Ok--this is one for the record books of the shortest post (to date). BUT, I just wanted to update about treatment #2. God really is so sovereign! Praise Him for His incredible peace, too. So, details were still not worked out until like 11:30am today about my 2nd treatment (that needed to happen tomorrow), and as much as my parents were on my case about getting it on the books, praise Him for working out all the details and completely giving me peace that, whether it fit into tomorrow or next Monday (thus changing every other treatment), He was sovereign. And He IS! So anyway, I was getting to 11:30am...so the scheduler from Dr. Fay's office at the Baylor-Sammons Cancer Center in Dallas called again then and asked if 8:30 Wednesday (tomorrow) morning worked, to which I quickly assured her it was perfect. So, I have my 2nd treatment tomorrow morning at 8:30am. PTL!!!
Thank you SOOOO much for your faithfulness and prayers. Really, this is awesome. I mean, aside from the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Eve and that I have cancer, but remember, we're already trying to move beyond that inevitable fact (though my dad DID ask me the other night, "Hannah, what in the WORLD are you doing with cancer?" to which I replied, "hmmm...really couldn't tell you"). ANYWAY, God's timing and sovereignty is perfect. So praise HIM that He's had it all planned out from before the start anyway, and in light of that, I was shown, yet again, that there is really no need to worry. So thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers! God answers them...not always how we plan, but He sure does answer them. So please keep up your excellent praying. :) Just kidding...but seriously...
Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS (in advance)! Due to the fact that I'm having chemo tomorrow, it's fixing to be Christmas, and everyone has more important things to do than sit by the computer waiting for my updates, it'll be a few days before anything's heard from Fairview, most likely. In the meantime, I thank the Lord for all of you and your touching and humbling prayers. Thanks again for flooring me with your faithfulness and friendship. God bless!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life...The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me..." -Psalm 138:7, 8
Greetings, once again, from Fairview! It's been an eventful past week or so, and I'm finally finding some time (and peace of mind) to sit down and give an update. With so much to tell, I think this one will be somewhat of a chronological look back over the past 8 days, starting with a week ago Saturday.
Let me first, however, start out by giving a shoutout to Erin Groth who, after reading my note in the last post about maybe wanting a snack because it was a long one, actually got out a bag of popcorn, popped it, and then continued to read my post. Haha, I love my friends.
As so many were praying for it, you might recall that last Saturday (December 13th) we had our volleyball banquet. I was definitely a little beat and tired, but felt good, was able to attend, and had so much fun, so thanks for so many prayers! It was seriously SUCH a blessing to be there, have some closure on the past 12 years of my life in my volleyball career, and have a blast with my teammates and all of our dates. Afterward we came to my house (in Wheaton), where my mom--who deserves an award definitely--had been baking cookies and decorating and helping me with everything, and the day continued as we decorated cookies and had a group-gingerbread house competition (which, Brooke, Sarah, Harrison, and I most definitely won). NOW, I am officially a has-been. Anyway, so Saturday was a good day, PTL!
On to Sunday (Dec. 14th)...it was going well--I dropped my mom off at the airport and then headed out to Aurora for our Christmas Klub with Aurora K-Life, which was great. However, when I made it back to my house, all the feeling great from Friday and Saturday caught up with me and I just felt exhausted. That's sadly the best that I can describe it--I didn't throw up or think I was going to, but I was just BEAT. Sunday night, all of Monday, and Tuesday morning were pretty much spent with me laying in my bed feeling pretty awful. Starting Monday, I just felt bad--kinda like I had the flu (I didn't)--but just my whole body was aching, at one point I literally thought I was going to black out, and I was pretty shaky. Tuesday morning at 8am I had an exam, at which I told my prof: "there is no possible way I can pass this exam right now" and she told me I didn't have to take it right then but could have my mom proctor it from home. Then I told her I didn't know if I could do this, but I wanted to hug her, and I did. Honestly, I could not have done this semester without the incredible grace my professors have shown me. I was floored by their grace, and I can't thank them enough for it nor imagine having been any other place. I have a hard time asking for help because I feel like I should've been able to do it but just made bad choices to lead to a point where I need an extension or something, but they made it easy and have truly influenced how I hope to respond to students of mine in the future. Praise the Lord for my Wheaton professors. (And on the note of finishing this semester, I have a couple more things pending which I am working on getting in throughout the next week or so).
Ok, so I was saying how Sunday things hit me, and I felt pretty bad through when I left Wheaton at noon on Tuesday. Getting out of town was made possible wholly by my one of my co-counselors from this summer at Kanakuk K-West who literally packed for me as I sat on my futon. (Shoutout to Lo for being amazing, and also to the rest of the Fab 4). Anyway, Stef (my teammate/roommate/etc.) and I DID get out of there, but as we left, we started on probably the worst road trip of all the ones we've taken, due to awful weather (which included ice, snow, freezing rain, dense fog, and rain) which made the drive a couple hours longer than the estimated 15 hours. Stef is another one without whom I could not have done the last week--but for a meagre 3 or 4 hours I drove, she drove all the rest, navigated the crazy weather and roads, put up with my whining, and didn't flinch as I started throwing up with 2 hours left of our drive. On that event--for the first time in my life, I got carsick. Real fun. And so sorry for those of you that deal with that on a regular basis. Ughhh. OH--ALSO to throw into that mix, I had a pounding headache for Tuesday and Wednesday (and at other points), and I knew my sinuses were messed up, so PTL for my nurse Michelle who got me a Z-pack (sp?) of antibiotics for my sinus infection. (I actually had mentioned that to the ENT back in November--that I had all this sinus pressure and was pretty sure from having them before that I had a sinus infection, but somewhere along the lines with uncovering cancer, that was sideswept...go figure).
All of that whining right now is to say that, there were some pretty rough days and nights packed into last week, but praise the Lord that His joy comes with the morning. As simple as that sounds, in long nights, I have to cling to that. Tuesday night as I was awake with a headache, I was just praying so hard that He would cease the pain, and as frustrated as I was with the pounding, I got a text from my teammate Kelly who reminded me (unsolicited--give it up for God's great timing) of Philippians 4:6-7, which both happen to have been HUGE verses in my life over the past year or so, about not being anxious about ANYTHING but giving EVERYTHING up to Him in prayer. I love what follows: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." What a great verse to get when you're laying there, annoyed by the pounding in your head but unable to do a thing about it except worry (which probably just perpetuates the problem), and yet, I was called out of my self-pity there to remember that, even with a sinus infection and just feeling like crap, God is sovereign, we are not supposed to worry, and He gives peace. And He did, and I slept. :)
Anyway, so somehow, amidst all the mess that I was feeling, we made it home. I have never been SO happy to pull into my driveway and crash on our couch, let me tell you. And crash is pretty much what I did for Thursday and for Friday morning. Thursday I still felt a little nauseous, but it was only really there in the afternoon. Friday I felt GREAT--praise the LORD! Of significance on Thursday was my trip with my mom to my hairdresser's house. She had called and said she would cut it there, even though it was her day off, and so my mom and I went, and my hair is now 14 inches shorter. I don't think my hair's been this short since I was like 3 years old, but Melissa (my hairdresser) was great, and actually--here's another blessing--she volunteered with the American Cancer Society in college, so she had all kinds of tips and info and compassion for us. God is so good--even in the small things! So anyway, the reason for "the big chop" was that my doctor had told me that, with such thick hair, it might just thin. My nurse told me it's pretty standard that I'll lose my hair, but the nurse practitioner added that, since mine was so long, the weight of it might break some hair off that I wouldn't otherwise lose, so I should cut it. So, while we're praying that I won't lose my hair, it is definitely short, but it's growing on me (pun intended). If I do lose it, it should be 14-18 days after my first treatment, which for the viewers at home, means we're praying that Christmas morning I WON'T wake up and find hair on my pillow.
If you've heard the song "Skin" by Rascal Flatts and thought it was a little over-dramatic, what with the girl finding it "right there on her pillow--the cruelest of any surprise," apparently that's actually what happens. On that note, I thought I would throw in two of my favorite hair-related quotes from my little sister Madelyn, who is helping us keep our senses of humor in this whole thing (which we've been told is actually really important in this process of recovery): (1) on if I go bald: "Don't worry, Hannah, worst-case-scenario, you'll look like a naked mole rat" (that, apparently, was supposed to be comforting, she said) (2) again, on how losing hair is not so fun: "You're gonna be pretty like a bald eagle and soar on the wings of Jesus." Both times, my family and I looked at each other, then at Madelyn, and didn't QUITE know what to say. In regards to the second quote, none of us were aware that Jesus had actual wings, but Madelyn is...Madelyn.
Anyway, I digress. We're on to Friday--this was the first day (after the initial two when I felt decent) that I felt great, which was a huge blessing because I had some of my high school friends over for a party that night, and we had tons of fun reminiscing and getting caught up. :) Oh--another thing to throw into the mix (hope this isn't TMI), but I had started taking birth control Sunday to maybe help lower the risks of infertility (which are lower than 10% to begin with), but there's nothing really proven at all on whether it helps or not. So, after reading on the label that it can make you feel nauseous for the first three months you take it, and remembering that I'm only doing chemo for the next six months and will be feeling nauseous as is, we decided to kick birth control to the curb, so Friday was my first day back off of it. I don't know if there was a direct correlation to my starting to feel crappy on Sunday (the day I started taking the pill) and feeling great again on Friday (the day I didn't take the pill), but needless to say, we're done with that mess. My mom pointed out that, if we really believe that God is the life-giver, we're just going to pray that I don't have any problems with infertility down the road (but again, that might have been TMI). Really though, I share all of that to point out that, hopefully, not every treatment will hit me with such a delay like this one did--hopefully that was the birth control making me feel wretched. In fact, my nurse said that, after the first 48 hours, the threat for nausea isn't really too much from chemo.
Back to chronology: Saturday (yesterday) I felt great for the second day in a row, and we actually got BACK in my car and drove down to Houston and its massive surrounding areas for the Cunningham family Christmas party on my mom's side, and I didn't have a moment of car-sickness, PTL! I got to see most family from that side, bond with my Aunt Jill as she rode with us to Houston, and hang out with my McGinnis cousins and their parents for a couple hours, so it was fun. We got back from Houston/Pearland/Crosby/Huffman tonight, met up with my dad and Katie who had just gotten in from their long drive in from Atlanta where Katie just finished her internship, and we had dinner together, which is always fun, and pretty rare of an event.
