What a great verse--I have always loved Psalm 18, and especially verse 28, but so much more right now in some days that don't always seem so light. As I've said before, it is so awesome to me that God redeems even the laziest and most "unproductive" of our days by the world's standards into something imbued with purpose. That said, I love how this Psalm chronicles all the ways the Lord has saved David--and Israel, too--and how it's such a reminder that, every time, God is faithful! He HAS always rescued his people, and He WILL always turn their darkness into light.
And now, speaking of darkness.... The last few days have been the bad days (5 & 6), but, the best part about day 6 is at the end of the day (so, tonight) when there's such relief that each day until the next treatment is going to at least be better than the previous one. That's definitely something to look forward to. My dad has said again and again that, once this is all said and done and I have my last treatment in mid-May, the best part will be waking up each day and knowing that, on this day, I will feel better than before and will know what a gift feeling good is for each day. It's all about perspective, I think we are learning. As for the extent of my feeling bad on this cycle's days 5 and 6, it has not been the worst that I've had, but they were pretty unfortunate since I developed a cold somewhere in the last week, so instead of just feeling achy and lethargic like I had the flu this round, I actually felt the cold symptoms of that, too, this time. PTL that I have not had a fever, though--seriously, such a praise...especially since I am going home on Friday and then on to Baylor and OU before my next treatment on Thursday, February 5th. So, we will keep praying for healing, for no fever, and that the trip is a great one...slash, also that I don't have to wear a surgical mask on the airplane. That would be real cool and all, but thinking about that makes me feel claustrophobic. :)
The purpose of this post is mostly to let you know that I'm still alive, have survived (hopefully and prayerfully!) the worst days following my 4th treatment, and to say that I have completed 2 rounds of chemo and am 1/3 of the way down this unexpected road! PRAISE THE LORD! ALSO, by the time most of you read this, it will have already happened, but I'll still give a heads-up that I have my 1st check-up PET scan tomorrow (Wednesday) at 11:45am. My nurse practitioner Sarah Miyata checked me over and felt the site of my former lymph nodes above my collarbone last week, and since they are gone (yeah--after 1 treatment those visible lymph nodes vanished!), she said she's thinking my PET scan will come back negative, saying that my cancer is gone! So, huge prayer that the scan results are all clear! I think I said before that this is a huge step in the process of "kicking cancer's butt," or victory, as we like to think of it, so I would love your prayers that the scan will indeed be 100% clear.
The last thing I have for right now somewhat ties in with my first thoughts on Psalm 18 but also is just something that has rung so true with me lately. My parents' long-time friend Vicki Mullins sent me a book called "The Red Sea Rules" and there are 10 different rules that this author (Robert J. Morgan) has found to be true--both in Israel's history and in his own experience with difficult times. The first rule is "Realize that God means for you to be where you are." Morgan explains that, "when you are in a difficult place, realize that the Lord either placed you there or allowed you to be there, for reasons perhaps known for now only to Himself. The same God who led you IN will lead you OUT." As much as I have seen a glimpse of how a parent feels at seeing their child in pain and that has reshaped my view of how God sympathizes and goes through suffering with us, at the same time, it is so true that nothing we go through is outside of God's vision, so accepting the fact that He's got a reason for either placing me and my family here or allowing us to be placed here can definitely be hard at times. I'll be honest--there are definitely days when I'm thinking, "Ok, Lord, but like maybe You could've just given me a lot of homework this semester or told me I'd have to stay in the Midwest for the next few years" (no offense...it's just too cold). However, as with Psalm 18 and all the reminders of all the ways God has saved Israel and David time and again--especially when they, too, whined...like for say 40 years in the desert or on the banks of the Red Sea surrounded by the Egyptian army--"Red Sea Rule #1" is so true: God has placed us here or allowed us to be here, and just as He brought us in, He WILL bring us out, turning that darkness into light. PTL.
Have a blessed day and week, thankyou thankyou thankyou for your incredible support, prayers, and love, and press on!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble...for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." --Psalm 9:9-10
Once again, hello from Wheaton! I wanted to quickly update about a couple things. First of all, PTL that the weather is warmer. And by warmer, I mean that it's now in the positives--and hey! it looks like tomorrow's high is actually ABOVE FREEZING! I don't really know what to do with myself right now because I'm (sadly) so thrilled!
Secondly, I know so many have been praying, so I thought I should let you know that, if you've read the other posts, I am now officially "soaring on the wings of Jesus," in the words of Madelyn as she tried to comfort me about the prospects of losing my hair. Actually, though, I was reading in Psalms last night and was at Psalm 17:8b which reads, "hide me in the shadow of your wings," which is also a line from one of my favorite worship songs we sing at Wheaton called "Still." SO, it turns out Madelyn's theology wasn't TOO far off; however, I'm pretty sure that Psalm 17:8b is David appealing for GOD to hide him in the shadow of His metaphorical wings rather than Madelyn's encouragement that I could soar on the wings of Jesus, but she tried at least.
So anyway, back to my second point in this update: Sunday night, all (but one who was on a retreat) of my teammates and I headed over to the house of one of our freshmen, Kaitlyn Graham. We had dinner and some fun, and then her mom, Robin, shaved my head. Actually, before that, each of my teammates cut off some hair, which took a lot of trust on my part that they wouldn't accidentally stab me. :) Just kidding...but seriously...So Mrs. Graham was so sweet and made the whole thing so incredibly easy, praying for us before the event began and just being so helpful and encouraging. At the end, my teammates and Mrs. Graham prayed for me, and that was the only time that I cried, and it was honestly because I was so touched by their incredible support, love, and encouragement. God is so good in bringing peace. I think I've mentioned this, but over the events of the past year and a half, I've prayed a number of really specific times for God to give the "peace that passes all understanding," leaning hard on Philippians 4:6-7, and He really is so faithful in giving that incredible peace! I had prayed that before the cutting/shaving began, and I know so many of you have been praying for that and for me, so once again, it's such a testimony to God's faithfulness and following through on the things He promises. He truly does mercifully give a peace that makes you think, "how in the WORLD am I so calm right now??" and you know it's ONLY because the LORD is at work.
My third update for the night is about my chemo schedule: tomorrow is my 4th treatment at 2:30pm (CST), and then I have one more on a Thursday: February 5th, also at 2:30pm. All the ones after that are currently scheduled for Wednesdays now instead of the initial Thursdays I had posted because this way we are hoping to avoid having Days 5 and 6 collide with my Christian Thought class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. However, apparently any time I go in for chemo, after they take my blood counts, if they are absolutely TOO low, then they could tell me to come back the next day for treatment. So, there are no guarantees that just because it's on the schedule treatment will actually occur on the appointed date. That said, I'm a little skeptical that my counts would qualify as TOO low--what does that even MEAN??, since last time they were at 150/3000, and if THAT wasn't too low, I can't imagine being turned away because they were any lower. However, we will definitely be praying that treatment can happen on the appointed dates and would love your prayers for that, too! Also, I had mentioned that I wanted to move them to Wednesdays, but the reason that the next 2 are on Thursdays still is because each treatment is ideally supposed to be 14 days apart, give or take a day. So, I can go in and do treatment tomorrow because the last one that I did was on a Friday, 13 days ago, but they don't want me jumping from a Friday to a Wednesday (12 days) immediately; I have to stagger the jump, if you will, thus the next two Thursday treatments.
Here's a huge praise--I know many have been praying against illness or infection in this process, and I know that they prayed for me for health today in chapel as well. My roommate Rachel got the stomach flu this weekend, and one night she and I were the only 2 home, and I felt terrible because I couldn't go upstairs and help her or take her anything because she had a fever and was throwing up. At one point, I threw the thermometer up the stairs for her and offered her one of my Sprites (which she had to actually get), so it was just bad--for her especially because she felt awful all weekend and has had to switch some stuff for her schedule now. Praise the Lord that amidst all of that, I didn't get sick and that Rachel is now better! Seriously, that's huge--apparently if I get a fever, I have to go to the hospital and stay for a few days. Lame. So, thank you for your "preventative" prayers against infection or sickness!
I think that is all for now. For prayer, that my counts would be good to go for treatment tomorrow and for my parents especially since it's the first one at which neither will be present. Also, Madelyn has pink eye, and I think she's mostly over it, but I just figure, WHILE you're already praying...(that pretty much sounds like when I tell my mom, "I mean, WHILE you're at the grocery store, would you mind picking up some bread?") :)
For a progress report and continued prayer for overall healing in this process, I will say also that, as this treatment wraps up the 2nd round tomorrow (WOW time flies!), I should have another PET scan (the sugar one where I "CAN'T" do anything active for a while...my favorite!) next week. This will be the first PET scan since before we started chemo and were staging my lymphoma, so our prayer is that the scan will come back absolutely clear! Kirsten Friedl (who just found out yesterday that her final PET scan was all clear and she is officially done and in remission, PTL!) said that after the 2nd round hers was all clear, but they went ahead and did 4 more rounds of chemo to really get it all. So, that's our prayer and first huge step to healing: that this chemo would be effective, God would completely heal me, and that this upcoming scan will be all clear. I'll let you know when I actually get that scheduled in case you want to pray at more specific times or something.
Once again, thank you. I am so touched. And I'm becoming SO much less cynical and fiercely self-reliant as I trust others and allow people to help me. Your encouragement continues to floor me again and again, and know that you are being faithful to God's call to carry one another's burdens and encourage and exhort one another in love. You have blessed me so much!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Secondly, I know so many have been praying, so I thought I should let you know that, if you've read the other posts, I am now officially "soaring on the wings of Jesus," in the words of Madelyn as she tried to comfort me about the prospects of losing my hair. Actually, though, I was reading in Psalms last night and was at Psalm 17:8b which reads, "hide me in the shadow of your wings," which is also a line from one of my favorite worship songs we sing at Wheaton called "Still." SO, it turns out Madelyn's theology wasn't TOO far off; however, I'm pretty sure that Psalm 17:8b is David appealing for GOD to hide him in the shadow of His metaphorical wings rather than Madelyn's encouragement that I could soar on the wings of Jesus, but she tried at least.
So anyway, back to my second point in this update: Sunday night, all (but one who was on a retreat) of my teammates and I headed over to the house of one of our freshmen, Kaitlyn Graham. We had dinner and some fun, and then her mom, Robin, shaved my head. Actually, before that, each of my teammates cut off some hair, which took a lot of trust on my part that they wouldn't accidentally stab me. :) Just kidding...but seriously...So Mrs. Graham was so sweet and made the whole thing so incredibly easy, praying for us before the event began and just being so helpful and encouraging. At the end, my teammates and Mrs. Graham prayed for me, and that was the only time that I cried, and it was honestly because I was so touched by their incredible support, love, and encouragement. God is so good in bringing peace. I think I've mentioned this, but over the events of the past year and a half, I've prayed a number of really specific times for God to give the "peace that passes all understanding," leaning hard on Philippians 4:6-7, and He really is so faithful in giving that incredible peace! I had prayed that before the cutting/shaving began, and I know so many of you have been praying for that and for me, so once again, it's such a testimony to God's faithfulness and following through on the things He promises. He truly does mercifully give a peace that makes you think, "how in the WORLD am I so calm right now??" and you know it's ONLY because the LORD is at work.
My third update for the night is about my chemo schedule: tomorrow is my 4th treatment at 2:30pm (CST), and then I have one more on a Thursday: February 5th, also at 2:30pm. All the ones after that are currently scheduled for Wednesdays now instead of the initial Thursdays I had posted because this way we are hoping to avoid having Days 5 and 6 collide with my Christian Thought class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. However, apparently any time I go in for chemo, after they take my blood counts, if they are absolutely TOO low, then they could tell me to come back the next day for treatment. So, there are no guarantees that just because it's on the schedule treatment will actually occur on the appointed date. That said, I'm a little skeptical that my counts would qualify as TOO low--what does that even MEAN??, since last time they were at 150/3000, and if THAT wasn't too low, I can't imagine being turned away because they were any lower. However, we will definitely be praying that treatment can happen on the appointed dates and would love your prayers for that, too! Also, I had mentioned that I wanted to move them to Wednesdays, but the reason that the next 2 are on Thursdays still is because each treatment is ideally supposed to be 14 days apart, give or take a day. So, I can go in and do treatment tomorrow because the last one that I did was on a Friday, 13 days ago, but they don't want me jumping from a Friday to a Wednesday (12 days) immediately; I have to stagger the jump, if you will, thus the next two Thursday treatments.
