilling—not necessarily far from the Lord, but not feeling like I've been growing too much. I think after struggling physically and emotionally to go through each day of last year, it's been so different when I feel great and yet things are somewhat mundane. As I read that statement, don't get me wrong: I am THRILLED and SO thankful to be healed and not have to worry each day about so many things that came with cancer, but it's just been a weird transition back to routine everyday life. <br /><br />Anyway, I think one of my bigger struggles this year has been not necessarily feeling like I'm being used or am growing too much, and it's hard for me—and probably for a lot of us as believers—to just sit still and rest in Him rather than tackling trials and struggles. I have known for a while that it can be so much harder to trust in Him and see Him when things are routine and ordinary, so maybe that's been it lately. So, the day after my last post, I was going through my study in Psalms and was on Psalm 33. My commentary is a book by Warren W. Wiersbe, and in explaining how God is a shield, he writes, "God protects us, not to pamper us, but to prepare us to go back into the battle. He is a 'refuge and strength' who hides us long enough to help us." <br /><br />This quote has been so helpful to me in remembering that God has ordained EVERY season in our lives—the hard ones, the easy ones, the bewildering ones, and every other season in-between. It helped to read this and be encouraged that this time of calm AFTER the metaphorical storm (of Hodgkin's) is full of purpose, and it's okay for me to just REST. Maybe this time has been a time of rest and protection, not for God to pamper me and make me feel good about myself, but to let me grieve, process, heal, and overall prepare to go back into the battle. So, I've had to realize that it's ok to rest and take time to heal. If we didn't what use would we be going back into the battle half broken from the previous struggles we've been through? All of that is to say that 1) every season in life is ordained for a purpose—even the quiet ones that we don't think about 2) it's okay—in fact, GOOD—to take time to heal and process so that we will be better prepared to go back into battle. God is using us in those times. <br /><br />Update 2: As for processing, as you know if you're reading this right now, writing was—and still IS—very therapeutic for me in this whole journey. That said, I've started to write out more of my thoughts in book form...that's the end goal. Whether it ever gets published or not, we'll see, but I have a long time until then. My grandma (Mema!) has always encouraged me that my blogs were super helpful and that she thought I was supposed to write a book. I took that as a sweet comment by someone who has to love me and say nice things to me, but I've been thinking more about that, and it's really become a passion of mine in a way. I know one of my spiritual gifts is encouragement, and another one sometimes comes out to be shepherding. On top of that, apparently I'm "good at writing," although my grades sure as heck never showed that. (Maybe that's because I was an English major, so my writing didn't always shine in comparison with the brilliant minds of other English majors at Wheaton...and, let's be honest: I always could have put more time and revision into my papers.) Finally, I have learned in the past year that I really get excited when talking about cancer—not necessarily mine, but just in general since it's something we always hear about, and yet it still seems so forbidden and ominous. So, combine my passion for encouraging, shepherding, a more-than-marginal and at least competent writing skill, and my desire to share about cancer, and I think a book seems like a really good way to encourage and shepherd through writing about cancer. We'll see. It's something I'm praying about, but in the meantime, I've been writing down my thoughts, I have a general outline, and I have a title inspired by my dad from one night early on in my diagnosis. I'll let you know what comes of it! Thus far, I have 4,771 words...and a LONG way to go. :) <br /><br />Update 3: I have a prayer request for anyone who is still reading. Small sidenote: I was discussing this topic with the person my prayer request concerns, and I still feel a little narcissistic—or to use her word, presumptuous—in writing here since I am feeling so well and I know that people have WAY more important things to do than check up on me, but I figure that as long as people are asking for updates and saying that they're checking here for updates, I'll keep writing on here, hopefully not adding to the noise of internet writing. ANYWAY, my prayer request is this: the woman who shaved my head last January is my teammate Kaitlyn Graham's mom, Robin. She helped organize that whole night (which was SUCH a blessing to me!), let us come over to her house, played encouraging music, prayed with all of us, and actually helped me shed that nasty thinned hair which I hadn't washed in a week. (gross). Beyond that, she and her family prayed faithfully for me, she brought me Jamba Juice and flowers, came to my graduation brunch, and has just been so loving and a huge blessing to me along with the rest of her family (and of course KG!). Last month, she went in for a mammogram, and they found that she has breast cancer. :( <br /><br />The Grahams were the ones that overlapped for a couple days at our same hotel in Kauai on my spring break, so it was an incredible blessing to see them and spend some time together and share cancer stories, fears, and other feelings. After we had dinner the night before I had to leave, I was really hit hard by the whole situation—and I know firsthand that people get cancer everyday—but it was so hard to see Robin and her whole family having to walk through something like this. They are so precious, and they were especially important in my own journey, so to have to walk through this themselves is awful. I went down to the beach that night and was just so burdened—I cried (rare!) and was just crying out that I didn't understand. It was actually a really great experience being out under the moon and stars by the ocean and having that freedom to just look up and wonder what God's plan is and why I don't understand it. Somehow, after my cries of frustration that I didn't understand, I had an epiphany where it was just so clear that I was RIGHT. I DON'T understand. Bottom line. I simply can't understand what God is doing there—or even what He was doing with my lymphoma—but instead of that being such a frustrating cry, it became one of peace as I accepted the fact that I do not understand. It reminded me of Job when he comes to the realization that he was NOT there at the start of creation, he does not order the world, and he doesn't have all things under his sovereign plan, but God does! I think that night was crucial to my understanding of God as I made peace with the fact that I simply do not understand, and I can say that without being so frustrated or angry, but I can instead rest in the fact that the God who DOES understand is sovereign and good. <br /><br />So, as much as this breaks my heart to see the Grahams walking into this new journey, I can say that I KNOW it is harder for them. They would LOVE your prayers for healing, wisdom, and that peace that truly does pass all understanding. I've been able to talk to Robin a good amount, and they have found doctors and now are waiting on a lumpectomy to stage her cancer. Prayers for miraculous healing, that it would be Stage 1, and that the lumpectomy would get ALL of the cancer so that there's no radiation would be huge. Having seen how incredible everyone's prayers were for me, I have no shame asking for more prayer—in fact, I now know how important it is to lift up burdens and the burdens of others. So, prayers for Robin, my teammate Kaitlyn, and the rest of her family as they start to walk this road would be so appreciated. They are a such a godly and sweet family. Below is a picture with me, Robin, and Kaitlyn in Kauai. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyXOuiDWc_3qm7ad1i8faUhBUCWI7tTmKRONWCHXeD8AMXGp17duaKjWYYB2E5eWgXvHL-BvDnN6qPL41N8pGcWP_HOHk7DPAnxcK-bAB1Z21uxoYlxzteXXX9BDqwTlDLkCtDj03ImjKk/s1600/IMG_6389.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyXOuiDWc_3qm7ad1i8faUhBUCWI7tTmKRONWCHXeD8AMXGp17duaKjWYYB2E5eWgXvHL-BvDnN6qPL41N8pGcWP_HOHk7DPAnxcK-bAB1Z21uxoYlxzteXXX9BDqwTlDLkCtDj03ImjKk/s320/IMG_6389.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5459154948267160834" /></a><br /><br />So, that's most of what I've got for now. To close, I'd like to draw attention to the verse that opened this post, and particularly the second half: "I will tell of all your wonders." My Bible commentary explains that "wonders" means "God's saving acts, sometimes involving miracles...but aways involving the manifestation of God's sovereign lordship over events." I think that's a huge part of what I'm supposed to do with my Hodgkin's--to tell of ALL the ways God incredibly showed His faithfulness, sovereignty, and immense blessings through healing, provision in treatment, prayers, and incredible people surrounding me. Beyond just Hodgkin's, though, I was reading through that last week and was so infused with the purpose of that verse--that we are to tell of all the ways God has shown His "sovereign lordship over events" in our lives. I love the way that is clarified, and it has reminded me of my purpose in life and helped shed light on what to do with cancer. <br /><br />I pray that y'all are SO blessed and are reminded of all the "wonders" God has done in your life. Thankyou thankyou thankyou for all continued prayers, support, friendship, love, and prayers for the Grahams! God is good. <br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-4982391985818377822010-02-04T06:24:00.015-10:002010-02-04T08:41:24.178-10:00"Oh Lord my God, I called to You for help and you healed me." ~Psalm 30:2.Today is another landmark day or anniversary. It has officially been a year. "Since what?" you might ask. Since I got the WONDERFUL call from my Nurse Practitioner that I was in REMISSION. PTL! How time flies! I can't believe I've been in remission for a year! 2009 has come and gone. I can't believe it's coming upon a year anniversary of having graduated...time is just moving right along, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. As Ferris said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in a while, you might miss it." Profound words from a slightly less profound source.<br /><br />I realize that it's been a while. Jumping back into things in January is always crazy, as you surely understand. I've been thinking of blogging for a while, but I hope I'm not so narcissistic that I think I should post because everyone is waiting on that. While I find that blogging has been incredibly therapeutic for processing, for some reason it seems hard to justify blogging when I don't have a ton of Hodgkin's related info to convey since I don't want to be self-important and think my voice needs to be another one to add into the mix of this day and age where everyone can be a "writer" by their own standards. But, that's another topic...one that I get hung-up on as a former English major and current English teacher.<br /><br />All of that is to say, if you HAVE been checking for updates, I am so sorry. I do think it's fitting on this 1-year celebration of CONTINUED remission (yes, I had scans over break of which I will get to in a minute) to update on my health and to maybe explain how Christmas break went since some of you either saw pictures or read in our Christmas card that we had a pretty exciting break. :)<br /><br />So, Christmas break. On Wednesday, December 23rd, my mom and I went to Baylor Plano to have my 6 month CT scan. It was a slowwww process of waiting, but once they called me back, the scan itself only took 5-10 minutes. We waited for 3-4 hours. Good times. ANYWAY, the Dallas guys read them and said they were still clear, so that is a huge praise! As I've mentioned, Hodgkin's is really curable, but if it's going to come back, it's usually within the first year or two, so this is the time to watch for it. Dr. Gordon in Chicago still has to read them additionally, but it sounds like they're good! <br /><br />After that less fun day, we had a great Christmas! This was the last one for my parents to have any kids still living at home, so it'll be interesting next year as Madelyn comes back from Charleston, I'm back from Honolulu, and Katie's back from Colorado Springs--all to celebrate Christmas. I'm predicting it will be LOUD since someone will have all kinds of new adventures to share about...and she tends to be loud anyway. :)<br /><br />On Wednesday, December 30, we flew to New York City to celebrate New Year's Eve. Being in Times Square and watching the Ball drop was something I'd always wanted to do, and it was SO COOL! I would recommend everyone doing it at least once. Some people had told me that it's the "best thing you never do again," and I might agree with that, but if the weather conditions were perfect, I'd probably do it again. It was fun. I don't know if you realize (I didn't), but there are over 1 million people there, so the crowds you see in Times Square itself on tv are not even close to the majority of people, thus lots of people are lined up many blocks away where they essentially watch the action on a tv screen set up outside. Hearing this from my best friend Sarah, we decided that if we were going to spend the money, take the time, and freeze, we were going to do this RIGHT, which meant we were gonna be IN the heart of Times Square.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqsDdxDudtoxmTrW5-8vcgU9JNXdY5KPnwYPAjA11NW4T8jaZNbeoi_nQxA3sSj0KGGMdk9TwM5oool_nP95qGOfvpmZpUaeIqsBqxNgrt729xOKrbU-VAfydLfH0fDPKwAWnpeva-cXE/s1600-h/IMG_9379.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqsDdxDudtoxmTrW5-8vcgU9JNXdY5KPnwYPAjA11NW4T8jaZNbeoi_nQxA3sSj0KGGMdk9TwM5oool_nP95qGOfvpmZpUaeIqsBqxNgrt729xOKrbU-VAfydLfH0fDPKwAWnpeva-cXE/s320/IMG_9379.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434433353177697394" /></a><br /><br />And we were (check out our vantage point). We got to the epicenter of Times Square at 12pm on December 31, and we were standing there for over 12 hours (it takes a while to celebrate and leave). Despite waiting for eternity and the sleet/snow/rain mixture that started coming down on us by about 9pm, it was INCREDIBLE! We made some friends actually as soon as we got there--an engaged couple named Brett and Chi, and they ended up staying with us and joining our family the whole time! We had so much fun "holding the lines" to our space and giving evil eyes to those that tried to infringe on it (which happened about every minute), we played Mad Gab, we listened to music on a portable speaker, and eventually, when the entertainers started coming out, we watched/listened to them. This second picture is of the family with our family "mascot" (?) Cheese...you had to be there...or have seen Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends... <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gnBZwl88x_mJy1nW_QYYtaeRezWnzIIYroEFqmq9bxhieQbwAjXw8nxQqlNSfgO88qVQQMxDRiBGWbE0GpgQjqJ7gdYXO9W_ZbMk5U-O2og2-B2GLKbw8QHwb5ekvgQBRWn7Gt7gpCms/s1600-h/IMG_9352.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gnBZwl88x_mJy1nW_QYYtaeRezWnzIIYroEFqmq9bxhieQbwAjXw8nxQqlNSfgO88qVQQMxDRiBGWbE0GpgQjqJ7gdYXO9W_ZbMk5U-O2og2-B2GLKbw8QHwb5ekvgQBRWn7Gt7gpCms/s320/IMG_9352.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434434030558755410" /></a><br /><br />Here are some more pictures:<br /><br />The first is of the official countdown. Here it's down to 12 seconds (BEST NUMBER EVER):<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD6YZ1sUFWge9SUtm9KscIFLfRQnTok_YaOTHHav6njppZU2uHCye52KwklIyZeqYS2DYdWucpGMyPZhlMz7IM0BJ-P-vU0qi3O25nhngPY3it5dloY2gs7Ek1jRIE3NvY4BKNQHYFXLh1/s1600-h/IMG_6215.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD6YZ1sUFWge9SUtm9KscIFLfRQnTok_YaOTHHav6njppZU2uHCye52KwklIyZeqYS2DYdWucpGMyPZhlMz7IM0BJ-P-vU0qi3O25nhngPY3it5dloY2gs7Ek1jRIE3NvY4BKNQHYFXLh1/s320/IMG_6215.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434434738663532322" /></a><br /><br />The second picture is of the stroke of midnight!!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC8ArdDTUfhQCxyI1UdspZj5IsRKk6OHMR_i-hbs6pVXRWdHX769RLfIt1ZP2DNgTBXkZZyHqYLqzqfBMfvvPf2ornJRZux2sa0UoLXzO8MO_gC_TEHTm3GUekl33SdgDQ3k2jB5uSAP2J/s1600-h/IMG_9409.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC8ArdDTUfhQCxyI1UdspZj5IsRKk6OHMR_i-hbs6pVXRWdHX769RLfIt1ZP2DNgTBXkZZyHqYLqzqfBMfvvPf2ornJRZux2sa0UoLXzO8MO_gC_TEHTm3GUekl33SdgDQ3k2jB5uSAP2J/s320/IMG_9409.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434434941113663458" /></a><br /><br />The final picture is of all the confetti--apparently they drop more than 2 tons of it...and yet, not ONE SINGLE PIECE fell on us. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbHGrNVWqHfDpKbVILCkeeya7y6fsnNlFWjnSXctcd2mFivyosN9KfBf7iI3f4qA7Md79d9WCaH2v8klRIIqQ8qM9Ne_mEb5KYax0eZrERWLi4l3Y0Jipm48gNgCt9m0QggFF-pwXjLmBs/s1600-h/IMG_9412.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbHGrNVWqHfDpKbVILCkeeya7y6fsnNlFWjnSXctcd2mFivyosN9KfBf7iI3f4qA7Md79d9WCaH2v8klRIIqQ8qM9Ne_mEb5KYax0eZrERWLi4l3Y0Jipm48gNgCt9m0QggFF-pwXjLmBs/s320/IMG_9412.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434435403990588306" /></a><br /><br />It was AWESOME. I'm SO glad we did that! And, on top of all of that, we got to see 3 Broadway shows, which I am in love with since I think the coolest job ever would be to sing on Broadway. :) My mom, Madelyn, and I flew back late Saturday, January 2nd, and then I flew back to Honolulu the next day at about noon, so it was a bit of a whirlwind, but it was absolutely worth it, and I had a great time with my family. <br /><br />Back in Hawaii, things are going well--again, it's weird that there are no seasons, so it really doesn't feel like February, and more than that, it feels like it's the same day, every day, but I think I'm adjusting. Plus, I definitely DON'T miss those days in the teens or even below 0 that my Wheaton friends have been reminding me about lately. I've been busy with school, Homecoming (it's in January here because they have it for basketball), and then Junior Camp which is like a retreat with the whole junior class. That was great, and though the junior class has apparently been known previously to not have a lot of drive or unity, it was really cool to see them bond and come together for Homecoming week and the competitions that went on last week with that. <br /><br />Also, I got to share some things I'd been learning in the form of "myths" we sometimes have about God, so that was good--probably for me as I continue to process, especially. I basically shared about my myth that sometimes I think God is "out to get me"--and not directly, but subconsciously that shows up. For instance, the first few months I was here, I remember just thinking that it was almost too good to be true--that I'd gotten something I actually PLANNED on, which is usually NOT the case--and I almost had this feeling that I was just waiting for something bad to happen, which is TERRIBLE of me! So, I got to share how I realized that that kind of thinking is definitely a myth--sometimes God does have to teach us hard lessons, and to be honest, usually we don't get what we want. BUT, it's not like God is sitting up in Heaven all nonchalant thinking, "yeah, just you wait Hannah. This won't last. Don't get too happy." And yet, when I feel like I'm waiting for something bad to come along and mess it up, that shows that I DO sometimes forget that God has the BEST for me, that He is GOOD, and that He is on my side. I think I've shared all of that before, but I figured that if I'm going to tell you that I shared at Junior Camp, I should probably tell you what I shared about.<br /><br />Aside from that lesson, people have been asking me, "Where are you in your relationship with the Lord?" lately, and it's been hard to answer. It's not that I think I'm in a dry spell because I think I'm growing, but then again, I don't know that I've been growing incredibly. I don't think I'm in an apathetic spot or anything, but the reason it's hard to answer is because I don't KNOW! That sounds like a cop-out, but really, I feel like I'm not SURE where I'm at. I'm not talking about what I believe--I know that--but as for how I'm growing in my walk with the Lord, I think I am, but I just can't pinpoint it. If that's not the vaguest thing or the most confusing, then please let me know where I'm at. :) You can see my struggle with answering that question. So, in the meantime, I'm trying to grow and pursue the Lord, and I realize that, most of the time, we don't know what we are learning DURING the lessons anyway. I was reading to my homeroom from The Red Sea Rules the other day, and I love one of the phrases Morgan uses. He says, "The Christian life is less of an unveiling than an unfolding," and I agree. I don't think the metaphorical curtain ever just drops and TA-DA! we know. On the contrary: life is more of an unfolding step by step as God shows us one day at a time how to follow and what that actually looks like. <br /><br />While I'm at it, I should share another quote that has a great contrast of what the Christian life ISN'T with what it IS: "God's people don't live on explanations; they live on promises, and those promises are as unchanging as the character of God" (Warren W. Wiersbe). That comes from a commentary on Psalms that I've been working through, and I feel like that is great advice to remember, and it's been helpful as I think through last year. Yeah, we don't always get explanations. BUT, we do receive hundreds of promises, and the God who promises us all of those good things is FAITHFUL. I like that quote a whole lot, basically.<br /><br />On a few last notes, in case you are wondering about lingering side-effects, my toe nails have almost grown out all the way to where they are almost all connected to skin again. :) Also, I am wearing my hair short. I came back from Christmas and decided that, even if I absolutely HATE this short hair, at least, by the end of this, if people ask me how I liked short hair, I can answer fairly. However, if I wore a wig until it was shoulder-length at least and people asked me that question, I might never know if I hated it or loved it. And, on the hope that this lymphoma will not come back nor will I contract another kind of cancer in the future, I decided that, if I do HATE it, I never have to wear it short again. My current thoughts are: 1. it's growing on me. haha...pun intended. :) 2. it's cute. not pretty, but it works and it's different, and again, I never have to wear it short again if I don't want to. 3. I am SO jealous of girls who can throw their hair into ponytails. People tell me that I'm "lucky" because it must be so easy to style, but that is not true. It's not easy if you don't know HOW to style it, and I can't just throw my hair into a ponytail that I try to make look decently nice for work. No, I have to wash it and attempt to style it much more frequently than I did with my long hair. <br /><br />And now, on to the future. February is a short month--in case you didn't know that--so it should go by pretty quickly. I'm not anticipating much happening this month outside of GRADING GRADING GRADING (why am I an English teacher?!?). The reason for so much grading--and planning--is because I'm trying to work ahead for March. Why, you might ask? March is going to be a month of fun (and work, but fun, too!). My mom comes the first week on her spring break, my best bud Caroline (who went with me to the Dallas chemo and was shopping with me when I found out) is coming the next week on her spring break, my cousin may or may not be coming to stay one week, the juniors and seniors have Prom which junior advisers help plan, so I will be there, and then we get two weeks of spring break! The second week I'm going to Kauai, so I'm excited. I'll update on those as they come, but I figured I'd at least lay out why it is that February will probably be a super low-key month. <br /><br />To those who would be jealous: please realize that I still do not go to the beach every day. I happen to have a job where I work INDOORS most of the day, so that is why I do not look like someone injected me with Hawaiian blood. Also, I should probably clear up that Hawaiians do not wear grass skirts around, do not surf to school, and do not live in grass huts. I'm sure there are a couple of THOSE people who do that just to be different--or maybe on surrounding islands in rural parts, but since the students complain that people they meet ask them these questions, I figured I'd go ahead and clear up those rumors for you. My fellow Texans: you understand their plight because it's like all of those other Americans who ask if we rode horses to school, how many pairs of cowboy boots we have, and how many cows we own. <br /><br />Ok. I should go because I have a lot of grading to do. Thank you SO much to everyone who has continued to lift up my family. I am floored again and again by people's love and continued support even now, a year into remission! Thanks for encouraging me, and thanks for letting me share. God is so faithful, and as I look back on the last 15 months, I am reminded of that again and again. God bless!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-47171752199255732602009-11-26T08:29:00.007-10:002009-11-26T13:35:56.666-10:00"You turned my wailing into dancing...that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." -Psalm 30:11-12Wow. One year ago on this date, it was the day before Thanksgiving, and I was shopping at Northpark Mall in Dallas, TX with my friend Caroline. I got a call from Dr. Santi back in Wheaton who explained that my biopsy from that Monday came back positive, meaning that I had cancer. As he proceeded to explain my diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, I looked around for something to write on, but all I came up with was my shopping bag, so I wrote down all the information on that Nordstrom bag. WHAT A BIZARRE day! What a bizarre time and place to get such a diagnosis, and what a bizarre year that followed!