On to plans for the next treatment: bummer that the hospital Dr. Fay in Dallas is at (Baylor-Sammons?) is closed on the 26th, so that leaves us with major prayers that we can get in on the 24th--Christmas Eve. That kinda sucks, but we'd rather keep to our schedule then change to the next Monday and then have to do all subsequent treatments on Mondays (Thursdays work because I'll have class on Thursday morning and then have till the next Tuesday to recover before I have class again). Anyway, so if you could be praying that things fall into place...pretty much tomorrow...so that I can have treatment #2 on this Wednesday the 24th, that would be huge. They had to clear stuff with insurance here first, and then the doctor was on vacation, so tomorrow (Monday) we're hoping to line that one up.
This upcoming week, while a little crazy with a pending treatment and Christmas shopping which has definitely not been a priority lately and is now stacking up, is still so huge for reasons beyond me or cancer. Thanks to Dr. Cohick and my 1 Corinthians class for reminding me of the imperative of this week for each of our lives; I wrote my final research paper for that class on the cross of Christ as the center for ethics in 1 Corinthians, and researching the necessity of the cross for our faith got me thinking on the how important God even sending His Son to us was in the first place. Call me sentimental, but the past month has shifted what's important in some ways--and this is (prayerfully) not really a life-threatening condition for me even--but nevertheless, amidst craziness all around, you just have to find peace in Him and let go of trying to order every detail to fit into your day; if it doesn't get done at this point, it doesn't get done, and that's a recent philosophy for my family, I think. Anyway, amidst everything else that's going on--in my life and in yours--I've been struck again and again with the truth that God remains the same and is still sovereign, and somehow, that reminds me of Christmas right now at this late hour. Really, though, without Him sending His Son, there is absolutely no point to any trials, hardships, or suffering we go through, and that's a truth I really KNOW right now. His gift is everything, and I definitely forget that. Leave it to cancer to remind me of the truths I've learned in Sunday school since I was able to breathe. So, that's my pithy reminder for you, too, during this time. Also, praise the Lord that He is not like Santa Claus, dishing out gifts for the good and coal for the bad. PTL that He does not operate on a year-to-year basis of naughty and nice, though I think we think of him like Santa sometimes. All I know is that there'd be a whole lot of coal in my stocking, so praise the Lord for grace--seriously (remember my comments about finishing this semester).
I kinda had a few prayer requests dispersed throughout this post, but as a recap: for scheduling treatment number 2 this week in Dallas, that the effects of that would be nonexistent (and for no delayed effects, either!), and lastly, that we'd have some great family time this week and forget about the stress. Y'all are such a blessing. You don't even know. I say that and you probably think I'm just being patronizing, but seriously, a good friend once said, "encouragement is like oxygen to the soul" (E!) and that's so true. So thank you dearly, and know that I am working on responding to a ton of you. God bless, don't stress, and have a great day!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Let me first, however, start out by giving a shoutout to Erin Groth who, after reading my note in the last post about maybe wanting a snack because it was a long one, actually got out a bag of popcorn, popped it, and then continued to read my post. Haha, I love my friends.
As so many were praying for it, you might recall that last Saturday (December 13th) we had our volleyball banquet. I was definitely a little beat and tired, but felt good, was able to attend, and had so much fun, so thanks for so many prayers! It was seriously SUCH a blessing to be there, have some closure on the past 12 years of my life in my volleyball career, and have a blast with my teammates and all of our dates. Afterward we came to my house (in Wheaton), where my mom--who deserves an award definitely--had been baking cookies and decorating and helping me with everything, and the day continued as we decorated cookies and had a group-gingerbread house competition (which, Brooke, Sarah, Harrison, and I most definitely won). NOW, I am officially a has-been. Anyway, so Saturday was a good day, PTL!
On to Sunday (Dec. 14th)...it was going well--I dropped my mom off at the airport and then headed out to Aurora for our Christmas Klub with Aurora K-Life, which was great. However, when I made it back to my house, all the feeling great from Friday and Saturday caught up with me and I just felt exhausted. That's sadly the best that I can describe it--I didn't throw up or think I was going to, but I was just BEAT. Sunday night, all of Monday, and Tuesday morning were pretty much spent with me laying in my bed feeling pretty awful. Starting Monday, I just felt bad--kinda like I had the flu (I didn't)--but just my whole body was aching, at one point I literally thought I was going to black out, and I was pretty shaky. Tuesday morning at 8am I had an exam, at which I told my prof: "there is no possible way I can pass this exam right now" and she told me I didn't have to take it right then but could have my mom proctor it from home. Then I told her I didn't know if I could do this, but I wanted to hug her, and I did. Honestly, I could not have done this semester without the incredible grace my professors have shown me. I was floored by their grace, and I can't thank them enough for it nor imagine having been any other place. I have a hard time asking for help because I feel like I should've been able to do it but just made bad choices to lead to a point where I need an extension or something, but they made it easy and have truly influenced how I hope to respond to students of mine in the future. Praise the Lord for my Wheaton professors. (And on the note of finishing this semester, I have a couple more things pending which I am working on getting in throughout the next week or so).
Ok, so I was saying how Sunday things hit me, and I felt pretty bad through when I left Wheaton at noon on Tuesday. Getting out of town was made possible wholly by my one of my co-counselors from this summer at Kanakuk K-West who literally packed for me as I sat on my futon. (Shoutout to Lo for being amazing, and also to the rest of the Fab 4). Anyway, Stef (my teammate/roommate/etc.) and I DID get out of there, but as we left, we started on probably the worst road trip of all the ones we've taken, due to awful weather (which included ice, snow, freezing rain, dense fog, and rain) which made the drive a couple hours longer than the estimated 15 hours. Stef is another one without whom I could not have done the last week--but for a meagre 3 or 4 hours I drove, she drove all the rest, navigated the crazy weather and roads, put up with my whining, and didn't flinch as I started throwing up with 2 hours left of our drive. On that event--for the first time in my life, I got carsick. Real fun. And so sorry for those of you that deal with that on a regular basis. Ughhh. OH--ALSO to throw into that mix, I had a pounding headache for Tuesday and Wednesday (and at other points), and I knew my sinuses were messed up, so PTL for my nurse Michelle who got me a Z-pack (sp?) of antibiotics for my sinus infection. (I actually had mentioned that to the ENT back in November--that I had all this sinus pressure and was pretty sure from having them before that I had a sinus infection, but somewhere along the lines with uncovering cancer, that was sideswept...go figure).
All of that whining right now is to say that, there were some pretty rough days and nights packed into last week, but praise the Lord that His joy comes with the morning. As simple as that sounds, in long nights, I have to cling to that. Tuesday night as I was awake with a headache, I was just praying so hard that He would cease the pain, and as frustrated as I was with the pounding, I got a text from my teammate Kelly who reminded me (unsolicited--give it up for God's great timing) of Philippians 4:6-7, which both happen to have been HUGE verses in my life over the past year or so, about not being anxious about ANYTHING but giving EVERYTHING up to Him in prayer. I love what follows: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." What a great verse to get when you're laying there, annoyed by the pounding in your head but unable to do a thing about it except worry (which probably just perpetuates the problem), and yet, I was called out of my self-pity there to remember that, even with a sinus infection and just feeling like crap, God is sovereign, we are not supposed to worry, and He gives peace. And He did, and I slept. :)
Anyway, so somehow, amidst all the mess that I was feeling, we made it home. I have never been SO happy to pull into my driveway and crash on our couch, let me tell you. And crash is pretty much what I did for Thursday and for Friday morning. Thursday I still felt a little nauseous, but it was only really there in the afternoon. Friday I felt GREAT--praise the LORD! Of significance on Thursday was my trip with my mom to my hairdresser's house. She had called and said she would cut it there, even though it was her day off, and so my mom and I went, and my hair is now 14 inches shorter. I don't think my hair's been this short since I was like 3 years old, but Melissa (my hairdresser) was great, and actually--here's another blessing--she volunteered with the American Cancer Society in college, so she had all kinds of tips and info and compassion for us. God is so good--even in the small things! So anyway, the reason for "the big chop" was that my doctor had told me that, with such thick hair, it might just thin. My nurse told me it's pretty standard that I'll lose my hair, but the nurse practitioner added that, since mine was so long, the weight of it might break some hair off that I wouldn't otherwise lose, so I should cut it. So, while we're praying that I won't lose my hair, it is definitely short, but it's growing on me (pun intended). If I do lose it, it should be 14-18 days after my first treatment, which for the viewers at home, means we're praying that Christmas morning I WON'T wake up and find hair on my pillow.
If you've heard the song "Skin" by Rascal Flatts and thought it was a little over-dramatic, what with the girl finding it "right there on her pillow--the cruelest of any surprise," apparently that's actually what happens. On that note, I thought I would throw in two of my favorite hair-related quotes from my little sister Madelyn, who is helping us keep our senses of humor in this whole thing (which we've been told is actually really important in this process of recovery): (1) on if I go bald: "Don't worry, Hannah, worst-case-scenario, you'll look like a naked mole rat" (that, apparently, was supposed to be comforting, she said) (2) again, on how losing hair is not so fun: "You're gonna be pretty like a bald eagle and soar on the wings of Jesus." Both times, my family and I looked at each other, then at Madelyn, and didn't QUITE know what to say. In regards to the second quote, none of us were aware that Jesus had actual wings, but Madelyn is...Madelyn.
Anyway, I digress. We're on to Friday--this was the first day (after the initial two when I felt decent) that I felt great, which was a huge blessing because I had some of my high school friends over for a party that night, and we had tons of fun reminiscing and getting caught up. :) Oh--another thing to throw into the mix (hope this isn't TMI), but I had started taking birth control Sunday to maybe help lower the risks of infertility (which are lower than 10% to begin with), but there's nothing really proven at all on whether it helps or not. So, after reading on the label that it can make you feel nauseous for the first three months you take it, and remembering that I'm only doing chemo for the next six months and will be feeling nauseous as is, we decided to kick birth control to the curb, so Friday was my first day back off of it. I don't know if there was a direct correlation to my starting to feel crappy on Sunday (the day I started taking the pill) and feeling great again on Friday (the day I didn't take the pill), but needless to say, we're done with that mess. My mom pointed out that, if we really believe that God is the life-giver, we're just going to pray that I don't have any problems with infertility down the road (but again, that might have been TMI). Really though, I share all of that to point out that, hopefully, not every treatment will hit me with such a delay like this one did--hopefully that was the birth control making me feel wretched. In fact, my nurse said that, after the first 48 hours, the threat for nausea isn't really too much from chemo.