Here's a huge praise--I know many have been praying against illness or infection in this process, and I know that they prayed for me for health today in chapel as well. My roommate Rachel got the stomach flu this weekend, and one night she and I were the only 2 home, and I felt terrible because I couldn't go upstairs and help her or take her anything because she had a fever and was throwing up. At one point, I threw the thermometer up the stairs for her and offered her one of my Sprites (which she had to actually get), so it was just bad--for her especially because she felt awful all weekend and has had to switch some stuff for her schedule now. Praise the Lord that amidst all of that, I didn't get sick and that Rachel is now better! Seriously, that's huge--apparently if I get a fever, I have to go to the hospital and stay for a few days. Lame. So, thank you for your "preventative" prayers against infection or sickness!
I think that is all for now. For prayer, that my counts would be good to go for treatment tomorrow and for my parents especially since it's the first one at which neither will be present. Also, Madelyn has pink eye, and I think she's mostly over it, but I just figure, WHILE you're already praying...(that pretty much sounds like when I tell my mom, "I mean, WHILE you're at the grocery store, would you mind picking up some bread?") :)
For a progress report and continued prayer for overall healing in this process, I will say also that, as this treatment wraps up the 2nd round tomorrow (WOW time flies!), I should have another PET scan (the sugar one where I "CAN'T" do anything active for a while...my favorite!) next week. This will be the first PET scan since before we started chemo and were staging my lymphoma, so our prayer is that the scan will come back absolutely clear! Kirsten Friedl (who just found out yesterday that her final PET scan was all clear and she is officially done and in remission, PTL!) said that after the 2nd round hers was all clear, but they went ahead and did 4 more rounds of chemo to really get it all. So, that's our prayer and first huge step to healing: that this chemo would be effective, God would completely heal me, and that this upcoming scan will be all clear. I'll let you know when I actually get that scheduled in case you want to pray at more specific times or something.
Once again, thank you. I am so touched. And I'm becoming SO much less cynical and fiercely self-reliant as I trust others and allow people to help me. Your encouragement continues to floor me again and again, and know that you are being faithful to God's call to carry one another's burdens and encourage and exhort one another in love. You have blessed me so much!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
"To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the LORD sustains me" --Psalm 3:4-5
Greetings from the frozen tundra that is currently Wheaton, IL. Tonight's low is -11 degrees, with "wind chill values as low as -31." I kid you not. Needless to say, I will NOT be going outside anytime soon. AND, how convenient to have an actual excuse this winter to avoid the negative temperatures: "my weakened immune system simply isn't feeling like going outside." :)
Anyway, despite the frigid cold and the fact that Christmas break is now officially over, it is good to be back. My dad and I made the drive up last Wednesday and Thursday, and we concluded the journey by seeing Wicked in Chicago (which was so good!) on Thursday night. Friday morning my dad and I had some time before my mom got in and treatment happened, so we went to a museum and enjoyed some time in the city. That afternoon, my mom flew up, and I had Chemo #3 on Friday afternoon. Saturday morning my dad flew back home--thankfully, since a ton of flights were cancelled over the weekend--and then my mom and I stayed busy with getting me ready for the semester and settling back in. Sunday morning we went to breakfast with her best friend Sandy Boulden, and afterwards, she took my mom to the airport to fly home, and apparently they cried all the way there. Despite the sadness of saying goodbye to the rest of my family, I actually felt pretty well on Saturday and Sunday--I think being pretty active was a good thing as far as keeping me distracted from any fatigue by having to focus on the many errands at hand. My mom was amazing in setting me up--she organized my food and cooking supplies, made me some meals to reheat for times when I don't feel up to cooking, and was just great, in general. I love my family so much!
Anyway, so that was the weekend. Monday morning, my last (hopefully!) semester of college began--a little anti-climactic I guess, since it just kinda happened, but I stayed pretty busy knocking out some things I had to do, and I even made it to chapel. I stopped and talked to a good amount of people, hung out with some teammates, and then came back and crashed Monday night. Tuesday morning, I woke up slowly by taking my medications, sleeping for another 30 minutes, and then taking my time getting ready. I've found that's the best way to get ready--plan for a lot of time but take it slowly, and then things are generally ok. Praise the LORD that I made it to class on Tuesday--I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to or not since the ominous "Day 5" was yesterday, but seriously, He is so good, and though at points in the two hour long class I was tired and ready to book it, I survived! So, thankyou thankyou thankyou for your many prayers! That was huge--I wanted to make it to my first class (since it's pretty much all I have anyway) of the semester, so what a praise! Small sidenote--I went and saw my mom's two kindergarten classes last week while still at home, and they have been praying for me and sent me a care package for my first treatment and are altogether precious. So, when I called my mom yesterday to tell her that I'd made it to class and was not feeling AS bad as on the previous two "Day 5s," all the kindergartners started cheering and clapping. That just brings me joy!
Anyway--back to yesterday (Tuesday): I made it through class by the grace of God, and then I met with the registrar who was so understanding, and I finally came back around 2pm to just crash. It was the best Day 5 I've had so far, and while it wasn't a blast, PTL that I even DID anything! My freshman teammate Brooke and I had our first practice back coaching our 14s club volleyball team last night, so I tried to store up energy by being a bum yesterday afternoon, which apparently paid off because I made it through practice as well, which was another huge praise and not something I could have done on my own. Last night I slept a ton...I've found that, when I wake up in the middle of the night exhausted but unable to sleep for a few hours, a handy sedative the doctors prescribed to me is helpful...thus, last night I slept for almost 12 hours. I woke up slowly today, and I have been the absolute epitome of a bum today--I mean, besides the fact that I did, at least, make my bed and put away some clothes. Today the usual "Day 5 and 6" routine was more in place than yesterday, so I've been watching some TV, doing some reading, and just laying around. While that gets monotonous, it takes a lot of energy on these couple days to even just sit and talk to people, so I'm learning to be ok with not being super-productive once in a while.
On the note of feeling well enough to attend class and practice last night--I was definitely still beat and feeling nauseous at points, but I feel like I've learned some things already about how I want to live my life ALL the time and not just now that I have cancer. Every morning--and especially on days 5 and 6 (or other days following treatment), I literally have to seek the Lord and ask Him to give me the strength to get up, make anything of the day, and sustain me throughout it--and He absolutely has! And yet, having to so physically rely on Him to sustain me has also shown me how often, in the "easier times," I revert back to self-reliance. I know people say all the time something like, "it's easy to rely on Him when hard things come, but it's so much harder to rely on Him in the everyday," but that can definitely be true. Until I had to start really pleading for sustenance throughout the day on a physical level, I do believe my prayers were non-committal and went like, "Lord, give me the strength to go through this day," as I thought about how it wasn't going to be too hard to make it through a day when all I had to worry about was the amount of homework I hadn't done. I feel like I've already learned so much about really praying and meaning it when I ask, knowing how much I really do NEED Him. So, as a fairly independent person, it's been good for me to have to rely on Him each day for physical strength, but it's also something that I pray I don't stop doing come May when treatments should end. All of that to say, I have seen so many of His promises be true in ways I hadn't before--such as trusting that He will give me the strength that I need, etc.--that it's definitely made His word and promises so alive to me, so that's another huge praise!
For prayer requests, I would ask again for prayer over the next couple days that the side effects would be non-existent, that God would give me the strength I need for class and practice tomorrow, and to stay warm! Seriously though, when we went in for treatment on Friday and they took my blood, apparently part of my white blood cells were at a count of 150, which is VERY low. I asked my nurse Michelle, "if my white blood cells reach zero, ummm...does that mean I'm dead?" to which she replied "no," but said obviously my immune system would be SUPER low then. So, as the weather outside becomes more frightful and my immune system stays down in the pits, continued prayer against infections or illness would be huge. As for my hair, there's still some of it here--it's probably about half as thick as it was, but we're still praying for miracles there and that the rest will stay. As much as I hate the strands pulling out more and more, even in this, it's just made me come to the LORD without pretense and asking Him for this miracle while knowing how small and shallow of a request that is in the grand scheme of everything else. But, even the topic of "hair" has shown us God's faithfulness and support: My hairdresser Melissa Elledge in Dallas is amazing--aside from praying for me, she styled a wig for me, highlighting it at her house for free and washing my own hair (so that I didn't have to pull some out while washing it), and even in the things that seem insignificant eternally, God has just put people right in our path that have been such blessings!
Also, I would love continued prayer for my family. My mom's never-ending cry on the way to the airport was apparently because she hated to leave knowing how I'd feel on days 5 and 6 and not being able to help at all, and so prayer for her, my dad, and Katie and Madelyn as we're apart would be great. I know they'd love prayer for peace and rest in the midst of this, especially as they go about their normal routines. Lastly, my nurse Michelle flew to Tanzania today to help out medically over there for the next 6 weeks (so I'll miss 3 treatments with her), so please pray for her safety and that this would be eye-opening and life-changing!
As I've tried to think through "New Year's Resolutions" and other goals for the year, I was hit with the power of prayer and how I'd like to commit to praying more consistently for people. With so many people praying for me and my family, we have, again, felt such peace, and there are so many reasons to praise the Lord each day. Yet, in the midst of praying for my own healing and having so many people tell me they've been praying for me, I realized that, over the past two months, I've been pretty bad at praying for others. So, what better time to really commit to praying more than a time when I have hours to lay around sedentary or during all the nights when I can't fall back asleep?? All of that is to say that, I am trying to commit to praying for you--even those I don't know who've been praying for me--because I have seen how God truly does answer prayer and how dumb I am to not intercede for others more often.
I'll close this week's edition of "Hannah McGinnis, Up Close and Personal," with part of this post's title: "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me" Psalm 3:5. Man, on the nights when I just fall into bed and don't want to feel bad in the morning, this verse is huge. PTL that He redeems even the laziest of my days where I lay on the couch and watch TV while feeling poorly. Praise Him that His mercies are new each morning and that we have the promise that He will sustain us when we wake up to face the day.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Anyway, despite the frigid cold and the fact that Christmas break is now officially over, it is good to be back. My dad and I made the drive up last Wednesday and Thursday, and we concluded the journey by seeing Wicked in Chicago (which was so good!) on Thursday night. Friday morning my dad and I had some time before my mom got in and treatment happened, so we went to a museum and enjoyed some time in the city. That afternoon, my mom flew up, and I had Chemo #3 on Friday afternoon. Saturday morning my dad flew back home--thankfully, since a ton of flights were cancelled over the weekend--and then my mom and I stayed busy with getting me ready for the semester and settling back in. Sunday morning we went to breakfast with her best friend Sandy Boulden, and afterwards, she took my mom to the airport to fly home, and apparently they cried all the way there. Despite the sadness of saying goodbye to the rest of my family, I actually felt pretty well on Saturday and Sunday--I think being pretty active was a good thing as far as keeping me distracted from any fatigue by having to focus on the many errands at hand. My mom was amazing in setting me up--she organized my food and cooking supplies, made me some meals to reheat for times when I don't feel up to cooking, and was just great, in general. I love my family so much!
Anyway, so that was the weekend. Monday morning, my last (hopefully!) semester of college began--a little anti-climactic I guess, since it just kinda happened, but I stayed pretty busy knocking out some things I had to do, and I even made it to chapel. I stopped and talked to a good amount of people, hung out with some teammates, and then came back and crashed Monday night. Tuesday morning, I woke up slowly by taking my medications, sleeping for another 30 minutes, and then taking my time getting ready. I've found that's the best way to get ready--plan for a lot of time but take it slowly, and then things are generally ok. Praise the LORD that I made it to class on Tuesday--I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to or not since the ominous "Day 5" was yesterday, but seriously, He is so good, and though at points in the two hour long class I was tired and ready to book it, I survived! So, thankyou thankyou thankyou for your many prayers! That was huge--I wanted to make it to my first class (since it's pretty much all I have anyway) of the semester, so what a praise! Small sidenote--I went and saw my mom's two kindergarten classes last week while still at home, and they have been praying for me and sent me a care package for my first treatment and are altogether precious. So, when I called my mom yesterday to tell her that I'd made it to class and was not feeling AS bad as on the previous two "Day 5s," all the kindergartners started cheering and clapping. That just brings me joy!
Anyway--back to yesterday (Tuesday): I made it through class by the grace of God, and then I met with the registrar who was so understanding, and I finally came back around 2pm to just crash. It was the best Day 5 I've had so far, and while it wasn't a blast, PTL that I even DID anything! My freshman teammate Brooke and I had our first practice back coaching our 14s club volleyball team last night, so I tried to store up energy by being a bum yesterday afternoon, which apparently paid off because I made it through practice as well, which was another huge praise and not something I could have done on my own. Last night I slept a ton...I've found that, when I wake up in the middle of the night exhausted but unable to sleep for a few hours, a handy sedative the doctors prescribed to me is helpful...thus, last night I slept for almost 12 hours. I woke up slowly today, and I have been the absolute epitome of a bum today--I mean, besides the fact that I did, at least, make my bed and put away some clothes. Today the usual "Day 5 and 6" routine was more in place than yesterday, so I've been watching some TV, doing some reading, and just laying around. While that gets monotonous, it takes a lot of energy on these couple days to even just sit and talk to people, so I'm learning to be ok with not being super-productive once in a while.