<br /><br />As I think back to last Thanksgiving, there were so many uncertainties. I was just reading over my very first blog from this day last year, and so much came back to me--needing to find a doctor, figuring out all the scheduling, all of the tests, what chemo even MEANT--so many uncertainties! Needless to say, this has been a November of reminiscing. <br /><br />This week in school, we asked our freshmen to think about what they are thankful for. Easy, right? Maybe not always. I reminded them that 1 Thessalonians 5:18 teaches us to "give thanks in ALL circumstances." That's not always easy, especially in difficult circumstances where you focus on getting through it for the present time.<br /><br />However, I think it absolutely makes a difference, and I pray that from now on, no matter if I'm in paradise or a hospital room, I would have a thankful heart.<br /><br />And with that, I think it appropriate to share MANY of the things and people I am thankful for. First of all, there are more people and situations I can count, so know that I'm thankful for ALL of you. Secondly, when giving thanks to people and for things, it's a necessary reminder that ALL of our praise ultimately goes to God since ALL good things cone from Him. I firmly believe that.<br /><br />Without further adieu, below is an inexhaustive list of all that I am thankful for on this Thanksgiving day and year anniversary of finding out my diagnosis:<br /><br />I am thankful for: Doctors who knew what they were doing and who used their best judgment and answered our MANY questions. Who saw me and decided to even treat me. Who prayed for me and let me know I was in good Hands.<br /><br />I am thankful for: Nurses who sat with me, making my experience so much easier and something to look forward to, who put in overtime just to work things out with my school schedule. <br /><br />I am thankful for: All the friends and family who came to treatments, tests, and bone-marrow biopsies (SICK), often sitting through long hours of BORING, bearing with me when I was out of it, and making it through gross procedures.<br /><br />I am thankful for: My Kampers who lifted me up, changing roles as THEY encouraged ME.<br /><br />I am thankful for: My mom's kindergarteners who sent me drawings, Angel Christmas tree toppers, petis-fours, and all other great gifts. Who prayed for me, rejoiced with the passing of each treatment, and who made me feel so loved and also humbled by their childlike faith and trust.<br /><br />I am thankful for: All of the TCA community who spread the word, prayed for me, made scrapbook pages for me, and emailed me encouraging messages of hope. For classmates that, despite time and distance apart, still let me know they were praying for me and would help if there was anything to do.<br /><br />I am thankful for: Harrison, who, upon hearing of the diagnosis, said that if I had to shave my head, he would shave his, and two months later, let me shave his head. :)<br /><br />I am thankful for: Brooke, who never ONCE complained about having to take on more than she agreed to when she signed up to assist me coaching club volleyball.<br /><br />I am thankful for: Maggie and Hannah who both showed me incredible friendship in our last semester of college, letting me cry on their shoulders, continually encouraging me with their words and faith.<br /><br />I am thankful for: ALL of my incredible teammates (Calla, Ruth, Leah, Mal, Annie, Stef, Kelli, Lisa, Megan, Jaíme, Emily, Abby, Ashley, Hannah, Brooke, Sarah, Kelly, Paige, Kaitlyn, and Jenna) who cried with me, laughed with me, and prayed with me. Who made it so much easier as we shaved my head (thanks to Mrs. Graham for that, too!), sat and watched movies with me, brought me Jamba Juice, and helped me kick cancer's ***. Who drove me around Wheaton, to Texas, through Texas, to Chick-Fil-A in Wisconsin for an exciting night out for me, and to my many treatments. Whose families all prayed for me and encouraged me, too. Who just loved me in all of their words and actions and were irreplaceable.<br /><br />I am thankful for: the Armstrongs who acted as my "Wheaton family" and took me to almost every treatment, letting me stay at their house when I needed to crash, and treating me like one of their own daughters. Their model of Christ as lived out daily has taught me so many things and blessed me in great ways.<br /><br />I am thankful for: My aunts who gave me the one thing to look forward to on chemo days by sending me and my family care packages of greatness, showing their love, creativity, and support that went above and beyond.<br /><br />I am thankful for: My whole family--extended and beyond--who rallied for support, showing me HOW blessed I am to be a McGinnis and to be part of the Cunningham clan.<br /><br />I am thankful for: My immediate family who walked through this journey every bit as much as I did. Who put everything on hold, missed work, sent me presents, cried many tears with me, paid all of my bills, let me stay in Chicago even though it killed them to have me a thousand miles away. Who showed me a great picture of the Father's love for His children.<br /><br />To the Lord who is GOOD, and who has perfect plans for us, though we may not understand them. Who walks with us daily, bearing our burdens for us. Who not only sent His Son to die in our places, but who also heals our diseases, gives us daily grace, and calls is His own.<br /><br />For all those that weren't covered in one of those categories, thank you. I know I didn't get everyone, and I could go on for MANY paragraphs if I didn't have to get to Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks for the emails, thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and support. Thanks for reading my blog and allowing me to process and try to sort through all of my thoughts, fears, lows, highs, and joys.<br /><br />Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou from the bottom of my heart. You have ALL made me a more grateful and humble person by showing me just how incredible the body of Christ really is.<br /><br />I pray that you are ALL blessed today.<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand, <br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-44479681205813371772009-11-06T22:41:00.010-10:002009-11-06T23:00:10.575-10:00"He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." --Psalm 40:2b-3aThat verse is pretty poignant: in the last year, God definitely brought me through the fire, picked me out of the metaphorical pit, and placed me on solid ground, giving me a new song of praise to sing to Him! <br /><br />I realize it has (once again) been a LONG while since I last updated, and I’m going to try to fix that bad habit in the future. BUT, I wanted to make sure and blog tonight since today is such a poignant day in the history of Hannah McGinnis. Why, you may ask?<br /><br />One year ago on a beautiful Friday morning in Wheaton, IL, I went to the Wheaton College Health Center to get my flu shot. Once again, God’s timing was SUCH a blessing: I waited until Friday to get the flu shot because (lamely) I wanted to wait until volleyball season was over. In my mind, I’d just jumped back into the game with two weeks left of my season, and since my knee was still in killer pain, I didn’t want to add a sore arm from a flu shot into that mix. Again, what a BLESSING that, though lame that I didn’t want a little shot to interfere with my hitting (because really, what are the chances that would hinder me from wanting to hit the ball?!?), GOD’S timing in that was PERFECT because my waiting allowed me to close the chapter of playing volleyball before opening the next chapter (of which I was completely unaware when I woke up that Friday, November 7th).<br /><br />Back to the Health Center. I walked in, went back for my routine flu shot (PTL for those, btw), and the nurse asked me first if I was sick or not because if I HAD the flu, the shot would’ve been pointless. I said that I wasn’t sick, but I threw out there that I had a couple swollen lymph nodes, so I didn’t know if that meant I was sick and just didn’t know it or if I was fixing to be sick. She said I was fine since that was clearly not the flu, and she proceeded to give me my flu shot. However, she did call in another nurse to check out the swollen bumps in my neck, and then they sent me into a smaller room to wait for a doctor. A doctor came in, checked them out, and then wrote me two prescriptions: one for a CT scan and one for an X-Ray, and she told me to go to Central DuPage Hospital’s ER to get them taken.<br /><br />I have a very visual memory, and I remember PERFECTLY walking out of there and across the quad to SAGA (our cafeteria), but on the way I called my dad. To give some back-story, in April of that year, I was setting up the volleyball net before a spring season practice, and the peg that held the pole at the right height slipped out, causing the top half of the metal pole to come crashing down upon the bottom half, with my right hand caught in between. I yelled, called my teammate Emily over, and told her I probably wouldn’t be practicing that day (or the next month, as I would later find out). It took a gap out of the palm of my right hand—right where you hit a volleyball, and Emily later went back to the pole, took a piece of tape, and used it to get my skin from off of the pole (sickening). I had to go the ER to get stitches because apparently the hand is too complicated for general stitches, and when we got the bill later, my dad told me never to go to the ER again without consulting him first. <br /><br />So naturally, on that Friday, I called my dad while standing outside of SAGA in Soderquist plaza, and I told him, “The Health Center just told me to go to the ER for a CT scan and X-Ray,” to which he replied, “What HAPPENED?!?” After I assured him that I had not let any equipment fall on any part of me, he said, “Wait, so WHY do they want you to go?” and I said, “Well, I have those two swollen lymph nodes on the side of my neck and they freaked out.” He concluded that, before paying obscene amounts in bills again, I should see another doctor first. <br /><br />And thus began a crazy succession of doctor’s appointments, tests, and scans. November was CRAZY. The point of all of this? It’s been interesting going back over the past year as I come upon a year anniversary of many events. I think, for the first time, much of last year is actually starting to set in now. I think I wrote about this in my September blog, but while we were going through the whole past year, our mindset was to stay positive, trust the Lord, and push right through it, and that worked. It’s been after-the-fact that I’ve been trying to process, and that is not the easiest thing to do. <br /><br />So, while it’s probably narcissistic of me to think that what I have to say is so important that I should have a blog still and that people should read about ME, and while it’s also probably unnecessary for you to walk back through all of last year with me, it’s something I need to do. Otherwise, I pretty much ignore trying to make sense of it. And, you know what? Sometimes we can’t make sense of things, and that’s okay. But, I don’t want to “lose” or forget anything that I learned, saw, or experienced last year because God did some INCREDIBLE things: in me, through my family and friends, and in teaching me and so many others about His sovereignty and faithfulness. That’s something I don’t want to lose sight of as I “move on.” (And “moving on” is such an arbitrary term since it’s not like cancer and I took a break and decided to go in a new direction or anything.)<br /><br />Back to why I share about last year. WHO KNEW that, on that nice Friday morning, going to get my annual flu shot would have such a profound impact on the rest of my life?!? NOT ME. However, it’s so cool to think that, while I was bewildered at the Health Center’s freak-out, God has always known what my going to get that flu shot would unveil. I can’t even get my mind around it, and I’m probably just being repetitive now and not making sense, but to me, that is SO cool. It was such a commonplace thing, and yet, this day (among many others) will probably forever stand out in my mind because while I was completely unaware, God had been preparing me, my family and friends, and my schedule even for this all along. That leads me to conclude that I am SO GLAD God knows ahead of time! How many times have I been completely unaware of what was fixing to hit, and yet, He knew and was “ready” the whole time?!?<br /><br />Such a common day that opened the door to such a bizarre yet BLESSED year. And now, here I am in Honolulu, writing all of this to you. It has truly been a year that I NEVER could have scripted—and that includes my move here. <br /><br />As for Honolulu, things are going well. It was hard for me to pick up and move to the frozen tundra of Wheaton for college after having gone to TCA for 13 years. I was so ready to get out of TCA, but then I got to Wheaton, and I would be talking with friends, and all we could reminisce about was what had happened last month or a couple weeks ago. It was hard to have left the context where I had grown up and where friends from home and I could talk about that time so-and-so threw up in 2nd grade, or that time a teacher thought some friends were cheating in middle school, etc. While it was a hard adjustment to leave those I’d literally grown up with, Wheaton was SUCH an incredible blessing, and those friends will stay with me for the rest of my life.<br /><br />Just as my transition to Wheaton after such a long time in the same place was hard, so this has been challenging in some ways. Don’t get me wrong: I love Hawaii. However, after such a monumental year that changed SO much about me—my perspective on most things, my concerns, my friends, etc.—it’s been hard to pick up and be here where no one walked through that profound year with me. Anything anyone knows about my bout with Hodgkin’s is from what I’ve told them; to them, it’s a story from my past that I can use anecdotally. For me, however, it’s SO current! It was just in May—not even 6 months ago—that I finished up treatment! My toenails are still half gone, my hair is still manly-ish, and I still loathe the smell of saline that wafts out of my medicine bottle each morning. It’s not just a story from my past to use anecdotally—it feels like such a big part of who I am, and while I’m thrilled to be finished with treatment and hope I never have to do chemo again, I’m a little afraid of letting it slip away. I know I touched on that in September, so sorry to bore you. But again, this is such a great way for me to process my subconscious thoughts. :)<br /><br />Let me move on now to what I’ve been DOING. Last time, I told you that I was 3 weeks away from Fall Break. Fall Break was INCREDIBLE! Ahhhhh I’m so sad that it’s over, and it definitely made me miss my friends more. I was home for a couple days and got to spend some quality time with the fam, which was great. Then, I went to Wheaton for the first weekend because it was homecoming. I stayed in Chi-town with one of my best buds and teammates Mallory on Thursday night, October 8th, and we had a great time catching up and getting in quality time. We both have gained great perspective in the past couple years--and I think so much was put into perspective for me this last year--so it was cool to talk and see how we've grown. Anyway, we woke up and went next door to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where I had my blood counts taken and met with Sarah Miyata. Guess what?!? MY BLOOD COUNTS ARE ALL BACK TO NORMAL!!! PTL! That's such a blessing, especially with all this flu business going on. She said I still might feel a little tired and like I'm catching up, but having been out of exercise for so long, that's gonna happen anyway. And, I am proud to say that, despite having been a "has-been" for a year officially now, I have finally been able to work out as a non-athlete on a regular basis! That's an unfortunate transition, let me say: going from daily workouts with my best buds playing the game I love to being sedentary to having to go to the gym and work out with my music. Anyway...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRs7E473YaAHGtsXjwPA_YF3sjTr3qBnyOJr9HTN-W0TCrtuNP79BV2fWIerZSWB7hKv0Buploe6kTt0FgGn-u5JDNpv9vgkgOd3vTEILAYlcE6dfodfzogBpHTBzCK0GYbgTuTm_bHkU1/s1600-h/IMG_5961.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRs7E473YaAHGtsXjwPA_YF3sjTr3qBnyOJr9HTN-W0TCrtuNP79BV2fWIerZSWB7hKv0Buploe6kTt0FgGn-u5JDNpv9vgkgOd3vTEILAYlcE6dfodfzogBpHTBzCK0GYbgTuTm_bHkU1/s320/IMG_5961.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401280099474101410" /></a><br /><br />The rest of the weekend, I got to spend some incredible time with my teammates back at Wheaton. ALL of the girls in my class and the class above me from my team were back, which is probably very rare, so that was such a blessing! There were 7 in my class at points, and there were 3 in the class above me, and we are all over the nation--literally--so it was the coolest thing that everyone made it back. We had brunch with my teammates who are still at Wheaton, so there were like 20 of us in a college apartment living room, and we had a great time. Saturday we went to the football game, and I was reminded of why the cold and I are not tight. It was in the upper 30s and the sun didn't come out for the game at all. But, don't worry, it came out literally 30 minutes after the game ended. Awesome. That night, 3 teammates and I went to the Taylor Swift concert in Chicago, so that was fun, too! <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLBgTnc_ht9kDbMvx_r8d2k9TfoOzX7pAgjnvzPZfHB2WSY8v9ZslsHjzDttydCBUOaYsXg7RVhAJyBlHRomvzpM43DWTadsCe4CvzkKW1mJm8pPm9vBb20nWpTbP1GBZfBONWp1TQ19oi/s1600-h/IMG_5972.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLBgTnc_ht9kDbMvx_r8d2k9TfoOzX7pAgjnvzPZfHB2WSY8v9ZslsHjzDttydCBUOaYsXg7RVhAJyBlHRomvzpM43DWTadsCe4CvzkKW1mJm8pPm9vBb20nWpTbP1GBZfBONWp1TQ19oi/s320/IMG_5972.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401281582769254706" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie_O5nm-loB37poZ38zamC2vCY_mbUrBO6Sb8nd603uBkObXM0y_KT6C1EKtWf4yDssRP-kNdr7Cuh7mFUUxRcqG1B5aRFawZSSQJ_E7yrHS9Z7T6bD5iTo7tEIvJmIJf0Dj5k6AziaJsB/s1600-h/IMG_6003.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie_O5nm-loB37poZ38zamC2vCY_mbUrBO6Sb8nd603uBkObXM0y_KT6C1EKtWf4yDssRP-kNdr7Cuh7mFUUxRcqG1B5aRFawZSSQJ_E7yrHS9Z7T6bD5iTo7tEIvJmIJf0Dj5k6AziaJsB/s320/IMG_6003.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401282042710454690" /></a><br /><br />As much as I hate the cold, Chicago is really an awesome city! Additionally, I realized that I miss Fall! Again, I LOVE it here, but it's so weird that there are no seasons! I got to stay with the Armstrongs, and they had a "Smokefest" that I heartily enjoyed, so it was a stellar weekend on every front! The rest of my weekend was filled with meals catching up with people, and all of that made for an amazing trip back to Wheaton. I was absolutely reminded of the caliber and depth of relationships I was blessed with at Wheaton, and I left even more grateful for God having brought me there than before. <br /><br />I went back home for around 5 days, and that was great, too. I love spending time with my family, and a few friends of mine and my cousin from Baylor all came home, so I got to see great people and have some more quality family bonding at home. I headed back to Honolulu mid-October, and we just finished our third week of this second quarter today. Two weeks from tonight, Madelyn and one of her friends will be arriving to hang out over Thanksgiving break, so I'm definitely looking forward to that! <br /><br />As for things in Hawaii, they are good. I guess with school, I'd love prayers that God would use me and give me wisdom with knowing what to say and how to love each of these kids. As I mentioned before, there is such a need at HBA, and I think it's really set in that this really is a battle. My students are great, but that's not enough if they're not surrendering to Him, and that's a reality that adds some expediency to my teaching since I only have 6 more weeks with my juniors and seniors before I start over and get a new group next semester. As I've mentioned, time flies, so in spite of that, I want to make sure I'm pouring in while I can! The picture below is one my mom had to take of me on my first day of school...teacher-style. :)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMynKEQAHzv6iukQWKuLBiVB9p3ePQ0StfUYjkaXz_Yjcf8CiuCKBTMVx3Zt306JiUi0smmCHtZr2a7SwiRVY3JBNQJPYztO4mxhwsMiEx7FYOTiJY7T3c6cpGt-2J4kcjj97gtZMsUKwY/s1600-h/IMG_5925.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMynKEQAHzv6iukQWKuLBiVB9p3ePQ0StfUYjkaXz_Yjcf8CiuCKBTMVx3Zt306JiUi0smmCHtZr2a7SwiRVY3JBNQJPYztO4mxhwsMiEx7FYOTiJY7T3c6cpGt-2J4kcjj97gtZMsUKwY/s320/IMG_5925.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401282445679152178" /></a><br /><br />Outside of school, things are going well--tomorrow I'm walking down to Waikiki, so I'm excited for that! I've been going to a good church in Kailua, which is a more residential area on the "windward side" (northeast area), and after church, I've been going to my favorite beach up there called Lanikai. The sand there literally feels like you are walking on flour! I love it--sometimes I grade papers there, and it's a great place and time to call friends and family and catch up. Below is Lanikai beach!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_RBxdMe_NmCGC8fVzfZ3eL034Bs8FlG0U5liEAsvAWZjHDq-828wA_kvCFipycSApyZP6d8mvJOQNNsMq9hGZYh3DJ-WBDx85Pqj3GUGayFgjObi7tNLbzGu77ea8oflCvfZrcIybWx6h/s1600-h/IMG_5900.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_RBxdMe_NmCGC8fVzfZ3eL034Bs8FlG0U5liEAsvAWZjHDq-828wA_kvCFipycSApyZP6d8mvJOQNNsMq9hGZYh3DJ-WBDx85Pqj3GUGayFgjObi7tNLbzGu77ea8oflCvfZrcIybWx6h/s320/IMG_5900.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401282805686950002" /></a><br /><br />To wrap this up for the night, as I begin the process of walking back through last year and all the craziness that was my senior year of college, I have to thank all of you, once again, for your prayers, faithful friendship, and encouraging words to me and my family. God knew exactly what I needed, and He absolutely provided me with an INCREDIBLE body of support, reminding me that we are called to fellowship and bearing one another's burdens in Him! I pray that you, in turn, are so blessed and know his faithfulness as well. Thankyou thankyou thankyou from the bottom of my heart--there aren't words to express my gratitude at the support from people I barely even know! What a year...<br /><br />I'll try to update more frequently these days, but know that you are so appreciated!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-58924437928687418292009-09-07T22:42:00.002-10:002009-09-07T22:55:47.050-10:00"But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me." --Psalm 13:5-6Wow. Once again, it's been WAY too long. I've been meaning to update for a few weeks now, but things have been crazy, and time is FLYING. Literally. Ok, not literally, but it's gone by quickly.<br /><br />Friday concluded our fifth week of school at Hawaii Baptist Academy (see what I mean about time flying?!?). We are now only 3 weeks away from Fall Break, which means 3 weeks until I get to see my family and friends back on the mainland. Don't get me wrong--things in Hawaii have been awesome, but it's definitely far from those I love and miss (but more on that later).<br /><br />SO, what HAS been going on over the past 5 or so weeks since I last posted? Since some of it is just the routine of day-in-day-out school, I won't give a full timeline, but I'll go over a few highlights at least (chronologically, of course). The last week of July was teacher inservice, and it was then that I got a good feel for what I was getting myself into. I honestly didn't know what to expect; would there be mostly older teachers? Mostly Hawaiians? Would I be the resident giant? Was I going to stick out like a Texan in Chicago winters? I arrived and saw that, on the contrary, I was not alone. Of the new high school faculty, there are actually two women taller than me, and there are 6 of us all together. Additionally, there is a good group of around 9 or 10 of us that are under 26, so that's been really cool, too!<br /><br />Inservice was a lot of learning rules and prcedures, and at the end of the week, my family flew back from Kauai to Dallas through Honolulu, so I got to quickly show my dad and sisters my apartment on their respective layovers. My mom stayed for the next week (the first week of school), and once again, she was SUCH a blessing. She ran errands for me, continued to get me situated in my apartment, helped fix up my classroom, and actually dropped me off each day of the first week, which was cute and made me feel nostalgic for my pre-driving high school days.