Back to chronology: Saturday (yesterday) I felt great for the second day in a row, and we actually got BACK in my car and drove down to Houston and its massive surrounding areas for the Cunningham family Christmas party on my mom's side, and I didn't have a moment of car-sickness, PTL! I got to see most family from that side, bond with my Aunt Jill as she rode with us to Houston, and hang out with my McGinnis cousins and their parents for a couple hours, so it was fun. We got back from Houston/Pearland/Crosby/Huffman tonight, met up with my dad and Katie who had just gotten in from their long drive in from Atlanta where Katie just finished her internship, and we had dinner together, which is always fun, and pretty rare of an event.
On to plans for the next treatment: bummer that the hospital Dr. Fay in Dallas is at (Baylor-Sammons?) is closed on the 26th, so that leaves us with major prayers that we can get in on the 24th--Christmas Eve. That kinda sucks, but we'd rather keep to our schedule then change to the next Monday and then have to do all subsequent treatments on Mondays (Thursdays work because I'll have class on Thursday morning and then have till the next Tuesday to recover before I have class again). Anyway, so if you could be praying that things fall into place...pretty much tomorrow...so that I can have treatment #2 on this Wednesday the 24th, that would be huge. They had to clear stuff with insurance here first, and then the doctor was on vacation, so tomorrow (Monday) we're hoping to line that one up.
This upcoming week, while a little crazy with a pending treatment and Christmas shopping which has definitely not been a priority lately and is now stacking up, is still so huge for reasons beyond me or cancer. Thanks to Dr. Cohick and my 1 Corinthians class for reminding me of the imperative of this week for each of our lives; I wrote my final research paper for that class on the cross of Christ as the center for ethics in 1 Corinthians, and researching the necessity of the cross for our faith got me thinking on the how important God even sending His Son to us was in the first place. Call me sentimental, but the past month has shifted what's important in some ways--and this is (prayerfully) not really a life-threatening condition for me even--but nevertheless, amidst craziness all around, you just have to find peace in Him and let go of trying to order every detail to fit into your day; if it doesn't get done at this point, it doesn't get done, and that's a recent philosophy for my family, I think. Anyway, amidst everything else that's going on--in my life and in yours--I've been struck again and again with the truth that God remains the same and is still sovereign, and somehow, that reminds me of Christmas right now at this late hour. Really, though, without Him sending His Son, there is absolutely no point to any trials, hardships, or suffering we go through, and that's a truth I really KNOW right now. His gift is everything, and I definitely forget that. Leave it to cancer to remind me of the truths I've learned in Sunday school since I was able to breathe. So, that's my pithy reminder for you, too, during this time. Also, praise the Lord that He is not like Santa Claus, dishing out gifts for the good and coal for the bad. PTL that He does not operate on a year-to-year basis of naughty and nice, though I think we think of him like Santa sometimes. All I know is that there'd be a whole lot of coal in my stocking, so praise the Lord for grace--seriously (remember my comments about finishing this semester).
I kinda had a few prayer requests dispersed throughout this post, but as a recap: for scheduling treatment number 2 this week in Dallas, that the effects of that would be nonexistent (and for no delayed effects, either!), and lastly, that we'd have some great family time this week and forget about the stress. Y'all are such a blessing. You don't even know. I say that and you probably think I'm just being patronizing, but seriously, a good friend once said, "encouragement is like oxygen to the soul" (E!) and that's so true. So thank you dearly, and know that I am working on responding to a ton of you. God bless, don't stress, and have a great day!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Friday, December 12, 2008
"O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption" -Psalm 130:7
1 down, 11 to go. When you think of it like that, it's manageable, right? Plus, "12" was always my number...I don't know that you'd call it lucky, seeing as how I've had a very mediocre career at points in volleyball, but it is, nevertheless a very recurring number in my life, and as hokey as this sounds, it's endearing. So, of course there WOULD be 12 chemos to go through.
This is going to be a long one. You might want a snack or to break this up over the next few days (when I will be silent on here due to EXAMMMSSS...grr). Let me give you a little more info and then I'll talk about Chemo Numero Uno (number one for those of you outside of Texas...).
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers on the timing and scheduling of this. As I mentioned before, God's definitely had His hand in this from long ago, but daily as new details happen, it's so cool to see so many answered prayers. I got off the phone with my Chemo nurse within the last hour, and we got sessions 3 through 12 on the books, so, while I'll be updating with reminders as each draws closer, I'll give you the broad overview anyway: Friday, January 9th in Chicago I will have chemo #3--which lets my teammate/former roommate/roadtrip partner extraordinaire Stef and I still spend time at home but only have to get up to school a couple days earlier than we need to be anyway. From there on out, all the others will be on Thursdays at 12pm Central--which is great because then I can go to my 8:30-10:20am class, head to the hospital, and then have time to make it to practice at 5:30 for the 14's club volleyball team I'm coaching with my amazing freshman teammate Brooke (mad props to her for following through and coaching the last 3 practices alone during all of my testing--even there God definitely had His hand in this, since it's not what she signed up for, and yet she's handled it like a pro and with incredible grace). If that sounds like a crazy day to you, you must remember that I am a McGinnis, and life at any other pace would be disorienting. That said, slowing down today has already been hard, so there's another request for prayer--that I'd allow myself to slow down and just rest.
Ok, I was getting into the dates of all of my chemos for you to put on the schedule if you want (no pressure...I'm just a girl who functions by my planner), but I got sidetracked (SHOCK)...must be the phenomenon they call "Chemo brain" where you become forgetful. GOOOOOOOD. Since it's not like I'm medicated for that ANYWAY or anything.... Here are the dates though:
Chemo 2: Friday, (tentatively...workin on that one still) December 26th in Dallas
Chemo 3: Friday, January 9th, 2pm in Chicago
Chemo 4: Thursday, January 22nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 5: Thursday, February 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 6: Thursday, February 19th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 7: Thursday, March 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 8: Thursday, March 19th, 12pm in Chiago (SO great that I avoid having it right before my cousin Elaine's wedding on March 15th--praise the Lord!)
Chemo 9: Thursday, April 2nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 10: Thursday, April 16th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 11: Thursday, April 30th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 12: Thursday, May 7th, 12pm in Chicago (and Sunday, May 10th, GRADUATION!!!)
Ok so here are the details (or lack thereof) on Chemo #2: It's not actually QUITE on the books yet because we are going to do that one in Dallas--again, another praise! On that, Dr. Gordon told us yesterday that he was having lunch with a doctor from Dallas last weekend and was going to pass my name on to him but wanted to make sure we had not found another doctor in Dallas for the one appointment over Christmas break yet. So, when we said we had not and that we wanted to go with whoever he recommended, he said he would go ahead and get the info passed on to Dr. Fay in Dallas. SO, the cool story here, and one more "coincidence" that you can only see as being part of God's provision, is the fact that the very first morning we found out (the day before Thanksgiving)--if you remember I was at the mall with my friend Caroline (shoutout for the BEAUTIFUL Kwanzaa flower bouquet)--well, Caroline's mother, Patrice Shelby had told my mom she knew a phenomenal cancer doctor named Dr. Fay. My mom thinks Patrice said something like, "Dr. Fay is YOUR GUY if you end up doing it here." Great minds think alike, I do believe. Patrice said that Dr. Fay was their neighbor for a while and is one of the best in Dallas, so it's awesome that, at some conference for international research held in San Fransisco over the weekend, just one more confirmation of God's faithfulness happened in a meeting between two oncologists from opposite poles of the country. God is GOOD!
OKAY. Now on to what I think you are wondering: how am I DOING today? Let me say first, that chemo is not as scary as you think, PTL. I really didn't know what to expect, but basically, for around 2 hours, you sit with an IV in your arm, and the nurse--Michelle Balla who is amazing!--pushes the A, V, and B drugs with a syringe, followed by an hour-long drip of the D drug. One of the weirdest things in all of this has been the few times where I've been like, "wow, this is actually HAPPENING." Not that I've been in denial, but it's a little surreal. When they made an announcement in chapel about it, even though I knew they'd be praying for me, it was like an out-of-body experience. They said, "We just found out last week that senior Hannah McGinnis, who many of you might know as the Co-Captain of the volleyball team was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma..." and I turned to my teammate Ashlie--who I'm SO glad sat with me that day--and did tear up because it was this crazy thought of, "that's ME they're talking about up there." Just strange. So, I think that was my experience in the hospital yesterday. I literally e-mailed my 1 Corinthians professor my final research paper at 11:30am, then I drove to the airport to pick up my mom, and from there we just made it in time to Northwestern at 1:30. As crazy and maybe over-the-top as that sounds, again with the way I've grown up, it's normal, and yesterday was really a blessing because I literally had no time to worry or even let it set in that I was going to chemo. So we got in the elevator to go up and I was like, "wow, this is IT...it all begins today." It was, again, a little surreal as it just seemed kinda ordinary, less painful than any of the darn scans and biopsies they did (at the time they were given) and was weird to look up at a normal looking IV and think, "hmmm that's the poison, it's moving into me, and it's healing me. THAT'S chemo." All that to give you a little picture into my crazy mind. :) Really though, people do it everyday, and it's just less scary than the connotation that "scary Chemo" seems to hold.
(Intermission to tell you that, I'm so sorry these keep getting longer and longer...thanks for sticking through both the posts and the whole process with me and my family).