On the note of feeling well enough to attend class and practice last night--I was definitely still beat and feeling nauseous at points, but I feel like I've learned some things already about how I want to live my life ALL the time and not just now that I have cancer. Every morning--and especially on days 5 and 6 (or other days following treatment), I literally have to seek the Lord and ask Him to give me the strength to get up, make anything of the day, and sustain me throughout it--and He absolutely has! And yet, having to so physically rely on Him to sustain me has also shown me how often, in the "easier times," I revert back to self-reliance. I know people say all the time something like, "it's easy to rely on Him when hard things come, but it's so much harder to rely on Him in the everyday," but that can definitely be true. Until I had to start really pleading for sustenance throughout the day on a physical level, I do believe my prayers were non-committal and went like, "Lord, give me the strength to go through this day," as I thought about how it wasn't going to be too hard to make it through a day when all I had to worry about was the amount of homework I hadn't done. I feel like I've already learned so much about really praying and meaning it when I ask, knowing how much I really do NEED Him. So, as a fairly independent person, it's been good for me to have to rely on Him each day for physical strength, but it's also something that I pray I don't stop doing come May when treatments should end. All of that to say, I have seen so many of His promises be true in ways I hadn't before--such as trusting that He will give me the strength that I need, etc.--that it's definitely made His word and promises so alive to me, so that's another huge praise!
For prayer requests, I would ask again for prayer over the next couple days that the side effects would be non-existent, that God would give me the strength I need for class and practice tomorrow, and to stay warm! Seriously though, when we went in for treatment on Friday and they took my blood, apparently part of my white blood cells were at a count of 150, which is VERY low. I asked my nurse Michelle, "if my white blood cells reach zero, ummm...does that mean I'm dead?" to which she replied "no," but said obviously my immune system would be SUPER low then. So, as the weather outside becomes more frightful and my immune system stays down in the pits, continued prayer against infections or illness would be huge. As for my hair, there's still some of it here--it's probably about half as thick as it was, but we're still praying for miracles there and that the rest will stay. As much as I hate the strands pulling out more and more, even in this, it's just made me come to the LORD without pretense and asking Him for this miracle while knowing how small and shallow of a request that is in the grand scheme of everything else. But, even the topic of "hair" has shown us God's faithfulness and support: My hairdresser Melissa Elledge in Dallas is amazing--aside from praying for me, she styled a wig for me, highlighting it at her house for free and washing my own hair (so that I didn't have to pull some out while washing it), and even in the things that seem insignificant eternally, God has just put people right in our path that have been such blessings!
Also, I would love continued prayer for my family. My mom's never-ending cry on the way to the airport was apparently because she hated to leave knowing how I'd feel on days 5 and 6 and not being able to help at all, and so prayer for her, my dad, and Katie and Madelyn as we're apart would be great. I know they'd love prayer for peace and rest in the midst of this, especially as they go about their normal routines. Lastly, my nurse Michelle flew to Tanzania today to help out medically over there for the next 6 weeks (so I'll miss 3 treatments with her), so please pray for her safety and that this would be eye-opening and life-changing!
As I've tried to think through "New Year's Resolutions" and other goals for the year, I was hit with the power of prayer and how I'd like to commit to praying more consistently for people. With so many people praying for me and my family, we have, again, felt such peace, and there are so many reasons to praise the Lord each day. Yet, in the midst of praying for my own healing and having so many people tell me they've been praying for me, I realized that, over the past two months, I've been pretty bad at praying for others. So, what better time to really commit to praying more than a time when I have hours to lay around sedentary or during all the nights when I can't fall back asleep?? All of that is to say that, I am trying to commit to praying for you--even those I don't know who've been praying for me--because I have seen how God truly does answer prayer and how dumb I am to not intercede for others more often.
I'll close this week's edition of "Hannah McGinnis, Up Close and Personal," with part of this post's title: "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me" Psalm 3:5. Man, on the nights when I just fall into bed and don't want to feel bad in the morning, this verse is huge. PTL that He redeems even the laziest of my days where I lay on the couch and watch TV while feeling poorly. Praise Him that His mercies are new each morning and that we have the promise that He will sustain us when we wake up to face the day.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Sunday, January 4, 2009
"The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." --Psalm145:13b
Happy New Year! So sorry it's been a while, but I hope yall had blessed Christmases and New Year celebrations as well! We have enjoyed the holidays here in Fairview, and even more than the time to rest, I was thrilled with the 80 degree weather we had yesterday. In January. That's amazing. (although, of course, it's 43 right now. all good things must come to an end, apparently).
Anyway, how about a recap of the past week or so? I had my 2nd treatment on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) down in Dallas, and it was definitely a different experience than my treatment at Northwestern in Chicago, but it was such a blessing to get in even--especially on Christmas Eve. The doctor was a little more frank, but it gave my dad, my friend Caroline, and I some laughs as the doctor said, "You could be dead" in a very blunt manner. I mean, it's a true statement when you think about it, but when sitting in a hospital room on Christmas Eve, it nevertheless made us laugh a little and say, "Well, yes, that's true. I tell myself that every day when I wake up." So, treatment happened, and I felt great on Christmas, which is a huge praise! Thanks for so many prayers for that! I got a little tired, but then again, at one point, about five of us McGinnis cousins were sleeping around my grandparents' couches, so I can't really say whether my fatigue was isolated to chemo or not. The day after Christmas (Friday) I also felt pretty well--again, just a little tired physically--or maybe drained is a better word, since it's not like I was falling asleep at meals or anything, but I just felt fatigued.
Saturday was when I started to feel the effects with a little more force, and that was day 4 of the treatment cycle. If the past two treatments were indicative of how every treatment will go, then we pretty much know that days 5 and 6 post-treatment are the worst. Go figure. I haven't had any of the nausea they warn about on days 2 and 3 after chemo (so the day following treatment and the 2nd day after treatment), but man--day 5 and 6 are not fun. Basically, my plan on those days is to sleep late and go to bed early so that the number of hours I wrestle through on those days is minimal. That probably sounds bad, and I can imagine at other times telling myself that the point of life is to not just "get through" the bad days, but that's nevertheless where I stand right now. Ugghhh. I don't like those days. On day 5--it's been isolated to that day both times--my mouth hurts something fierce. To better describe that, if you've had your wisdom teeth out, that's kind of how my mouth feels on day 5. My teeth, gums, and jaw just ACHE, and any time I eat anything on that day (not so much on day 6), there's a sharp pain at the back of my mouth that goes across my jaw. I have no clue how or why that happens, except to say that chemotherapy basically poisons all fast-growing cells in the body. So, it's great that it kills the fast-growing cells that are tumors, but it can't differentiate between the good and bad fast-growing cells, thus why people have problems with their mouths, stomachs, and hair. All of those locations (and probably more, I'm no expert) have fast-growing cells. So, thus the random jaw pain on day 5. The rest of me just aches--again like I have the flu--on days 5 and 6, but on day 7 both times I have started to turn the corner. Also, I found out that only 10-29% of people undergoing this treatment have flu-like symptoms. Real cool. Good thing I'm apparently really rare in some things--contracting a disease only 7000 people a year get, and of those, being in the 10-29% who get the flu-like symptoms.
After days 5, 6, and some of day 7, I start to turn the corner, and starting on day 8 (which was Wednesday of this week), I feel great. Like, VERY normal. And when I'm not running from place to place once I'm back at school, I feel good enough on the 2nd week that I could workout, play volleyball, etc. I just have to brace myself for those other days. Because of that, we're thinking about moving treatment to Wednesdays instead of Thursdays when I'm back at Wheaton because if we move them, that puts day 5 and 6 on Sundays and Mondays, with the not-as-bad day 7 on Tuesday. Since I only have a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and since I've actually felt pretty decent on the day immediately following treatment, we're thinking Wednesdays might work better, so that way I can go to class the morning after treatment, have the weekend to get beyond the dreaded days 5 and 6, and then, while day 7 is no party, I at least can foresee getting up to go to a class again on Tuesday. I'll let you know what we do about that, though.
As I said, about a week after treatment, which is also a week before the next treatment, I feel really normal, which is a huge praise. It gives a little perspective and hope for this whole process, because as much as I just wrestle through days 5, 6, and 7, knowing that I will feel so normal for a week is a huge blessing and bit of hope in the midst of that. Since Tuesday, I've been much less sedentary, which is nice for a change. For my parents' 26th anniversary on New Year's Day, they took us out WITH them for a change, and it was nice to be at our favorite restaurant (which is Hawaiian and reminds us of our favorite memories) together. Everywhere we go, it seems like we run into someone who is praying for us, or we meet someone who has an encouraging word or knows someone else who had Hodgkin's before--our waiter at Roy's had a best friend years ago who survived it and is doing great. So crazy that so many people know Hodgkin's survivors because it's rare, and before this, we knew nothing about it at all. But, God is good in that way and has just provided--even with encouragement--in huge ways.
And now on to prayer requests: my dad and I are going to start the drive back to Wheaton/Chicago on Wednesday, splitting it up and arriving Thursday afternoon. We're gonna hang out in Chicago that night, see Wicked, and finish off feeling great with a bang, hopefully. Friday at 3 I have chemo number 3, which starts the 2nd round of chemo. Sidenote--I cannot believe that it's already January and we've already finished one round of chemo! Things have just gone SO fast since finding out the day before Thanksgiving, that it's CRAZY to look back at the past month and a half. Praise the Lord for ordering all of our steps, orchestrating all of the appointments, and getting us so far in such little time. That too has given us hope in the midst of some not fun days, as we see that, before we know it, one round has finished, a month has passed, and we're that much closer to the finish line of this road. Anyway, back to chemo number 3: My mom flies in to Chicago on Friday afternoon after she's done with school, so she'll spend the evening with us and stay till Sunday night, trading off duties as my dad flies back home Saturday morning to be with Madelyn as she has her first club volleyball tournament of this massively important season for her volleyball future. Somewhere in this next week, Katie will be heading out to Colorado and trying to figure out what she's doing and where she'll be for a while, so I think a huge request would be for safety as we all disperse throughout the country--my dad and I on the 15 hour drive to Chicago, my mom and dad on their respective flights, Madelyn as we ditch her for a night and as she starts her club season, and Katie as she makes the 12 hour drive to the Springs and figures out her plans. If any of that was confusing or sounds exhausting, just know that you get used to it if that's how your family lives for 21 years.
Anyway, with the third treatment approaching, and the inevitable days 5 and 6 looming around the corner, I would LOVE your prayers specifically on those days. For this treatment, that means day 5 is Tuesday, January 13th (and incidentally my first day of class...bad timing but we wanted to extend my time at home instead of doing Wed. treatment and having to leave like tomorrow), and day 6 is Wednesday, January 14th. And as for specific prayers, just that my mouth won't hurt, that I can eat--always a good thing, and that there will be no body aches. Also, continued prayers for no other side effects would be so great--especially that I keep my hair. I'm losing strands, but no "clumps" that they warn against, so we're praying daily that it just thins. We already know that the all side effects are different person to person, but apparently you can get different side effects each time, so feel free to throw in some prayers against the catagory of "other" side effects, too. :)
I had dinner last night with some Kanakuk staff I worked with this past summer, and one of my friends (Sarah-Graham!) asked me if the support has been overwhelming, and she said in both senses (good and bad) of the word. I told her that, if she means overwhelming in a good sense, then absolutely yes. I am not a girl that cries a whole lot--I like to tell myself to suck it up, and that works for a long time, until the wall breaks and I have a minor melt-down. That said, if you catch me crying usually, you're probably one of my closest friends or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, I have seriously been brought to tears at random times so often in the past month and a half. With every e-mail, voicemail, text, facebook message, or even e-mail to my parents, I am absolutely touched by the love that people have shown. So yes, that has been overwhelming in a good sense, so thank you. I say that in most posts, but seriously, I don't want that to go unappreciated. On that note, yes, it has been a little overwhelming in a sense of messages lining up in my inbox--don't be afraid to e-mail me at all!--but, my goal is to respond to each one--not because it's a duty or anything, but because I function based off of encouragement in everyday life, so you cannot even know how huge each e-mail really has been in this time. And, because of that, I genuinely want to thank each person for encouraging me and my family, but I've been slacking on that. So know that my goal is to respond, but if I e-mail you back in a month and you're thinking "what is this girl thanking me for?!?" because you forgot that you e-mailed me at the end of last year, please bear with me. :)
All I have left to say is how thankful I am for a sovereign God who truly loves us. When I felt bad on the ominous days I won't mention post-treatment, my mom came up and literally put me to bed, tucking me in, and praying for me. Seeing how much it pains my parents when I'm just feeling BAD has totally put things in perspective for me. I can't tell you why bad things happen (I mean, I could give you a great explanation of sin, etc., but you know what I mean). I CAN, however, tell you that, just as my parents love me so greatly that it is so hard for them when I'm just laying on the couch in pain, and I want to feel better just to make the pained looks on their faces go away, how much more the Father loves us. He created us, and I guess something I saw this past week when my mom tucked me into bed was just a picture of how hard it is for Him to see us suffer and struggle through things. He's not some callous deity sitting removed from us and just waiting for us to fall. He is our Father, and just as it hurts my parents when I hurt, He loves us even more than that--probably why he put his Son on the cross for us. That may seem like common sense to yall, but something about seeing your parents suffer over your pain has made that so real to me--just how much He does love us and suffers through things WITH us and before us, too. Anyway, He is good. One of the Psalms I read speaks about that, saying, "Praise Him for His acts of power; Praise Him for His surpassing greatness," (Psalm 150:2), and that's something that we have absolutely seen so far in this--not only can we praise Him for all the things He's DONE, but so much more for who He IS and His "surpassing greatness."