<br /><br />Once she left, it was pretty quiet; I had gone from being in Maui with my family, my girl cousins, and Madelyn's volleyball team with LOTS of noise to living alone. It took a little adjusting, but it's probably been good that I don't have a roommate for now. They say that the first year of teaching is the hardest (and, now that I think about it, they say that about the first of everything), and it's definitely been a TON of work--at least so far. BUT, I think that I'm aided by my lack of spouse, children, or roommate. I definitely leave school and still work anywhere from 2-5 hours a night at home (which is a lot when I came from having one class last semester and being a total bum), but I think the fact that there's no one I'm ignoring while I do said "home"work probably makes my first year a little easier. <br /><br />So, let's talk about school: I have 3 Communication Skills classes, 2 9th grade English classes, and 1 middle school "Flex" class where I alternate monitoring a study hall and "Silent Sustained Reading" each day. I also have 1 planning period on the block, so all of that pans out to make for busy days. We have all 7 classes on Monday, Thursday, and Friday, and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, we have half of the classes in extended periods. Basically, in case that was confusing, I get through each day and think, "WOW! Another day gone by!" Maybe it's because I have so much planning to do, but the days FLY by. I remember thinking that the days would never end when I was IN high school. Granted, I'm probably actively thinking and being involved at most points of the school day now, whereas in high school, I'm guessing it didn't help that I sat and listened passively most of the time. <br /><br />I really like my students--they're all pretty different, and each class has its own feel. My freshmen classes definitely take more classroom management--I have to actually tell students to sit down in their seats multiple times per class (as if, by the age of 14, they don't know they're supposed to actually sit in the desks provided in orderly rows). My juniors and seniors in the Comm Skills classes know how to behave for the most part, so they take less maintenance, but at the same time, sometimes they tune me out as if they already know everything they should, while the freshmen drink in the times that I share. The freshmen are FULL of personality...and prying. They started guessing my age, and it went from 27 down to 20 (at which guess I pointed out that, if I was 20, I would still be in college). When I explained the "no-cell-phone" policy of our class and mentioned that we, too, had tried to be sneaky with phones in high school, one of my students expressed surprise and said, "you had a CELL PHONE in high school?!?" I was thinking, "um...cell phones have been around for a while. How OLD do you think I AM?!?"<br /><br />So, it's been good. I guess something that I'd love prayer for is the ministry side of teaching. It's definitely cool that HBA is very legitimate spiritually and that the leadership is genuinely guiding the school in a godly direction. And it's also neat that 1/2 of the students are not believers--so I have ALL the freedom to share my faith; in fact, they encourage that. But, at the same time, some of the students are not only not believers, but they have expressed that they want little or nothing to do with faith. So, prayers for wisdom and discernment with how to lead and minister to them would be great. <br /><br />As for me, I'm definitely enjoying living here! Last weekend, I was walking around Waikiki and saw the UCLA women's volleyball team eating lunch, then I watched some men qualify for the US Open in beach volleyball, and finally, I got to surf at Waikiki. Yes, I got up every time (but it wasn't my first time trying). While Waikiki is a little touristy and probably cliche, it's still really cool to say I surfed where so many famous people made it happen! This long weekend was also fun--I hung out with some friends of one of the guys I teach with, and then today (Labor Day), I walked to 24 hour fitness to workout, and from there, I walked down to Waikiki and shopped a little, got in the water, and then continued strolling along. Despite the business and non-excitement of the school week, I am trying to make the weekends count. <br /><br />Living here has been good, but it definitely feels far away. There is currently a 5-hour time difference (we don't do Daylight Savings, so in a month or so, it'll only be a 4-hour time difference!) from home, and that makes people seem like they're in a different world sometimes. For instance, school ends at 2:45; even if I leave by about 3:30, it's already 8:30pm at home. By about 8pm here, I think it sets in each night that I'm far away because at that point, pretty much everyone I know--even my less time-conscious friends in college--are probably sleeping. So that's weird, but it's still been good here. It's also different to just pick up and leave all of my friends and teammates at Wheaton and my family--who were SO instrumental in helping me over the past year--so that's been different.<br /><br />The last thing you are probably wondering about is how I am doing health-wise. I am doing well! I still don't have all of my stamina back--I saw that last weekend when I surfed and almost cried when I had to swim back forever and had no more energy--but it's definitely coming. I'm working out with another teacher (we are taking a Zumba class!), and I'm enjoying being able to be active. I still have to sleep a fair amount. Because I have to get up around 6 to 6:15am each morning, I'm able to get around 7 1/2 hours of sleep, and I get home each day fully exhausted. BUT, PTL that I'm able to do this and teach each day! That is seriously such a praise! My hair is growing back...still slowwwwly, but it's coming. It'll be a while until I go wig-less, and that's actually been frustrating. I don't know if I shared in my last blog, but that's been something I didn't foresee--how long things would take. I think after the fact, this has been a harder ordeal than when I was actually going through chemo, which sounds crazy.<br /><br />My mom and I were talking about this before she left, but I think during everything, we were just so focused on getting through it that we DID get through it--PTL! For me, it's been after-the-fact that I've had more thoughts of "what was the point of that?" and wondering what to DO with the past year in my life. For my mom, it's been after-the-fact that all the events of the past year have really set in--and she said there was a moment where she just started remembering everything and started crying, exhausted over all that has happened. <br /><br />I've told a few friends that it's hard to figure out what to do with the past year in a sense of, how do I still remember all the things God DID while still moving on and living life? I don't want to be that person who always sits back and says, "wellllll...when I had CANCER...," but I also don't want to just move on and forget what just happened; it's been significant enough that I KNOW God had a purpose in that, and I know it's impacted my life, but I just can't tell you HOW necessarily. I'll use the analogy of times I've gone on mission trips--yes, people talk about spiritual highs, and that probably sounds like old news--but more than a spiritual high, I think sometimes it's so hard to come home because you've SEEN things and experienced the world, suffering, joy, and God in a way that it's hard to come home and reconcile that with your everyday world--your perspective is changed. So, in line with that, for me, I feel like I've been somewhere and really seen all the ways God worked, and all of that was such a surreal experience that DEFINITELY has impacted my life. That has made it hard for me to just jump back in to a routine and move on as if life is right back to normal--because I guess it's NOT back to normal to me. Like with the mission trips when I came home and it was hard to frame the world I had seen in with my own everyday world, I am happy to go back to normal, but at the same time, my perspective has been changed and so much has happened that it somehow won't quite be normal.<br /><br />And that's probably confusing and just my musing, but that's a little of where I'm at. What to do with the last year? I guess one thing that was a blessing was getting an email from a girl who was just diagnosed with Hodgkins and starting the same cycles, and she said she had read through my blogs. She said it was good to understand somewhat of what the next 7 or so months will hold, and that was a blessing to me as I felt like God was using me, still, despite the fact that life is back to "normal" (whatever that is?!?). You could be praying for her, actually--her name is Whitney King. <br /><br />So, it's getting time for me to turn in so that I can teach my little students effectively in the morning. Basically, I am doing well--trying to process. I know that God is good and has a purpose for everything. I think I'm struggling with trusting where He'll lead me since I'm a little afraid that, if I've "been there done that" with cancer, I'm hoping He won't lead me somewhere else like that again. I'd love prayers to rest in Him as I process and try to move on while still remembering all the awesome things God taught me and incredible people He blessed me with. I'd also cherish your prayers for wisdom in teaching these kids--that they wouldn't learn just about speaking, but that they would really and genuinely see God. <br /><br />Ok, I'm tired, and if you are still with me, you've GOT to be, too. :) God bless each of you, and have an incredible (and shorter!) week! Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your continued support and prayers--I am STILL so blown away by people who ask and check up on me. That makes me remember that, though far away, I am definitely NOT lonely! <br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-59793221901595022702009-07-19T19:02:00.005-10:002009-07-19T19:53:00.685-10:00"The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." --Psalm 126:3ALOHA!!! I am writing from our hotel room in Maui, and it has been a great day! Let me give you a little rundown of the past few weeks, and then I will get to the big move. <br /><br />I think the last time I posted, I was about to pick up my cousin Ali and start the drive to San Diego. It was a long drive...21 hours, and 10 of them in Texas alone. It was my first time to West Texas, and no offense to those who live there, but I'd love it if it was my last. Obviously I knew that I live in a huge state, but once you leave Dallas, there is just not a whole lot out West except for land, prairie, and lots of dust. We arrived in Oceanside, and we got to stay with my teammate Ashlie, which was so much fun and just another reminder of HOW blessed I was to go to Wheaton and have such amazing friends.<br /><br />I dropped off my car on Monday, July 6th, and then I flew back home to finish packing and work on my massive to-do-list. The next weekend, July 11th, I was in St. Louis because my teammate and sophomore year roommate Mallory got married, so it was fun to see people again and just cool to be at their wedding having been around the two throughout their relationship. I flew back home early Sunday, July 12th, and I finished tying up all the ends before the big move. My mom and I flew to Oahu on Wednesday, and that began MAJOR crunch time for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. We made multiple Target and Wal Mart runs, hit up Sam's, picked up boxes we had shipped to my Wheaton friend Jenny's house, went to my school (HBA) and met with the English Department Chair, and then assembled a bed and it's frame, a dresser, a table and 4 chairs, a futon, and a bookcase. Basically, if you haven't figured out already from the excellent care she gave me during chemo, I hope you are getting the point that my mom is AMAZING. Also, she is a pro at assembling things. My patience is not. <br /><br />Here are some pictures:<br /><br />This is my living room, with the futon, dresser, and chairs that my mom (and I...kinda) assembled. In the background you can see Diamond Head, the dormant volcano on Oahu.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5VZQF45Ima2iVDSvsjOZY1ZlaAskrTxXAnMcFNujGz6o1CjCZYWxjDa5rNEx1xFhZYOkAdgYPc7JskOE745mKBZ95FviliqSO9q3h7Igb3GHKIOxgfNt9M2AB8HN_a__OoktmAwE-mdbF/s1600-h/DSC_0144.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5VZQF45Ima2iVDSvsjOZY1ZlaAskrTxXAnMcFNujGz6o1CjCZYWxjDa5rNEx1xFhZYOkAdgYPc7JskOE745mKBZ95FviliqSO9q3h7Igb3GHKIOxgfNt9M2AB8HN_a__OoktmAwE-mdbF/s320/DSC_0144.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360414738924182962" /></a><br /><br />Here is my bathroom (and my lovely mother curling her bangs):<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgNoutAWAEgqD05G1GNpxhfiUcgQ5QrGnSvdL5ifFF9cwV43N_BVZ6SuOMU-BZl5L2GPOyyuLKm_JwRRu0VUOTHhVOjCEfPCjoNhAOtnf4B7kRTCQL7xLXPHLYr5qzKFPxTScYINmMmnNl/s1600-h/DSC_0146.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgNoutAWAEgqD05G1GNpxhfiUcgQ5QrGnSvdL5ifFF9cwV43N_BVZ6SuOMU-BZl5L2GPOyyuLKm_JwRRu0VUOTHhVOjCEfPCjoNhAOtnf4B7kRTCQL7xLXPHLYr5qzKFPxTScYINmMmnNl/s320/DSC_0146.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360415210837948626" /></a><br /><br />Here is my bedroom (the Hawaiian bedding I used all through college is perfect!):<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhguwaafCL0CtX6rjEAdqeu7dlnYj8yXS_wD0mP-B7R2ZF9L50xAidPZnWlYuHWL-7L3E2RNEXh217-aZcOON9Yml4icvPIV-wVNjCHnKGNCi9odmm1u4q9K1bW-jiqXsrlz8heVsuI62dk/s1600-h/DSC_0147.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhguwaafCL0CtX6rjEAdqeu7dlnYj8yXS_wD0mP-B7R2ZF9L50xAidPZnWlYuHWL-7L3E2RNEXh217-aZcOON9Yml4icvPIV-wVNjCHnKGNCi9odmm1u4q9K1bW-jiqXsrlz8heVsuI62dk/s320/DSC_0147.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360415481743934290" /></a><br /><br />And finally, here are fireworks over Waikiki beach that you can see from my lanai (porch) every Friday night:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhV6Ri5IJU6wC0dql3iMw0pdOt0gn6SEh4GNXDZMawJGcqnT9lCZFpev_2TUdN_V6jUKm7gT3ha-oehcjUatkZDhzo2lDOrA6gk-XCHauKcO-isyqJxNQjP6Nt3lFCNtkEUOHnOtEzVHMS/s1600-h/DSC_0142.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhV6Ri5IJU6wC0dql3iMw0pdOt0gn6SEh4GNXDZMawJGcqnT9lCZFpev_2TUdN_V6jUKm7gT3ha-oehcjUatkZDhzo2lDOrA6gk-XCHauKcO-isyqJxNQjP6Nt3lFCNtkEUOHnOtEzVHMS/s320/DSC_0142.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5360416065584191506" /></a><br /><br />Anyway, Saturday morning my mom and I flew over to Maui and met up with my dad and cousins for the start of family vacation, and today was the first day that we've actually been able to RELAX and enjoy the fact that we're in Hawaii!! It's been a crazy past few days...and really a crazy end to my summer...but it has come together, PTL!<br /><br />There are a couple things that have already been such blessings, and I'd like to share. Obviously, first of all, this job is a HUGE blessing--it's something I have talked about doing for a couple of years, and though I almost didn't get it and then almost didn't accept it, I am here and am feeling so blessed. Also, in meeting with Faye, my Department Chair, it is SUCH a blessing that I did not get the job in May. I can't remember if I shared or not in the last post, but the job I applied for then had 5 English classes, which is a ton of preparation and grading. The job that I actually HAVE is still going to take effort, obviously, but with 3 Communication Skills classes and 2 English classes, I have so much less grading to do, which hopefully will allow me to get the sleep I still need. <br /><br />Also--and this is so cool--on Thursday, I met a girl in the elevator at my apartment complex. She was yawning, and I commented that I was feeling the same way, to which she replied that she thought it must be the warm weather. That made me think she wasn't used to it, so I asked where she was from and she replied "Seattle, but we're here for a couple years." (I'm not sure who "We" is, but hopefully I'll find out). She asked where I was from and for my name, and then she asked if I was just moving in. I said "yes," and then she said that she'd love to hang out or get together, I agreed, and she got off on her floor. The next night (Friday), as my mom and I were moving out a BIG box of trash, she was about to enter the complex, and she asked what unit I was in so that we could actually get connected and hang out, so I told her. I noticed she was in scrubs and asked "Are you a nurse?" She said "yes," I asked what kind of nurse she was, and she said she was an Oncology nurse. :) I said, "Ok, what kind?" and I think she thought I didn't know what oncology was, so she said, " Oncology--like cancer." We were clearly blocking the door with all of our trash, so I quickly said, "Ok, well, long-story-short, I just finished chemo in May because I had cancer this past year." She said congrats and then asked what kind and I told her Hodgkin's Disease, to which she said she was going to guess that since I'm so young. SO COOL. I don't know much about her other than her name, which is Emily, that she's from Seattle, that she and at least one other person are here for a couple years, and that she's an oncology nurse, but again, just another amazing blessing!!! The first friend I make in my building, and I'm not going to have to do a ton of explaining for her to get what's been going on with me, nor should I have to awkwardly wonder if I should mention the past year or not to people I barely know. All of that to say, God is so good. :)<br /><br />Ok, so last few things before heading to a family cook-out: how am I feeling about this year? I am so excited. I am definitely nervous, but I would be anywhere for my first year of teaching. It was so affirming to meet with the Department Chair, and it also was so affirming to meet Emily, so while I know that Hawaii is a far way away from my friends and family, I'm feeling so blessed and like God's got so much in store. I know this year will be challenging--the first year of teaching always is--but I'm still excited!<br /><br />I mentioned last post that my cousin was having surgery on a cyst on her ovaries--well, it turned out to be a tumor the size of a grapefruit (!!!), but it was benign, and she is doing great and is actually here with us today! What a praise--that she's ok, that the surgery went well, that the tumor was benign, and that she was still able to come with us to Hawaii since she's been looking forward to this for months! Thanks so much for praying for Natalie!<br /><br />Finally, here are some things you could pray for: first of all, for safety and health on this trip. Madelyn and Katie are just getting in tonight at 12:30 Hawaii time, and Madelyn is coming having survived the swine flu while she was a kamper at K-Colorado. They put her in quarantine for 5 days and wouldn't send her home because they knew about me, so prayer for her to continue recovering--she's mostly ok, but she has a cough apparently still--and also for health for us--that none of us would catch it, would all be great. <br /><br />I'll try and post again soon, but thanks for your continued love, prayer, and encouragement. I am so blessed by each of you.<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-87665278189937303762009-07-02T07:00:00.002-10:002009-07-02T07:45:53.457-10:00"Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me" --Psalm 119:175WOW, it has BEEN a while! The last month has been a bit crazy--make that SERIOUSLY crazy. I'm fixing to go pick up my cousin Ali because we have to leave for our drive to San Diego, but since the next 2 weeks are gonna be psycho, I figured I should at least update as I can!<br /><br />WHY, you may ask, are we driving to San Diego? Well of course, to get my car out there so it can make it on the ship over to HONOLULU!!!! Ok, so I told you a ton has happened in the last month. For those who have already heard, you can skip over the next section, but for those who are wondering what's this about Hawaii, below is what I e-mailed to my teammates and friends from home:<br /><br />"Basically, I found out a couple days before my Wheaton graduation that I didn't get the Hawaii Baptist Academy teaching job I had applied for. So, my plans then moved to me being back in Dallas for this next year and then re-applying for the 2010-2011 school year and in the meantime applying to be the varsity volleyball assistant coach at my high school TCA.<br /><br />However, this past Friday (June 12), HBA's principal called me and offered me a different job than the one I had applied for--she said it would be three high school speech classes, one freshman English class, and one middle school drama class. I had some reservations--first of all, I have never taken or been involved with ANY kind of drama class in my life, and while my dad joked that it couldn't be TOO hard (he said, "Don't you pretty much just say, 'Go! Act!' "), that made me a little wary. Also, I didn't want to go back on a spoken commitment I had made to the varsity coach at TCA, but we talked on Monday (June 15) and she was so supportive and gave me her blessing--which I so needed and am so thankful for Karen because of her sincerity! I was also a bit nervous when actually faced with the reality of picking up and moving halfway across the ocean to Honolulu in a month (Inservice starts July 27th), but I had a good amount of encouragement from family and friends, lots of prayer, and the advice of my parents and friends their age who lamented that they wished they'd done something adventurous like teach in Hawaii. I also realized that if I don't do this now, I probably never will, so, Monday night (June 15), I accepted the offer. What's more, the principal e-mailed me yesterday (June 16) saying that they had successfully switched some classes around, so, it looks like now I'm teaching 3 speech classes and 2 sophomore English classes this year (no more Drama!!!)!!!<br /><br />I'm so excited--what a huge praise and such a blessing after a difficult year! While I have definitely learned the power of prayer in this past year, when I had prayed for certain things (like stuff during volleyball season, to not have cancer (back when we were figuring out the diagnosis), to not lose my hair, and to teach in Hawaii)--all prayers that, in my mind, God had said "no" to, I think I had become a little cynical about Him actually saying "yes." This has been another humbling moment to show that, despite my resignation that if I prayed it, He would probably answer "no" anyway and give me His plan (which I KNOW is a great plan; it's just not mine...), He is not out to get us nor does He wait to squash our dreams. Maybe you already know that, but I am still learning that today. <br /><br />Anyway, the past few days have been frantic with apartment-hunting, trying to figure out how to ship a car, learning about getting a Hawaii license, etc., but I'm SO very excited! As I mentioned, Inservice starts July 27th, and my family actually was already heading out to Maui for family vacation on the 18th of July anyway, so my mom and I might just head out a few days earlier than that now to move things in and finalize some details. Thank you ALL for your prayers, recommendations, and encouragement for this as I've been trying to make hard decisions and figure out this next year! Thank you also for your prayers for me this past year--they were all PRICELESS in a difficult time, and I am so thankful for each of you and how you've each blessed my life. If anyone comes to Hawaii this year...it's not that big of a place, so you better let me know!"<br /><br />Yeah. PRAISE THE LORD!!! I have a job, and it happens to be in Honolulu!!! Also, since I sent that e-mail, we rebooked our tickets, so my mom and I are flying out to Honolulu on July 15th to move into the apartment we found (PTL!). We're gonna do some massive moving in and furniture hunting at Sam's and Goodwill probably, and we'll be unpacking. I've already shipped 3 boxes to a friend from Wheaton named Jenny whose family lives on Oahu and is staying with them before she starts nursing school in the fall, so that has been a huge blessing, too! And, as I mentioned in the opening of this post, my cousin Ali and I are about to start the 21 hour drive to San Diego so that they can ship my car over to Honolulu by July 17th. <br /><br />I still have some packing to do, and I also have to clean out EVERYTHING in my car before we leave--literally, I can't even have a cd in the cd player. BUT, you also should know that I've been back to Chicago twice in June--the first time for just a checkup with Dr. Gordon--they took my blood counts, and they are up from the 90-150 range and now into the 1000-1200 range!! PTL! Also, I was just back in Chicago and Wheaton this past weekend for my teammate Ruth's wedding--which was beautiful, by the way!--and I had CT and PET scans done. Dr. Gordon called me at Ruth and James's rehearsal dinner to let me know that everything came back clear, so I am still in remission! What a praise! As much fun as going through chemo and all was (sarcasm), it would be such a bummer to find out it hadn't worked, so again, I need to count my blessings and not forget that! Also, many are curious to know, so I'll update on my hair: it's growing back in--slowly but surely--and in some places on my head it's between 1-2 inches probably. Still too short for my liking, but it's coming. Also, my eyebrows are coming back--kinda all over the place, but still...--and my eyelashes are coming in, too. Yesterday I was putting on mascara, and it took about half the time that it has been when I've tried to find any lashes to even put it on, and I was just amazed at how quickly my bottom lashes have reappeared, which made me so thankful for eyelashes--CRAZY and seems like such a menial thing to be thankful for. BUT, I never would have been thankful for them until I finally lost them and started to get them back. I'm sure there's some kind of metaphor I could relate all of this to, but the image that keeps coming back in my mind is that of flowers after the rain. Why? I'm not sure. BUT, to follow that image, in my mind it's as if there's been a really big storm...or I guess a drought could work, too...I'm no horticulturist...but anyway, and after this storm, despite the damage, things DO begin to grow back once again and do what they're supposed to. As much as the chemo killed so many cells, the good stuff will begin to grow again, and that just reminds me that God is so faithful to restore what has been broken as He is the giver of life. He makes all things new!<br /><br />Anyway, I'm out of time for now, so I'm sure I've left a ton of holes in this narrative, but I'll try and be better with updating--even if I have to do a few quick updates this month. Lastly, I would LOVE prayer for my sweet cousin Natalie Nelson. This morning, she had surgery because she had a cyst on her ovaries the size of a grapefruit--which is HUGE, btw. So, I'm not sure how it went yet, but if you'd pray that everything is successful and she is healed completely, as well as lifting up Natalie and her family and asking for peace for all of them, that would be great. For me, I'd love prayer for safety as Ali and I traverse the southwest U.S., and I would also love prayer to use my time well as I'm down to 13 days till the move and only 7 of them at home. I'm a little stressed, and I hate that in the midst of CRAZY, I let other things slide like my walk with the Lord and my relationships. <br /><br />Lastly, in reference to this post's title, I've found that, even if I've not necessarily had an "aha!" moment with the Lord for that day, sharing my story still has been so humbling. It's definitely been a reminder to me that this whole situation was not just in my life for those 12 chemo treatments over the past 7 months; this is something that God can TOTALLY use in the future as I tell my story...not trying to exploit it or anything, but realizing that God's faithfulness absolutely shines through my experience with cancer, and this is an opportunity to show others that. "Let me live that I may praise You."