So, TODAY: I slept in because I was so tired, only leaving myself 25 minutes to get to class (which on a normal day would leave me with 5 minutes to spare), and yet, was smacked with the reality that this WILL slow me down. I've told people today that the best way I can describe how I feel is this: you know when you have a stomach bug and the first day you throw up and feel wretched, followed by the second day where you're no longer throwing up but just feeling "sick," out of it, weak, and tired? I am in day 2 of a stomach bug, metaphorically speaking. I haven't thrown up--Praise the Lord!--but I did take...oh, about 5 drugs this morning followed by like 6 others throughout the day. They say that the chemo drugs are only in you for 48 hours post-treatment, so tomorrow is still a potential for nausea, so please pray that I make it through my banquet!
My mom (who was NOT LATE on her flight--PTL!) and I ran some errands because, basically, so far, our experience with chemo has been that when it starts, life keeps coming at you, so she helped me get stuff for our Banquet from all over the suburbs of Chicago. She's been a HUGE help, and I can't imagine her not being here for this first one. Also, as she felt bad for me this morning, knowing that, as she says, I have more on my plate than I could be doing MINUS chemo (exams, banquet, packing, driving home on Tuesday, etc.), she called American and asked to get a flight out Saturday or Sunday preferably. After about 30 seconds post-giving out her existing reservations to the agent, she lost it. And by "lost," I mean, was like, "I have...I'm sorry.....Ok, I have a daughter....I'm so sorry (15 second pause)...my daughter just had her first chemo yesterday...." And with that, the lady switched over, talked to a manager, and waved any fees for transferring the flight or increase of fares. God is so good. And I think my mom's sobbing helped. It's hard to see your parents cry at any point, and especially when it's over you and just out of pure love. I am so thankful for my parents and family--I can't even explain it. All of that to say, my mom has been a HUGE help and will be over the next 2 days, so PTL for His better plans and for all of your prayers. Also, continued prayers for my family in all of this would be seriously so HUGE.
One more thought: In case you didn't know or I didn't explain well yet, let me tell about yet another reason why God is great (I'm on chemo brain, and actually kinda frustrated that I can't TALK...or more am fumbling around for correct words when I speak--very annoying for an English major who has, usually, an affinity for grammar, so forgive me for my stream-of-consciousness here). Anyway, Wheaton College was NOT my first choice. In fact, I told my parents sometime in my junior year of high school that I didn't want to go to Wheaton because I didn't want to teach at TCA (I had had GREAT Wheaton grads as teachers at TCA--Gro, Merrylegs shoutout, but I didn't want to be "stuck" in Dallas or having to teach or especially being back at TCA someday, having spent the past 13 years there at that point). Anyway, my parents laughed and said, "Hannah, how many Wheaton grads do you know that teach at TCA?" to which I replied, "4." They then reassured me that, at a school of around 3000 undergrads, there were only marginal chances that I'd be one of those four teachers at TCA. How ironic that I am now hoping and applying to teach high school English in a private school and would like to be back at TCA (eventually). Anyway, all of that to say, I've alluded to how it's taken me a while to get on board with God's plan of me being at Wheaton due to some stubbornness on my part, but we cannot imagine me being ANYWHERE ELSE. The announcement and weekly prayer in chapel; professors who read the blog, pray for me with their families and with the class; the President who sent me a letter yesterday telling me he was praying for me and reminding me to lean hard on Him through this; the Interim Dean of Students who e-mailed me with a subject of "What can we do for you?"; all these are just a fraction of the reasons why I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is right where I'm supposed to be. Love how it takes me to my last semester or two to really see that. I'm so stubborn, but He is SO good! He promises again and again that He is faithful, and while we may not always see that right away--or even ever on this side of Heaven sometimes--for the times He does show us, all you can do is just KNOW that He is truth, sovereign, and so amazing that you just can't wait to meet Him face to face. No other school of the three others that I applied to--while great schools, (and I still secretly LOVE Carolina blue plus the Tar Heels and am so jealous of the Aggie spirit and traditions) would have had the student body praying for me, and at a school with over 50,000 students, I don't think the president would write me that He's praying for me. So, as much as I make fun of being at Wheaton in this, my 17th year of private, Christian, school, I know (bout time, Hannah!) exactly where I need to be. And for that, I just KNOW that God is SO good!
Ok, this is super-long. Like, the length places this post in a category all of its own. Sorry. :)
For prayer requests: I've already covered a few throughout this (unless you got tired of my babbling and just jumped to the end for prayer requests, so I'll review): prayer for no nausea tomorrow, that we would figure out the details of my treatment in Dallas (since 2 Thursdays from yesterday is Christmas so I would have to do it the day before or after Christmas, and since I think, "who wants to feel like day 2 of a stomach bug on Christmas morning?!?" we're hoping it works out to be on the 26th, that Friday). Also, I mentioned for my mom, but just continued prayers for my parents (Kevin and Brenda if you don't know their names...this blog has expanded in scope so if you're a semi-stranger, sorry for leaving out some details along the way) and my two sisters, Madelyn (16) and Katie (23 and who's in Atlanta going through this alone, distance-wise). Also, while you're at it, my extended family could probably use prayer, too, since we're all really close, and though they are technically "extended" family, we've nevertheless grown up together...and a few of us live only a couple miles apart, so it's been hard for them, too.
Lastly, here's some information first, then the prayer: In about a week, my blood counts (white and red) will drop due to the fact that I've been poisoned (in a good way...sounds so wrong), and so I'll be susceptible to infections. Now, Dr. Gordon is so knowledgeable and really wants patients to keep living life, so I won't have to skip every chapel nor avoid every crowd of over 10 people or anything. In fact, most of the infections I could get would come from my own system, since with blood counts down, your body isn't fighting off the 80% of infections encountered that it does everyday and we never know that our body has just vanquished. I mean, I'm not gonna say, "go ahead, please use my sleeve for your runny nose," or anything, but I don't have to be a germaphobe (sp? actual word, even?--Madelyn can keep dibs on that attribute for now). BUT, it's another long-term prayer request that I wouldn't get sick through this whole process. Once my counts go down next week, they will stay down throughout the whole process--I mean, they will rise again a little (thus the 2 week intervals), but it's safe to continue treating with low counts, and yet, a minor sickness to anyone else could mean a stay in the hospital for me. There are so many aspects of healing to pray for--the end result of being in remission and free of my not-so-friendly resident Hodgkin's disease (or as some support shirts boast of the end goal: "I kicked cancer's butt"--another sidenote: I fully intend to buy one of those), but also prayer for limited--or even nonexistent (hey, there's a bold prayer!) side-effects, and that I won't get OTHER infections along the way. Complicated, I know. For me personally, continued prayer for perseverance, and especially to know my limits. To be very real for a moment, one of my greatest weaknesses is over-committing, which sounds not so bad, but it is when I spread myself too thin and then shortchange each area in which I'm involved. I can't say no; not because I'm so good at heart and really selfless--no, no, only because I am pretty much Katherine Heigl's character Jane in 27 Dresses who just doesn't have the courage to say no, and then shoots herself afterward for saying yes. Anyway, this IS going to slow me down, and when it does, I'd love prayer to rest in just where God has me, to know my limits, and to accept them with grace. And, (last one, this time I mean it when I promise) that I would lean on Him and bring Him glory in this with all of the opportunities to share His faithfulness and name, that I would take hold of those instead of taking them for myself and my own gratification.
Like I mentioned before, it's been really humbling to see how He's using me when I feel so inadequate to be sharing with people twice my age--let alone my OWN age--but, as singer-songwriter Justin McRoberts shared in chapel at Wheaton on Monday: "Jesus Christ will never call you to a work that you CAN do on your own without Him; yet, He will never call you to something you CAN'T do WITH HIM. The goodness of God is better than the problems of the world." Amen. Justin's got something there, and I think that's how I've been at peace--God won't put something on me that I can't handle with Him taking me through it (1 Corinthians 10:13), and yet, He also won't give me anything that is so easy that I can just breeze through it, collect all the credit, and keep going. I'm gonna have to rely on Him daily, and I love the last line of what that singer said: the goodness of God totally trumps every bad situation in this world.
Love you, thank you, and miss you. Thanks for your faithfulness to me and my family, and have a blessed weekend! (And you can take a breath now, I am finished). :)
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
This is going to be a long one. You might want a snack or to break this up over the next few days (when I will be silent on here due to EXAMMMSSS...grr). Let me give you a little more info and then I'll talk about Chemo Numero Uno (number one for those of you outside of Texas...).
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers on the timing and scheduling of this. As I mentioned before, God's definitely had His hand in this from long ago, but daily as new details happen, it's so cool to see so many answered prayers. I got off the phone with my Chemo nurse within the last hour, and we got sessions 3 through 12 on the books, so, while I'll be updating with reminders as each draws closer, I'll give you the broad overview anyway: Friday, January 9th in Chicago I will have chemo #3--which lets my teammate/former roommate/roadtrip partner extraordinaire Stef and I still spend time at home but only have to get up to school a couple days earlier than we need to be anyway. From there on out, all the others will be on Thursdays at 12pm Central--which is great because then I can go to my 8:30-10:20am class, head to the hospital, and then have time to make it to practice at 5:30 for the 14's club volleyball team I'm coaching with my amazing freshman teammate Brooke (mad props to her for following through and coaching the last 3 practices alone during all of my testing--even there God definitely had His hand in this, since it's not what she signed up for, and yet she's handled it like a pro and with incredible grace). If that sounds like a crazy day to you, you must remember that I am a McGinnis, and life at any other pace would be disorienting. That said, slowing down today has already been hard, so there's another request for prayer--that I'd allow myself to slow down and just rest.
Ok, I was getting into the dates of all of my chemos for you to put on the schedule if you want (no pressure...I'm just a girl who functions by my planner), but I got sidetracked (SHOCK)...must be the phenomenon they call "Chemo brain" where you become forgetful. GOOOOOOOD. Since it's not like I'm medicated for that ANYWAY or anything.... Here are the dates though:
Chemo 2: Friday, (tentatively...workin on that one still) December 26th in Dallas
Chemo 3: Friday, January 9th, 2pm in Chicago
Chemo 4: Thursday, January 22nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 5: Thursday, February 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 6: Thursday, February 19th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 7: Thursday, March 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 8: Thursday, March 19th, 12pm in Chiago (SO great that I avoid having it right before my cousin Elaine's wedding on March 15th--praise the Lord!)