Thank you again! One round down, 5 to go! Have a blessed week!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Anyway, how about a recap of the past week or so? I had my 2nd treatment on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) down in Dallas, and it was definitely a different experience than my treatment at Northwestern in Chicago, but it was such a blessing to get in even--especially on Christmas Eve. The doctor was a little more frank, but it gave my dad, my friend Caroline, and I some laughs as the doctor said, "You could be dead" in a very blunt manner. I mean, it's a true statement when you think about it, but when sitting in a hospital room on Christmas Eve, it nevertheless made us laugh a little and say, "Well, yes, that's true. I tell myself that every day when I wake up." So, treatment happened, and I felt great on Christmas, which is a huge praise! Thanks for so many prayers for that! I got a little tired, but then again, at one point, about five of us McGinnis cousins were sleeping around my grandparents' couches, so I can't really say whether my fatigue was isolated to chemo or not. The day after Christmas (Friday) I also felt pretty well--again, just a little tired physically--or maybe drained is a better word, since it's not like I was falling asleep at meals or anything, but I just felt fatigued.
Saturday was when I started to feel the effects with a little more force, and that was day 4 of the treatment cycle. If the past two treatments were indicative of how every treatment will go, then we pretty much know that days 5 and 6 post-treatment are the worst. Go figure. I haven't had any of the nausea they warn about on days 2 and 3 after chemo (so the day following treatment and the 2nd day after treatment), but man--day 5 and 6 are not fun. Basically, my plan on those days is to sleep late and go to bed early so that the number of hours I wrestle through on those days is minimal. That probably sounds bad, and I can imagine at other times telling myself that the point of life is to not just "get through" the bad days, but that's nevertheless where I stand right now. Ugghhh. I don't like those days. On day 5--it's been isolated to that day both times--my mouth hurts something fierce. To better describe that, if you've had your wisdom teeth out, that's kind of how my mouth feels on day 5. My teeth, gums, and jaw just ACHE, and any time I eat anything on that day (not so much on day 6), there's a sharp pain at the back of my mouth that goes across my jaw. I have no clue how or why that happens, except to say that chemotherapy basically poisons all fast-growing cells in the body. So, it's great that it kills the fast-growing cells that are tumors, but it can't differentiate between the good and bad fast-growing cells, thus why people have problems with their mouths, stomachs, and hair. All of those locations (and probably more, I'm no expert) have fast-growing cells. So, thus the random jaw pain on day 5. The rest of me just aches--again like I have the flu--on days 5 and 6, but on day 7 both times I have started to turn the corner. Also, I found out that only 10-29% of people undergoing this treatment have flu-like symptoms. Real cool. Good thing I'm apparently really rare in some things--contracting a disease only 7000 people a year get, and of those, being in the 10-29% who get the flu-like symptoms.
After days 5, 6, and some of day 7, I start to turn the corner, and starting on day 8 (which was Wednesday of this week), I feel great. Like, VERY normal. And when I'm not running from place to place once I'm back at school, I feel good enough on the 2nd week that I could workout, play volleyball, etc. I just have to brace myself for those other days. Because of that, we're thinking about moving treatment to Wednesdays instead of Thursdays when I'm back at Wheaton because if we move them, that puts day 5 and 6 on Sundays and Mondays, with the not-as-bad day 7 on Tuesday. Since I only have a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and since I've actually felt pretty decent on the day immediately following treatment, we're thinking Wednesdays might work better, so that way I can go to class the morning after treatment, have the weekend to get beyond the dreaded days 5 and 6, and then, while day 7 is no party, I at least can foresee getting up to go to a class again on Tuesday. I'll let you know what we do about that, though.
As I said, about a week after treatment, which is also a week before the next treatment, I feel really normal, which is a huge praise. It gives a little perspective and hope for this whole process, because as much as I just wrestle through days 5, 6, and 7, knowing that I will feel so normal for a week is a huge blessing and bit of hope in the midst of that. Since Tuesday, I've been much less sedentary, which is nice for a change. For my parents' 26th anniversary on New Year's Day, they took us out WITH them for a change, and it was nice to be at our favorite restaurant (which is Hawaiian and reminds us of our favorite memories) together. Everywhere we go, it seems like we run into someone who is praying for us, or we meet someone who has an encouraging word or knows someone else who had Hodgkin's before--our waiter at Roy's had a best friend years ago who survived it and is doing great. So crazy that so many people know Hodgkin's survivors because it's rare, and before this, we knew nothing about it at all. But, God is good in that way and has just provided--even with encouragement--in huge ways.
And now on to prayer requests: my dad and I are going to start the drive back to Wheaton/Chicago on Wednesday, splitting it up and arriving Thursday afternoon. We're gonna hang out in Chicago that night, see Wicked, and finish off feeling great with a bang, hopefully. Friday at 3 I have chemo number 3, which starts the 2nd round of chemo. Sidenote--I cannot believe that it's already January and we've already finished one round of chemo! Things have just gone SO fast since finding out the day before Thanksgiving, that it's CRAZY to look back at the past month and a half. Praise the Lord for ordering all of our steps, orchestrating all of the appointments, and getting us so far in such little time. That too has given us hope in the midst of some not fun days, as we see that, before we know it, one round has finished, a month has passed, and we're that much closer to the finish line of this road. Anyway, back to chemo number 3: My mom flies in to Chicago on Friday afternoon after she's done with school, so she'll spend the evening with us and stay till Sunday night, trading off duties as my dad flies back home Saturday morning to be with Madelyn as she has her first club volleyball tournament of this massively important season for her volleyball future. Somewhere in this next week, Katie will be heading out to Colorado and trying to figure out what she's doing and where she'll be for a while, so I think a huge request would be for safety as we all disperse throughout the country--my dad and I on the 15 hour drive to Chicago, my mom and dad on their respective flights, Madelyn as we ditch her for a night and as she starts her club season, and Katie as she makes the 12 hour drive to the Springs and figures out her plans. If any of that was confusing or sounds exhausting, just know that you get used to it if that's how your family lives for 21 years.
Anyway, with the third treatment approaching, and the inevitable days 5 and 6 looming around the corner, I would LOVE your prayers specifically on those days. For this treatment, that means day 5 is Tuesday, January 13th (and incidentally my first day of class...bad timing but we wanted to extend my time at home instead of doing Wed. treatment and having to leave like tomorrow), and day 6 is Wednesday, January 14th. And as for specific prayers, just that my mouth won't hurt, that I can eat--always a good thing, and that there will be no body aches. Also, continued prayers for no other side effects would be so great--especially that I keep my hair. I'm losing strands, but no "clumps" that they warn against, so we're praying daily that it just thins. We already know that the all side effects are different person to person, but apparently you can get different side effects each time, so feel free to throw in some prayers against the catagory of "other" side effects, too. :)
I had dinner last night with some Kanakuk staff I worked with this past summer, and one of my friends (Sarah-Graham!) asked me if the support has been overwhelming, and she said in both senses (good and bad) of the word. I told her that, if she means overwhelming in a good sense, then absolutely yes. I am not a girl that cries a whole lot--I like to tell myself to suck it up, and that works for a long time, until the wall breaks and I have a minor melt-down. That said, if you catch me crying usually, you're probably one of my closest friends or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, I have seriously been brought to tears at random times so often in the past month and a half. With every e-mail, voicemail, text, facebook message, or even e-mail to my parents, I am absolutely touched by the love that people have shown. So yes, that has been overwhelming in a good sense, so thank you. I say that in most posts, but seriously, I don't want that to go unappreciated. On that note, yes, it has been a little overwhelming in a sense of messages lining up in my inbox--don't be afraid to e-mail me at all!--but, my goal is to respond to each one--not because it's a duty or anything, but because I function based off of encouragement in everyday life, so you cannot even know how huge each e-mail really has been in this time. And, because of that, I genuinely want to thank each person for encouraging me and my family, but I've been slacking on that. So know that my goal is to respond, but if I e-mail you back in a month and you're thinking "what is this girl thanking me for?!?" because you forgot that you e-mailed me at the end of last year, please bear with me. :)
All I have left to say is how thankful I am for a sovereign God who truly loves us. When I felt bad on the ominous days I won't mention post-treatment, my mom came up and literally put me to bed, tucking me in, and praying for me. Seeing how much it pains my parents when I'm just feeling BAD has totally put things in perspective for me. I can't tell you why bad things happen (I mean, I could give you a great explanation of sin, etc., but you know what I mean). I CAN, however, tell you that, just as my parents love me so greatly that it is so hard for them when I'm just laying on the couch in pain, and I want to feel better just to make the pained looks on their faces go away, how much more the Father loves us. He created us, and I guess something I saw this past week when my mom tucked me into bed was just a picture of how hard it is for Him to see us suffer and struggle through things. He's not some callous deity sitting removed from us and just waiting for us to fall. He is our Father, and just as it hurts my parents when I hurt, He loves us even more than that--probably why he put his Son on the cross for us. That may seem like common sense to yall, but something about seeing your parents suffer over your pain has made that so real to me--just how much He does love us and suffers through things WITH us and before us, too. Anyway, He is good. One of the Psalms I read speaks about that, saying, "Praise Him for His acts of power; Praise Him for His surpassing greatness," (Psalm 150:2), and that's something that we have absolutely seen so far in this--not only can we praise Him for all the things He's DONE, but so much more for who He IS and His "surpassing greatness."
Thank you again! One round down, 5 to go! Have a blessed week!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
"But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge..." --Psalm 141:8
Ok--this is one for the record books of the shortest post (to date). BUT, I just wanted to update about treatment #2. God really is so sovereign! Praise Him for His incredible peace, too. So, details were still not worked out until like 11:30am today about my 2nd treatment (that needed to happen tomorrow), and as much as my parents were on my case about getting it on the books, praise Him for working out all the details and completely giving me peace that, whether it fit into tomorrow or next Monday (thus changing every other treatment), He was sovereign. And He IS! So anyway, I was getting to 11:30am...so the scheduler from Dr. Fay's office at the Baylor-Sammons Cancer Center in Dallas called again then and asked if 8:30 Wednesday (tomorrow) morning worked, to which I quickly assured her it was perfect. So, I have my 2nd treatment tomorrow morning at 8:30am. PTL!!!
Thank you SOOOO much for your faithfulness and prayers. Really, this is awesome. I mean, aside from the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Eve and that I have cancer, but remember, we're already trying to move beyond that inevitable fact (though my dad DID ask me the other night, "Hannah, what in the WORLD are you doing with cancer?" to which I replied, "hmmm...really couldn't tell you"). ANYWAY, God's timing and sovereignty is perfect. So praise HIM that He's had it all planned out from before the start anyway, and in light of that, I was shown, yet again, that there is really no need to worry. So thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers! God answers them...not always how we plan, but He sure does answer them. So please keep up your excellent praying. :) Just kidding...but seriously...
Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS (in advance)! Due to the fact that I'm having chemo tomorrow, it's fixing to be Christmas, and everyone has more important things to do than sit by the computer waiting for my updates, it'll be a few days before anything's heard from Fairview, most likely. In the meantime, I thank the Lord for all of you and your touching and humbling prayers. Thanks again for flooring me with your faithfulness and friendship. God bless!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Thank you SOOOO much for your faithfulness and prayers. Really, this is awesome. I mean, aside from the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Eve and that I have cancer, but remember, we're already trying to move beyond that inevitable fact (though my dad DID ask me the other night, "Hannah, what in the WORLD are you doing with cancer?" to which I replied, "hmmm...really couldn't tell you"). ANYWAY, God's timing and sovereignty is perfect. So praise HIM that He's had it all planned out from before the start anyway, and in light of that, I was shown, yet again, that there is really no need to worry. So thankyou thankyou thankyou for your prayers! God answers them...not always how we plan, but He sure does answer them. So please keep up your excellent praying. :) Just kidding...but seriously...
Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS (in advance)! Due to the fact that I'm having chemo tomorrow, it's fixing to be Christmas, and everyone has more important things to do than sit by the computer waiting for my updates, it'll be a few days before anything's heard from Fairview, most likely. In the meantime, I thank the Lord for all of you and your touching and humbling prayers. Thanks again for flooring me with your faithfulness and friendship. God bless!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Sunday, December 21, 2008
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life...The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me..." -Psalm 138:7, 8
Greetings, once again, from Fairview! It's been an eventful past week or so, and I'm finally finding some time (and peace of mind) to sit down and give an update. With so much to tell, I think this one will be somewhat of a chronological look back over the past 8 days, starting with a week ago Saturday.
Let me first, however, start out by giving a shoutout to Erin Groth who, after reading my note in the last post about maybe wanting a snack because it was a long one, actually got out a bag of popcorn, popped it, and then continued to read my post. Haha, I love my friends.
As so many were praying for it, you might recall that last Saturday (December 13th) we had our volleyball banquet. I was definitely a little beat and tired, but felt good, was able to attend, and had so much fun, so thanks for so many prayers! It was seriously SUCH a blessing to be there, have some closure on the past 12 years of my life in my volleyball career, and have a blast with my teammates and all of our dates. Afterward we came to my house (in Wheaton), where my mom--who deserves an award definitely--had been baking cookies and decorating and helping me with everything, and the day continued as we decorated cookies and had a group-gingerbread house competition (which, Brooke, Sarah, Harrison, and I most definitely won). NOW, I am officially a has-been. Anyway, so Saturday was a good day, PTL!
On to Sunday (Dec. 14th)...it was going well--I dropped my mom off at the airport and then headed out to Aurora for our Christmas Klub with Aurora K-Life, which was great. However, when I made it back to my house, all the feeling great from Friday and Saturday caught up with me and I just felt exhausted. That's sadly the best that I can describe it--I didn't throw up or think I was going to, but I was just BEAT. Sunday night, all of Monday, and Tuesday morning were pretty much spent with me laying in my bed feeling pretty awful. Starting Monday, I just felt bad--kinda like I had the flu (I didn't)--but just my whole body was aching, at one point I literally thought I was going to black out, and I was pretty shaky. Tuesday morning at 8am I had an exam, at which I told my prof: "there is no possible way I can pass this exam right now" and she told me I didn't have to take it right then but could have my mom proctor it from home. Then I told her I didn't know if I could do this, but I wanted to hug her, and I did. Honestly, I could not have done this semester without the incredible grace my professors have shown me. I was floored by their grace, and I can't thank them enough for it nor imagine having been any other place. I have a hard time asking for help because I feel like I should've been able to do it but just made bad choices to lead to a point where I need an extension or something, but they made it easy and have truly influenced how I hope to respond to students of mine in the future. Praise the Lord for my Wheaton professors. (And on the note of finishing this semester, I have a couple more things pending which I am working on getting in throughout the next week or so).
Ok, so I was saying how Sunday things hit me, and I felt pretty bad through when I left Wheaton at noon on Tuesday. Getting out of town was made possible wholly by my one of my co-counselors from this summer at Kanakuk K-West who literally packed for me as I sat on my futon. (Shoutout to Lo for being amazing, and also to the rest of the Fab 4). Anyway, Stef (my teammate/roommate/etc.) and I DID get out of there, but as we left, we started on probably the worst road trip of all the ones we've taken, due to awful weather (which included ice, snow, freezing rain, dense fog, and rain) which made the drive a couple hours longer than the estimated 15 hours. Stef is another one without whom I could not have done the last week--but for a meagre 3 or 4 hours I drove, she drove all the rest, navigated the crazy weather and roads, put up with my whining, and didn't flinch as I started throwing up with 2 hours left of our drive. On that event--for the first time in my life, I got carsick. Real fun. And so sorry for those of you that deal with that on a regular basis. Ughhh. OH--ALSO to throw into that mix, I had a pounding headache for Tuesday and Wednesday (and at other points), and I knew my sinuses were messed up, so PTL for my nurse Michelle who got me a Z-pack (sp?) of antibiotics for my sinus infection. (I actually had mentioned that to the ENT back in November--that I had all this sinus pressure and was pretty sure from having them before that I had a sinus infection, but somewhere along the lines with uncovering cancer, that was sideswept...go figure).
All of that whining right now is to say that, there were some pretty rough days and nights packed into last week, but praise the Lord that His joy comes with the morning. As simple as that sounds, in long nights, I have to cling to that. Tuesday night as I was awake with a headache, I was just praying so hard that He would cease the pain, and as frustrated as I was with the pounding, I got a text from my teammate Kelly who reminded me (unsolicited--give it up for God's great timing) of Philippians 4:6-7, which both happen to have been HUGE verses in my life over the past year or so, about not being anxious about ANYTHING but giving EVERYTHING up to Him in prayer. I love what follows: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." What a great verse to get when you're laying there, annoyed by the pounding in your head but unable to do a thing about it except worry (which probably just perpetuates the problem), and yet, I was called out of my self-pity there to remember that, even with a sinus infection and just feeling like crap, God is sovereign, we are not supposed to worry, and He gives peace. And He did, and I slept. :)
Anyway, so somehow, amidst all the mess that I was feeling, we made it home. I have never been SO happy to pull into my driveway and crash on our couch, let me tell you. And crash is pretty much what I did for Thursday and for Friday morning. Thursday I still felt a little nauseous, but it was only really there in the afternoon. Friday I felt GREAT--praise the LORD! Of significance on Thursday was my trip with my mom to my hairdresser's house. She had called and said she would cut it there, even though it was her day off, and so my mom and I went, and my hair is now 14 inches shorter. I don't think my hair's been this short since I was like 3 years old, but Melissa (my hairdresser) was great, and actually--here's another blessing--she volunteered with the American Cancer Society in college, so she had all kinds of tips and info and compassion for us. God is so good--even in the small things! So anyway, the reason for "the big chop" was that my doctor had told me that, with such thick hair, it might just thin. My nurse told me it's pretty standard that I'll lose my hair, but the nurse practitioner added that, since mine was so long, the weight of it might break some hair off that I wouldn't otherwise lose, so I should cut it. So, while we're praying that I won't lose my hair, it is definitely short, but it's growing on me (pun intended). If I do lose it, it should be 14-18 days after my first treatment, which for the viewers at home, means we're praying that Christmas morning I WON'T wake up and find hair on my pillow.
If you've heard the song "Skin" by Rascal Flatts and thought it was a little over-dramatic, what with the girl finding it "right there on her pillow--the cruelest of any surprise," apparently that's actually what happens. On that note, I thought I would throw in two of my favorite hair-related quotes from my little sister Madelyn, who is helping us keep our senses of humor in this whole thing (which we've been told is actually really important in this process of recovery): (1) on if I go bald: "Don't worry, Hannah, worst-case-scenario, you'll look like a naked mole rat" (that, apparently, was supposed to be comforting, she said) (2) again, on how losing hair is not so fun: "You're gonna be pretty like a bald eagle and soar on the wings of Jesus." Both times, my family and I looked at each other, then at Madelyn, and didn't QUITE know what to say. In regards to the second quote, none of us were aware that Jesus had actual wings, but Madelyn is...Madelyn.
Anyway, I digress. We're on to Friday--this was the first day (after the initial two when I felt decent) that I felt great, which was a huge blessing because I had some of my high school friends over for a party that night, and we had tons of fun reminiscing and getting caught up. :) Oh--another thing to throw into the mix (hope this isn't TMI), but I had started taking birth control Sunday to maybe help lower the risks of infertility (which are lower than 10% to begin with), but there's nothing really proven at all on whether it helps or not. So, after reading on the label that it can make you feel nauseous for the first three months you take it, and remembering that I'm only doing chemo for the next six months and will be feeling nauseous as is, we decided to kick birth control to the curb, so Friday was my first day back off of it. I don't know if there was a direct correlation to my starting to feel crappy on Sunday (the day I started taking the pill) and feeling great again on Friday (the day I didn't take the pill), but needless to say, we're done with that mess. My mom pointed out that, if we really believe that God is the life-giver, we're just going to pray that I don't have any problems with infertility down the road (but again, that might have been TMI). Really though, I share all of that to point out that, hopefully, not every treatment will hit me with such a delay like this one did--hopefully that was the birth control making me feel wretched. In fact, my nurse said that, after the first 48 hours, the threat for nausea isn't really too much from chemo.
Back to chronology: Saturday (yesterday) I felt great for the second day in a row, and we actually got BACK in my car and drove down to Houston and its massive surrounding areas for the Cunningham family Christmas party on my mom's side, and I didn't have a moment of car-sickness, PTL! I got to see most family from that side, bond with my Aunt Jill as she rode with us to Houston, and hang out with my McGinnis cousins and their parents for a couple hours, so it was fun. We got back from Houston/Pearland/Crosby/Huffman tonight, met up with my dad and Katie who had just gotten in from their long drive in from Atlanta where Katie just finished her internship, and we had dinner together, which is always fun, and pretty rare of an event.
On to plans for the next treatment: bummer that the hospital Dr. Fay in Dallas is at (Baylor-Sammons?) is closed on the 26th, so that leaves us with major prayers that we can get in on the 24th--Christmas Eve. That kinda sucks, but we'd rather keep to our schedule then change to the next Monday and then have to do all subsequent treatments on Mondays (Thursdays work because I'll have class on Thursday morning and then have till the next Tuesday to recover before I have class again). Anyway, so if you could be praying that things fall into place...pretty much tomorrow...so that I can have treatment #2 on this Wednesday the 24th, that would be huge. They had to clear stuff with insurance here first, and then the doctor was on vacation, so tomorrow (Monday) we're hoping to line that one up.
This upcoming week, while a little crazy with a pending treatment and Christmas shopping which has definitely not been a priority lately and is now stacking up, is still so huge for reasons beyond me or cancer. Thanks to Dr. Cohick and my 1 Corinthians class for reminding me of the imperative of this week for each of our lives; I wrote my final research paper for that class on the cross of Christ as the center for ethics in 1 Corinthians, and researching the necessity of the cross for our faith got me thinking on the how important God even sending His Son to us was in the first place. Call me sentimental, but the past month has shifted what's important in some ways--and this is (prayerfully) not really a life-threatening condition for me even--but nevertheless, amidst craziness all around, you just have to find peace in Him and let go of trying to order every detail to fit into your day; if it doesn't get done at this point, it doesn't get done, and that's a recent philosophy for my family, I think. Anyway, amidst everything else that's going on--in my life and in yours--I've been struck again and again with the truth that God remains the same and is still sovereign, and somehow, that reminds me of Christmas right now at this late hour. Really, though, without Him sending His Son, there is absolutely no point to any trials, hardships, or suffering we go through, and that's a truth I really KNOW right now. His gift is everything, and I definitely forget that. Leave it to cancer to remind me of the truths I've learned in Sunday school since I was able to breathe. So, that's my pithy reminder for you, too, during this time. Also, praise the Lord that He is not like Santa Claus, dishing out gifts for the good and coal for the bad. PTL that He does not operate on a year-to-year basis of naughty and nice, though I think we think of him like Santa sometimes. All I know is that there'd be a whole lot of coal in my stocking, so praise the Lord for grace--seriously (remember my comments about finishing this semester).
I kinda had a few prayer requests dispersed throughout this post, but as a recap: for scheduling treatment number 2 this week in Dallas, that the effects of that would be nonexistent (and for no delayed effects, either!), and lastly, that we'd have some great family time this week and forget about the stress. Y'all are such a blessing. You don't even know. I say that and you probably think I'm just being patronizing, but seriously, a good friend once said, "encouragement is like oxygen to the soul" (E!) and that's so true. So thank you dearly, and know that I am working on responding to a ton of you. God bless, don't stress, and have a great day!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Let me first, however, start out by giving a shoutout to Erin Groth who, after reading my note in the last post about maybe wanting a snack because it was a long one, actually got out a bag of popcorn, popped it, and then continued to read my post. Haha, I love my friends.
As so many were praying for it, you might recall that last Saturday (December 13th) we had our volleyball banquet. I was definitely a little beat and tired, but felt good, was able to attend, and had so much fun, so thanks for so many prayers! It was seriously SUCH a blessing to be there, have some closure on the past 12 years of my life in my volleyball career, and have a blast with my teammates and all of our dates. Afterward we came to my house (in Wheaton), where my mom--who deserves an award definitely--had been baking cookies and decorating and helping me with everything, and the day continued as we decorated cookies and had a group-gingerbread house competition (which, Brooke, Sarah, Harrison, and I most definitely won). NOW, I am officially a has-been. Anyway, so Saturday was a good day, PTL!