<br /><br />Thanks again for EVERYTHING. Thanks for checking in with me even now and for all of your continued commitments to praying for me and my family. Y'all have blessed me (and my family, too) beyond belief. Have a great day, and enjoy this amazing summer!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-80050661712678993622009-05-21T18:02:00.012-10:002009-05-21T20:25:02.852-10:00"Sing to the LORD a new song, for He has done marvelous things; His right hand and His holy arm have worked salvation for Him" --Psalm 98:1PRAISE THE LORD I AM DONE WITH CHEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />That said, I realized last night, while taking a sentimental journey down memory lane from my very first blog post until the most recent one, that it has definitely been FAR too long. Almost a month, two treatments, the END OF CHEMO, graduation, and another year in the life of yours truly have all passed since my last post. AND SO, because so much has happened, and WE have so much to celebrate (for all those who have partnered in prayer and support with us, you can celebrate, too!), I have decided to make this long-overdue post a photo-journey through my favorite month of May, starting with where I left off, after chemo number 11 (which was April 30th).<br /><br />At chemo 11, the doctors and nurses were kinda freaking out about part of my white blood counts, which were apparently at 90 out of 10,000ish. Yes, that is clearly bad, but I finally pulled my nurse Michelle aside and said, "ok, I understand this is bad, but aren't we usually at like 100?" to which she replied in the affirmative. I followed up that question by pointing out that, although 90 is clearly bad, when you're at 90/10,000 versus 100/10,000, it really doesn't seem like those 10 extra points make that much of a difference, and she agreed, so that eased my mind as people continued to tell me HOW low my counts were. However, since I was flying home the next day for my high school co-captain Becky (Cunningham) Ellis's wedding, and since the Swine Flu was at it's peak "freak-out" stage at that point, the only way they were okay with me flying was, YES, if I wore a mask. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg30-hABHdbFjF6_DZ26vw3SZqlXDeMAvIUI2oVej9LALNRvz2Rucit5RFg2CTHqL6ZKXKJC_8_kT2EyuTNhFjjTXFgj7i52GZIc0sgMFFHzIEag2yIKaKDAOyEeDz1GdRMABdTMRCmJZwg/s1600-h/IMG_5397.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg30-hABHdbFjF6_DZ26vw3SZqlXDeMAvIUI2oVej9LALNRvz2Rucit5RFg2CTHqL6ZKXKJC_8_kT2EyuTNhFjjTXFgj7i52GZIc0sgMFFHzIEag2yIKaKDAOyEeDz1GdRMABdTMRCmJZwg/s320/IMG_5397.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338497803975140018" /></a><br /><br />So, this first picture illustrates a couple things: first of all, it shows how GREAT my mother is. She didn't have to wear a mask but wore it so that I wouldn't feel awkward alone. Secondly, if you'll notice, we wrote on my mask "CHEMO, NOT SWINE FLU" so that people wouldn't move away from me like I was an infectious disease, and on my mom's mask, we wrote "I'm with chemo girl." :) Let me just tell you: these masks were hot, itchy, not conducive to having a coke on the airplane, and hopefully you will never have to wear one in public. I DID get sympathy from the flight attendants though, despite the mocking comment from some tool of a college kid who clapped as I walked by and said "you can never be too careful." My response to that was telling him "I had CANCER" in a tone that conveyed how I thought he was a moron. If I had thought of it, I wish I had just taken off my wig to startle him, but I thought of that after the fact.<br /><br />I digress. The wedding that weekend was great, and Becky was so sweet and thanked me for coming home, encouraging me that she'd been looking forward to seeing me, and honestly, I really needed that. I wish I could say I didn't need people affirming me, but I definitely do. Especially towards the end of the overall treatment schedule--with chemos 9, 10, and 11--when the end was so close but it still seemed a ways off, it was just rough, so I really appreciated her telling me that, and it made going back to Wheaton while heading into finals and my bad days a bit easier.<br /><br />Also to note of that weekend was that I had to give myself a shot after I flew home. It cost us $40, although the prescription label told us "your insurance saved you: $3,700" and we had heard that before insurance, sometimes it even was as much as $7,000. So, you can imagine the pressure that was on me to administer this, my first shot, without any glitches. :) Luckily, I got some tips from my friend Chrisey and her fiance Brett (who is diabetic) on giving myself the shot. Brett said to just go for it, so I did, and while I hope to not have to do that again, how often can I say I gave myself a $4,000 shot?!? The point of the shot (and why I'm telling you this) is that it was supposed to help boost my neutrophils (which are part of the white blood cells) by somehow creating new cells in my bone marrow. They warned me that it could cause "bone pain" in my legs because it basically makes the marrow go crazy and it tries to expand when there's nowhere for all the rapidly new forming cells to go, so they gave me some Hydrocodone (Vicodin) just in case. They thought it would hit on my day 5, so I figured that if I have to suffer through those days anyway, if I could take some Vicodin to ease bone pain and then also sleep through the bad days, that would be fine by me. HOWEVER, it did not hit on day 5. At first I was relieved and figured I wasn't gonna get that side effect of the Nuelasta shot. BUT NO, it still came. However, it was REALLY unfortunate because it ended up hitting me on day 7, which also happened to be Wednesday May 6th, the day before my ONLY final exam and the last exam I needed to take in college. When the bone pain hit, it hit in my lower back, a little in my chest, and then finally in the middle of my back, and let me tell you: I have NEVER been in that much pain in my life. EVER. And what was the WORST was that, though I had the Vicodin sitting there on my nightstand, the worst pain hit at like 10pm the night before my only final exam, and I knew if I took it I would be way too out of it to take that exam. I mean, the pain made me roll from side to side, and I eventually found a Dwight Schrute stress ball my teammate Brooke had given me during volleyball season, so I at least got to squeeze that as I was rolling around. I think I sounded like dying roadkill, too. That experience taught me a few things: first of all, Praise the LORD that I didn't have to get any kind of a bone marrow transplant. I cannot even imagine having to do that and I have literally the utmost respect for people who go through that. OUCHHHHHHHHH. I can't even think about that night or it hurts. The second thing I learned--or really was reminded of--was just to cling to the One who is sovereign, so I flipped open to the Psalms and had just read Psalm 102 "The prayer of an afflicted man" that morning, and I re-read it and just waited for the pain to stop. If ever in serious physical pain, I'd say Psalm 102 is the way to go. Anyway, PTL that the pain eventually subsided, I got to sleep, and I made it to my last final exam of my college career on Thursday morning.<br /><br />From there, that weekend was crazy. My mom and Katie got in on Thursday, and they helped throw a brunch (with my aunts hosting it in absentia) for me to spend some time with the girls at Wheaton who have been such blessings to me. I was so touched by my Wheaton friends (more on that later), but to have so many girls show up and to get some time to just eat and relax and talk before graduation and leaving was such a blessing. My dad and Madelyn came in Friday night on May 8th, and we all went to downtown Chicago together for a little while on Saturday, which was fun to be there with all five of us for the first time. That night, my mom's parents came in, and we got to go to a Faculty Reception at Wheaton where my parents got to meet a couple of my profs and some friends' families, so that was cool just being able to thank them for their support as well. On Sunday May 10th, I GRADUATED FROM WHEATON COLLEGE!!!!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQjj5cGy7CH-d0ymSDozTq_qdEwcngt7GON55W4KYzkse7qPttZhu9YCCBB722OxoYlqTQRB_ZFoL06X3HdqXTCgwTTrOpCmea1p8u7_hoOuJ3lixI58_08YOdGDaslr7MaFT3oicgPNH8/s1600-h/DSC_0057.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQjj5cGy7CH-d0ymSDozTq_qdEwcngt7GON55W4KYzkse7qPttZhu9YCCBB722OxoYlqTQRB_ZFoL06X3HdqXTCgwTTrOpCmea1p8u7_hoOuJ3lixI58_08YOdGDaslr7MaFT3oicgPNH8/s320/DSC_0057.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338507217157964962" /></a><br /><br />PRAISE THE LORD! There was a time when that was looking like it might not happen back when we got the diagnosis, so PTL, seriously! I want to have another post soon about all of the MANY praises, so I won't belabour the point now, but graduating with my class was such a praise!<br /><br />My family flew out Monday morning around 6am to get back to their jobs and school, and the rest of the week I packed up the last four years of STUFF that has accumulated at Wheaton. On Thursday, May 14th, I had my 12th and FINAL chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PTL!!!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgigFSYXRsDhc2hGNAgOBccgCx5pCForX2NZQaTZNB0_8XnVc9N7nvxfniD3EMnY9ThGhZVQ6ajUloJisSazyicmVjmdzciPRKZFNlg-1BWKI4Q5pHw71hyphenhyphenzeBgyFwD9yq93-vL5xqaauZQ/s1600-h/IMG_5456.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgigFSYXRsDhc2hGNAgOBccgCx5pCForX2NZQaTZNB0_8XnVc9N7nvxfniD3EMnY9ThGhZVQ6ajUloJisSazyicmVjmdzciPRKZFNlg-1BWKI4Q5pHw71hyphenhyphenzeBgyFwD9yq93-vL5xqaauZQ/s320/IMG_5456.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338508285348575810" /></a><br /><br />The picture above is of me and my WONDERFUL nurse Michelle Balla celebrating in our Cars party hats and with the noise-makers my Aunts sent in the final chemo-day care-package. Michelle was seriously SUCH a blessing to the whole process, and aside from getting a care-package on every day of chemo, the only other thing I looked forward to was seeing her, so I'm gonna miss her! Luckily, when I go back up for all of my scans, I should hopefully be able to stop in and see her. :)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMi02DOZhGe-eMA3At6lswQnakeokfBBO48UCPn5IJDuRS6Cj-1RoO-ICQdg_Q3phhZhy3b0EnB8OhB3By2FPIOzqLI-rBIEkShB2A-3kDDlNESPbt2RlwW7QslQyBYUJwGQel-dGJH92F/s1600-h/Picture1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 138px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMi02DOZhGe-eMA3At6lswQnakeokfBBO48UCPn5IJDuRS6Cj-1RoO-ICQdg_Q3phhZhy3b0EnB8OhB3By2FPIOzqLI-rBIEkShB2A-3kDDlNESPbt2RlwW7QslQyBYUJwGQel-dGJH92F/s400/Picture1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338529631386698434" /></a><br /><br />On Friday, May 15th, I flew home to Fairview. When I got up to my orange bedroom, there were 2 vases of roses, 1 vase of lilies, 1 vase of tulips, 1 of gerber daisies, and 1 of regular daisies, all in ORANGE waiting for me and placed there by my mom to celebrate the end of Chemo! They are beautiful and make me so happy. :) On Saturday, my amazing teammate Emily flew in from LA and we hung out, and then on Sunday, we drove down to The Woodlands (Houston area) for our other teammate and my former roommate and legendary roadtrip-mate Stefanie's wedding. It was beautiful, and I'm so glad I was able to go, and it was another HUGE praise that I felt well for the wedding because it was on Sunday, which was day 4 in my final treatment cycle, and those days towards the last few treatments were really starting to get worse like days 5 and 6. So PTL for being able to go, seeing my teammates and some friends again and in a non-Wheaton setting, and for Emily. It was weird when Stef and Jeremy drove away and we were standing around talking, realizing that this was goodbye for most of these people, including my teammate Kelli who has been a great friend, former roommate, and an incredible support to me this semester. I don't like goodbyes, so not having to say them at graduation was nice, but it was sad knowing that, in most of these cases, we're heading off to different parts of the country and it could be a while before I see them again. On Monday, Em and I drove back to Dallas to get her on her flight back to LA, and then I came home and CRASHED (it was Day 5). I crashed again on Tuesday and Wednesday, and I am LOVING being somewhere with DVR where I don't have to watch commercials on days I'm not feeling well. :)<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi52h1D6nv61-JHiIdhQ0j7dNbcOKR269cAOL83PG-MXeMs-aAcpxsbvqU3aQ7q11DEUgwLs3j__AQOUsof5cLfd56szWUAYdSk0EAS8gUJIMCpPgAqGATYmd2R9u1Cgu3wzdsVS-v-nxvY/s1600-h/IMG_5483.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi52h1D6nv61-JHiIdhQ0j7dNbcOKR269cAOL83PG-MXeMs-aAcpxsbvqU3aQ7q11DEUgwLs3j__AQOUsof5cLfd56szWUAYdSk0EAS8gUJIMCpPgAqGATYmd2R9u1Cgu3wzdsVS-v-nxvY/s320/IMG_5483.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338530289263371698" /></a><br /><br />And that brings us to today...slash earlllyyyy this morning. As I mentioned, I was reading through all of my old posts, and today was a nostalgic day because it was my first Day 8 post-chemo 12, so hopefully today marks the first day where I feel more and more normal with every passing day. Also, it closed out the year for me, and it was weird reading back through and thinking about my half-birthday on November 21st, which was the day we found out I'd need a biopsy. I went to lunch with my best bud Sarah today and was telling her how, at that point, we had no clue that I had Hodgkins or HOW treatable it was, but all we knew was the word biopsy, which, in our minds, is synonymous with the possibility that this is SERIOUS and you might have cancer. So, while, once again, I am so blessed to have had the "best" kind of cancer I could have had, six months ago today, we weren't really sure what the next months would hold or if I was going to make it to my 22nd birthday. That sounds super-cheesy given the curability of my disease, but when you hear you need a biopsy and the word "cancer" pops into the realm of possibilities, it's pretty scary. Also significant in this day was just in reflecting with my parents that a year ago, when I turned 21, WHO would have guessed that I'd not only be diagnosed with cancer and go through chemo, but on top of that be CURED of cancer and FINISH chemo, all within the next 365 days (or less, technically, since it was all in about a 6 month period, but you get my point). So crazy what the last year has held. I can't say I'm sad to see 21 go, however, I have been SO blessed by people in this past year and have been moved more times than I can even HOPE to recount, that it has definitely made 21 a memorable year.<br /><br />Ok, so, enough reminiscing. I have now caught you up to pace with where I've been the past month, and now for the next week or so: tomorrow I actually fly BACK to Wheaton because my teammate and another former roommate Megan is getting married in Wheaton on Saturday. Since I flew home a week ago, my car is still up there with all of my stuff in it, so after her wedding on Saturday, I'll get in my jam-packed Tahoe and drive home. Since I'm driving alone for the 15 hours, I'm gonna stop at Kanakuk K-West on the way, where it is currently Staff Training week, which will be both fun since I have some good friends back working there this summer and good since this is the first summer in 16 that I won't be at kamp. Sad. Anyway, so I'll stop at K-West on the drive home because it is a little over the halfway point of the drive, and I'll spend Sunday night, Monday, and Tuesday there, heading the rest of the way home for good on Wednesday. After that, I need to jump on some applications for stuff because I still don't have a job, and while I am a college graduate and that is something to be proud of, being a bum at home is not that fun. As for the schools in Hawaii, I heard back from my top choice, and we actually had a good conversation, but they filled the one open position for this year, so I'm not going there this year. While I was bummed, it actually was a good thing because they wanted me out there by late-July, and the doctor had just told me that he thought it would be a struggle for me to teach full-time until about the beginning of October since I'll still be getting my strength back. The principal said there might be another position there the next year, so the door may not be closed there permanently, but at least for right now it is, and that's at least good to know. So, thank you for your prayers that things would be clear--again, while it's not fun to not know what I'm doing nor get rejected, at the same time, my prayer was that it would be clear whether I should do that job in Hawaii or not, and I'm so thankful that it is clear! It would have been so much harder had I gotten the job, had my doctor told me he thought it would be a struggle, and then if I had to turn that down. I would still love prayers for wisdom and discernment to see what I SHOULD do this next year, though! I will be in Dallas, and that is all that I know right now. :)<br /><br />Ok, last thing for tonight for now--this won't be the last post; I'll update as I go back twice in June for bloodwork/a doctor's visit and scans and even beyond that! But, for now, I need to sleep because I haven't thought about what I'm taking back to Wheaton for this wedding, and I'm exhausted. ANYWAY, I was reading in a study by Kay Arthur on the names and attributes of God, and it was talking about, once again, God's sovereignty--gotta LOVE it! It listed the example of Job and how, even in a situation where Satan works his destruction and pain, God is the one who brings up Job's name, saying "have you considered my servant Job?" The point is that, even when Satan and sin work, God is still sovereign. I don't fully understand the relationship of Satan to the world with how suffering works in conjunction with God's sovereignty and how God basically gives Satan permission to test Job; I can understand when people wonder why God just didn't give him permission, and then there wouldn't have been any suffering for Job. HOWEVER, I do know that, even in that situation and other hard situations, God is STILL sovereign. The follow up to that point was a passage that I really liked and which talks about Joseph and how God orchestrated even the crappier situations of his life to achieve His purpose.<br /><br />This resonated with me because, in looking back (and forward, too, at the road that still lies ahead with getting my hair, strength, and stamina back and with all the future testing and follow-ups) on this lymphoma-journey, there have been those times when you wonder why God, who is definitely sovereign, uses the hard stuff in His plan and why He couldn't have gotten the same glory by testing us in easier ways. So, I liked what Kay writes about Joseph's situation because it's how I've felt at times in all of this--when I've just felt that I needed SOME kind of victory once in a while--and with the way the times are going right now, I'm sure many have been feeling: <br /><br />"Do you remember how Joseph's brothers plotted his demise? Because of his <br />brothers' jealousy, Joseph was sold to be a slave in Egypt. There, in the house of <br />Potiphar, he was falsely accused and put in prison for two years. It was enough to <br />make any normal man bitter at God. Joseph had done what was right, had been <br />faithful to his God, and suffered because of it. He seemed the victim of the whims <br />and plots of men. And yet, during all this time Joseph did nothing to dishonor his <br />God. He knew the Most High stood in the shadows, ruling over all, watching and <br />waiting. Whether or not he understood, Joseph knew that God had a purpose in it <br />all..."<br /><br />Kay points out that it's easier to be thankful "when you realize that your Father, El Elyon, God Most High, is in control and that nothing can happen in His universe without His permission...even when we are wronged by others, we can still give thanks." I haven't been sorely wronged by others in all of this, and I don't want to see myself as a victim, but I do know that there have been times in all of this when I've just felt so FRUSTRATED with having to deal with all of this, and yet, I still have known that God is sovereign--there's some funny combination of our limited understanding which KNOWS that He is in control and our human frailty which struggles to persevere and keep trusting that He's actually enacting that sovereign plan even in the harder or quieter times. I don't know why I really just LOVED reading that, but I did, and maybe it was because I like acknowledging my frustrations as I've been learning that being honest with the LORD is part of a relationship. So, hopefully that is a reminder to you, too, in these pretty discouraging days--that, even in the cases of Job and Joseph, when it seemed like the poor guys just couldn't get a break, God was working His plan and utilizing each and every action--even the wrong actions of Joseph's brothers--to achieve His sovereign plan and purpose in their lives and in the world. <br /><br />Ok, it is bedtime. Lastly, I can't adequately thank you for your support. Even writing it on here is a cheap substitute for the gratitude I have to each and every single one of you who has prayed, offered an encouraging word, brought me Jamba Juice, encouraged my family, etc. Thank you again for taking the time to tell us your thoughts and to tell us how you've been praying--sometimes what probably seemed like the shortest e-mail to you was just another HUGE encouragement that people were praying and that we were not alone in this (though we NEVER are alone anyway, but you know what I mean). Thanks for blessing us. Stay tuned for future posts on all the ways God worked and on less-serious ruminations on things I learned along the way. :) I am so thankful for you. <br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-13031970106057295452009-04-29T17:59:00.002-10:002009-04-29T19:13:32.580-10:00"But the LORD has become my fortress, and my God the rock in whom I take refuge" --Psalm 94:22So, it's definitely been a while. I looked at the date of the last post--April 5th--and realized that was an obscenely long time ago, so I should probably get on an update! A fair amount has gone on, and the last week or so has been crazy, so I'll go back and highlight some of the bigger points, starting from where I left off, at Easter.<br /><br />I went home and got to spend Thursday night through Tuesday morning at home. I realized when home that, though technically I'd been there at two other times in the semester, both were while passing through and for less than 24 hours. So it was nice to rest and relax at home...at least as much as you can when thrown back into the craziness/busyness of home. I actually didn't sleep a whole lot leading up to Easter, and while I was home I certainly did not catch up, so I was a little beat when I got back. And by "I didn't sleep a whole lot," I mean I was getting 7 hours of sleep a night instead of the 9 or 10 that I have so come to look forward to during this semester--the one good side-effect (aside from being able to do my "hair" for nicer events and then let it sit on a stand while I finish my makeup).<br /><br />Anyway, despite the lack of sleep over Easter, I got to see some of my best friends, watch Madelyn's team play volleyball, eat a LOT of Mi Cocina and Pei Wei, and enjoy being in Dallas. I just love that place! The Easter service at Bent Tree was actually really good and another highlight--and I say "actually" good because I think sometimes I tune out on Easter, knowing it's a "seeker-sensitive" day and that the message will be geared to that point. But, this service was really good, and Pete talked about needing a resurrection--for Christ physically and in each of our lives, not just for salvation, but also in times when we need renewal, which I think a good amount of us do right now. Also, we sang "On Christ the solid Rock I stand," which, if you've caught on, is how I end these posts, and I just love that song. If you don't know it, it says "On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand." I think that's a huge anthem that I just love to belt out and proclaim, affirming how true it is. ALL other ground is sinking sand, as I've seen by trying to rely on myself for strength or on a title for purpose or on others for affirmation. However, it's all sinking sand compared to the solid Rock that is Jesus Christ and being rooted in Him. Amen to that song.<br /><br />So anyway, that was Easter. I arrived back to school, did the usual routine, and then had treatment number 10 on Thursday, April 16th in Chicago. Yes, we have officially made it to double digits-PTL!!! Friday, April 17th, my friend Harrison and I drove up to the Twin Cities in Minnesota (my first trip to the state!) because he had some interviews up there and Madelyn's volleyball team was playing in a National Qualifier in Minneapolis. Actually, Harrison is the ONLY one who drove, so shoutout to him and his excellent chauffeuring and service to me there! I got to surprise Madelyn--the look of confusion she gave me from the side of the court when she saw me standing with my parents was priceless--and I also got to hang out with my parents some, so that was a blessing as well. Sidenote that my mom and I went to the Mall of America, which, if you're a girl from shop-happy Dallas, is something worth doing at least once in your life, so that was fun! Madelyn's team qualified for Nationals, so they were ecstatic, and after that, we packed up and drove home on Monday April 20th. <br /><br />Last week was one of academia. Yes, I have had it pretty well this semester, given the circumstances. One class does not build up a large amount of stress or work, which is a good thing, due to chemo brain and my inability to concentrate. Last week, however, was fairly stressful, as I finished and turned in my senior seminar paper, which was huge--PTL for Him giving me the focus to get that done! Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers for focus--seriously, I could not have done that on my own. It was hard enough to finish reading through questions on an exam and stay focused the whole time I read the question itself, so finishing that paper was a struggle, so thanks again! I also finally passed my English departmental exam...you really do not want to engage me in a discussion about my feelings towards that exam. All you need to know is that only two departments at Wheaton make you take senior exams, mine being one of them, and that it is supposed to evaluate what they have taught you, yet they make you study and take it till you pass. Praise the Lord that I passed at last. :)<br /><br />We had a volleyball tournament with my 14s club team this weekend, and it was the last one I can go to aside from practices, so it was a looonnnngg day, but it was fun in retrospect, and I had some good talks with a couple girls. We had our final Klub night for Aurora K-Life, which was weird and yet cool to reflect on how God orchestrated a K-Life beginning up here in the Chicagoland area while I've been here. I had the last class that I actually had to participate in on Tuesday--we had debates in my Christian Thought class, so while I will go to class tomorrow and take my final next Thursday, I am done with regular class and participating. A whole lot of lasts. A week from tomorrow, my mom and sister Katie will fly in, followed by my parents and grandparents the next day. As graduation comes closer, I'm definitely seeing more of the reality that life is about to change in a big way. I have little money in my bank account (darn "no boyfriend money" is running out), I don't have a job, and I am fixing to be done with schooling (at least for now), which has been my life up to this point. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I am SOOOO looking forward to my LAST chemo, which is two weeks from tomorrow!!!! PTL. That's all I can say to that. <br /><br />So, yes, if you think that through, it means that treatment number 11 is tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! 2 more. At this point, I am very encouraged that the end is near. The last few treatments--really treatments 9 and 10--have been difficult just in knowing that I am so close to being finished, and yet, there was still a lot of time before the process would end. Plus, I feel like, due to many years of a day-planner, I function by 2 week intervals. So, I can visually see the final treatment in my head right now because tomorrow is 11 and the final one is now within that 2 week span. However, a LOT is going to happen before then. As far as how I've been feeling, they say that the effects get cummuluatively worse, and while I don't know that they have been phenomenally worse the past few times, I did notice feeling a little worse this last treatment. I threw up on Saturday, which was a little disconcerting since I've only done that a couple times in this whole process, and since Saturday was way beyond the "feeling-bad" days for me, so it came a little out of nowhere. Luckily, I didn't have a fever, so that's a praise. <br /><br />Back to the rundown of life: after treatment and meeting with the doctor tomorrow (which my mom will fly up for), we will spend the night downtown. Friday morning, my mom and I fly home to Dallas because I am going home for my co-captain from my TCA volleyball team's wedding. Fun fact that you don't need to know: I have been gone the weekend before final exams (this weekend) for the past 3 years due to weddings. Apparently this is the weekend to get married--just a head's up. So, after attending the wedding and taunting Madelyn as she heads to prom on Saturday, I'll fly back here on Sunday to recover (Sunday will be day 4) and get ready for my exam--that'll be a process to study for since I won't feel well for a few prime study days.<br /><br />Hopefully I will update sometime before the chaos that will ensue after my exam, but I'll at least give you a rundown of how things will look in case I don't. My final is Thursday May 7th, and my mom and Katie will be here. Friday we're having a brunch, then graduation rehearsal, then my dad, Madelyn, and grandparents will come in. Saturday my family will get to meet my amazing professors who have not only instructed me with such wisdom, but who have shown me incredible grace and support in this process, so I'm excited for that. Sunday, May 10th, Mother's Day, is graduation! Why Wheaton decides to do graduation on a Sunday when they don't even open the library on Sundays is beyond me. Anyway, since it's on Sunday, my family all has to get back to get to work and school on Monday, so they'll stay at the airport hotel that night and take the 6am flights to Dallas and Colorado Springs Monday morning, leaving me to pack, clean, and do some final hanging out with friends for a while. Thursday, May 14th is my final treatment. What a day that will be. So, there's a good amount to pack in there, but I will definitely try to update before then.<br /><br />Last things: With all of the upcoming travel, and with the swine flu that just today caused the Fort Worth school district to cancel all schools for a week, I would once again LOVE prayers for protection from illness or sickness. I'm a little alarmed that it's hit otherwise-healthy people in a big way, and since I pretty much don't have an immune system, I seriously covet your prayers for health. Also on the topic of health, there's a nerve in my left leg, from my knee down to my outer ankle bone that is twinged right now. My leg isn't numb, but it drives me crazy to stand and it hurts a fair amount right now. We're not sure if that's due to the chemo drugs (they told me it could affect nerve endings in my fingers and toes, so who knows!), or if it's just because I overused the nerve somehow. So, prayers there would be great--more than pain, when there's nerve stuff happening, it just makes me so crazy with annoyance almost. I would love prayer for safety in the travel--for me, my family, and for all the families that will be heading this way and all the students heading home soon, too. <br /><br />Finally, I'll throw in another "while-you're-at-it" prayer, as I like to call them: for wisdom, discernment, and trust as I'm trying to figure out where He's leading me and where to follow Him for this next stage in my life. I realize that it's a misconception to think that this next stage is going to be the rest of my life; it could only be for a year or for a few, but basically, as I try to discern what the next step is to take, I would love your prayers. I had a follow-up phone interview with one school in Hawaii today, and while that would be a dream, I definitely need to remain patient and remember one of my favorite verses, Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." SO TRUE! I think I've mentioned that I love praying those specific words--for the "peace that passes all understanding," and God is SO faithful to answer those prayers! He really does give unfathomable peace in times when you otherwise would be understandably crazy. So, He's been giving me such peace and I'm not super-anxious, but I do want to make sure that I follow where He's leading, so that could be back in Dallas, in Hawaii, or some other place (but hopefully not where it's cold). :)<br /><br />The last thing I'll say is something I was reminded of a couple weeks ago in learning all about the names of God and about His character: we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Duh, right? Well, that might seem like common-sense if you've grown up in the church, and it has been a cute little catchphrase we tell our kampers at Kanakuk in the summer, but I don't think I've ever been so confronted with that truth as during this process. God's character is that He is sovereign, above all things and over all things, having created things exactly to His purpose and plan. So, as I was reading these different things affirming His character and came to this reminder--that HE creates us fearfully and wonderfully, I found myself confronted with the truth and really having to TRUST in that. Even now, when I have "tufty" hair (as Madelyn terms it...basically I'm still a baldy, minus the scraggly and thin hair that's "tufted" up), when my skin looks purple due to the drugs half the time, and when I feel like crap, I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. A little bit harder for me to believe right now, but it was so good to read those words and be reminded that, even now, God has not made a mistake, nor is this out of His plan. Additionally, the status of my hair...or lack thereof...doesn't change the fact that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He's not just meaning that we are physically created well, but who we ARE--which is beyond how we look or what our reputations are--our personalities, dreams, and characteristics were all created by a God who, in the words of Joe White, "don't make no junk." Hard to be confronted with vanity and insecurity, but so good to really have to dig deep and understand that He is sovereign and that I am STILL well-created. <br /><br />In thinking of that, I'd like to give a shoutout to my kamper Meredith Cleveland, who just cut her hair and donated it to Locks of Love so that some girl or boy would be blessed by that--and she said she started thinking about it when she read that we had to shave my head. Wow, when she told me that, I definitely started to cry. She has always been so selfless in all she does, and she saw that it was more important for her to help someone dealing with losing their hair than it was for her to keep her long hair. What a stud who has shown me such a great example of genuine love and servitude over the past couple years--and she's 16!<br /><br />Anyway, this has been a long one, and my fingers hurt from typing. I'm such a pansy right now. BUT, thanks for your faithfulness in praying for me. In reflecting on how I've been doing and all that's been going on, I've been reminded again and again of the incredible support I've received and how all it takes is us asking for help, and the body of Christ is right there. I hope you have a blessed night/morning/day, depending on when you read this! <br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-61565840474405405932009-04-05T09:08:00.003-10:002009-04-05T10:33:52.977-10:00"Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footsteps were not seen" -Psalm 77:19Wow, that verse pretty much sums up what I've been learning through reading "The Red Sea Rules." Good one--and what great imagery--that the path often leads through the sea and mighty waters, and God brings us through both, although we don't always see those footprints next to us as would be our way.<br /><br />Ok--this is probably going to be a long one--there's a good amount to update, so buckle up. :)<br /><br />First, let's start with a low and go back to over a week ago (Friday, March 27th) when I was doing my tests/scans at Northwestern. I started out at 8am with the Pulmonary Function test, then moved to the MUGA scan for my heart at 9:15, and I finished up with the CT scan at 12pm. At my 8th chemo treatment on March 18th, my nurse Michelle was having a hard time finding a vein (they're hiding, I believe, because they know what's coming), and we realized that I hadn't had much water, which I guess makes it harder to find veins anyway. So, I've been trying to drink more water, but when it came time for these tests, you can't eat or drink anything for like 12 hours prior to the CT scan, so the lack of hydration, plus the fact that my veins hate needles these days contributed to lots of nurses poking my skin to get good veins. For the MUGA and CT scans, each injection/IV took at least 15 minutes and at least 3 pokes per scan to get a working vein. With the MUGA scan, I guess some got out of the vein, so I got this awesome (slash NOT) bubble under the skin in my left hand, and then for the CT scan, the contrast or dye that they inserted was into a pretty small vein in my other hand, and it basically felt like I was getting stung by a bee for two minutes. But, when they offered to slow it down, it still hurt, and I figured that if it was gonna drag out the pain, I'd rather just go fast and get it over with. To top off my "terrible, horrible, very bad day" (throwback to childhood books), I had to drink the sicknasty Barium Sulfate again for the CT scan, which again, I downed by plugging my nose and chugging. Basically, when I got in my car to drive back to Wheaton, I had HAD it. I was sick of being poked, sick of having all these ugly bruises from all the pokes, and was feeling like it was all just cruel to have to feel like a lab rat, pretty much. So, I had a short teary moment while driving back, which I think has been one of the only mini-meltdowns I've had in all this, PTL. You would think that I would lose it after chemo, but no, apparently the tests did it for me--I was just tired of it all. <br /><br />My thoughts on the drive back ran something like this: I can look back on most things that have been struggles in my life, and I can see that God has used each of those to strengthen and grow me, all of which have prepared me to go through the next trial. And I KNOW that--that He is so faithful in using each thing to draw me to Him and prepare me to make it through whatever He has for me. But then, I started asking "Oh Lord, is this as hard as it gets? Because if this is all preparing me for something worse in the future, then that sucks and I don't even want to think about that." And, while I know that I am lucky in all of this and that this isn't even THAT bad always, I was just low. Also, I realize that, it's not like you go through something difficult and then God says, "Ok, you've paid your dues. It's all smooth sailing from here"--and I don't expect that anyway. But, those were my thoughts, and so I would love prayers again to persevere, but also to keep growing and learning what He has for me, as well as to keep trusting in His sovereignty. <br /><br />So, I share all this to share a low and be real with where I was last week, and also to contrast that with some highs. Since those darn tests, I've gotten to celebrate birthdays and wedding showers with friends, hang out with some other good buds, and on Tuesday night, my friend Aniela and I went line dancing, which was a nice reminder of home and got me excited about the summer back in the south. :) On Thursday, my dad came in for chemo #9--hallelujah for now being 75% of the way through this!!! Definitely praise the Lord for that!! Back to the hospital--my dad arrived, and we met with my nurse practitioner Sarah Miyata who gave me the test results from the previous week. She said they looked good--the MUGA scan was great, the CT scan was great, and I have been in remission for two months now! She did add that my pulmonary function (lung) test came back still in normal range, but it showed that my own function was 10% lower than the last time. That could either be due to chemo-induced anemia (which iron supplements will not help since it's chemically induced), or it could be the result of one of the drugs, the Bleomycin, which can adversely affect the lungs. The doctors are a little unsure of how effective the Bleo is anyway--and other countries do not even use it in this regimen (apparently we overtreat here). If the lower lung function is due to anemia, that will go back up after chemo is over, but if the lower results are due to damage from the Bleo, that could be permanent. So, they've decided that we can do without it for the rest of the treatment, so I'm now on AVD treatment. :) Yay for getting to drop a poison. :) Bummer, though, that when my dad asked if this one caused hair loss, I asked if it made me feel flu-like, and we asked about mouth pain, the answers were all in the negative, so of all the drugs we're dropping, of course it would be the one that doesn't really have awful side effects. But, hey! The less poison you have to get is always a good thing, I say.<br /><br />Also to note is that my counts are again super low. Like at 100. So I pretty much am almost immune system-less. Sarah always cautions me against germs, and I don't think I would ever tell her I flew on three planes, hung out in Times Square and theaters, and danced at a wedding over spring break...apparently the fact that I played volleyball against my 14 year old kids at practice last week made her nervous (then I found out she's married to an infectious disease doctor). Anyway, when she heard even about volleyball and me flying home for Easter next week, she told me to be VERY careful and was shocked that I hadn't gotten sick yet, due to my counts being off the charts...in a low way. She said, "Well, whatever you're doing--keep doing it!" to which I replied, "LOTS of prayer." So, thank you IMMENSELY for all of your prayers against illness--seriously, what a blessing that I haven't had a fever, haven't had to go to the hospital, and on top of that, that I've been able to enjoy a lot of stuff during my final semester at Wheaton. I mean, I still spend a good amount of time on the couch every other week, but in the good weeks, it hasn't held me back TOO much, so PRAISE THE LORD! I'm not superstitious and have never knocked on wood, but I will definitely ask for continued prayers against sickness, fever, and any other illness. And please know that every prayer for me has definitely had an impact, so thanks for being a huge part of this team that goes beyond the doctors, nurses, etc., and really shows what the body of Christ means. <br /><br />A couple more things--my dad and I got to see Mary Poppins in Chicago on Friday night, which I had seen in NYC a couple years ago, but it was just as good here! Afterward we continued the tradition of waiting at the stage door from New York, and we got some autographs, which was fun, too. Plus it was good time with my dad and hanging out a little in the city. I'm a sucker for musicals--call me cheesy, since I realize in real life people do not break out into spontaneous song, but I still love them, so that was great. Other than that, today I'm taking it fairly lazy, and tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesday will be days 5 and 6, so I'm parking it on this futon for a while. On Thursday, however, I get to fly home for Easter, which will be good family time again, and I'll get to see Madelyn, who turns 17 on Tuesday. SCARRRRYYYY. We're getting old. No way my little sister is almost a high school senior. Or that I'm almost a college graduate. Also, since apparently this is birthday week on steroids, I'm gonna go ahead and give a "happy birthday!" shoutout to Smashlie, Lando, Little J, Madelyn, and Jerri just because I can. :)<br /><br />And back on to more serious things--as for prayer, the continued "health" prayers are huge, and for safety travelling, perseverance, etc. But also, at treatment on Thursday, my nurse Michelle told us that Dr. Gordon's wife was just diagnosed (for the second time) with breast cancer, so if you could be praying for my doctor and his wife--for healing, encouragement, and perseverance, that would be great. He's been a great doctor, and he's got a gentle spirit and has been such a blessing, so if you would lift them up, I know they would love that.<br /><br />And to close it out for the day, I thought I would pass on some thoughts from having read Scott Hamilton's biography ("The Great Eight: finding happiness when you have every reason to be miserable"). Yes, he's the ice skater who does backflips--and if you wonder why I know that, basically I grew up watching him skate in all my 10 years as a figure skater. Yeah--if you didn't know I skated, please just picture me out there towering over the 4-foot-nothings who spent forever at the rink, and then I give you permission to laugh. Anyway, I saw Scott's bio at Family Christian Stores and was not aware he was a believer, so I figured it'd be an interesting read. Some of it was a little cheesy as he related secrets to finding happiness all to figure skating, but he did have some good points, and the guy has gone through cancer and then years later a brain tumor, so I feel like he's got the experience from which to talk about finding happiness when he probably "should have been miserable." One of the things he talked about rang very true with me--and still does--as he talked of how he and others referred to cancer as both the worst thing that had ever happened to them as well as the best thing that had ever happened. While I'm not quite feeling like it's at either of those ends--or at least not the best thing that's ever happened to me--it is true that, despite the crappiness of this whole deal, being through all of this has really shown me how many blessings God has given me. I've already said again and again how grateful I am for all of your prayers, encouragement, messages, and support--and I mean that! I also can't even begin to mention the number of friends who have been so faithful in praying for me and showing me so much love--and how humbling when at times I have been frustrated with some of these friendships because I've felt that they were unbalanced. And then, of course, they have been some of the most faithful to lift me up and send me encouraging messages. So even just seeing how God is faithful, how ironic His plans and timing are, and learning to embrace the body of believers--broken and all--have all just been things making the unfortunate circumstance of cancer one of the better occasions in my life, just like Scott recounted.<br /><br />And that's all I have for now. My computer is dying, I am watching the movie Mary Poppins now, and I should probably clean up my room soon...But seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that you will be blessed this week and that Easter will be such a great one this year--not just fading into all the other celebrations you've had, but that Christ's sacrifice would really make an impact!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-9387898323647526962009-03-26T08:50:00.003-10:002009-03-26T09:23:29.697-10:00"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" --Psalm 73:26It is another beautiful day, and since there's a ton of stuff on my to-do list and only a couple things to update, this is going to be another one of the very rare short posts. BUT, I do want to let everyone know about my scans and such. So, here goes...<br /><br />I have my Pulmonary Function Test tomorrow (Friday) morning at 8am at Northwestern, my MUGA following that at 9:15am, and my CT scan tomorrow at 12pm. Apparently I don't actually need to do another PET scan since the last one was clear, so for now, those three tests are the ones on the calendar. The scheduler said that Dr. Gordon should have the results by Tuesday, but since I have another treatment next week, I'm guessing we'll find out the results when we go in. <br /><br />As for treatment number 9 next week, I've switched it back to Thursday, so April 2nd is the big day for treatment, results, and visiting with the doctor. I feel all over the place, having changed my treatment schedule like 50 times, but while Wednesday works better to feel well for class on Tuesdays, it's not conducive to my parents coming up to the doctor visits and it also makes me feel bad over the weekends, which means I miss other commitments that I have. So, I'll just have to tough out every other Tuesday until the end of the semester.<br /><br />Last thing for now--I don't think I've shared many specific ways to be praying lately other than for perseverance, but I would LOVE prayers for focus and to finish strong. "Finish Strong" is an adopted motto of mine (thank you K-West and AO), and as the semester, school year, and my college career all come to a close, I would love prayer for that. Additionally, my nurse Michelle told me that they joke about "chemo brain" which makes it hard for people to focus while undergoing chemo, but I pretty much shrugged that off. In my mind, I already take a stimulant to help me focus when it's hard to concentrate, so I figured at least I had some experience there. However, my nurse was right--which is good because we'd like my nurses and doctors to know what they're talking about. As the semester's winding down, I'm applying for jobs, and I need to be staying on task, which has been so much harder than I imagined. Sounds lame, and I feel lame for saying it, but it's true. So, I would love continued prayers for perseverance, focus, and to finish strong. <br /><br />As always, I appreciate everything. SO MUCH. I will not get tired of saying that. I was talking to my roommate Rachel yesterday, and I explained that, while I've definitely learned a lot and grown so much in my faith in all of this, more than feeling like I've had these sublimely incredible experiences with the Lord, I feel like the emphasis has been more toward learning to lean on and grow with other believers--the body of Christ. As I've said, I'm fairly independent--it's just easier for me to do my own thing and I'm pretty good at doing just that--but this has been so great, not only "restoring my faith in others" as I've talked about before, but also with really realizing the necessity of being a PART of the body of believers. While we're not supposed to go to our friends for everything--God still wants our all--at the same time, we are made for relationships, and fellowship is HUGE. So, REALLY, thank you. :) Have a great day!