Chemo 9: Thursday, April 2nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 10: Thursday, April 16th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 11: Thursday, April 30th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 12: Thursday, May 7th, 12pm in Chicago (and Sunday, May 10th, GRADUATION!!!)
Ok so here are the details (or lack thereof) on Chemo #2: It's not actually QUITE on the books yet because we are going to do that one in Dallas--again, another praise! On that, Dr. Gordon told us yesterday that he was having lunch with a doctor from Dallas last weekend and was going to pass my name on to him but wanted to make sure we had not found another doctor in Dallas for the one appointment over Christmas break yet. So, when we said we had not and that we wanted to go with whoever he recommended, he said he would go ahead and get the info passed on to Dr. Fay in Dallas. SO, the cool story here, and one more "coincidence" that you can only see as being part of God's provision, is the fact that the very first morning we found out (the day before Thanksgiving)--if you remember I was at the mall with my friend Caroline (shoutout for the BEAUTIFUL Kwanzaa flower bouquet)--well, Caroline's mother, Patrice Shelby had told my mom she knew a phenomenal cancer doctor named Dr. Fay. My mom thinks Patrice said something like, "Dr. Fay is YOUR GUY if you end up doing it here." Great minds think alike, I do believe. Patrice said that Dr. Fay was their neighbor for a while and is one of the best in Dallas, so it's awesome that, at some conference for international research held in San Fransisco over the weekend, just one more confirmation of God's faithfulness happened in a meeting between two oncologists from opposite poles of the country. God is GOOD!
OKAY. Now on to what I think you are wondering: how am I DOING today? Let me say first, that chemo is not as scary as you think, PTL. I really didn't know what to expect, but basically, for around 2 hours, you sit with an IV in your arm, and the nurse--Michelle Balla who is amazing!--pushes the A, V, and B drugs with a syringe, followed by an hour-long drip of the D drug. One of the weirdest things in all of this has been the few times where I've been like, "wow, this is actually HAPPENING." Not that I've been in denial, but it's a little surreal. When they made an announcement in chapel about it, even though I knew they'd be praying for me, it was like an out-of-body experience. They said, "We just found out last week that senior Hannah McGinnis, who many of you might know as the Co-Captain of the volleyball team was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma..." and I turned to my teammate Ashlie--who I'm SO glad sat with me that day--and did tear up because it was this crazy thought of, "that's ME they're talking about up there." Just strange. So, I think that was my experience in the hospital yesterday. I literally e-mailed my 1 Corinthians professor my final research paper at 11:30am, then I drove to the airport to pick up my mom, and from there we just made it in time to Northwestern at 1:30. As crazy and maybe over-the-top as that sounds, again with the way I've grown up, it's normal, and yesterday was really a blessing because I literally had no time to worry or even let it set in that I was going to chemo. So we got in the elevator to go up and I was like, "wow, this is IT...it all begins today." It was, again, a little surreal as it just seemed kinda ordinary, less painful than any of the darn scans and biopsies they did (at the time they were given) and was weird to look up at a normal looking IV and think, "hmmm that's the poison, it's moving into me, and it's healing me. THAT'S chemo." All that to give you a little picture into my crazy mind. :) Really though, people do it everyday, and it's just less scary than the connotation that "scary Chemo" seems to hold.
(Intermission to tell you that, I'm so sorry these keep getting longer and longer...thanks for sticking through both the posts and the whole process with me and my family).
So, TODAY: I slept in because I was so tired, only leaving myself 25 minutes to get to class (which on a normal day would leave me with 5 minutes to spare), and yet, was smacked with the reality that this WILL slow me down. I've told people today that the best way I can describe how I feel is this: you know when you have a stomach bug and the first day you throw up and feel wretched, followed by the second day where you're no longer throwing up but just feeling "sick," out of it, weak, and tired? I am in day 2 of a stomach bug, metaphorically speaking. I haven't thrown up--Praise the Lord!--but I did take...oh, about 5 drugs this morning followed by like 6 others throughout the day. They say that the chemo drugs are only in you for 48 hours post-treatment, so tomorrow is still a potential for nausea, so please pray that I make it through my banquet!
My mom (who was NOT LATE on her flight--PTL!) and I ran some errands because, basically, so far, our experience with chemo has been that when it starts, life keeps coming at you, so she helped me get stuff for our Banquet from all over the suburbs of Chicago. She's been a HUGE help, and I can't imagine her not being here for this first one. Also, as she felt bad for me this morning, knowing that, as she says, I have more on my plate than I could be doing MINUS chemo (exams, banquet, packing, driving home on Tuesday, etc.), she called American and asked to get a flight out Saturday or Sunday preferably. After about 30 seconds post-giving out her existing reservations to the agent, she lost it. And by "lost," I mean, was like, "I have...I'm sorry.....Ok, I have a daughter....I'm so sorry (15 second pause)...my daughter just had her first chemo yesterday...." And with that, the lady switched over, talked to a manager, and waved any fees for transferring the flight or increase of fares. God is so good. And I think my mom's sobbing helped. It's hard to see your parents cry at any point, and especially when it's over you and just out of pure love. I am so thankful for my parents and family--I can't even explain it. All of that to say, my mom has been a HUGE help and will be over the next 2 days, so PTL for His better plans and for all of your prayers. Also, continued prayers for my family in all of this would be seriously so HUGE.
One more thought: In case you didn't know or I didn't explain well yet, let me tell about yet another reason why God is great (I'm on chemo brain, and actually kinda frustrated that I can't TALK...or more am fumbling around for correct words when I speak--very annoying for an English major who has, usually, an affinity for grammar, so forgive me for my stream-of-consciousness here). Anyway, Wheaton College was NOT my first choice. In fact, I told my parents sometime in my junior year of high school that I didn't want to go to Wheaton because I didn't want to teach at TCA (I had had GREAT Wheaton grads as teachers at TCA--Gro, Merrylegs shoutout, but I didn't want to be "stuck" in Dallas or having to teach or especially being back at TCA someday, having spent the past 13 years there at that point). Anyway, my parents laughed and said, "Hannah, how many Wheaton grads do you know that teach at TCA?" to which I replied, "4." They then reassured me that, at a school of around 3000 undergrads, there were only marginal chances that I'd be one of those four teachers at TCA. How ironic that I am now hoping and applying to teach high school English in a private school and would like to be back at TCA (eventually). Anyway, all of that to say, I've alluded to how it's taken me a while to get on board with God's plan of me being at Wheaton due to some stubbornness on my part, but we cannot imagine me being ANYWHERE ELSE. The announcement and weekly prayer in chapel; professors who read the blog, pray for me with their families and with the class; the President who sent me a letter yesterday telling me he was praying for me and reminding me to lean hard on Him through this; the Interim Dean of Students who e-mailed me with a subject of "What can we do for you?"; all these are just a fraction of the reasons why I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is right where I'm supposed to be. Love how it takes me to my last semester or two to really see that. I'm so stubborn, but He is SO good! He promises again and again that He is faithful, and while we may not always see that right away--or even ever on this side of Heaven sometimes--for the times He does show us, all you can do is just KNOW that He is truth, sovereign, and so amazing that you just can't wait to meet Him face to face. No other school of the three others that I applied to--while great schools, (and I still secretly LOVE Carolina blue plus the Tar Heels and am so jealous of the Aggie spirit and traditions) would have had the student body praying for me, and at a school with over 50,000 students, I don't think the president would write me that He's praying for me. So, as much as I make fun of being at Wheaton in this, my 17th year of private, Christian, school, I know (bout time, Hannah!) exactly where I need to be. And for that, I just KNOW that God is SO good!
Ok, this is super-long. Like, the length places this post in a category all of its own. Sorry. :)
For prayer requests: I've already covered a few throughout this (unless you got tired of my babbling and just jumped to the end for prayer requests, so I'll review): prayer for no nausea tomorrow, that we would figure out the details of my treatment in Dallas (since 2 Thursdays from yesterday is Christmas so I would have to do it the day before or after Christmas, and since I think, "who wants to feel like day 2 of a stomach bug on Christmas morning?!?" we're hoping it works out to be on the 26th, that Friday). Also, I mentioned for my mom, but just continued prayers for my parents (Kevin and Brenda if you don't know their names...this blog has expanded in scope so if you're a semi-stranger, sorry for leaving out some details along the way) and my two sisters, Madelyn (16) and Katie (23 and who's in Atlanta going through this alone, distance-wise). Also, while you're at it, my extended family could probably use prayer, too, since we're all really close, and though they are technically "extended" family, we've nevertheless grown up together...and a few of us live only a couple miles apart, so it's been hard for them, too.
Lastly, here's some information first, then the prayer: In about a week, my blood counts (white and red) will drop due to the fact that I've been poisoned (in a good way...sounds so wrong), and so I'll be susceptible to infections. Now, Dr. Gordon is so knowledgeable and really wants patients to keep living life, so I won't have to skip every chapel nor avoid every crowd of over 10 people or anything. In fact, most of the infections I could get would come from my own system, since with blood counts down, your body isn't fighting off the 80% of infections encountered that it does everyday and we never know that our body has just vanquished. I mean, I'm not gonna say, "go ahead, please use my sleeve for your runny nose," or anything, but I don't have to be a germaphobe (sp? actual word, even?--Madelyn can keep dibs on that attribute for now). BUT, it's another long-term prayer request that I wouldn't get sick through this whole process. Once my counts go down next week, they will stay down throughout the whole process--I mean, they will rise again a little (thus the 2 week intervals), but it's safe to continue treating with low counts, and yet, a minor sickness to anyone else could mean a stay in the hospital for me. There are so many aspects of healing to pray for--the end result of being in remission and free of my not-so-friendly resident Hodgkin's disease (or as some support shirts boast of the end goal: "I kicked cancer's butt"--another sidenote: I fully intend to buy one of those), but also prayer for limited--or even nonexistent (hey, there's a bold prayer!) side-effects, and that I won't get OTHER infections along the way. Complicated, I know. For me personally, continued prayer for perseverance, and especially to know my limits. To be very real for a moment, one of my greatest weaknesses is over-committing, which sounds not so bad, but it is when I spread myself too thin and then shortchange each area in which I'm involved. I can't say no; not because I'm so good at heart and really selfless--no, no, only because I am pretty much Katherine Heigl's character Jane in 27 Dresses who just doesn't have the courage to say no, and then shoots herself afterward for saying yes. Anyway, this IS going to slow me down, and when it does, I'd love prayer to rest in just where God has me, to know my limits, and to accept them with grace. And, (last one, this time I mean it when I promise) that I would lean on Him and bring Him glory in this with all of the opportunities to share His faithfulness and name, that I would take hold of those instead of taking them for myself and my own gratification.