On to Sunday (Dec. 14th)...it was going well--I dropped my mom off at the airport and then headed out to Aurora for our Christmas Klub with Aurora K-Life, which was great. However, when I made it back to my house, all the feeling great from Friday and Saturday caught up with me and I just felt exhausted. That's sadly the best that I can describe it--I didn't throw up or think I was going to, but I was just BEAT. Sunday night, all of Monday, and Tuesday morning were pretty much spent with me laying in my bed feeling pretty awful. Starting Monday, I just felt bad--kinda like I had the flu (I didn't)--but just my whole body was aching, at one point I literally thought I was going to black out, and I was pretty shaky. Tuesday morning at 8am I had an exam, at which I told my prof: "there is no possible way I can pass this exam right now" and she told me I didn't have to take it right then but could have my mom proctor it from home. Then I told her I didn't know if I could do this, but I wanted to hug her, and I did. Honestly, I could not have done this semester without the incredible grace my professors have shown me. I was floored by their grace, and I can't thank them enough for it nor imagine having been any other place. I have a hard time asking for help because I feel like I should've been able to do it but just made bad choices to lead to a point where I need an extension or something, but they made it easy and have truly influenced how I hope to respond to students of mine in the future. Praise the Lord for my Wheaton professors. (And on the note of finishing this semester, I have a couple more things pending which I am working on getting in throughout the next week or so).
Ok, so I was saying how Sunday things hit me, and I felt pretty bad through when I left Wheaton at noon on Tuesday. Getting out of town was made possible wholly by my one of my co-counselors from this summer at Kanakuk K-West who literally packed for me as I sat on my futon. (Shoutout to Lo for being amazing, and also to the rest of the Fab 4). Anyway, Stef (my teammate/roommate/etc.) and I DID get out of there, but as we left, we started on probably the worst road trip of all the ones we've taken, due to awful weather (which included ice, snow, freezing rain, dense fog, and rain) which made the drive a couple hours longer than the estimated 15 hours. Stef is another one without whom I could not have done the last week--but for a meagre 3 or 4 hours I drove, she drove all the rest, navigated the crazy weather and roads, put up with my whining, and didn't flinch as I started throwing up with 2 hours left of our drive. On that event--for the first time in my life, I got carsick. Real fun. And so sorry for those of you that deal with that on a regular basis. Ughhh. OH--ALSO to throw into that mix, I had a pounding headache for Tuesday and Wednesday (and at other points), and I knew my sinuses were messed up, so PTL for my nurse Michelle who got me a Z-pack (sp?) of antibiotics for my sinus infection. (I actually had mentioned that to the ENT back in November--that I had all this sinus pressure and was pretty sure from having them before that I had a sinus infection, but somewhere along the lines with uncovering cancer, that was sideswept...go figure).
All of that whining right now is to say that, there were some pretty rough days and nights packed into last week, but praise the Lord that His joy comes with the morning. As simple as that sounds, in long nights, I have to cling to that. Tuesday night as I was awake with a headache, I was just praying so hard that He would cease the pain, and as frustrated as I was with the pounding, I got a text from my teammate Kelly who reminded me (unsolicited--give it up for God's great timing) of Philippians 4:6-7, which both happen to have been HUGE verses in my life over the past year or so, about not being anxious about ANYTHING but giving EVERYTHING up to Him in prayer. I love what follows: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." What a great verse to get when you're laying there, annoyed by the pounding in your head but unable to do a thing about it except worry (which probably just perpetuates the problem), and yet, I was called out of my self-pity there to remember that, even with a sinus infection and just feeling like crap, God is sovereign, we are not supposed to worry, and He gives peace. And He did, and I slept. :)
Anyway, so somehow, amidst all the mess that I was feeling, we made it home. I have never been SO happy to pull into my driveway and crash on our couch, let me tell you. And crash is pretty much what I did for Thursday and for Friday morning. Thursday I still felt a little nauseous, but it was only really there in the afternoon. Friday I felt GREAT--praise the LORD! Of significance on Thursday was my trip with my mom to my hairdresser's house. She had called and said she would cut it there, even though it was her day off, and so my mom and I went, and my hair is now 14 inches shorter. I don't think my hair's been this short since I was like 3 years old, but Melissa (my hairdresser) was great, and actually--here's another blessing--she volunteered with the American Cancer Society in college, so she had all kinds of tips and info and compassion for us. God is so good--even in the small things! So anyway, the reason for "the big chop" was that my doctor had told me that, with such thick hair, it might just thin. My nurse told me it's pretty standard that I'll lose my hair, but the nurse practitioner added that, since mine was so long, the weight of it might break some hair off that I wouldn't otherwise lose, so I should cut it. So, while we're praying that I won't lose my hair, it is definitely short, but it's growing on me (pun intended). If I do lose it, it should be 14-18 days after my first treatment, which for the viewers at home, means we're praying that Christmas morning I WON'T wake up and find hair on my pillow.
If you've heard the song "Skin" by Rascal Flatts and thought it was a little over-dramatic, what with the girl finding it "right there on her pillow--the cruelest of any surprise," apparently that's actually what happens. On that note, I thought I would throw in two of my favorite hair-related quotes from my little sister Madelyn, who is helping us keep our senses of humor in this whole thing (which we've been told is actually really important in this process of recovery): (1) on if I go bald: "Don't worry, Hannah, worst-case-scenario, you'll look like a naked mole rat" (that, apparently, was supposed to be comforting, she said) (2) again, on how losing hair is not so fun: "You're gonna be pretty like a bald eagle and soar on the wings of Jesus." Both times, my family and I looked at each other, then at Madelyn, and didn't QUITE know what to say. In regards to the second quote, none of us were aware that Jesus had actual wings, but Madelyn is...Madelyn.
Anyway, I digress. We're on to Friday--this was the first day (after the initial two when I felt decent) that I felt great, which was a huge blessing because I had some of my high school friends over for a party that night, and we had tons of fun reminiscing and getting caught up. :) Oh--another thing to throw into the mix (hope this isn't TMI), but I had started taking birth control Sunday to maybe help lower the risks of infertility (which are lower than 10% to begin with), but there's nothing really proven at all on whether it helps or not. So, after reading on the label that it can make you feel nauseous for the first three months you take it, and remembering that I'm only doing chemo for the next six months and will be feeling nauseous as is, we decided to kick birth control to the curb, so Friday was my first day back off of it. I don't know if there was a direct correlation to my starting to feel crappy on Sunday (the day I started taking the pill) and feeling great again on Friday (the day I didn't take the pill), but needless to say, we're done with that mess. My mom pointed out that, if we really believe that God is the life-giver, we're just going to pray that I don't have any problems with infertility down the road (but again, that might have been TMI). Really though, I share all of that to point out that, hopefully, not every treatment will hit me with such a delay like this one did--hopefully that was the birth control making me feel wretched. In fact, my nurse said that, after the first 48 hours, the threat for nausea isn't really too much from chemo.
Back to chronology: Saturday (yesterday) I felt great for the second day in a row, and we actually got BACK in my car and drove down to Houston and its massive surrounding areas for the Cunningham family Christmas party on my mom's side, and I didn't have a moment of car-sickness, PTL! I got to see most family from that side, bond with my Aunt Jill as she rode with us to Houston, and hang out with my McGinnis cousins and their parents for a couple hours, so it was fun. We got back from Houston/Pearland/Crosby/Huffman tonight, met up with my dad and Katie who had just gotten in from their long drive in from Atlanta where Katie just finished her internship, and we had dinner together, which is always fun, and pretty rare of an event.
On to plans for the next treatment: bummer that the hospital Dr. Fay in Dallas is at (Baylor-Sammons?) is closed on the 26th, so that leaves us with major prayers that we can get in on the 24th--Christmas Eve. That kinda sucks, but we'd rather keep to our schedule then change to the next Monday and then have to do all subsequent treatments on Mondays (Thursdays work because I'll have class on Thursday morning and then have till the next Tuesday to recover before I have class again). Anyway, so if you could be praying that things fall into place...pretty much tomorrow...so that I can have treatment #2 on this Wednesday the 24th, that would be huge. They had to clear stuff with insurance here first, and then the doctor was on vacation, so tomorrow (Monday) we're hoping to line that one up.
This upcoming week, while a little crazy with a pending treatment and Christmas shopping which has definitely not been a priority lately and is now stacking up, is still so huge for reasons beyond me or cancer. Thanks to Dr. Cohick and my 1 Corinthians class for reminding me of the imperative of this week for each of our lives; I wrote my final research paper for that class on the cross of Christ as the center for ethics in 1 Corinthians, and researching the necessity of the cross for our faith got me thinking on the how important God even sending His Son to us was in the first place. Call me sentimental, but the past month has shifted what's important in some ways--and this is (prayerfully) not really a life-threatening condition for me even--but nevertheless, amidst craziness all around, you just have to find peace in Him and let go of trying to order every detail to fit into your day; if it doesn't get done at this point, it doesn't get done, and that's a recent philosophy for my family, I think. Anyway, amidst everything else that's going on--in my life and in yours--I've been struck again and again with the truth that God remains the same and is still sovereign, and somehow, that reminds me of Christmas right now at this late hour. Really, though, without Him sending His Son, there is absolutely no point to any trials, hardships, or suffering we go through, and that's a truth I really KNOW right now. His gift is everything, and I definitely forget that. Leave it to cancer to remind me of the truths I've learned in Sunday school since I was able to breathe. So, that's my pithy reminder for you, too, during this time. Also, praise the Lord that He is not like Santa Claus, dishing out gifts for the good and coal for the bad. PTL that He does not operate on a year-to-year basis of naughty and nice, though I think we think of him like Santa sometimes. All I know is that there'd be a whole lot of coal in my stocking, so praise the Lord for grace--seriously (remember my comments about finishing this semester).
I kinda had a few prayer requests dispersed throughout this post, but as a recap: for scheduling treatment number 2 this week in Dallas, that the effects of that would be nonexistent (and for no delayed effects, either!), and lastly, that we'd have some great family time this week and forget about the stress. Y'all are such a blessing. You don't even know. I say that and you probably think I'm just being patronizing, but seriously, a good friend once said, "encouragement is like oxygen to the soul" (E!) and that's so true. So thank you dearly, and know that I am working on responding to a ton of you. God bless, don't stress, and have a great day!
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
Hannah
Friday, December 12, 2008
"O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption" -Psalm 130:7
1 down, 11 to go. When you think of it like that, it's manageable, right? Plus, "12" was always my number...I don't know that you'd call it lucky, seeing as how I've had a very mediocre career at points in volleyball, but it is, nevertheless a very recurring number in my life, and as hokey as this sounds, it's endearing. So, of course there WOULD be 12 chemos to go through.
This is going to be a long one. You might want a snack or to break this up over the next few days (when I will be silent on here due to EXAMMMSSS...grr). Let me give you a little more info and then I'll talk about Chemo Numero Uno (number one for those of you outside of Texas...).
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers on the timing and scheduling of this. As I mentioned before, God's definitely had His hand in this from long ago, but daily as new details happen, it's so cool to see so many answered prayers. I got off the phone with my Chemo nurse within the last hour, and we got sessions 3 through 12 on the books, so, while I'll be updating with reminders as each draws closer, I'll give you the broad overview anyway: Friday, January 9th in Chicago I will have chemo #3--which lets my teammate/former roommate/roadtrip partner extraordinaire Stef and I still spend time at home but only have to get up to school a couple days earlier than we need to be anyway. From there on out, all the others will be on Thursdays at 12pm Central--which is great because then I can go to my 8:30-10:20am class, head to the hospital, and then have time to make it to practice at 5:30 for the 14's club volleyball team I'm coaching with my amazing freshman teammate Brooke (mad props to her for following through and coaching the last 3 practices alone during all of my testing--even there God definitely had His hand in this, since it's not what she signed up for, and yet she's handled it like a pro and with incredible grace). If that sounds like a crazy day to you, you must remember that I am a McGinnis, and life at any other pace would be disorienting. That said, slowing down today has already been hard, so there's another request for prayer--that I'd allow myself to slow down and just rest.
Ok, I was getting into the dates of all of my chemos for you to put on the schedule if you want (no pressure...I'm just a girl who functions by my planner), but I got sidetracked (SHOCK)...must be the phenomenon they call "Chemo brain" where you become forgetful. GOOOOOOOD. Since it's not like I'm medicated for that ANYWAY or anything.... Here are the dates though:
Chemo 2: Friday, (tentatively...workin on that one still) December 26th in Dallas
Chemo 3: Friday, January 9th, 2pm in Chicago
Chemo 4: Thursday, January 22nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 5: Thursday, February 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 6: Thursday, February 19th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 7: Thursday, March 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 8: Thursday, March 19th, 12pm in Chiago (SO great that I avoid having it right before my cousin Elaine's wedding on March 15th--praise the Lord!)