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-85843608560570840602009-03-17T10:18:00.004-10:002009-03-17T11:40:29.253-10:00"...we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance." -Psalm 66:12Happy St. Patrick's Day! Today is officially an amazing day, in my opinion, because it is 75 degrees outside (yes, in Wheaton, IL in MARCH!) and sunny, too! Plus, I am still riding high from having an amazing time over the past week, so I am soaking it all in right now. <br /><br />First, to comment on Psalm 66:12--I read this last night, and it just seemed so poignant--what with having read "The Red Sea Rules," and being reminded of how the same God who faithfully brought the Israelites through the Red Sea brings us through our trials and the hard times just as faithfully. Also, there's a great Ginny Owens song that I first heard in middle school probably, and I have so loved it since then. It's called "If You Want Me To," and my favorite part of it says, <br /><br />"Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first steps, and I'm clinging to <br />the promise that You're not through with me yet. So if all of these <br />trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the fire if You <br />want me to. It may not be the way I would've chosen, when You lead me <br />through a world that's not my home. But You never said it would be easy, <br />You only said I'll never go alone." <br /><br />Anyway, when I read Psalm 66 last night and I made it to verse 12, I was reminded of the Red Sea Rules and of this song, both of which have great points in encouraging us to press on and trust in the One that is faithful and who can and WILL bring us through any and every trial, bringing us to a place of abundance with Him. <br /><br />So, that was a huge encouragement to me, especially because, I'll be really honest with you: I'm tired of this whole "chemo thing." It's pretty lame, in my opinion. Currently, I can't really straighten my left arm due to the effects of the drugs on my vein which make my arm really painful and my veins ropey (if that's actually a word). Also, I have one vein so tight that I'm slightly convinced that if I do straighten my left arm, my vein might just snap in half or something. My perseverance is being tested, so for those of you who are praying specifically for that, THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU!!! That said, I have been shown lately--through encouragement, reminders of God's faithfulness, and hearing some REALLY tough stories lately about other people battling intense cancers and other hardships--that I am so blessed in all of this, no matter how my sarcastic and slightly pessimistic self might otherwise try to be convinced at times. <br /><br />Speaking of blessing...last week was GREAT! I said I would write on here before I left, but clearly that didn't happen--getting out of town is always a whirlwind for me, and this time was no exception. We had some minor flooding issues Sunday night, and the Armstrongs (my stand-in family up here in Wheaton who have all been the biggest blessing to my time here and can't adequately be bragged about) came over for many-an-hour during the chaos to fix the sump pump and backup that both quit on us. PTL that I was still in town--it was spring break, so any other year, I would've peaced out ASAP to get me some sun, but since I'd had treatment, day 5 and 6 fell on Sunday and Monday, so I didn't leave for my trip until Tuesday morning. So, as much as I was moping on the couch about having to be here when it was eerily empty around Wheaton with everyone else gone, PTL that I was here to see the water instead of only finding it once it had flooded everything, and PTL that the Armstrongs are great under pressure and handle pretty much every situation with grace and peace. So anyway, amidst the chaos of water being in places it shouldn't have been, I was trying to muster up energy and focus enough to pack and get out of town, so I carried on the legacy of being a whirlwind when getting out of town like a pro. <br /><br />Once I got to New York City, though, I had an awesome time! I got to spend some great quality time with Melissa (my first co-counselor from K-West-the-BEST), and we had a blast seeing the city. We saw two plays, and afterward we met some of the cast outside of both shows, which was fun because Lauren Graham (Lorelei from Gilmore Girls) and Oliver Platt were in Guys and Dolls, so we met them and got their autographs. We also toured NBC studios and saw behind-the-scenes of the Today Show and Nightly News with Brian Williams. We couldn't see SNL's studio which was a bummer, and the second bummer was that the REASON we couldn't see SNL was because Kelly Clarkson was up there practicing for the show on Saturday, and as I want to be her, I was disappointed at being so close but so far, but life goes on. We did a ton of other stuff, so it was just fun being there and actually being able to walk around a lot and have the energy to do NYC. <br /><br />Saturday afternoon I flew to Houston from New York for my cousin Elaine's wedding. IT WAS SUCH A BLAST! I am still just like so full of joy from having been there with my family and from the fun that we had! Elaine is the oldest of all the McGinnis cousins, and after her, we've had at least one graduation--and sometimes two--pretty much every year, so we're all packed in there age-wise. This was kind of kicking off what will be a fun succession of many McGinnis cousin weddings, and the wedding was BEAUTIFUL. My Aunt Janis (Elaine's mom) did an incredible job planning and my Aunt Karen did an awesome job coordinating everything, so the bar has been set really high. My dad was sitting back and observing for a good portion of the wedding, and I'm guessing right now he's happy that he's got a while until he has to start paying for three weddings. Anyway, I had so much fun and was just reminded the whole time with how incredible my family is and how extremely blessed I am to have them for family, to have grown up with them, and to still be close with my cousins. So, it was even just a blessing to have that reminder at a time when I was really annoyed with feeling like we've come so far but still have so far to go with this dumb cancer.<br /><br />And with that, on to the update about treatment. So, tomorrow I have chemo #8. Holla-lujah! (shoutout to Ashley Gross for that term) The bummer news we found out from the last treatment was that, we will pretty much be doing all 12 treatments. They had said there was a possibility we would only do 8, so we were being hopeful--while trying to be realistic--that there was a small chance this could end sooner than planned. But, this past treatment, Dr. Gordon was explaining the criteria by which they would make that decision, and it sounds like if my MUGA scan (for my heart) and the Pulmonary Function test (lungs) after this treatment come back showing that the chemo has done any damage to my heart or lungs, THEN we will stop treatment. So, basically, although I would LOVE to only have to do 8 treatments, I'm thinking permanent damage to my heart and lungs sounds like a bad idea, so now we're kind of hoping that the report comes back saying my heart and lungs are fine and we're going all the way to 12. While we knew the chances were slim to stop at 8 anyway, the possibility was encouraging to me, so after this last news which pretty much shot down hope for me, my angst toward "dumb chemo" set in, thus the need for perseverance. On the upside, we ARE at chemo 8, and four months ago, that seemed like a REALLY long time away. As much as chemo is a drag, time is flying. Today I started the final quad of my Wheaton career, so I'm down to 8 weeks of college. Gosh that's scary. I am nowhere near competent at life to be a real adult, yet. Maybe after the next 5 chemo treatments, I will feel differently...? <br /><br />So, that's the report from me now. OH---except, I would like to close with an excerpt from a book that my mom's sisters sent her for our "chemo-day care packages" that they so faithfully send (shoutout to Aunt Karen, Aunt Debi, and Aunt Jill!) to all of us for each treatment. My mom passed on "Same Kind of Different as Me," by Ron Hall and Denver Moore, and while I am usually against reading popular Christian books (call me a literature snob or just stubborn), I am putting my literary stamp of endorsement on this book. Keep some tissues with you, though. I had to stop reading it on the airplane to New York because I think the man next to me was getting concerned about me. Anyway, it's a great story of two men from completely different worlds and how they end up forming a relationship and what happens along the way. Read it. So, here's something Ron Hall writes about at the end of the book as he's reflecting upon this unexpected journey he's been on and talks about the pain and tears he still has (and I'm trying not to give too much away...):<br /><br />"And I cannot mask my disappointment that God did not answer yes to our <br />prayers for healing. I think He's okay with that. One of the phrases we <br />evangelicals like to throw around is that Christianity is 'not just a <br />religion; it's a relationship.'I believe that, which is why I know that <br />when my faith was shattered and I raged against Him, He still accepted me. <br />And even though I have penciled a black mark in His column, I can be <br />honest about it. That's what a relationship is all about."<br /><br />You may or may not agree with that, but when I got to that at the end of the book, it just resonated so greatly with me. I remember telling Melissa during the fall, right after I had hurt my knee in volleyball, that I "just needed a victory right now." Well, two weeks later, our season ended with us NOT going to playoffs for the first time in my Wheaton career, and then next week the frenzy of going to doctors started. And yet, God TOTALLY supplied me with the perseverance I needed at that point because, when I made that statement to Melissa, if you had told me that I was fixing to find out I had cancer, I would've had a bigger meltdown than the one I was having at that point, so again, He is so faithful! My situation is nowhere NEAR as hard to handle as Ron's and so many others--I was thinking of my friend since kindergarten Liz Allbright and her amazing family in dealing with her mom's passing as I read the book--there are so many that I mentioned I've been hearing about lately, and I am reminded again of how light this trial is in contrast to what they're going through. But, I do nevertheless resonate with feeling so disappointed that God has not answered "yes" to many prayers over the past six months, and what's more, I have definitely been learning what Ron says next: that he thinks God's okay with us being disappointed that He hasn't answered certain prayers in ways we'd like. As bad as that sounds, it IS, in fact, about a relationship, and since He knows how I'm actually feeling deep down inside, I'm seeing that there's absolutely no point in acting like I'm happy with dumb cancer or like I'm actually excited that He said "no" to a prayer. That's not real, and from my experience, that's groundwork for a pretty lame relationship. Furthermore, I liked that Ron talked about "penciling a black mark in that column," because I feel like that at times, and I'm glad I'm not the only one! I KNOW through and through that God is faithful, and I am absolutely sure that His plans for me are so much better than I could imagine (see previous post...), but that doesn't mean that I am always happy about it or that I forget and gloss over my disappointment. I wish I could forget the great disappointment I felt years ago when I was rejected from UNC, but, even in that now-insignificant time, I think I probably penciled a black mark in the column of disappointment and prayers answered other than how I wanted. And, what's most important about all of this rambling of mine is that, since it IS a relationship, like Ron says, "I can be honest about it," and He is not going to "catch-and-release" me when I am honest. <br /><br />Whew. All of that is to say two things: (1) I am so thankful that we have a dynamic relationship with God and that He's okay with me being me--cynical at times, sarcastic most of the time, and a glorious MESS all the time and (2) you really should read "Same Kind of Different as Me." :) <br /><br />Congratulations on making it through yet another loooong post. I've been storing up these thoughts, and now that they're out, I feel like I need a nap or something. Thank you for your prayers and for the million ways you have blessed me with your words, scrapbook pages, cards, e-mails, and everything else under the sun. I hope you have a blessed day (holla for the Irish!), and that you know that God is faithful to carry us through each trial, frustration, and even each day. <br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand, <br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-7368447467384385872009-03-02T19:27:00.004-10:002009-03-02T20:46:51.816-10:00"Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains..." Psalm 36:5-6aWhat a great Psalm! I'm sure many of you know this from the song aptly titled "Your Love O Lord," which, in its own right, is a great song. I have a very vivid memory of standing on a beach in the Dominican Republic the summer after my senior year of high school, singing this song. It was the end of an incredible--and honestly life-changing--mission trip with my youth group from Bent Tree, and our team of 11 students and 2 leaders was de-briefing at a hotel in Santo Domingo. Part of that included team worship time on our last night, and that's where we come to me, standing on the beach, facing the ocean, mountains in the distance, a full moon, and not a cloud in the sky, singing this song, and just absolutely KNOWING the words to it and understanding it in such a real way. For many reasons this trip was so significant, and to close it out, it was probably the second greatest night of my life-- being able to look out to my surroundings and get such an incredible visual of these words: "Your love...reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness stretches to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice flows like the ocean's tide." The song goes on to say, "I will lift my voice to worship You, my King. And I will find my strength in the shadow of Your wings." <br /><br />Having always loved these words and having a great memory/visual to which I can place them, they are such a good reminder in a time like this. On our trip, basically our whole construction plans of pouring a foundation were thwarted by an approaching hurricane that drenched the site and filled the trenches for our foundation with water. So, instead of accomplishing a good amount of manual labor, we ended up trying to get water (and frog eggs...sicknasty) out of the trenches each day, fixing rebar (sp?) and wondering why we were pretty much the most underachieving team Bent Tree had yet sent to the DR. However, since our elaborate construction plans all changed, the missionaries came up with a "plan b" which was to help clean one of the houses on site that the team the year before (that I was a part of) had mostly built, readying it for the first orphans to inhabit. Long-story-short, we got to move in the first people to the whole mission site, which was the fulfillment of the missionary's dream and the culmination of 25 years of work on his part to accomplish that dream. <br /><br />And so, that whole experience typified what I've learned many times since--that often (and especially in my life), things go so far from the way we have planned them--and that can often seem like we've failed. But, God's plans are so much better than we could ever have imagined; the night we moved those orphans in was probably the greatest night of my life, and we wouldn't have been able to do that had the rain not thwarted our plans to make us the most "underachieving" team Bent Tree had ever sent to the DR. That lesson rings so true today--hey, I never would have picked lymphoma to cap off my senior year of college, and while it, like bailing out frog-infested waters in trenches in the DR, is not always a fun or easy learning process, God's plans are so much better than ours, and if we can just TRUST Him, His promises are true, and the end is better than we can imagine. The night after we moved in the orphans was the one on the beach, and that night, everything was so clear and put into great perspective--that His love truly never ends; that His faithfulness is beyond the heights up in that clear expanse of never-ending blue; that His righteousness is high and bold like those mountains in the distance; that His justice is as deep as that ocean and just keeps on coming like the ocean's tide. And now, I need that reminder--that, out of every situation in our lives, our response should be to lift our hands and our voices to worship Him, our King, as well as to truly find our strength in the shadow and comfort of God alone. I'll be honest--some days I'm better at that than others--yes, even while going through cancer. You'd think that, since sometimes it's just more natural (maybe not easier) to lean on the Lord alone during a trial, I'd be a pro at that right now. And then, you would be wrong.<br /><br />Nevertheless, His faithfulness (which is never-ending in case you didn't get that the previous two times I mentioned it) continues, and praise the Lord that He loves us in spite of vacillating all the time between trusting Him and trusting ourselves. I like to consider myself a pretty consistent person--that was my best attribute out on that volleyball court--and yet, somehow the things I've learned in volleyball, while quite frequently carrying over into real life, have not ALL translated to my daily life here in the real world outside of the volleyball court. So sadly, even though this process of chemo, etc. is not fun and is not on my list of things I'd like to ever do again--and that would seem like it would make me perfectly consistent in trusting Him each day--that, lamentably, is not the case. But, depending on how you look at it, that could be a fortunate thing since it does have the effect of bringing me back to my knees in humility when I realize that, once again, I've been trying to do it on my own, and when faced with my own need and inability to actually DO it on my own, I am back to trusting in Him.<br /><br />I just had some thoughts, had to reminisce about that night in the DR, and wanted to check in with the audience at home for a few minutes, but--SHOCK!--it seems I have already written a good amount! Now on to the more concrete details for those of you beaver-types who like the details more than the whimsical ramblings and spontaneity of us otters (if that reference escapes you, you probably should read the Treasure Tree book about personalities--it's a good read--illustrated and all :) ). <br /><br />So anyway, it is Monday night, and this is our last week before Spring Break and my last quad (1/2 semester here at Wheaton) of college. OH MY GOSH. SCARRRRYYYY. You know, you push through college, at times thinking it will never end, only to throw on the brakes and live in denial of the fact that real life is coming more quickly than you actually really wanted that whole time. You all know the experience--wanting to get to the end and then, when it's within sight, feeling like a moron for having wanted so much to get there and for having wasted a lot of time along the way. That's me. right now. senior. scared. needing a job and not having a clue where I will be in 6 months (except, of course, doing my best to make sure that whatever I'm doing is located anywhere warm). I digress, however. I was mentioning how it is my spring break next week...well, it is TCA's spring break this week, so my mom and Madelyn are flying up tomorrow morning through Thursday morning to hang out in Chi-town with me and accompany me to treatment number 7. Please pray for their safety as they're traveling and that our time would be so sweet together. I love those guys! Also, pray that my dad would enjoy his time home alone--he said tonight that he gets only about three days absolutely to himself each year, so he's kinda looking forward to the next few days of not being around the women in his life. (this in no way offends me; poor guy has to deal with 4 ADD women all the time, so do not begrudge him for looking forward to some personal days). And, for the fourth McGinnis woman (Katie), here's a huge praise--she has a job in Child Life now at the hospital in Colorado Springs, so she is relieved to know what she is doing for a while and to have a place to live--things have been a little stressful for Katie in the Springs lately, so thanks for praying for her safety traveling out there and as she's been trying to figure out life. <br /><br />After my mom and Madelyn leave, I'll be recovering from treatment 7 as we head into our spring break, so I'll be sure to update sometime before I leave for New York City next Tuesday (I'm going with my first co-counselor from Kanakuk K-West and subsequent bff Melissa Fain!). I'm so blessed to be going somewhere, and it's amazing that it worked out to be going somewhere with Melissa, too! At first we thought I'd have to just park it at home in Fairview for a week while my mom and Mad had school and my dad had work and all my friends are gone on their spring breaks, so really, I've been SO looking forward to this trip as something to brighten up the otherwise monotonous 2-week cycle of chemo treatments. After NYC, I'm heading to Houston for my cousin Elaine's wedding (!!!!), which will be great family time and so much fun to see all my cousins and family again--as I've said, we're a tight bunch. But, all of those details are most likely superfluous...it's getting late and I'm trailing off worse than normally...back to treatment 7. It's on Wednesday (so two days--March 4th) at 3pm. Being halfway done is amazing--what a praise and blessing--but at the same time, it's still a little daunting to know that what I've so far done, I now turn around and do all over again. So, I would love prayer for perseverance--I've known from day 1 that the support has been incredible and such, but I've also been very conscious from day 1 that, come the middle of this journey, it would be so much harder, and I guess I know myself to a good degree because that is the case. It's not unbearably hard, but it is harder right now for me than it was at the start, so perseverance to take one day at a time still, to stay in the Word daily, and to keep my eyes fixed on the goal of this, which is total healing, are all things I would love prayer for. Also, physically, as I'm heading into the much-longed-for trip to NYC, continuing prayers for health and recovery from this treatment (since I'll be flying on day 7, the first day of starting the upward slope of my tolerance for the chemo) would be great--also that I will be safe from germs. :) Last sidenote--and a huge praise!--last week I was supposed to hang out with three different people, all on different days, and at some point, each one called or texted to say they were sick and were gonna have to cancel. While I was a little bummed each time someone flaked, it was actually so cool to see in hindsight because I found out with each of the three of them after the fact that they had fevers and didn't know it when they canceled our hanging out. PTL! If someone has a cold, it's not really been a concern for me because I've had colds during this process and that's fine; it's the fever thing that gets me--if I get 100.5 or more, I have to go to the hospital, and since that's a pretty small margin of a temperature, what a praise that each person canceled on me! I'm finding many reasons to praise Him for things that, otherwise I might scoff at as small, and yet now that I can see are ways the Lord is looking out for me. <br /><br />Ok, that's all for now. I'll check back in after chemo 7! Oh--last thing--and this will definitely incriminate me as a Texan, of which I am THRILLED to be accused--but Happy Texas Independence Day! Yes, this is a state holiday. Or a "national holiday" if you want to go REALLY Texan and talk about our state as a nation, since it WAS and all. :) I gotta get me back to the south...<br /><br />Once again, thankyou thankyou thankyou for your love, prayers, and support. God bless, may you be warm, and may you KNOW that His love never ends, His faithfulness is so vast, His justice is so present and deep, and His righteousness is strong and great.<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-3493615223757195982009-02-19T18:17:00.003-10:002009-02-19T19:11:11.578-10:00"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all" Psalm 34:19Good evening from Wheaton! I realize it's been a while since my last post, but there hasn't really been a lot on which to update. Nevertheless, if that somehow left you hanging, I'm so sorry. <br /><br />I finished my 6th treatment yesterday at Northwestern, so now I am officially at least halfway done! PTL!!! AND, if we get to finish after 4 rounds, then I am 3/4 of the way finished! On that note, that is a continued prayer request. I guess my parents have been praying that the doctors would have absolute wisdom over my case so that we would stop treatment only when all the cancer cells are permanently gone and no sooner. I, on the other hand have been praying to only have to do 8 total treatments...guess I can always learn more from my parents and can always learn more about prayer...<br /><br />Also on the note of prayer requests, my nurse Michelle should be back in the States from Africa tomorrow, and she will start back at Northwestern on Monday, so please be praying for her as she re-adjusts to the US and debriefs and processes her time in Africa. Also, I'm praying for great conversations about the trip as she comes back and for some openings for great conversation.