Like I mentioned before, it's been really humbling to see how He's using me when I feel so inadequate to be sharing with people twice my age--let alone my OWN age--but, as singer-songwriter Justin McRoberts shared in chapel at Wheaton on Monday: "Jesus Christ will never call you to a work that you CAN do on your own without Him; yet, He will never call you to something you CAN'T do WITH HIM. The goodness of God is better than the problems of the world." Amen. Justin's got something there, and I think that's how I've been at peace--God won't put something on me that I can't handle with Him taking me through it (1 Corinthians 10:13), and yet, He also won't give me anything that is so easy that I can just breeze through it, collect all the credit, and keep going. I'm gonna have to rely on Him daily, and I love the last line of what that singer said: the goodness of God totally trumps every bad situation in this world.
Love you, thank you, and miss you. Thanks for your faithfulness to me and my family, and have a blessed weekend! (And you can take a breath now, I am finished). :)
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases" -Psalm 103:2-3
The title of tonight's post is a verse that my Aunt Erin sent to me among a great collection of verses about God's power to heal and faithfulness, and it seems a fitting verse for this week as I am now finished with tests and all set to go for treatment on Thursday. I realized that Thursday will mark the first time of healing in this process rather than what up to this point has only been tests--prodding me with needles, coring me, or giving me all kinds of radioactive material possible for some sort of scan or other.
As I sat in 4 waiting rooms today, I watched a good amount of the day's news while trying to work on a paper. Ultimately, I realized that there are 2 things I'm proud of tonight:
(1) I drank two whole bottles of barium sulfate "masked" by a "berry" flavoring--and I mean to tell you, I downed the liquid without a thought of gagging or throwing up--PTL. If you know me well, you know how great of a feat this is. Add this to the list of "10 foods I eat" that everyone is always asking me about expanding. (if you detect sarcasm about the barium sulfate and the fact that everyone thinks I eat only 10 foods, you are correct).
(2) I am also proud that, although I (temporarily) reside in the "Most Corrupt State in America," I feel like I have come out fairly unscathed (although the jury on that has to wait another semester for the final verdict). Really though, who was surprised that an Illinois official did something corrupt?
That's all the political commentary I've got, but I DO, however, have some more important info and praises about my Hodgkin's. The woman (PA? Sarah Miyata's her name, but I don't know her title) who did my bone marrow biopsy--the test that is my nemesis (see post on 12/4)--called today to say that it's negative, which is good because that means the lymphoma has not spread to my bone marrow. Praise the Lord! As gross as the biopsy was, I cannot imagine a bone marrow transplant, so that is a huge blessing. Also, thanks again for your prayers for today--I so appreciate the specific prayers and people really committing to stand by us through each detail of this process. Here's how my day broke down in the end: X-Ray on the 4th floor from 1:30-2:30, PET scan on the 8th floor from 2:45-4:45, out to the lobby of the 8th floor and signing in another time for my Pulmonary Function test on the same floor at 4:45, and then, since we finished early, I went BACK to the 4th floor for my CT scan between 5:30 and 7:30.
The best part of my day was the PET scan because after they inject you with radioactive sugar, it has to set in for an hour. During that hour, you can't be active, talk on your phone, write, or move too much because then it would mess with the scan that shows where and how fast the sugar is metabolizing. So, despite my best intentions before the scan of working on a paper, I was not allowed to; instead, I literally had to lay down and rest. Sign me up for more of those. So, I watched some Telemundo (because the man who was in there before me and for half the time with me spoke Spanish and had dibs on the remote), and then I slept a little...but you probably didn't need or want to know all that.
On a more serious note, there are now 2 days before treatment starts, and I'm a little overwhelmed. Not so much with the chemo (again, PTL!), but because I have 2 exams, 3 papers, my last volleyball banquet, and a surgery for a port (more on that another time when I know more...basically it's so that they don't have to stick different veins for each treatment) all somehow fitting into the next week before my teammate Stef and I leave to drive the 14 1/2 hours to Dallas for Christmas. That said, I was reading a story of a guy who had the same kind of Hodgkin's as I have, and he said that, while he always prayed for healing, he never thought to pray that the side effects wouldn't be bad.
So, I'm asking for prayer that the side effects wouldn't be bad. Especially for this first time I would love prayer (because I hear differing reports that the first is the worst or that it gets worse as you go along), since I have a ton to finish up on this (my last legitimate) semester, and as our VB banquet is Saturday, and I'd like to not be throwing up/nauseous/feeling awful for that. While that sounds trivial, I love my teammates, and this was in some respects a really hard season volleyball-wise, so the banquet is kind of closure to my Wheaton Thunder Volleyball career, and I'd like to be conscious for it. :)
Also, I know I've mentioned it to a few of you, but just in general, I would love prayer for the minimal side effects since everyone keeps telling me that they differ from person to person so you don't know what to expect. I have such a peace that God is in this for healing, but I am a little anxious about some side effects since that's a lot of unknown stuff. To summarize, your prayers have been such a blessing bringing His peace, and as I head into Thursday, please continue those! If they feel like only a small way to help, you are wrong, simple as that. They are HUGE! Also, my mom IS coming up on Thursday (like an hour and a half before treatment), so if you'd pray that she has a safe and timely flight on Thursday and back home on Friday, that would be great.
Each day I am so touched by people's love, so while this might sound sappy right now, seriously, thank you for just blowing my mind with your love. As I've mentioned before and you know if you're around me...ever...I'm a little cynical at times, and it's really easy for me to become nonchalant about people flaking out or whatever. I think thanking you for "restoring my trust in humankind" is too Christmas-movieish, but at the same time, there's a little truth to every cliche. So, thank you again for reminding me of the incredible support God has placed all around me...I am so humbled to see so much love, especially having doubted that at times. Have a great night/morning/day (whenever you read this)!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
As I sat in 4 waiting rooms today, I watched a good amount of the day's news while trying to work on a paper. Ultimately, I realized that there are 2 things I'm proud of tonight:
(1) I drank two whole bottles of barium sulfate "masked" by a "berry" flavoring--and I mean to tell you, I downed the liquid without a thought of gagging or throwing up--PTL. If you know me well, you know how great of a feat this is. Add this to the list of "10 foods I eat" that everyone is always asking me about expanding. (if you detect sarcasm about the barium sulfate and the fact that everyone thinks I eat only 10 foods, you are correct).
(2) I am also proud that, although I (temporarily) reside in the "Most Corrupt State in America," I feel like I have come out fairly unscathed (although the jury on that has to wait another semester for the final verdict). Really though, who was surprised that an Illinois official did something corrupt?
That's all the political commentary I've got, but I DO, however, have some more important info and praises about my Hodgkin's. The woman (PA? Sarah Miyata's her name, but I don't know her title) who did my bone marrow biopsy--the test that is my nemesis (see post on 12/4)--called today to say that it's negative, which is good because that means the lymphoma has not spread to my bone marrow. Praise the Lord! As gross as the biopsy was, I cannot imagine a bone marrow transplant, so that is a huge blessing. Also, thanks again for your prayers for today--I so appreciate the specific prayers and people really committing to stand by us through each detail of this process. Here's how my day broke down in the end: X-Ray on the 4th floor from 1:30-2:30, PET scan on the 8th floor from 2:45-4:45, out to the lobby of the 8th floor and signing in another time for my Pulmonary Function test on the same floor at 4:45, and then, since we finished early, I went BACK to the 4th floor for my CT scan between 5:30 and 7:30.
The best part of my day was the PET scan because after they inject you with radioactive sugar, it has to set in for an hour. During that hour, you can't be active, talk on your phone, write, or move too much because then it would mess with the scan that shows where and how fast the sugar is metabolizing. So, despite my best intentions before the scan of working on a paper, I was not allowed to; instead, I literally had to lay down and rest. Sign me up for more of those. So, I watched some Telemundo (because the man who was in there before me and for half the time with me spoke Spanish and had dibs on the remote), and then I slept a little...but you probably didn't need or want to know all that.
On a more serious note, there are now 2 days before treatment starts, and I'm a little overwhelmed. Not so much with the chemo (again, PTL!), but because I have 2 exams, 3 papers, my last volleyball banquet, and a surgery for a port (more on that another time when I know more...basically it's so that they don't have to stick different veins for each treatment) all somehow fitting into the next week before my teammate Stef and I leave to drive the 14 1/2 hours to Dallas for Christmas. That said, I was reading a story of a guy who had the same kind of Hodgkin's as I have, and he said that, while he always prayed for healing, he never thought to pray that the side effects wouldn't be bad.
So, I'm asking for prayer that the side effects wouldn't be bad. Especially for this first time I would love prayer (because I hear differing reports that the first is the worst or that it gets worse as you go along), since I have a ton to finish up on this (my last legitimate) semester, and as our VB banquet is Saturday, and I'd like to not be throwing up/nauseous/feeling awful for that. While that sounds trivial, I love my teammates, and this was in some respects a really hard season volleyball-wise, so the banquet is kind of closure to my Wheaton Thunder Volleyball career, and I'd like to be conscious for it. :)
Also, I know I've mentioned it to a few of you, but just in general, I would love prayer for the minimal side effects since everyone keeps telling me that they differ from person to person so you don't know what to expect. I have such a peace that God is in this for healing, but I am a little anxious about some side effects since that's a lot of unknown stuff. To summarize, your prayers have been such a blessing bringing His peace, and as I head into Thursday, please continue those! If they feel like only a small way to help, you are wrong, simple as that. They are HUGE! Also, my mom IS coming up on Thursday (like an hour and a half before treatment), so if you'd pray that she has a safe and timely flight on Thursday and back home on Friday, that would be great.