Chemo 9: Thursday, April 2nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 10: Thursday, April 16th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 11: Thursday, April 30th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 12: Thursday, May 7th, 12pm in Chicago (and Sunday, May 10th, GRADUATION!!!)
Ok so here are the details (or lack thereof) on Chemo #2: It's not actually QUITE on the books yet because we are going to do that one in Dallas--again, another praise! On that, Dr. Gordon told us yesterday that he was having lunch with a doctor from Dallas last weekend and was going to pass my name on to him but wanted to make sure we had not found another doctor in Dallas for the one appointment over Christmas break yet. So, when we said we had not and that we wanted to go with whoever he recommended, he said he would go ahead and get the info passed on to Dr. Fay in Dallas. SO, the cool story here, and one more "coincidence" that you can only see as being part of God's provision, is the fact that the very first morning we found out (the day before Thanksgiving)--if you remember I was at the mall with my friend Caroline (shoutout for the BEAUTIFUL Kwanzaa flower bouquet)--well, Caroline's mother, Patrice Shelby had told my mom she knew a phenomenal cancer doctor named Dr. Fay. My mom thinks Patrice said something like, "Dr. Fay is YOUR GUY if you end up doing it here." Great minds think alike, I do believe. Patrice said that Dr. Fay was their neighbor for a while and is one of the best in Dallas, so it's awesome that, at some conference for international research held in San Fransisco over the weekend, just one more confirmation of God's faithfulness happened in a meeting between two oncologists from opposite poles of the country. God is GOOD!
OKAY. Now on to what I think you are wondering: how am I DOING today? Let me say first, that chemo is not as scary as you think, PTL. I really didn't know what to expect, but basically, for around 2 hours, you sit with an IV in your arm, and the nurse--Michelle Balla who is amazing!--pushes the A, V, and B drugs with a syringe, followed by an hour-long drip of the D drug. One of the weirdest things in all of this has been the few times where I've been like, "wow, this is actually HAPPENING." Not that I've been in denial, but it's a little surreal. When they made an announcement in chapel about it, even though I knew they'd be praying for me, it was like an out-of-body experience. They said, "We just found out last week that senior Hannah McGinnis, who many of you might know as the Co-Captain of the volleyball team was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma..." and I turned to my teammate Ashlie--who I'm SO glad sat with me that day--and did tear up because it was this crazy thought of, "that's ME they're talking about up there." Just strange. So, I think that was my experience in the hospital yesterday. I literally e-mailed my 1 Corinthians professor my final research paper at 11:30am, then I drove to the airport to pick up my mom, and from there we just made it in time to Northwestern at 1:30. As crazy and maybe over-the-top as that sounds, again with the way I've grown up, it's normal, and yesterday was really a blessing because I literally had no time to worry or even let it set in that I was going to chemo. So we got in the elevator to go up and I was like, "wow, this is IT...it all begins today." It was, again, a little surreal as it just seemed kinda ordinary, less painful than any of the darn scans and biopsies they did (at the time they were given) and was weird to look up at a normal looking IV and think, "hmmm that's the poison, it's moving into me, and it's healing me. THAT'S chemo." All that to give you a little picture into my crazy mind. :) Really though, people do it everyday, and it's just less scary than the connotation that "scary Chemo" seems to hold.
(Intermission to tell you that, I'm so sorry these keep getting longer and longer...thanks for sticking through both the posts and the whole process with me and my family).
So, TODAY: I slept in because I was so tired, only leaving myself 25 minutes to get to class (which on a normal day would leave me with 5 minutes to spare), and yet, was smacked with the reality that this WILL slow me down. I've told people today that the best way I can describe how I feel is this: you know when you have a stomach bug and the first day you throw up and feel wretched, followed by the second day where you're no longer throwing up but just feeling "sick," out of it, weak, and tired? I am in day 2 of a stomach bug, metaphorically speaking. I haven't thrown up--Praise the Lord!--but I did take...oh, about 5 drugs this morning followed by like 6 others throughout the day. They say that the chemo drugs are only in you for 48 hours post-treatment, so tomorrow is still a potential for nausea, so please pray that I make it through my banquet!
My mom (who was NOT LATE on her flight--PTL!) and I ran some errands because, basically, so far, our experience with chemo has been that when it starts, life keeps coming at you, so she helped me get stuff for our Banquet from all over the suburbs of Chicago. She's been a HUGE help, and I can't imagine her not being here for this first one. Also, as she felt bad for me this morning, knowing that, as she says, I have more on my plate than I could be doing MINUS chemo (exams, banquet, packing, driving home on Tuesday, etc.), she called American and asked to get a flight out Saturday or Sunday preferably. After about 30 seconds post-giving out her existing reservations to the agent, she lost it. And by "lost," I mean, was like, "I have...I'm sorry.....Ok, I have a daughter....I'm so sorry (15 second pause)...my daughter just had her first chemo yesterday...." And with that, the lady switched over, talked to a manager, and waved any fees for transferring the flight or increase of fares. God is so good. And I think my mom's sobbing helped. It's hard to see your parents cry at any point, and especially when it's over you and just out of pure love. I am so thankful for my parents and family--I can't even explain it. All of that to say, my mom has been a HUGE help and will be over the next 2 days, so PTL for His better plans and for all of your prayers. Also, continued prayers for my family in all of this would be seriously so HUGE.
One more thought: In case you didn't know or I didn't explain well yet, let me tell about yet another reason why God is great (I'm on chemo brain, and actually kinda frustrated that I can't TALK...or more am fumbling around for correct words when I speak--very annoying for an English major who has, usually, an affinity for grammar, so forgive me for my stream-of-consciousness here). Anyway, Wheaton College was NOT my first choice. In fact, I told my parents sometime in my junior year of high school that I didn't want to go to Wheaton because I didn't want to teach at TCA (I had had GREAT Wheaton grads as teachers at TCA--Gro, Merrylegs shoutout, but I didn't want to be "stuck" in Dallas or having to teach or especially being back at TCA someday, having spent the past 13 years there at that point). Anyway, my parents laughed and said, "Hannah, how many Wheaton grads do you know that teach at TCA?" to which I replied, "4." They then reassured me that, at a school of around 3000 undergrads, there were only marginal chances that I'd be one of those four teachers at TCA. How ironic that I am now hoping and applying to teach high school English in a private school and would like to be back at TCA (eventually). Anyway, all of that to say, I've alluded to how it's taken me a while to get on board with God's plan of me being at Wheaton due to some stubbornness on my part, but we cannot imagine me being ANYWHERE ELSE. The announcement and weekly prayer in chapel; professors who read the blog, pray for me with their families and with the class; the President who sent me a letter yesterday telling me he was praying for me and reminding me to lean hard on Him through this; the Interim Dean of Students who e-mailed me with a subject of "What can we do for you?"; all these are just a fraction of the reasons why I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is right where I'm supposed to be. Love how it takes me to my last semester or two to really see that. I'm so stubborn, but He is SO good! He promises again and again that He is faithful, and while we may not always see that right away--or even ever on this side of Heaven sometimes--for the times He does show us, all you can do is just KNOW that He is truth, sovereign, and so amazing that you just can't wait to meet Him face to face. No other school of the three others that I applied to--while great schools, (and I still secretly LOVE Carolina blue plus the Tar Heels and am so jealous of the Aggie spirit and traditions) would have had the student body praying for me, and at a school with over 50,000 students, I don't think the president would write me that He's praying for me. So, as much as I make fun of being at Wheaton in this, my 17th year of private, Christian, school, I know (bout time, Hannah!) exactly where I need to be. And for that, I just KNOW that God is SO good!
Ok, this is super-long. Like, the length places this post in a category all of its own. Sorry. :)
For prayer requests: I've already covered a few throughout this (unless you got tired of my babbling and just jumped to the end for prayer requests, so I'll review): prayer for no nausea tomorrow, that we would figure out the details of my treatment in Dallas (since 2 Thursdays from yesterday is Christmas so I would have to do it the day before or after Christmas, and since I think, "who wants to feel like day 2 of a stomach bug on Christmas morning?!?" we're hoping it works out to be on the 26th, that Friday). Also, I mentioned for my mom, but just continued prayers for my parents (Kevin and Brenda if you don't know their names...this blog has expanded in scope so if you're a semi-stranger, sorry for leaving out some details along the way) and my two sisters, Madelyn (16) and Katie (23 and who's in Atlanta going through this alone, distance-wise). Also, while you're at it, my extended family could probably use prayer, too, since we're all really close, and though they are technically "extended" family, we've nevertheless grown up together...and a few of us live only a couple miles apart, so it's been hard for them, too.
Lastly, here's some information first, then the prayer: In about a week, my blood counts (white and red) will drop due to the fact that I've been poisoned (in a good way...sounds so wrong), and so I'll be susceptible to infections. Now, Dr. Gordon is so knowledgeable and really wants patients to keep living life, so I won't have to skip every chapel nor avoid every crowd of over 10 people or anything. In fact, most of the infections I could get would come from my own system, since with blood counts down, your body isn't fighting off the 80% of infections encountered that it does everyday and we never know that our body has just vanquished. I mean, I'm not gonna say, "go ahead, please use my sleeve for your runny nose," or anything, but I don't have to be a germaphobe (sp? actual word, even?--Madelyn can keep dibs on that attribute for now). BUT, it's another long-term prayer request that I wouldn't get sick through this whole process. Once my counts go down next week, they will stay down throughout the whole process--I mean, they will rise again a little (thus the 2 week intervals), but it's safe to continue treating with low counts, and yet, a minor sickness to anyone else could mean a stay in the hospital for me. There are so many aspects of healing to pray for--the end result of being in remission and free of my not-so-friendly resident Hodgkin's disease (or as some support shirts boast of the end goal: "I kicked cancer's butt"--another sidenote: I fully intend to buy one of those), but also prayer for limited--or even nonexistent (hey, there's a bold prayer!) side-effects, and that I won't get OTHER infections along the way. Complicated, I know. For me personally, continued prayer for perseverance, and especially to know my limits. To be very real for a moment, one of my greatest weaknesses is over-committing, which sounds not so bad, but it is when I spread myself too thin and then shortchange each area in which I'm involved. I can't say no; not because I'm so good at heart and really selfless--no, no, only because I am pretty much Katherine Heigl's character Jane in 27 Dresses who just doesn't have the courage to say no, and then shoots herself afterward for saying yes. Anyway, this IS going to slow me down, and when it does, I'd love prayer to rest in just where God has me, to know my limits, and to accept them with grace. And, (last one, this time I mean it when I promise) that I would lean on Him and bring Him glory in this with all of the opportunities to share His faithfulness and name, that I would take hold of those instead of taking them for myself and my own gratification.
Like I mentioned before, it's been really humbling to see how He's using me when I feel so inadequate to be sharing with people twice my age--let alone my OWN age--but, as singer-songwriter Justin McRoberts shared in chapel at Wheaton on Monday: "Jesus Christ will never call you to a work that you CAN do on your own without Him; yet, He will never call you to something you CAN'T do WITH HIM. The goodness of God is better than the problems of the world." Amen. Justin's got something there, and I think that's how I've been at peace--God won't put something on me that I can't handle with Him taking me through it (1 Corinthians 10:13), and yet, He also won't give me anything that is so easy that I can just breeze through it, collect all the credit, and keep going. I'm gonna have to rely on Him daily, and I love the last line of what that singer said: the goodness of God totally trumps every bad situation in this world.
Love you, thank you, and miss you. Thanks for your faithfulness to me and my family, and have a blessed weekend! (And you can take a breath now, I am finished). :)
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
This is going to be a long one. You might want a snack or to break this up over the next few days (when I will be silent on here due to EXAMMMSSS...grr). Let me give you a little more info and then I'll talk about Chemo Numero Uno (number one for those of you outside of Texas...).
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers on the timing and scheduling of this. As I mentioned before, God's definitely had His hand in this from long ago, but daily as new details happen, it's so cool to see so many answered prayers. I got off the phone with my Chemo nurse within the last hour, and we got sessions 3 through 12 on the books, so, while I'll be updating with reminders as each draws closer, I'll give you the broad overview anyway: Friday, January 9th in Chicago I will have chemo #3--which lets my teammate/former roommate/roadtrip partner extraordinaire Stef and I still spend time at home but only have to get up to school a couple days earlier than we need to be anyway. From there on out, all the others will be on Thursdays at 12pm Central--which is great because then I can go to my 8:30-10:20am class, head to the hospital, and then have time to make it to practice at 5:30 for the 14's club volleyball team I'm coaching with my amazing freshman teammate Brooke (mad props to her for following through and coaching the last 3 practices alone during all of my testing--even there God definitely had His hand in this, since it's not what she signed up for, and yet she's handled it like a pro and with incredible grace). If that sounds like a crazy day to you, you must remember that I am a McGinnis, and life at any other pace would be disorienting. That said, slowing down today has already been hard, so there's another request for prayer--that I'd allow myself to slow down and just rest.