<br /><br />I'm jumping around a lot right now, but as to how I'm feeling, I'm doing ok right now. Sometimes the first couple nights post-treatment are irritating because I can't sleep straight through the night. Usually I wake up at 1 or 3am and watch a movie for a couple hours before I can fall back asleep, but last night I woke up at 6:30am and tried to sleep until 7, at which point the light was seeping into my room and I could hear some movement in our house, so I gave up trying to fall back asleep for a couple hours and finished the book "Through Gates of Splendor" by Elisabeth Elliot. So, bummer that I'm pretty tired, but at least I had a great read...more on that to come. <br /><br />Anyway, I went to club practice with Brooke tonight--which was actually a more successful practice, so that was a blessing--and then I've just been crashing again tonight. Otherwise, not much has been going on with me. Actually, there are a couple things of note: first, I have officially sent in two applications to schools in Hawaii! PTL indeed!!! They've been a weight on my shoulders that are just not that hard to do but nevertheless, have just taken me a while, so it's such a relief and praise to have sent those applications in! So, if you're already praying for my recovery and to feel well, feel free to throw out some more prayers for peace for me, that the apps would find favor with the two schools, and that I would be listening for and have the ears to hear where God's leading me. Secondly, the Wheaton Women's Basketball team had a "Think Pink" night at it's conference game vs. Millikin University on Tuesday night here, and it was to raise money for a cancer fund. There were pre-game festivities, including at least 10 people who cut their hair on the spot to donate for Locks of Love, and then they honored Kirsten Friedl and me, as her tennis coach and my volleyball coach Jen each walked out to half court with pink roses for us and as both of our respective teams and the other fans cheered us on. It was a little awkward (luckily Kirsten was there, too, feeling the same awkwardness with me!)--it was somewhat like Senior Night for volleyball with the set-up, but this was to celebrate I guess just us and fighting cancer...when the real people to be celebrating are our doctors, technically. Anyway, I did tear up a little, especially just with having my team there--they've seriously been HUGE in this process and are going to make it so hard to say goodbye come May. And it was just so cool that people were willing to donate to Locks of Love and the cancer fund. I was really touched, basically.<br /><br />As for updates on treatment or anything, there's not much new to report. My next treatment will be Wednesday, March 4th at 12pm, and we'll meet with the doctor at that one. Plus, it's TCA's spring break, so my mom and Madelyn will fly up on Tuesday the 3rd and leave Thursday the 5th, so it'll be good to see them again. Also, we switched this week to Wednesday, which was supposed to make me feel ok for class the following Tuesday, but I'm not so sure I'm a huge fan of Wednesdays. First of all, they had warned us of this, but it's the most busy day at Northwestern, and we were an hour late getting back for treatment and probably didn't start for another half hour after getting back there. Because of the delay, we hit bad traffic coming home, which wasn't fun. Furthermore, with Wednesdays, it's not as good for my parents to come because it's in the middle of the week and is too much time to take off for either of my parents and then stay through the weekend. So, after the next one on March 4th (which is a Wednesday), I may be switching back to Thursdays for treatment...I know, so complicated and things keep changing. But, I haven't positively decided that yet...just a heads-up. <br /><br />And now, back to what I read in "Through Gates of Splendor" this morning: In the epilogue, Elizabeth Elliot is reflecting about the significance of the deaths of her husband and the four other missionaries to Ecuador in the 50s. She writes, "God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to." My situation does not even come close to comparing with her story there, but at the same time, God gives each of us just what we need to draw near to Him and bring Him glory. So on that note, I just loved reading that this morning. There are so many times when, as I've mentioned, my plans pretty much never turn out how I plan them. But, God's are so much better than I could've imagined--and for some reason it just takes me a while to get on board with His plans. But Elliot's comments are so true--and probably so poignant in such an unstable time in general for everyone right now--there is rest nowhere but in Him, and His will truly is so much better than any inkling I could try to devise about what He is doing in my life and in the larger scheme of things. I just thought I'd pass on that quote and then tell you that if you're looking for a good read, "Through Gates of Splendor" is just that. <br /><br />Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your love, constant support, faithful and quiet prayers that do NOT go unappreciated, and for your witness to His love and support. Have a blessed weekend! <br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-14918119423970536882009-02-05T18:37:00.002-10:002009-02-05T19:46:44.643-10:00"Show me Your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long"PSALM 25:4-5 (sorry, the verse itself was too long, hence the reference below)<br /><br />That is my favorite verse. There are other great ones, but I love that one and have seen it as a "life verse" if you will over the past many years. So, I thought I'd share it with you. It's a keeper, in my opinion. :)<br /><br />On other news, some of you may have heard a great rumor ("A RUmor?!?!"--shoutout to all those familiar with kamp birthdays...). Actually, many of you from Wheaton may have heard different, untrue rumors such that I may be staying home for treatment. I actually had a couple messages from people saying, "so, are you ever coming back?" to which I confusedly responded, "um, yes, next week...I'm just hanging out with friends this week!" Apparently in chapel they prayed for me and must have thought my trip to Baylor University (in Waco) was a trip to Baylor Hospital (in Dallas), thus my confusion as people asked me if I was home permanently last week and the confusion of many Wheaton students as they thought I had peaced out without mentioning anything. <br /><br />SO, just in case you are still confused--the reason for my "unofficial winter break" was that we had Tuesday off of school for "Faculty Development Day," and as I only have a Tuesday/Thursday class, I had a full week off of school, so I decided to capitalize on that by seeing some of my best friends and family down South. Last Friday I flew home to hang out with my family through Saturday at noon. A couple of my guy cousins last-minute came to Dallas from Texas A&M, so we did breakfast with my grandparents, Michael, and Adam by our house Saturday morning, which was a fun surprise. Saturday afternoon I drove down to Waco, TX to see my best friends Sarah, Chrisey, and Caroline, as well as my cousin Ali and high school teammate Shaylee who all attend Baylor University. We had a great time, and I actually ran into some other friends from TCA who went to Baylor and one who was also just in town for the weekend from TCU, so it was fun getting to see so many people! Monday morning I had breakfast with Erin Groth from K-West, saw Miss Sarah Spivey again, and then drove 4 hours from Waco to Norman, OK to the University of Oklahoma, where I stayed with another best friend and "sister" Callea. I got to see some kamp friends Sarah and Amanda there as well, so it was just a fun week of seeing all kinds of people from the many different spheres of my life and have great conversations and fun. Wednesday morning, I left OU for the 3 hour drive to Dallas, brought some lunch to kampers and my cousin in McKinney, met my dad for lunch, made it home to pack, rushed to Frisco to buy some sunglasses (definitely a priority...and wishful thinking since it's rarely sunny here, but hey, a girl can dream, and in my thinking, while dreaming for sunshine, I can at least have great shades), then headed to TCA where I met my mom and she took me to the airport. I'm telling you, if you have not understood or believed my previous references to our family living at the speed of crazy, then my Wednesday adventures upon arriving back in Dallas at noon and leaving for the airport at 4 should help you with a glimpse into our unspoken motto of trying to pack more than is possibly healthy into very limited time. Wednesday night I flew back to Wheaton, and today at 2:30, I had treatment numero cinco (Texas rubbed off on me...that's "number 5" for everyone else)with my teammate Emily, my Wheaton "stand-in mom" Lynda Armstrong, my mom, and her best friend Sandy Boulden.<br /><br />So anyway, back to the first, TRUE rumor I was referring to before I took this blog's longest rabbit trail to date:<br />On the drive from Norman to McKinney, my nurse practitioner Sarah Miyata called me back and looked over my PET scan and said that they are clear, so I AM OFFICIALLY IN REMISSION!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! Sounds crazy, right?!? Four treatments into this process, and I'm in remission?!? Yep! I asked, "So, that means there's no cancer, right?" to which she replied in the affirmative, explaining that the scans came back negative, or clear. This is a huge step in the process of recovery as we set some goals and benchmarks toward healing. My dad, the attorney, is very goal-oriented and has always tried to help the four ADD women in his family reach our goals by helping to set them (and sometimes with incentive) and cast a vision for them. That said, while the chances of the PET scan coming back clear were very high, it is nonetheless great news since we had talked about how this is a big step for victory. SO, thankyou thankyou thankyou for so many prayers!!!! God is so faithful and He sure does answer prayers. Not always how we want Him to, I have learned, but His faithfulness carries us through any and every answer to our prayers! Also, in that conversation, Sarah said, "the prognosis is very encouraging!" So, we were excited. My mom told her kindergartners and held out the phone for me to hear their responses: they were screaming and cheering while my mom and the teacher Carol Pond both tried to hold it together and be composed for the kids' sakes.<br /><br />Many people have asked what remission means (as did I when I clarified with Sarah that it meant I was cancer-free). I do still have to do treatments. Bummer. BUT, what is GREAT to know is that the treatment is working!!! PTL! I am lucky to know that this is working; a lot of cancer patients don't have that luxury. Also, in treatment today, we met with Dr. Gordon, who explained that, since I'm not doing radiation, standard treatment is 6 cycles of chemotherapy, but, he added, in some cases they only do 4 rounds. He then said that, after my fourth round (so 8th treatment...3 from now), we will do another PET scan, another CT scan (darn Barium Sulfate liquid...I felt so victorious chugging that stuff so quickly, thinking then that it was the only time I'd have to suffer that...grrr...), another MUGA scan (heart), and another Pulmonary Function test (lungs). I guess based on those results, there's a possibility that we could be done! Dr. Gordon said he was "very pleased with the progress" and said that 2 more rounds (so after today, three more treatments) is a possibility. My mom said, "So, should we plan on doing 6 total rounds and then, if we only have to do 4..." and I finished, "it will just be icing on the cake?!?" to which Dr. Gordon said, "yes, that's a good approach." (although, as I look back, "icing on the cake" is not the right metaphor, since that would imply that this process has been as GOOD as cake and finishing early would be the icing on an already delicious process. Maybe "a miracle," or "unexpected blessing" would have captured the sentiment more appropriately for the situation, but you get the point). How awesome would it be if I only have to do three more treatments and can enjoy the last month of my Wheaton career in health?!? We are being conservative with our plans and hopes, but we would love your prayers for that--for only three more treatments! We are prepared to go the whole way, but if we only had to go 2/3 of the original journey, I mean, we'd be willing to change our plans. :) Let's be honest: my plans rarely go as I imagine, anyway.<br /><br />PRAISE THE LORD FOR HEALING! And for good news! This is just about my favorite news I've heard in a loooooonnnnnggg while--that I'm in remission! Last year was a tough year on many levels--I'm thinking back to the last few months and go back to my summer at K-West (Kanakuk) and while it was really good, it was really hard for a ton of reasons, too, and was probably my last time there after 15 summers. Then I moved on to the start of my senior year fall, which is synonymous with volleyball in college, and there were just a lot of disappointments throughout the course of the season. I loved my teammates and coaches and had a blast, but many things were hard, including dislocating my knee cap in the middle of our conference and Homecoming match, which took me out for three weeks of conference, only for me to return (not 100%) for a week and a half before season ended on a hard loss. Three days later, I went to the Health Center, and while we didn't find out for a few weeks about Hodgkin's, when they told me "don't worry--God is the ultimate Healer," it made me think, "well, I WASN'T worrying until you told me that, but now, SHOULD I be worrying???" All of that to say, in a season in which God has still been SO incredibly faithful and sovereign as always, it's been hard and had a good share of disappointments, so this victory yesterday and then today at the hospital has been long-awaited and so hope-filled. And you thought that when I've expressed how much all the encouragement has meant, I was just being patronizing or dutifully thankful. However, having just explained how the past 8 months have had a lot of bummers, BELIEVE ME when I say that, amidst all of that, your encouragement has really filled me with great hope, so thank you once again.<br /><br />For me and my mom, it's time to go to bed, so that's all I have for now. You are loved. And God is GOOD...in many months of disappointments as well as with victories. He never changes, and that's great news. :)<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-43235816130897549582009-01-27T19:30:00.002-10:002009-01-27T20:10:58.906-10:00"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." -Psalm 18:28What a great verse--I have always loved Psalm 18, and especially verse 28, but so much more right now in some days that don't always seem so light. As I've said before, it is so awesome to me that God redeems even the laziest and most "unproductive" of our days by the world's standards into something <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">imbued</span> with purpose. That said, I love how this Psalm chronicles all the ways the Lord has saved David--and Israel, too--and how it's such a reminder that, every time, God is faithful! He HAS always rescued his people, and He WILL always turn their <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">darkness</span> into light.<br /><br />And now, speaking of darkness.... The last few days have been the bad days (5 & 6), but, the best part about day 6 is at the end of the day (so, tonight) when there's such relief that each day until the next treatment is going to at least be better than the previous one. That's definitely something to look forward to. My dad has said again and again that, once this is all said and done and I have my last treatment in mid-May, the best part will be waking up each day and knowing that, on this day, I will feel better than before and will know what a gift feeling good is for each day. It's all about perspective, I think we are learning. As for the extent of my feeling bad on this cycle's days 5 and 6, it has not been the worst that I've had, but they were pretty unfortunate since I developed a cold somewhere in the last week, so instead of just feeling achy and lethargic like I had the flu this round, I actually felt the cold symptoms of that, too, this time. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">PTL</span> that I have not had a fever, though--seriously, such a praise...especially since I am going home on Friday and then on to Baylor and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">OU</span> before my next treatment on Thursday, February 5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">th</span>. So, we will keep praying for healing, for no fever, and that the trip is a great one...slash, also that I don't have to wear a surgical mask on the airplane. That would be real cool and all, but thinking about that makes me feel claustrophobic. :)<br /><br />The purpose of this post is mostly to let you know that I'm still alive, have survived (hopefully and prayerfully!) the worst days following my 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">th</span> treatment, and to say that I have completed 2 rounds of chemo and am 1/3 of the way down this unexpected road! PRAISE THE LORD! ALSO, by the time most of you read this, it will have already happened, but I'll still give a heads-up that I have my 1st check-up PET scan tomorrow (Wednesday) at 11:45am. My nurse practitioner Sarah <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Miyata</span> checked me over and felt the site of my former lymph nodes above my collarbone last week, and since they are gone (yeah--after 1 treatment those visible lymph nodes vanished!), she said she's thinking my PET scan will come back negative, saying that my cancer is gone! So, huge prayer that the scan results are all clear! I think I said before that this is a huge step in the process of "kicking cancer's butt," or victory, as we like to think of it, so I would love your prayers that the scan will indeed be 100% clear.<br /><br />The last thing I have for right now somewhat ties in with my first thoughts on Psalm 18 but also is just something that has rung so true with me lately. My parents' long-time friend Vicki Mullins sent me a book called "The Red Sea Rules" and there are 10 different rules that this author (Robert J. Morgan) has found to be true--both in Israel's history and in his own experience with difficult times. The first rule is "Realize that God means for you to be where you are." Morgan explains that, "when you are in a difficult place, realize that the Lord either placed you there or allowed you to be there, for reasons perhaps known for now only to Himself. The same God who led you IN will lead you OUT." As much as I have seen a glimpse of how a parent feels at seeing their child in pain and that has reshaped my view of how God sympathizes and goes through suffering with us, at the same time, it is so true that nothing we go through is outside of God's vision, so accepting the fact that He's got a reason for either placing me and my family here or allowing us to be placed here can definitely be hard at times. I'll be honest--there are definitely days when I'm thinking, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Ok</span>, Lord, but like maybe You <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">could've</span> just given me a lot of homework this semester or told me I'd have to stay in the Midwest for the next few years" (no offense...it's just too cold). However, as with Psalm 18 and all the reminders of all the ways God has saved Israel and David time and again--especially when they, too, whined...like for say 40 years in the desert or on the banks of the Red Sea surrounded by the Egyptian army--"Red Sea Rule #1" is so true: God has placed us here or allowed us to be here, and just as He brought us in, He WILL bring us out, turning that darkness into light. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">PTL</span>.<br /><br />Have a blessed day and week, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">thankyou</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">thankyou</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">thankyou</span> for your incredible support, prayers, and love, and press on!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-24731331646571179792009-01-21T18:05:00.003-10:002009-01-21T19:10:49.407-10:00"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble...for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." --Psalm 9:9-10Once again, hello from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Wheaton</span>! I wanted to quickly update about a couple things. First of all, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">PTL</span> that the weather is warmer. And by warmer, I mean that it's now in the positives--and hey! it looks like tomorrow's high is actually ABOVE FREEZING! I don't really know what to do with myself right now because I'm (sadly) so thrilled!<br /><br />Secondly, I know so many have been praying, so I thought I should let you know that, if you've read the other posts, I am now officially "soaring on the wings of Jesus," in the words of Madelyn as she tried to comfort me about the prospects of losing my hair. Actually, though, I was reading in Psalms last night and was at Psalm 17:8b which reads, "hide me in the shadow of your wings," which is also a line from one of my favorite worship songs we sing at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Wheaton</span> called "Still." SO, it turns out Madelyn's theology wasn't TOO far off; however, I'm pretty sure that Psalm 17:8b is David appealing for GOD to hide him in the shadow of His metaphorical wings rather than Madelyn's encouragement that I could soar on the wings of Jesus, but she tried at least.<br /><br />So anyway, back to my second point in this update: Sunday night, all (but one who was on a retreat) of my teammates and I headed over to the house of one of our freshmen, Kaitlyn Graham. We had dinner and some fun, and then her mom, Robin, shaved my head. Actually, before that, each of my teammates cut off some hair, which took a lot of trust on my part that they wouldn't accidentally stab me. :) Just kidding...but seriously...So Mrs. Graham was so sweet and made the whole thing so incredibly easy, praying for us before the event began and just being so helpful and encouraging. At the end, my teammates and Mrs. Graham prayed for me, and that was the only time that I cried, and it was honestly because I was so touched by their incredible support, love, and encouragement. God is so good in bringing peace. I think I've mentioned this, but over the events of the past year and a half, I've prayed a number of really specific times for God to give the "peace that passes all understanding," leaning hard on Philippians 4:6-7, and He really is so faithful in giving that incredible peace! I had prayed that before the cutting/shaving began, and I know so many of you have been praying for that and for me, so once again, it's such a testimony to God's faithfulness and following through on the things He promises. He truly does mercifully give a peace that makes you think, "how in the WORLD am I so calm right now??" and you know it's ONLY because the LORD is at work.<br /><br />My third update for the night is about my chemo schedule: tomorrow is my 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span> treatment at 2:30pm (CST), and then I have one more on a Thursday: February 5<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">th</span>, also at 2:30pm. All the ones after that are currently scheduled for Wednesdays now instead of the initial Thursdays I had posted because this way we are hoping to avoid having Days 5 and 6 collide with my Christian Thought class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. However, apparently any time I go in for chemo, after they take my blood counts, if they are absolutely TOO low, then they could tell me to come back the next day for treatment. So, there are no guarantees that just because it's on the schedule treatment will actually occur on the appointed date. That said, I'm a little skeptical that my counts would qualify as TOO low--what does that even MEAN??, since last time they were at 150/3000, and if THAT wasn't too low, I can't imagine being turned away because they were any lower. However, we will definitely be praying that treatment can happen on the appointed dates and would love your prayers for that, too! Also, I had mentioned that I wanted to move them to Wednesdays, but the reason that the next 2 are on Thursdays still is because each treatment is ideally supposed to be 14 days apart, give or take a day. So, I can go in and do treatment tomorrow because the last one that I did was on a Friday, 13 days ago, but they don't want me jumping from a Friday to a Wednesday (12 days) immediately; I have to stagger the jump, if you will, thus the next two Thursday treatments.<br /><br />Here's a huge praise--I know many have been praying against illness or infection in this process, and I know that they prayed for me for health today in chapel as well. My roommate Rachel got the stomach flu this weekend, and one night she and I were the only 2 home, and I felt terrible because I couldn't go upstairs and help her or take her anything because she had a fever and was throwing up. At one point, I threw the thermometer up the stairs for her and offered her one of my Sprites (which she had to actually get), so it was just bad--for her especially because she felt awful all weekend and has had to switch some stuff for her schedule now. Praise the Lord that amidst all of that, I didn't get sick and that Rachel is now better! Seriously, that's huge--apparently if I get a fever, I have to go to the hospital and stay for a few days. Lame. So, thank you for your "preventative" prayers against infection or sickness!<br /><br />I think that is all for now. For prayer, that my counts would be good to go for treatment tomorrow and for my parents especially since it's the first one at which neither will be present. Also, Madelyn has pink eye, and I think she's mostly over it, but I just figure, WHILE you're already praying...