Each day I am so touched by people's love, so while this might sound sappy right now, seriously, thank you for just blowing my mind with your love. As I've mentioned before and you know if you're around me...ever...I'm a little cynical at times, and it's really easy for me to become nonchalant about people flaking out or whatever. I think thanking you for "restoring my trust in humankind" is too Christmas-movieish, but at the same time, there's a little truth to every cliche. So, thank you again for reminding me of the incredible support God has placed all around me...I am so humbled to see so much love, especially having doubted that at times. Have a great night/morning/day (whenever you read this)!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Thursday, December 4, 2008
"The Lord watches over you -- the Lord is your shade at your right hand" -Psalm 121:5
"I got cored." That's what I told my mom and dad when I called them tonight after my bone marrow biopsy. (For those of you that get easily squeamish at medical procedures, skip ahead to the next paragraph). Back to the bone marrow biopsy. If you want to know what that means, it's like coring an apple, hence my comment to my parents. Despite the fact that they numbed my back and nerves around my bone, I felt the pressure of them basically cork-screwing into my bone to extract a piece of that bone from my hip on the left side in the back. I felt like saying, "Hey, I wanted to KEEP all of my bones, thank you very much," but I didn't think that would be appropriate or appreciated. When extracted, it looked like a toothpick. It was maybe the most disturbing procedure I've ever had done, and I'm SO grateful to my teammate Kelly who went with me and helped distract me from thinking about what they were doing to me while I was laying there fully awake. Praise the LORD that they ended up only doing it to my left side; initially they planned to do it on the right side too (which might have made me want to pass out or hurt something), but then she said that the one was good enough since it didn't really look like the lymphoma has spread to my bone marrow (PTL!). While it didn't hurt too badly (but it is sore right now), it made me more than uncomfortable as I thought about what was actually happening. Other than Kelly blessing me, the other bright spot was that the nurse in there was an Aggie, so of course, I had an immediate bond with my fellow Texan (sidenote--she moved up here because she WANTED a change in seasons. That made me a little concerned that she was half-crazy as she did the procedure...it was 14 degrees this morning, and it gets worse. If you know me, you know how I feel about people volunteering to live in this freezer).
This post is mostly the need to express my indignation at the cruelty of this thing called a bone marrow biopsy, as well as to give you a few more specifics on the tests that are happening. Tomorrow I have to return to Northwestern (3 days in a row...PTL that gas is cheap these days...it took us TWO HOURS to get back in traffic tonight) for a chest X-Ray and a MUGA scan, which basically helps determine my heart's health and function before we start chemo that can potentially damage it (with very low risks, though). Tuesday is my marathon day: I have a PET scan at 2:45, a Pulmonary Function test at 4:45, and 2 CT scans at 6. For those interested, in a PET scan, they inject me with glucose and then use imaging to see where it's gone. Tumors metabolize sugar faster than...non-tumors...and so apparently the PET scan will show where the lymphoma is in bright colors. The pulmonary function test is a big name for breathing into a tube to see how my lungs are doing before we start chemo, since the B drug regimen can have effects on the lungs (again, very minimal). The CT scan was described to me back at the ENT's as showing what you would see if you cut a loaf of bread in half and took a look from the cut side down the shaft of the loaf, and in this case, it's to make sure that the lymphoma hasn't spread to my abdomen or spleen or something...I'm an English major, so the fact that I have even taken an interest in something scientific is big but still does not mean I can get all the technical stuff, so bear with me in my limited understanding.
All this has to happen before we start chemo #1 on Thursday, and it's an answer to prayer that we are knocking them all out in such a short period of time, so thank you! Thanks to my teammates for praying with me and dealing with all the questions. What a blessing to be in a place where so many of my classmates and professors are genuinely praying for me. While Wheaton has not always been MY plan and has not always been easy, I cannot imagine dealing with this anywhere else. God is so faithful--not just in His deeds, but in His character. While it takes me a while to fully jump on board with His plan most of the time (i.e. Wheaton: 3 years into it I decided I should get excited that He's got me here), His plan is so much better than what I would have done, and somehow, this cancer--and yes, my nemesis "the bone marrow biopsy," too--all fits into that. Have a blessed night and upcoming weekend, and thanks for all the love and support!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
This post is mostly the need to express my indignation at the cruelty of this thing called a bone marrow biopsy, as well as to give you a few more specifics on the tests that are happening. Tomorrow I have to return to Northwestern (3 days in a row...PTL that gas is cheap these days...it took us TWO HOURS to get back in traffic tonight) for a chest X-Ray and a MUGA scan, which basically helps determine my heart's health and function before we start chemo that can potentially damage it (with very low risks, though). Tuesday is my marathon day: I have a PET scan at 2:45, a Pulmonary Function test at 4:45, and 2 CT scans at 6. For those interested, in a PET scan, they inject me with glucose and then use imaging to see where it's gone. Tumors metabolize sugar faster than...non-tumors...and so apparently the PET scan will show where the lymphoma is in bright colors. The pulmonary function test is a big name for breathing into a tube to see how my lungs are doing before we start chemo, since the B drug regimen can have effects on the lungs (again, very minimal). The CT scan was described to me back at the ENT's as showing what you would see if you cut a loaf of bread in half and took a look from the cut side down the shaft of the loaf, and in this case, it's to make sure that the lymphoma hasn't spread to my abdomen or spleen or something...I'm an English major, so the fact that I have even taken an interest in something scientific is big but still does not mean I can get all the technical stuff, so bear with me in my limited understanding.
All this has to happen before we start chemo #1 on Thursday, and it's an answer to prayer that we are knocking them all out in such a short period of time, so thank you! Thanks to my teammates for praying with me and dealing with all the questions. What a blessing to be in a place where so many of my classmates and professors are genuinely praying for me. While Wheaton has not always been MY plan and has not always been easy, I cannot imagine dealing with this anywhere else. God is so faithful--not just in His deeds, but in His character. While it takes me a while to fully jump on board with His plan most of the time (i.e. Wheaton: 3 years into it I decided I should get excited that He's got me here), His plan is so much better than what I would have done, and somehow, this cancer--and yes, my nemesis "the bone marrow biopsy," too--all fits into that. Have a blessed night and upcoming weekend, and thanks for all the love and support!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
"The Lord will keep you from all harm -- He will watch over your life." -Psalm 121:7
Well, the big meeting with the oncologist has now come and gone, and at the end of a pretty long day, in looking back, once again, His faithfulness is so evident. I am so in awe of it again and again, and while that might be a bad reflection on my lack of trust (to be somehow surprised that He would be faithful) it's still the case that I am amazed.
I was talking with my roommate Rachel tonight and we saw how, in looking at all of this, it's totally a situation where "coincidence" happens far too often to attribute it to some mere random force of fate functioning in this broken world. Instead, I go back to the verse that made me cringe when editing our high school yearbook since just about every parent wanted their senior's page at the end to list it: Jeremiah 29:11. While probably overquoted and made to fit any and every situation, it is nevertheless TRUE! Only He knows the plans for us, but they are to prosper us, NOT to harm us. Furthermore, these plans, despite their first impressions at times, are to give us a hope and a future. If nothing else, I cling to that verse and its hope, knowing that God's got something bigger than me or my family going on here, and while cancer might be uncomfortable, painful, and just plain hard to deal with short-term, His plan is for our good, which, in the long run, I'm ok with--in fact, I want that. (which reminds me of Romans 8:28--shoutout to my TCA friends who could probably STILL sing that song from "The Great Race of Faith" from 4th grade with me).
So ANYWAY, back to the oncologist's report. Dr. Gordon was great--he spent an hour with us, talking through background, treatment regimen, and every single question we threw at him. Talk about good bedside manner. His nurse came in and talked to us for 40ish minutes after that, and she was great and will administer the treatment, so I'm glad to have someone personable and talkative for that.
The logistical stuff we came away with was that I am going back downtown tomorrow for some blood work, bone marrow testing (to make sure the cancer hasn't spread there, I think), and to schedule about four or five subsequent tests I will need all in the next week or so. They still have to finish staging my lymphoma, so we're praying that it will, indeed, only be stage IIA as they suspect and not have traveled to my abdomen or organs. I'm on the schedule to start my first treatment of chemotherapy next Thursday, December 11th. If we start then, with the general plan for treatment, it will wrap up around Thursday, May 7th, and I should graduate Sunday, May 10th. That's the standard schedule, and, assuming that all goes according to the usual procedure, I am, once again, floored by God's impeccable timing.
Now, "What IS chemotherapy?" you might ask. That is something I've had to ask (feeling shameful of my apparent total ignorance) over the past couple of weeks. In case you thought it was some sort of rays (you know, like Radiation is one kind, X-rays are another, etc.?), don't worry, you are not alone. :) However, as I discovered last month, chemo is drug treatment usually given intravenously (through the veins, not usually orally).The specific treatment planned is called ABVD, which are initials for some long names of four drugs that poison/kill the cancer cells in the tumors. Basically, they administer each of the four drugs separately and in rounds. So, 2 "chemos" is 1 round, and this overall treatment includes either 4 or 6 rounds, so 8 or 12 chemos, respectively (and 6 rounds is more common for them, I think). They do one chemo every other week, so 1 full round (2 chemos) a month, which all equals out to the fact that, if we start Thursday, it should end that week before graduation. So cool...and confusing details...but still really cool timing.
Now on to prayer request updates: as we finish up staging, please pray that it will go well and the cancer won't have spread. Also, we'd love continued prayers as we finish working out some details--obviously it's such a huge praise that we even got in today and can realistically start chemo next week, but there are still some things (like tests on my lungs, heart, and other things we have to talk to doctors about) that we need some wisdom on for timing. Also, we're still trying to figure out some travel for my mom to come up for my first treatment and maybe a couple others, so general prayer for wisdom and administrative assistance would be highly valued. Lastly on the timing, I have two more days of class this week, five days next week, and then two days for exams, so it's probably not as ideal timing for my stress levels as I try to finish up 3 more papers, a presentation, and 2 exams, all while making the 45 minute trips to the hospital. So, prayer to finish strong, take one day at a time, and be all here would be great.