Ok, I was getting into the dates of all of my chemos for you to put on the schedule if you want (no pressure...I'm just a girl who functions by my planner), but I got sidetracked (SHOCK)...must be the phenomenon they call "Chemo brain" where you become forgetful. GOOOOOOOD. Since it's not like I'm medicated for that ANYWAY or anything.... Here are the dates though:
Chemo 2: Friday, (tentatively...workin on that one still) December 26th in Dallas
Chemo 3: Friday, January 9th, 2pm in Chicago
Chemo 4: Thursday, January 22nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 5: Thursday, February 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 6: Thursday, February 19th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 7: Thursday, March 5th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 8: Thursday, March 19th, 12pm in Chiago (SO great that I avoid having it right before my cousin Elaine's wedding on March 15th--praise the Lord!)
Chemo 9: Thursday, April 2nd, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 10: Thursday, April 16th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 11: Thursday, April 30th, 12pm in Chicago
Chemo 12: Thursday, May 7th, 12pm in Chicago (and Sunday, May 10th, GRADUATION!!!)
Ok so here are the details (or lack thereof) on Chemo #2: It's not actually QUITE on the books yet because we are going to do that one in Dallas--again, another praise! On that, Dr. Gordon told us yesterday that he was having lunch with a doctor from Dallas last weekend and was going to pass my name on to him but wanted to make sure we had not found another doctor in Dallas for the one appointment over Christmas break yet. So, when we said we had not and that we wanted to go with whoever he recommended, he said he would go ahead and get the info passed on to Dr. Fay in Dallas. SO, the cool story here, and one more "coincidence" that you can only see as being part of God's provision, is the fact that the very first morning we found out (the day before Thanksgiving)--if you remember I was at the mall with my friend Caroline (shoutout for the BEAUTIFUL Kwanzaa flower bouquet)--well, Caroline's mother, Patrice Shelby had told my mom she knew a phenomenal cancer doctor named Dr. Fay. My mom thinks Patrice said something like, "Dr. Fay is YOUR GUY if you end up doing it here." Great minds think alike, I do believe. Patrice said that Dr. Fay was their neighbor for a while and is one of the best in Dallas, so it's awesome that, at some conference for international research held in San Fransisco over the weekend, just one more confirmation of God's faithfulness happened in a meeting between two oncologists from opposite poles of the country. God is GOOD!
OKAY. Now on to what I think you are wondering: how am I DOING today? Let me say first, that chemo is not as scary as you think, PTL. I really didn't know what to expect, but basically, for around 2 hours, you sit with an IV in your arm, and the nurse--Michelle Balla who is amazing!--pushes the A, V, and B drugs with a syringe, followed by an hour-long drip of the D drug. One of the weirdest things in all of this has been the few times where I've been like, "wow, this is actually HAPPENING." Not that I've been in denial, but it's a little surreal. When they made an announcement in chapel about it, even though I knew they'd be praying for me, it was like an out-of-body experience. They said, "We just found out last week that senior Hannah McGinnis, who many of you might know as the Co-Captain of the volleyball team was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma..." and I turned to my teammate Ashlie--who I'm SO glad sat with me that day--and did tear up because it was this crazy thought of, "that's ME they're talking about up there." Just strange. So, I think that was my experience in the hospital yesterday. I literally e-mailed my 1 Corinthians professor my final research paper at 11:30am, then I drove to the airport to pick up my mom, and from there we just made it in time to Northwestern at 1:30. As crazy and maybe over-the-top as that sounds, again with the way I've grown up, it's normal, and yesterday was really a blessing because I literally had no time to worry or even let it set in that I was going to chemo. So we got in the elevator to go up and I was like, "wow, this is IT...it all begins today." It was, again, a little surreal as it just seemed kinda ordinary, less painful than any of the darn scans and biopsies they did (at the time they were given) and was weird to look up at a normal looking IV and think, "hmmm that's the poison, it's moving into me, and it's healing me. THAT'S chemo." All that to give you a little picture into my crazy mind. :) Really though, people do it everyday, and it's just less scary than the connotation that "scary Chemo" seems to hold.
(Intermission to tell you that, I'm so sorry these keep getting longer and longer...thanks for sticking through both the posts and the whole process with me and my family).
So, TODAY: I slept in because I was so tired, only leaving myself 25 minutes to get to class (which on a normal day would leave me with 5 minutes to spare), and yet, was smacked with the reality that this WILL slow me down. I've told people today that the best way I can describe how I feel is this: you know when you have a stomach bug and the first day you throw up and feel wretched, followed by the second day where you're no longer throwing up but just feeling "sick," out of it, weak, and tired? I am in day 2 of a stomach bug, metaphorically speaking. I haven't thrown up--Praise the Lord!--but I did take...oh, about 5 drugs this morning followed by like 6 others throughout the day. They say that the chemo drugs are only in you for 48 hours post-treatment, so tomorrow is still a potential for nausea, so please pray that I make it through my banquet!
My mom (who was NOT LATE on her flight--PTL!) and I ran some errands because, basically, so far, our experience with chemo has been that when it starts, life keeps coming at you, so she helped me get stuff for our Banquet from all over the suburbs of Chicago. She's been a HUGE help, and I can't imagine her not being here for this first one. Also, as she felt bad for me this morning, knowing that, as she says, I have more on my plate than I could be doing MINUS chemo (exams, banquet, packing, driving home on Tuesday, etc.), she called American and asked to get a flight out Saturday or Sunday preferably. After about 30 seconds post-giving out her existing reservations to the agent, she lost it. And by "lost," I mean, was like, "I have...I'm sorry.....Ok, I have a daughter....I'm so sorry (15 second pause)...my daughter just had her first chemo yesterday...." And with that, the lady switched over, talked to a manager, and waved any fees for transferring the flight or increase of fares. God is so good. And I think my mom's sobbing helped. It's hard to see your parents cry at any point, and especially when it's over you and just out of pure love. I am so thankful for my parents and family--I can't even explain it. All of that to say, my mom has been a HUGE help and will be over the next 2 days, so PTL for His better plans and for all of your prayers. Also, continued prayers for my family in all of this would be seriously so HUGE.
One more thought: In case you didn't know or I didn't explain well yet, let me tell about yet another reason why God is great (I'm on chemo brain, and actually kinda frustrated that I can't TALK...or more am fumbling around for correct words when I speak--very annoying for an English major who has, usually, an affinity for grammar, so forgive me for my stream-of-consciousness here). Anyway, Wheaton College was NOT my first choice. In fact, I told my parents sometime in my junior year of high school that I didn't want to go to Wheaton because I didn't want to teach at TCA (I had had GREAT Wheaton grads as teachers at TCA--Gro, Merrylegs shoutout, but I didn't want to be "stuck" in Dallas or having to teach or especially being back at TCA someday, having spent the past 13 years there at that point). Anyway, my parents laughed and said, "Hannah, how many Wheaton grads do you know that teach at TCA?" to which I replied, "4." They then reassured me that, at a school of around 3000 undergrads, there were only marginal chances that I'd be one of those four teachers at TCA. How ironic that I am now hoping and applying to teach high school English in a private school and would like to be back at TCA (eventually). Anyway, all of that to say, I've alluded to how it's taken me a while to get on board with God's plan of me being at Wheaton due to some stubbornness on my part, but we cannot imagine me being ANYWHERE ELSE. The announcement and weekly prayer in chapel; professors who read the blog, pray for me with their families and with the class; the President who sent me a letter yesterday telling me he was praying for me and reminding me to lean hard on Him through this; the Interim Dean of Students who e-mailed me with a subject of "What can we do for you?"; all these are just a fraction of the reasons why I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is right where I'm supposed to be. Love how it takes me to my last semester or two to really see that. I'm so stubborn, but He is SO good! He promises again and again that He is faithful, and while we may not always see that right away--or even ever on this side of Heaven sometimes--for the times He does show us, all you can do is just KNOW that He is truth, sovereign, and so amazing that you just can't wait to meet Him face to face. No other school of the three others that I applied to--while great schools, (and I still secretly LOVE Carolina blue plus the Tar Heels and am so jealous of the Aggie spirit and traditions) would have had the student body praying for me, and at a school with over 50,000 students, I don't think the president would write me that He's praying for me. So, as much as I make fun of being at Wheaton in this, my 17th year of private, Christian, school, I know (bout time, Hannah!) exactly where I need to be. And for that, I just KNOW that God is SO good!
Ok, this is super-long. Like, the length places this post in a category all of its own. Sorry. :)
For prayer requests: I've already covered a few throughout this (unless you got tired of my babbling and just jumped to the end for prayer requests, so I'll review): prayer for no nausea tomorrow, that we would figure out the details of my treatment in Dallas (since 2 Thursdays from yesterday is Christmas so I would have to do it the day before or after Christmas, and since I think, "who wants to feel like day 2 of a stomach bug on Christmas morning?!?" we're hoping it works out to be on the 26th, that Friday). Also, I mentioned for my mom, but just continued prayers for my parents (Kevin and Brenda if you don't know their names...this blog has expanded in scope so if you're a semi-stranger, sorry for leaving out some details along the way) and my two sisters, Madelyn (16) and Katie (23 and who's in Atlanta going through this alone, distance-wise). Also, while you're at it, my extended family could probably use prayer, too, since we're all really close, and though they are technically "extended" family, we've nevertheless grown up together...and a few of us live only a couple miles apart, so it's been hard for them, too.
Lastly, here's some information first, then the prayer: In about a week, my blood counts (white and red) will drop due to the fact that I've been poisoned (in a good way...sounds so wrong), and so I'll be susceptible to infections. Now, Dr. Gordon is so knowledgeable and really wants patients to keep living life, so I won't have to skip every chapel nor avoid every crowd of over 10 people or anything. In fact, most of the infections I could get would come from my own system, since with blood counts down, your body isn't fighting off the 80% of infections encountered that it does everyday and we never know that our body has just vanquished. I mean, I'm not gonna say, "go ahead, please use my sleeve for your runny nose," or anything, but I don't have to be a germaphobe (sp? actual word, even?--Madelyn can keep dibs on that attribute for now). BUT, it's another long-term prayer request that I wouldn't get sick through this whole process. Once my counts go down next week, they will stay down throughout the whole process--I mean, they will rise again a little (thus the 2 week intervals), but it's safe to continue treating with low counts, and yet, a minor sickness to anyone else could mean a stay in the hospital for me. There are so many aspects of healing to pray for--the end result of being in remission and free of my not-so-friendly resident Hodgkin's disease (or as some support shirts boast of the end goal: "I kicked cancer's butt"--another sidenote: I fully intend to buy one of those), but also prayer for limited--or even nonexistent (hey, there's a bold prayer!) side-effects, and that I won't get OTHER infections along the way. Complicated, I know. For me personally, continued prayer for perseverance, and especially to know my limits. To be very real for a moment, one of my greatest weaknesses is over-committing, which sounds not so bad, but it is when I spread myself too thin and then shortchange each area in which I'm involved. I can't say no; not because I'm so good at heart and really selfless--no, no, only because I am pretty much Katherine Heigl's character Jane in 27 Dresses who just doesn't have the courage to say no, and then shoots herself afterward for saying yes. Anyway, this IS going to slow me down, and when it does, I'd love prayer to rest in just where God has me, to know my limits, and to accept them with grace. And, (last one, this time I mean it when I promise) that I would lean on Him and bring Him glory in this with all of the opportunities to share His faithfulness and name, that I would take hold of those instead of taking them for myself and my own gratification.
Like I mentioned before, it's been really humbling to see how He's using me when I feel so inadequate to be sharing with people twice my age--let alone my OWN age--but, as singer-songwriter Justin McRoberts shared in chapel at Wheaton on Monday: "Jesus Christ will never call you to a work that you CAN do on your own without Him; yet, He will never call you to something you CAN'T do WITH HIM. The goodness of God is better than the problems of the world." Amen. Justin's got something there, and I think that's how I've been at peace--God won't put something on me that I can't handle with Him taking me through it (1 Corinthians 10:13), and yet, He also won't give me anything that is so easy that I can just breeze through it, collect all the credit, and keep going. I'm gonna have to rely on Him daily, and I love the last line of what that singer said: the goodness of God totally trumps every bad situation in this world.
Love you, thank you, and miss you. Thanks for your faithfulness to me and my family, and have a blessed weekend! (And you can take a breath now, I am finished). :)
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
Hannah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)