(that pretty much sounds like when I tell my mom, "I mean, WHILE you're at the grocery store, would you mind picking up some bread?") :)<br /><br />For a progress report and continued prayer for overall healing in this process, I will say also that, as this treatment wraps up the 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">nd</span> round tomorrow (WOW time flies!), I should have another PET scan (the sugar one where I "CAN'T" do anything active for a while...my favorite!) next week. This will be the first PET scan since before we started chemo and were staging my lymphoma, so our prayer is that the scan will come back absolutely clear! Kirsten <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Friedl</span> (who just found out yesterday that her final PET scan was all clear and she is officially done and in remission, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">PTL</span>!) said that after the 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">nd</span> round hers was all clear, but they went ahead and did 4 more rounds of chemo to really get it all. So, that's our prayer and first huge step to healing: that this chemo would be effective, God would completely heal me, and that this upcoming scan will be all clear. I'll let you know when I actually get that scheduled in case you want to pray at more specific times or something.<br /><br />Once again, thank you. I am so touched. And I'm becoming SO much less cynical and fiercely self-reliant as I trust others and allow people to help me. Your encouragement continues to floor me again and again, and know that you are being faithful to God's call to carry one <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">another's</span> burdens and encourage and exhort one another in love. You have blessed me so much!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-20647783476336898522009-01-14T13:45:00.006-10:002009-01-14T15:12:48.741-10:00"To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the LORD sustains me" --Psalm 3:4-5Greetings from the frozen tundra that is currently Wheaton, IL. Tonight's low is -11 degrees, with "wind chill values as low as -31." I kid you not. Needless to say, I will NOT be going outside anytime soon. AND, how convenient to have an actual excuse this winter to avoid the negative temperatures: "my weakened immune system simply isn't feeling like going outside." :)<br /><br />Anyway, despite the frigid cold and the fact that Christmas break is now officially over, it is good to be back. My dad and I made the drive up last Wednesday and Thursday, and we concluded the journey by seeing Wicked in Chicago (which was so good!) on Thursday night. Friday morning my dad and I had some time before my mom got in and treatment happened, so we went to a museum and enjoyed some time in the city. That afternoon, my mom flew up, and I had Chemo #3 on Friday afternoon. Saturday morning my dad flew back home--thankfully, since a ton of flights were cancelled over the weekend--and then my mom and I stayed busy with getting me ready for the semester and settling back in. Sunday morning we went to breakfast with her best friend Sandy Boulden, and afterwards, she took my mom to the airport to fly home, and apparently they cried all the way there. Despite the sadness of saying goodbye to the rest of my family, I actually felt pretty well on Saturday and Sunday--I think being pretty active was a good thing as far as keeping me distracted from any fatigue by having to focus on the many errands at hand. My mom was amazing in setting me up--she organized my food and cooking supplies, made me some meals to reheat for times when I don't feel up to cooking, and was just great, in general. I love my family so much!<br /><br />Anyway, so that was the weekend. Monday morning, my last (hopefully!) semester of college began--a little anti-climactic I guess, since it just kinda happened, but I stayed pretty busy knocking out some things I had to do, and I even made it to chapel. I stopped and talked to a good amount of people, hung out with some teammates, and then came back and crashed Monday night. Tuesday morning, I woke up slowly by taking my medications, sleeping for another 30 minutes, and then taking my time getting ready. I've found that's the best way to get ready--plan for a lot of time but take it slowly, and then things are generally ok. Praise the LORD that I made it to class on Tuesday--I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to or not since the ominous "Day 5" was yesterday, but seriously, He is so good, and though at points in the two hour long class I was tired and ready to book it, I survived! So, thankyou thankyou thankyou for your many prayers! That was huge--I wanted to make it to my first class (since it's pretty much all I have anyway) of the semester, so what a praise! Small sidenote--I went and saw my mom's two kindergarten classes last week while still at home, and they have been praying for me and sent me a care package for my first treatment and are altogether precious. So, when I called my mom yesterday to tell her that I'd made it to class and was not feeling AS bad as on the previous two "Day 5s," all the kindergartners started cheering and clapping. That just brings me joy! <br /><br />Anyway--back to yesterday (Tuesday): I made it through class by the grace of God, and then I met with the registrar who was so understanding, and I finally came back around 2pm to just crash. It was the best Day 5 I've had so far, and while it wasn't a blast, PTL that I even DID anything! My freshman teammate Brooke and I had our first practice back coaching our 14s club volleyball team last night, so I tried to store up energy by being a bum yesterday afternoon, which apparently paid off because I made it through practice as well, which was another huge praise and not something I could have done on my own. Last night I slept a ton...I've found that, when I wake up in the middle of the night exhausted but unable to sleep for a few hours, a handy sedative the doctors prescribed to me is helpful...thus, last night I slept for almost 12 hours. I woke up slowly today, and I have been the absolute epitome of a bum today--I mean, besides the fact that I did, at least, make my bed and put away some clothes. Today the usual "Day 5 and 6" routine was more in place than yesterday, so I've been watching some TV, doing some reading, and just laying around. While that gets monotonous, it takes a lot of energy on these couple days to even just sit and talk to people, so I'm learning to be ok with not being super-productive once in a while.<br /><br />On the note of feeling well enough to attend class and practice last night--I was definitely still beat and feeling nauseous at points, but I feel like I've learned some things already about how I want to live my life ALL the time and not just now that I have cancer. Every morning--and especially on days 5 and 6 (or other days following treatment), I literally have to seek the Lord and ask Him to give me the strength to get up, make anything of the day, and sustain me throughout it--and He absolutely has! And yet, having to so physically rely on Him to sustain me has also shown me how often, in the "easier times," I revert back to self-reliance. I know people say all the time something like, "it's easy to rely on Him when hard things come, but it's so much harder to rely on Him in the everyday," but that can definitely be true. Until I had to start really pleading for sustenance throughout the day on a physical level, I do believe my prayers were non-committal and went like, "Lord, give me the strength to go through this day," as I thought about how it wasn't going to be too hard to make it through a day when all I had to worry about was the amount of homework I hadn't done. I feel like I've already learned so much about really praying and meaning it when I ask, knowing how much I really do NEED Him. So, as a fairly independent person, it's been good for me to have to rely on Him each day for physical strength, but it's also something that I pray I don't stop doing come May when treatments should end. All of that to say, I have seen so many of His promises be true in ways I hadn't before--such as trusting that He will give me the strength that I need, etc.--that it's definitely made His word and promises so alive to me, so that's another huge praise!<br /><br />For prayer requests, I would ask again for prayer over the next couple days that the side effects would be non-existent, that God would give me the strength I need for class and practice tomorrow, and to stay warm! Seriously though, when we went in for treatment on Friday and they took my blood, apparently part of my white blood cells were at a count of 150, which is VERY low. I asked my nurse Michelle, "if my white blood cells reach zero, ummm...does that mean I'm dead?" to which she replied "no," but said obviously my immune system would be SUPER low then. So, as the weather outside becomes more frightful and my immune system stays down in the pits, continued prayer against infections or illness would be huge. As for my hair, there's still some of it here--it's probably about half as thick as it was, but we're still praying for miracles there and that the rest will stay. As much as I hate the strands pulling out more and more, even in this, it's just made me come to the LORD without pretense and asking Him for this miracle while knowing how small and shallow of a request that is in the grand scheme of everything else. But, even the topic of "hair" has shown us God's faithfulness and support: My hairdresser Melissa Elledge in Dallas is amazing--aside from praying for me, she styled a wig for me, highlighting it at her house for free and washing my own hair (so that I didn't have to pull some out while washing it), and even in the things that seem insignificant eternally, God has just put people right in our path that have been such blessings! <br /><br />Also, I would love continued prayer for my family. My mom's never-ending cry on the way to the airport was apparently because she hated to leave knowing how I'd feel on days 5 and 6 and not being able to help at all, and so prayer for her, my dad, and Katie and Madelyn as we're apart would be great. I know they'd love prayer for peace and rest in the midst of this, especially as they go about their normal routines. Lastly, my nurse Michelle flew to Tanzania today to help out medically over there for the next 6 weeks (so I'll miss 3 treatments with her), so please pray for her safety and that this would be eye-opening and life-changing! <br /><br />As I've tried to think through "New Year's Resolutions" and other goals for the year, I was hit with the power of prayer and how I'd like to commit to praying more consistently for people. With so many people praying for me and my family, we have, again, felt such peace, and there are so many reasons to praise the Lord each day. Yet, in the midst of praying for my own healing and having so many people tell me they've been praying for me, I realized that, over the past two months, I've been pretty bad at praying for others. So, what better time to really commit to praying more than a time when I have hours to lay around sedentary or during all the nights when I can't fall back asleep?? All of that is to say that, I am trying to commit to praying for you--even those I don't know who've been praying for me--because I have seen how God truly does answer prayer and how dumb I am to not intercede for others more often.<br /><br />I'll close this week's edition of "Hannah McGinnis, Up Close and Personal," with part of this post's title: "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me" Psalm 3:5. Man, on the nights when I just fall into bed and don't want to feel bad in the morning, this verse is huge. PTL that He redeems even the laziest of my days where I lay on the couch and watch TV while feeling poorly. Praise Him that His mercies are new each morning and that we have the promise that He will sustain us when we wake up to face the day.<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-32986708572224991392009-01-04T10:27:00.004-10:002009-01-04T11:36:38.729-10:00"The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." --Psalm145:13bHappy New Year! So sorry it's been a while, but I hope yall had blessed Christmases and New Year celebrations as well! We have enjoyed the holidays here in Fairview, and even more than the time to rest, I was thrilled with the 80 degree weather we had yesterday. In January. That's amazing. (although, of course, it's 43 right now. all good things must come to an end, apparently).<br /><br />Anyway, how about a recap of the past week or so? I had my 2nd treatment on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) down in Dallas, and it was definitely a different experience than my treatment at Northwestern in Chicago, but it was such a blessing to get in even--especially on Christmas Eve. The doctor was a little more frank, but it gave my dad, my friend Caroline, and I some laughs as the doctor said, "You could be dead" in a very blunt manner. I mean, it's a true statement when you think about it, but when sitting in a hospital room on Christmas Eve, it nevertheless made us laugh a little and say, "Well, yes, that's true. I tell myself that every day when I wake up." So, treatment happened, and I felt great on Christmas, which is a huge praise! Thanks for so many prayers for that! I got a little tired, but then again, at one point, about five of us McGinnis cousins were sleeping around my grandparents' couches, so I can't really say whether my fatigue was isolated to chemo or not. The day after Christmas (Friday) I also felt pretty well--again, just a little tired physically--or maybe drained is a better word, since it's not like I was falling asleep at meals or anything, but I just felt fatigued. <br /><br />Saturday was when I started to feel the effects with a little more force, and that was day 4 of the treatment cycle. If the past two treatments were indicative of how every treatment will go, then we pretty much know that days 5 and 6 post-treatment are the worst. Go figure. I haven't had any of the nausea they warn about on days 2 and 3 after chemo (so the day following treatment and the 2nd day after treatment), but man--day 5 and 6 are not fun. Basically, my plan on those days is to sleep late and go to bed early so that the number of hours I wrestle through on those days is minimal. That probably sounds bad, and I can imagine at other times telling myself that the point of life is to not just "get through" the bad days, but that's nevertheless where I stand right now. Ugghhh. I don't like those days. On day 5--it's been isolated to that day both times--my mouth hurts something fierce. To better describe that, if you've had your wisdom teeth out, that's kind of how my mouth feels on day 5. My teeth, gums, and jaw just ACHE, and any time I eat anything on that day (not so much on day 6), there's a sharp pain at the back of my mouth that goes across my jaw. I have no clue how or why that happens, except to say that chemotherapy basically poisons all fast-growing cells in the body. So, it's great that it kills the fast-growing cells that are tumors, but it can't differentiate between the good and bad fast-growing cells, thus why people have problems with their mouths, stomachs, and hair. All of those locations (and probably more, I'm no expert) have fast-growing cells. So, thus the random jaw pain on day 5. The rest of me just aches--again like I have the flu--on days 5 and 6, but on day 7 both times I have started to turn the corner. Also, I found out that only 10-29% of people undergoing this treatment have flu-like symptoms. Real cool. Good thing I'm apparently really rare in some things--contracting a disease only 7000 people a year get, and of those, being in the 10-29% who get the flu-like symptoms. <br /><br />After days 5, 6, and some of day 7, I start to turn the corner, and starting on day 8 (which was Wednesday of this week), I feel great. Like, VERY normal. And when I'm not running from place to place once I'm back at school, I feel good enough on the 2nd week that I could workout, play volleyball, etc. I just have to brace myself for those other days. Because of that, we're thinking about moving treatment to Wednesdays instead of Thursdays when I'm back at Wheaton because if we move them, that puts day 5 and 6 on Sundays and Mondays, with the not-as-bad day 7 on Tuesday. Since I only have a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and since I've actually felt pretty decent on the day immediately following treatment, we're thinking Wednesdays might work better, so that way I can go to class the morning after treatment, have the weekend to get beyond the dreaded days 5 and 6, and then, while day 7 is no party, I at least can foresee getting up to go to a class again on Tuesday. I'll let you know what we do about that, though.<br /><br />As I said, about a week after treatment, which is also a week before the next treatment, I feel really normal, which is a huge praise. It gives a little perspective and hope for this whole process, because as much as I just wrestle through days 5, 6, and 7, knowing that I will feel so normal for a week is a huge blessing and bit of hope in the midst of that. Since Tuesday, I've been much less sedentary, which is nice for a change. For my parents' 26th anniversary on New Year's Day, they took us out WITH them for a change, and it was nice to be at our favorite restaurant (which is Hawaiian and reminds us of our favorite memories) together. Everywhere we go, it seems like we run into someone who is praying for us, or we meet someone who has an encouraging word or knows someone else who had Hodgkin's before--our waiter at Roy's had a best friend years ago who survived it and is doing great. So crazy that so many people know Hodgkin's survivors because it's rare, and before this, we knew nothing about it at all. But, God is good in that way and has just provided--even with encouragement--in huge ways. <br /><br />And now on to prayer requests: my dad and I are going to start the drive back to Wheaton/Chicago on Wednesday, splitting it up and arriving Thursday afternoon. We're gonna hang out in Chicago that night, see Wicked, and finish off feeling great with a bang, hopefully. Friday at 3 I have chemo number 3, which starts the 2nd round of chemo. Sidenote--I cannot believe that it's already January and we've already finished one round of chemo! Things have just gone SO fast since finding out the day before Thanksgiving, that it's CRAZY to look back at the past month and a half. Praise the Lord for ordering all of our steps, orchestrating all of the appointments, and getting us so far in such little time. That too has given us hope in the midst of some not fun days, as we see that, before we know it, one round has finished, a month has passed, and we're that much closer to the finish line of this road. Anyway, back to chemo number 3: My mom flies in to Chicago on Friday afternoon after she's done with school, so she'll spend the evening with us and stay till Sunday night, trading off duties as my dad flies back home Saturday morning to be with Madelyn as she has her first club volleyball tournament of this massively important season for her volleyball future. Somewhere in this next week, Katie will be heading out to Colorado and trying to figure out what she's doing and where she'll be for a while, so I think a huge request would be for safety as we all disperse throughout the country--my dad and I on the 15 hour drive to Chicago, my mom and dad on their respective flights, Madelyn as we ditch her for a night and as she starts her club season, and Katie as she makes the 12 hour drive to the Springs and figures out her plans. If any of that was confusing or sounds exhausting, just know that you get used to it if that's how your family lives for 21 years. <br /><br />Anyway, with the third treatment approaching, and the inevitable days 5 and 6 looming around the corner, I would LOVE your prayers specifically on those days. For this treatment, that means day 5 is Tuesday, January 13th (and incidentally my first day of class...bad timing but we wanted to extend my time at home instead of doing Wed. treatment and having to leave like tomorrow), and day 6 is Wednesday, January 14th. And as for specific prayers, just that my mouth won't hurt, that I can eat--always a good thing, and that there will be no body aches. Also, continued prayers for no other side effects would be so great--especially that I keep my hair. I'm losing strands, but no "clumps" that they warn against, so we're praying daily that it just thins. We already know that the all side effects are different person to person, but apparently you can get different side effects each time, so feel free to throw in some prayers against the catagory of "other" side effects, too. :)<br /><br />I had dinner last night with some Kanakuk staff I worked with this past summer, and one of my friends (Sarah-Graham!) asked me if the support has been overwhelming, and she said in both senses (good and bad) of the word. I told her that, if she means overwhelming in a good sense, then absolutely yes. I am not a girl that cries a whole lot--I like to tell myself to suck it up, and that works for a long time, until the wall breaks and I have a minor melt-down. That said, if you catch me crying usually, you're probably one of my closest friends or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, I have seriously been brought to tears at random times so often in the past month and a half. With every e-mail, voicemail, text, facebook message, or even e-mail to my parents, I am absolutely touched by the love that people have shown. So yes, that has been overwhelming in a good sense, so thank you. I say that in most posts, but seriously, I don't want that to go unappreciated. On that note, yes, it has been a little overwhelming in a sense of messages lining up in my inbox--don't be afraid to e-mail me at all!--but, my goal is to respond to each one--not because it's a duty or anything, but because I function based off of encouragement in everyday life, so you cannot even know how huge each e-mail really has been in this time. And, because of that, I genuinely want to thank each person for encouraging me and my family, but I've been slacking on that. So know that my goal is to respond, but if I e-mail you back in a month and you're thinking "what is this girl thanking me for?!?" because you forgot that you e-mailed me at the end of last year, please bear with me. :)<br /><br />All I have left to say is how thankful I am for a sovereign God who truly loves us. When I felt bad on the ominous days I won't mention post-treatment, my mom came up and literally put me to bed, tucking me in, and praying for me. Seeing how much it pains my parents when I'm just feeling BAD has totally put things in perspective for me. I can't tell you why bad things happen (I mean, I could give you a great explanation of sin, etc., but you know what I mean). I CAN, however, tell you that, just as my parents love me so greatly that it is so hard for them when I'm just laying on the couch in pain, and I want to feel better just to make the pained looks on their faces go away, how much more the Father loves us. He created us, and I guess something I saw this past week when my mom tucked me into bed was just a picture of how hard it is for Him to see us suffer and struggle through things. He's not some callous deity sitting removed from us and just waiting for us to fall. He is our Father, and just as it hurts my parents when I hurt, He loves us even more than that--probably why he put his Son on the cross for us. That may seem like common sense to yall, but something about seeing your parents suffer over your pain has made that so real to me--just how much He does love us and suffers through things WITH us and before us, too. Anyway, He is good. One of the Psalms I read speaks about that, saying, "Praise Him for His acts of power; Praise Him for His surpassing greatness," (Psalm 150:2), and that's something that we have absolutely seen so far in this--not only can we praise Him for all the things He's DONE, but so much more for who He IS and His "surpassing greatness." <br /><br />Thank you again! One round down, 5 to go! Have a blessed week!<br /><br />On Christ the solid Rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544975999846528771.post-29760637393620609652008-12-23T18:29:00.002-10:002008-12-23T18:41:52.772-10:00"But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge..." --Psalm 141:8Ok--this is one for the record books of the shortest post (to date). BUT, I just wanted to update about treatment #2. God really is so sovereign! Praise Him for His incredible peace, too. So, details were still not worked out until like 11:30am today about my 2nd treatment (that needed to happen tomorrow), and as much as my parents were on my case about getting it on the books, praise Him for working out all the details and completely giving me peace that, whether it fit into tomorrow or next Monday (thus changing every other treatment), He was sovereign. And He IS! So anyway, I was getting to 11:30am...so the scheduler from Dr. Fay's office at the Baylor-Sammons Cancer Center in Dallas called again then and asked if 8:30 Wednesday (tomorrow) morning worked, to which I quickly assured her it was perfect. So, I have my 2nd treatment tomorrow morning at 8:30am. PTL!!!<br /><br />Thank you SOOOO much for your faithfulness and prayers. Really, this is awesome. I mean, aside from the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Eve and that I have cancer, but remember, we're already trying to move beyond that inevitable fact (though my dad DID ask me the other night, "Hannah, what in the WORLD are you doing with cancer?" to which I replied, "hmmm...really couldn't tell you"). ANYWAY, God's timing and sovereignty is perfect. So praise HIM that He's had it all planned out from before the start anyway, and in light of that, I was shown, yet again, that there is really no need to worry. So thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers! God answers them...not always how we plan, but He sure does answer them. So please keep up your excellent praying. :) Just kidding...but seriously...<br /><br />Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS (in advance)! Due to the fact that I'm having chemo tomorrow, it's fixing to be Christmas, and everyone has more important things to do than sit by the computer waiting for my updates, it'll be a few days before anything's heard from Fairview, most likely. In the meantime, I thank the Lord for all of you and your touching and humbling prayers. Thanks again for flooring me with your faithfulness and friendship. God bless!<br /><br />On Christ the solid rock I stand,<br /><br />HannahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04841617027609240708noreply@blogger.com2