I hope you don't get tired of me saying this, but thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers--God is so good and definitely has His hand in this, but your prayers are so precious to us. I have never felt so covered and supported in my life, and that is so humbling to see how He's blessed me and my family in ways I could never imagine. Additionally, I don't think I've ever been SO thankful (or really thankful at all) for the TCA grapevine as I am now. Within a week of finding out, faculty, parents, my former classmates, and even my mom's kindergarten parents were praying for me. So, needless to say, I'll probably be less cynical about news traveling at the speed of light within the Trinity community in the future. :) Seriously, though, y'all have really been an awesome support, so thank you dearly. As for all of the other prayers and support, I would love to list you all (but I'll keep name-dropping in the future, so stay tuned and yours, too, could be listed!), but for now, I need to sleep. So many have asked what they can do, and since we are probably as unsure of that answer as you are, know that your prayers are HUGE in and of themselves!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
I was talking with my roommate Rachel tonight and we saw how, in looking at all of this, it's totally a situation where "coincidence" happens far too often to attribute it to some mere random force of fate functioning in this broken world. Instead, I go back to the verse that made me cringe when editing our high school yearbook since just about every parent wanted their senior's page at the end to list it: Jeremiah 29:11. While probably overquoted and made to fit any and every situation, it is nevertheless TRUE! Only He knows the plans for us, but they are to prosper us, NOT to harm us. Furthermore, these plans, despite their first impressions at times, are to give us a hope and a future. If nothing else, I cling to that verse and its hope, knowing that God's got something bigger than me or my family going on here, and while cancer might be uncomfortable, painful, and just plain hard to deal with short-term, His plan is for our good, which, in the long run, I'm ok with--in fact, I want that. (which reminds me of Romans 8:28--shoutout to my TCA friends who could probably STILL sing that song from "The Great Race of Faith" from 4th grade with me).
So ANYWAY, back to the oncologist's report. Dr. Gordon was great--he spent an hour with us, talking through background, treatment regimen, and every single question we threw at him. Talk about good bedside manner. His nurse came in and talked to us for 40ish minutes after that, and she was great and will administer the treatment, so I'm glad to have someone personable and talkative for that.
The logistical stuff we came away with was that I am going back downtown tomorrow for some blood work, bone marrow testing (to make sure the cancer hasn't spread there, I think), and to schedule about four or five subsequent tests I will need all in the next week or so. They still have to finish staging my lymphoma, so we're praying that it will, indeed, only be stage IIA as they suspect and not have traveled to my abdomen or organs. I'm on the schedule to start my first treatment of chemotherapy next Thursday, December 11th. If we start then, with the general plan for treatment, it will wrap up around Thursday, May 7th, and I should graduate Sunday, May 10th. That's the standard schedule, and, assuming that all goes according to the usual procedure, I am, once again, floored by God's impeccable timing.
Now, "What IS chemotherapy?" you might ask. That is something I've had to ask (feeling shameful of my apparent total ignorance) over the past couple of weeks. In case you thought it was some sort of rays (you know, like Radiation is one kind, X-rays are another, etc.?), don't worry, you are not alone. :) However, as I discovered last month, chemo is drug treatment usually given intravenously (through the veins, not usually orally).The specific treatment planned is called ABVD, which are initials for some long names of four drugs that poison/kill the cancer cells in the tumors. Basically, they administer each of the four drugs separately and in rounds. So, 2 "chemos" is 1 round, and this overall treatment includes either 4 or 6 rounds, so 8 or 12 chemos, respectively (and 6 rounds is more common for them, I think). They do one chemo every other week, so 1 full round (2 chemos) a month, which all equals out to the fact that, if we start Thursday, it should end that week before graduation. So cool...and confusing details...but still really cool timing.
Now on to prayer request updates: as we finish up staging, please pray that it will go well and the cancer won't have spread. Also, we'd love continued prayers as we finish working out some details--obviously it's such a huge praise that we even got in today and can realistically start chemo next week, but there are still some things (like tests on my lungs, heart, and other things we have to talk to doctors about) that we need some wisdom on for timing. Also, we're still trying to figure out some travel for my mom to come up for my first treatment and maybe a couple others, so general prayer for wisdom and administrative assistance would be highly valued. Lastly on the timing, I have two more days of class this week, five days next week, and then two days for exams, so it's probably not as ideal timing for my stress levels as I try to finish up 3 more papers, a presentation, and 2 exams, all while making the 45 minute trips to the hospital. So, prayer to finish strong, take one day at a time, and be all here would be great.
I hope you don't get tired of me saying this, but thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers--God is so good and definitely has His hand in this, but your prayers are so precious to us. I have never felt so covered and supported in my life, and that is so humbling to see how He's blessed me and my family in ways I could never imagine. Additionally, I don't think I've ever been SO thankful (or really thankful at all) for the TCA grapevine as I am now. Within a week of finding out, faculty, parents, my former classmates, and even my mom's kindergarten parents were praying for me. So, needless to say, I'll probably be less cynical about news traveling at the speed of light within the Trinity community in the future. :) Seriously, though, y'all have really been an awesome support, so thank you dearly. As for all of the other prayers and support, I would love to list you all (but I'll keep name-dropping in the future, so stay tuned and yours, too, could be listed!), but for now, I need to sleep. So many have asked what they can do, and since we are probably as unsure of that answer as you are, know that your prayers are HUGE in and of themselves!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Monday, December 1, 2008
"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life" -Psalm 119:50
Well, my return to Wheaton was a fast reminder that I was no longer in the comforts of home as everywhere around me was--and is currently--covered in white. Welcome back; hope you like the snow. :) This post will be shorter, as I'm dealing with the consequences of taking my Thanksgiving break very literally, but there is some great news and praise to report.
This morning, after what would have been a movie-worthy succession of phone calls and messages between my dad, Dr. Santi, 2 hospitals, and myself, (all within the span of about 45 minutes), we got an appointment scheduled with the oncologist. So, Wednesday at 3pm, my parents and I will see Dr. Leo Gordon, the doctor Kirsten Friedl used and who has done TONS of research while specializing in Hodgkin's disease. Fun fact for you: he works out of Northwestern Memorial Hospital in downtown Chicago, which is the same hospital featured in While You Were Sleeping (we watched it last week and decided it was an omen). With this appointment, we should know more about when treatment will start, what it will look like, and what else to expect. I want to thank you again for all of your prayers--the hospital said that Dr. Gordon is very booked but likes to see patients if they're within a week of the biopsy and results, so he wants to see me. That is a huge praise!
Also, praise the Lord that they take our insurance. Cool story: my dad has co-owned his law firm for the past 20ish years, and they've always had Principal Financial health insurance. He said that, for no real reason other than the fact that his office manager asked him if he wanted to, we just switched over to a new insurance company, BlueCross BlueShield, this past year. Well, upon looking into the details of Dr. Gordon and Northwestern (NMH), we saw that they both take BlueCross BlueShield and not Principal. My dad checked his records this morning and saw that the firm switched over in March, and up to this point, the new insurance has meant having to fill out all new records plus a higher deductible, but now we are so thankful. How great is it that God was preparing us for this and already taking care of us back in March when we didn't have a clue--and even before that?
So many people have said that I've been "strong" or so "calm" right now, but rather than attributing that to some inner iron will in me, (the non-confrontational, passive one that I can be), there are a couple reasons for that: (1) we have seen God's hand and planning along the way (with the insurance and my one class next semester, etc.) so we trust that, having already provided so greatly, He will see that through and (2) with more people than ever before praying for me, I genuinely am at such peace right now--and not of my own volition but from Him--so thanks again.
Your prayers really have been so huge, and so I ask for prayer Wednesday that the appointment will go well, we will figure out all the details, and that my parents will have safe travel, as they're flying in from Dallas and back again after the appointment (and it's supposed to be a snowy day and one of my parents, who will remain nameless, hates to fly). Thanks for moving me to tears again and again and for partnering with me and my family in this! He is doing a great work, and as my friend Caitlin said, "in a year or two we're just gonna be like, 'what? cancer? oh yeah, I forgot that happened.'"
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
This morning, after what would have been a movie-worthy succession of phone calls and messages between my dad, Dr. Santi, 2 hospitals, and myself, (all within the span of about 45 minutes), we got an appointment scheduled with the oncologist. So, Wednesday at 3pm, my parents and I will see Dr. Leo Gordon, the doctor Kirsten Friedl used and who has done TONS of research while specializing in Hodgkin's disease. Fun fact for you: he works out of Northwestern Memorial Hospital in downtown Chicago, which is the same hospital featured in While You Were Sleeping (we watched it last week and decided it was an omen). With this appointment, we should know more about when treatment will start, what it will look like, and what else to expect. I want to thank you again for all of your prayers--the hospital said that Dr. Gordon is very booked but likes to see patients if they're within a week of the biopsy and results, so he wants to see me. That is a huge praise!
Also, praise the Lord that they take our insurance. Cool story: my dad has co-owned his law firm for the past 20ish years, and they've always had Principal Financial health insurance. He said that, for no real reason other than the fact that his office manager asked him if he wanted to, we just switched over to a new insurance company, BlueCross BlueShield, this past year. Well, upon looking into the details of Dr. Gordon and Northwestern (NMH), we saw that they both take BlueCross BlueShield and not Principal. My dad checked his records this morning and saw that the firm switched over in March, and up to this point, the new insurance has meant having to fill out all new records plus a higher deductible, but now we are so thankful. How great is it that God was preparing us for this and already taking care of us back in March when we didn't have a clue--and even before that?
So many people have said that I've been "strong" or so "calm" right now, but rather than attributing that to some inner iron will in me, (the non-confrontational, passive one that I can be), there are a couple reasons for that: (1) we have seen God's hand and planning along the way (with the insurance and my one class next semester, etc.) so we trust that, having already provided so greatly, He will see that through and (2) with more people than ever before praying for me, I genuinely am at such peace right now--and not of my own volition but from Him--so thanks again.
Your prayers really have been so huge, and so I ask for prayer Wednesday that the appointment will go well, we will figure out all the details, and that my parents will have safe travel, as they're flying in from Dallas and back again after the appointment (and it's supposed to be a snowy day and one of my parents, who will remain nameless, hates to fly). Thanks for moving me to tears again and again and for partnering with me and my family in this! He is doing a great work, and as my friend Caitlin said, "in a year or two we're just gonna be like, 'what? cancer? oh yeah, I forgot that happened.'"
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
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